“I look forward to it.”
“We’ll see.”
“How’s it going, the breastfeeding?”
Krissy tried not to think about her cracked, sore nipples. “Let’s just say it’s not as natural or as easy as you’d think.”
“You could...” Kira started then stopped even though Krissy could tell she really wanted to continue.
“Thank you for your restraint.” Krissy smiled. “I have an appointment with a lactation consultant tomorrow.”
“Good. You’ll tell me how it goes?”
“Sure.” Krissy glanced at the clock on the microwave. J.J. would be waking up for his next feeding any minute. “You can take back the diaper pail and baby bathtub you dropped off after I got home. I don’t need them.” She stood. “They’re unused so you can save them for your baby. But I’m keeping the long-sleeve onesies and sleepers and the towel set.”
Kira looked confused. “I didn’t bring you a diaper pail or baby bath. You said if you needed them you’d buy them.”
Yes, she had.
“I didn’t get the other stuff, either.”
“Then who?” Spencer.
Kira said his name at the same time Krissy thought it. “Spencer. At the hospital. He didn’t just drop off the flowers.”
And the thoughtful balloon and yummy chocolates. “He must have stuck around for a few minutes, listening.” Krissy thought back on their conversation when Kira had visited her after J.J. was born, hoping she hadn’t said anything about Spencer, coming to the thankful conclusion she hadn’t, at least she was pretty sure she hadn’t, hoped she hadn’t.
“I know you had some concerns about moving into his building. Does he stop by often?” Kira asked.
Krissy shook her head. “He doesn’t stop by at all.” It was like he’d helped her through labor and delivery and his job was done. While part of her felt relief to not have to deal with him dogging her every move, part of her felt...deserted. Which made no sense, Spencer didn’t owe her anything and they were hardly even friends. And yet...
“Not at all?” Kira clarified.
Krissy shook her head again. “But he texts me every night to see how we’re doing and if we need anything, then I text him back that we’re fine and don’t need anything.” She shrugged. “That’s it.” As much as she hated to admit it, she missed him. “Anyway,” Krissy went on. “I’m feeling better and I’d really like to bring J.J. down to meet his grandparents.”
“That’s going to be such a wonderful surprise for them.”
Krissy hoped so, had always thought so. But lately self-doubt had crept in, overshadowing her excitement. Should she have discussed Jarrod’s request with his parents before she’d gone through with the artificial insemination? Should she have told them about the pregnancy before she’d given birth?
Too late now, she’d made her decisions and now had to live with them. “I was thinking of asking Spencer to drive me into the city. He’s kept in touch with them more than I have. And I don’t want to take J.J. on the train.”
“I wouldn’t either,” Kira agreed. “If you want Derrick and me to go with you, just say the word.” Kira smiled. “I’d offer to take you myself but, and I have a very hard time admitting this, I’m not a great driver and don’t think I’m ready to drive into the city.”
Unlike Krissy, who’d gone to college and worked outside of the city, which required she get her driver’s license, Kira had lived and worked in the city up until her move to White Plains a few months ago and, thanks to public transportation, she hadn’t needed a driver’s license prior to that.
“Thank you.” As much as she hated bothering Kira, knowing she could always count on her sister