Love Loss Revenge

by Graysen Morgen

  Rian reached the other side of town rather quickly in the mid-morning traffic and parked in front of the large building. A tall black man in a dark suit and tie greeted her when she walked inside. He reminded her of a fellow agent with his stiff demeanor and ‘Men in Black’ attire.

  “I was just told by a member of the morgue staff at Washington Hospital Center that my relative’s body was sent here. I need to verify that please,” she showed him her ID Badge. “Her name is Ari Turner. She was transferred here on Wednesday, I believe.”

  He led her towards a small office where he sat behind the desk and started typing on the computer. He stopped and looked at her, then typed a few more keys. “Ari Turner, you said?”

  “Yes,”

  He typed some more keys. “We received a written order to retrieve her body on Wednesday for general cremation. Her ashes are currently waiting to be picked up,” he said when he looked up at her.

  “Excuse me?” she said.

  “She was cremated yesterday according to our records we had a signed order to retrieve the body from Washington Hospital Center Wednesday morning and go ahead with general cremation which is usually completed within twenty-four hours,” he said.

  “Wait a minute,” Rian was trying to wrap her head around the fact that they cremated her body without her knowing. Who approved all of this? I’m her next of kin and I damn sure didn’t tell you to do this.”

  “It says here her Power of Attorney authorized everything. His name is Wilfred Bonamy. He faxed over the signed forms. This is very common with estates. Sometimes the family attorney is the person handling the final arrangements for the family if there are no family members named in the Will or Power of Attorney.”

  “I see. So this Wilfred person said he was her Power of Attorney and that authorized him to make the decisions regarding her funeral? Is this correct?” she asked.

  He stood up and walked over to the filing cabinet and pulled a file out. “Here are the forms he faxed us. I don’t know if I’m even supposed to show you these, but you’re FBI so you can get them if you want them I guess,” he handed her a few pages. “This is her signed Power of Attorney with her Driver’s License attached. All of the signatures matched. There’s no reason we would question these documents.”

  Rian’s chest burned when she saw Ari looking back at her in the photo on the copy of her driver’s license. She turned the page quickly. He was right, the documents were legal. She did notice the date they were signed was two months before they started dating. That’s why Rian’s name wasn’t on them. Ari probably never thought about changing them. Most people write a Will or designate a Power of Attorney and forget all about it. There was also a copy of Ari’s Will which stated she wanted to be cremated and forgotten. That line made Rian cringe. It didn’t sound like the Ari she knew that was so full of life. She was like a butterfly that emerged from a cocoon over the two years they were together. She was no longer that shy young woman Ari met in the coffee shop. She wondered what would make her want to be forgotten. Maybe it was the sadness of not having any family. Rian vowed to make her remembered, not forgotten.

  She sighed. “Well, obviously this was written and signed before she and I started dating two years ago and she forgot to change it. I never knew about it,” she handed the papers back to him.

  “I’m sorry,” he said.

  “It’s not your fault. May I please take her ashes with me?”

  “Uh, I need to check on that. I’m not sure if the Power of Attorney needs to authorize that or not.”

  “Do you have his contact information? I’ll call him from here and he can fax you whatever you need.”

  He opened the file again and handed her the top page that had his law office phone number and address on the top. He waited while she used his desk phone.

  “Hi, this is Senior Special Agent Rian Casey with the FBI. Can I please speak with Wilfred Bonamy please?”

  “This is he,” a deep male voice answered. “How may I help you, Agent?”

  “I’m in a bit of a situation. One of your clients named Ari Turner was my partner of two years and fiancé actually when she passed away this week. I was unaware of the Will and Power of Attorney you provided to Capital Funeral Home. It appears to have been drawn up and signed just before we began dating and she probably forgot about it over the last couple of years,” she paused.

  “I’m sorry for your loss, Agent Casey. I had no idea. The day she came into my office she wanted everything drawn up right then. I typed it up, she signed it, and I never saw her again. She said she had no family and wanted everything to be quick and hassle-free when she passed. She even paid for the fees upfront. I thought it was a little strange coming from such a young person, but she mentioned her parents passed at a young age and she had a feeling she would too.”

  Rian wiped a stray tear. Ari was such a broken person when she met her and she never knew it. Ari was shy at first, but soon she opened up and blossomed into this amazingly happy, beautiful woman. “She definitely forgot about that part of her life I’m sure. If you could have seen her recently, Mr. Bonamy, you’d think we were talking about two different people. She was vibrant and so full of life.”

  “I’m very sorry. She was definitely taken way too soon.”

  “Yes she was,” She sighed and regained her thoughts. “I would like to have her ashes and the funeral home needs a faxed consent form since you’re her Power of Attorney.”

  “Oh that’s no problem. I will fax the release as soon as we hang up. Again, I’m sorry for your loss. Please let me know if I can assist you with anything else,” he said before hanging up.

  Rian waited and watched the fax machine come to life a few minutes later. The man behind the desk nodded and added the form to Ari’s file.

  “I’ll be right back,” he said.

  She couldn’t believe the events of the morning. She was still shocked that Ari’s body had been cremated without her being involved. She wondered how much more she didn’t know about her. She turned her head when she heard the office door open. The tall black man walked in with a basic metal vase with a sealed lid. Ari’s name and dates of birth and death were etched on the front. She almost dropped it when he handed it to her. She wasn’t expecting it to be so heavy. She rubbed the side the same way she used to rub Ari’s cheek with the back of her fingers. He handed her a tissue when he saw the tears rolling down her cheeks.

  “Thanks,” she whispered as she wiped her face. “Is there anything else I need to do?”

  “Just print your name here and sign on that line.” He pointed to the two spots. She quickly printed and signed her name and left the building before she lost it in front of him. She strapped the vase into the passenger seat next to her so it didn’t go rolling around. It was ironic the last time Ari was in that car she was alive and happy, only to die an hour and a half later. Now, she was in the same seat of the car again, only dead and reduced to ashes. Rian shook her head and forced herself to breathe. She wanted to die too, this was just too hard. She couldn’t remember her life before Ari and nothing made her want to live it without her. She rested her forehead on the steering wheel and cried until the tears stopped. Of all places to break down a funeral home was probably the most common, but it still felt odd. She looked over at the shiny capped vase.

  “I love you so damn much,” she whispered as she rubbed the side.

  When she finally composed herself again she drove home and placed Ari’s ashes up on the mantel next to the last picture they took together at Constitution Gardens, a beautiful lake spot at the National Mall between the Washington Monument and Lincoln Memorial. They met there in that same spot often for picnic lunches. Ari loved looking at the historical buildings and watching the ducks in the lake.

  Chapter Four

  Rian watched the orange spread across the sky kissing everything in its path as the sun rose slowly over trees surrounding the Potomac River. She was sitting on the wrought iron bench in the park she and A
ri often visited. It had been two long days since she picked Ari's ashes up from the funeral home and only five days since the night she died in Rian's arms on that cold sidewalk.

  The shiny urn sat on the bench next to her. Rian wiped the tears from her cheeks. Ari's small private service was scheduled for eight a.m. and she arrived early to silently say her goodbyes to the woman that made her want to live. Ironically, all she made her want to do now was die.

  "I'd give anything to be with you right now, where ever you are." she said as she ran the back of her hand over the capped vase. "I'll always love you, Ari, you and only you." she wiped more tears and cleared her throat.

  A few of Ari's old colleagues and friends from the coffee shop arrived for the service, followed by Philip Walsh and a few other agents that often worked with Rian on various cases. Rian welcomed them with a thin smile and clammy hands.

  At precisely eight o'clock a bald, light-skinned, black man dressed in a dark suit like Rian and the other agents wore stepped up next the small stand Ari's urn and picture were sitting on. His deep voice rumbled when he spoke.

  "I didn't have the pleasure of knowing this beautiful young woman, Ari Turner, but her partner in life, Rian Casey is an Agent with the Federal Bureau of Investigation and a colleague. For those of you that do not know me or haven't had the unfortunate circumstances that render my services, my name is Dewayne Montgomery. I officiate government clerical services. I was asked by Agent Casey to perform the service today for her beloved partner Ari Turner.

  I spent a few hours yesterday afternoon with Rian getting to know Ari through her and one of the things that really stood out in our conversation was Ari's happiness. Rian stated many times how generally happy she always was and she loved living life. It didn't matter what she was doing she always had a smile on her face. Rian told me about how they first met in a small coffee shop over two years ago and it took Rian a number of months to get the courage up to ask her out. Ari was shy and sort of reclusive and almost declined the offer, but something happened the first time Rian and Ari's hands touched. Maybe it was fate or divine intervention, but Rian said she looked into Ari's unique eyes and fell in love for the first time in her life. She silently vowed at that moment to spend the rest of her life with this beautiful, amazing woman," he paused and looked at Rian.

  "Who would've thought it would be the rest of Ari's life they would be spending together. They spent two wonderful, happy years together. Sadly, the night Ari was taken from this world they got engaged and were looking forward to many more happy years together. Rian said Ari passed with a smile on her face. Even in death she was happy," he said just before leading a prayer that Ari was where she was supposed to be and he asked God to look down and watch over Rian during her grieving and help her understand and get through the process using the happy times and memories they shared together.

  When he was finished Rian took his place. She picked the urn up and held it to her chest. "Ari, wherever you are, you'll never know how much you changed my life. You were my rock, my whole world. In life people say everything happens for a reason and I will never know the reason you were taken away from me. I keep waiting for you to step out from behind something and walk up to me with that sweet smile on your face," she wiped tears from her face and cleared her throat.

  "I'll never again have the life I had with you. I can't tell myself you're in a better place because to me there was no better place to be than with you. I'll never let you go, Ari. I've loved you since the day I asked you to have dinner with me and I'll continue to love you for the rest of my life," she sniffed and wiped more tears as she turned and walked towards the flowing river. "This was our happy place. You loved coming here and I couldn't think of a more fitting place to let you rest."

  Rian took the lid off the urn and knelt down towards the water. "Goodbye, my love," she said as she poured the ashes into the water and watched them float away before sinking. She set the empty vase next to her and sat back in the grass as she cried uncontrollable. A few of Ari's old work friends walked up to try and console her as their own tears fell, but Dewayne Montgomery waved everyone away and sat down next to her.

  They sat in silence for over an hour as ducks swam by. Rian cried until her tears were dry while she stared blankly at the water flowing in front of her. She was empty, no feeling, no pain, not even sadness. She was just plain lost. What was left of her soul floated away with Ari's ashes.

  "I'm here if you want to talk," Dewayne said as he put his hand on her shoulder. "No one understands what you are going through, they never will. Every relationship is different, just like every person is different. I can only tell you I was in similar shoes ten years ago when my wife died of cancer. She was diagnosed and died twelve weeks later. It was very sudden and like you I was devastated. That's why I became a member of the clergy and stayed with the Bureau," he turned around when he heard footsteps in the grass. Section Chief Philip Walsh was standing a few feet away.

  "It looks like someone wants to talk to you. Take care of yourself, Rian, and know I am always here if you ever want to talk, need to vent, whatever. I understand."

  Dewayne shook his head when he passed by and Walsh asked if she was okay. He wasn't sure what to say to her. He couldn't get the image of finding her on the curb covered in blood out of his head. He felt sorry for her as he knelt down and put a hand on her shoulder.

  "I can't begin to find words that make any sense, so I'm just going to say take as much time as you feel you need. I will hold your gun and badge until you're ready to come back. We are a family at the bureau and when one of our family members needs us we are there for him or her. So, if there is anything I can do just let me know," he stood up and turned to walk away before turning back to her. "Do you need help getting home?"

  Rian continued to silently stare straight ahead and shook her head slightly to the side. She never moved as he walked away quietly. The funeral guests were long gone and the park was starting to fill up with picnic goers and joggers.

  Chapter Five

  Two long, agonizing weeks had gone by since she sat on that grassy riverbank as her soul died and floated away with Ari's ashes. Rian drank more whiskey than she ever thought her body could tolerate, but it helped or at least she felt like it did. She spent most of time packing up the apartment one box at a time. She didn't want to be there if Ari wasn't there. They moved there together and it just wasn't home anymore without her. She'd also spent countless hours trying to decide what to do with the rest of her life. She forgot what it was like being alone and everything in and around Washington, D.C. reminded her of a life she didn't want anymore.

  Rian was lost in thought when the door opened and Philip Walsh stepped out and waved her inside his office. He was glad to see her, but he honestly thought she might take another week or two after the way she appeared at the funeral. He'd never personally watched someone grieve and hoped he never did it again.

  "It's good to see you, Agent Casey. How are you doing?" he asked.

  She took a deep breath and pulled a white envelope from the inside pocket of her jacket and slid it across the desk.

  "What's this?" he said as he began to open it.

  "It's my resignation, effective immediately." she said.

  He tore the envelope open and read it quickly. "Rian, don't do this. Don't throw your career away, you're still grieving. Give it some time."

  "I've had more than enough time, sir. I'm done."

  "I wish you wouldn't do this. You're one of my best agents. Hell, Rian, you and I worked together on hundreds of cases before I took this position. I know you, you love being an agent."

  "What I love is no longer here." she said with a little more force than needed.

  "Your record is exemplary. You will get full retirement honors upon completion of your resignation." She shrugged and shook his hand.

  He slid the letter back into the envelope. "I'll hold onto this for a few more weeks in case you change your mind."

 
Rian nodded and walked away.

  ~

  A month later, Special Agent Philip Walsh received the call he was never expecting. Sure, he knew Rian Casey would go back to work eventually. Even when he completed her resignation paperwork three weeks before he knew one day she would move on. He was happy to hear that had happened, he wasn't happy however to hear she was taking a job with the Portland Police Department as a Cold Case Detective. She had obviously given up on life and on herself. At one time she was on top as a senior special agent with the FBI and looking at a promotion down the road if she continued on that same path. Now, she was barely staying afloat and doing someone else's bullshit work.

  Walsh gave the glowing recommendation he promised her when she resigned. He was sorry to see where it went though. He shook his head when he hung up the phone. In a way, he felt very sorry for her, but he wished her good luck and went back to the case notes he was reading before the phone rang.

  Chapter Six

  Rian was going through the motions of life one day at a time reading through one cold case file at a time. She spent her days calling old witnesses and searching for new leads while her nights were spent tossing and turning and occasionally drowning in the bottle. The fire in her gut and light her eyes had long ago burned out. She simply existed.

  When she ran across a strange case that sounded vaguely familiar it reminded her of a case she partially worked involving a serial killer during one of her early years with the bureau. The cold case she was currently reading had many similarities that caught her attention. She quickly wrote as many notes as she could about the case she had worked and took off down the hall towards Captain Burke's office.

  Captain Malcolm Burke respected Rian for being an FBI agent, but he was surprised to hear the commendation she got from the bureau and respect they had for her as an agent. All he saw in her was a cold, lonely shell of a person that kept to herself. He often wondered what her story was, but he couldn't deny the recommendation, so he hired her on the spot.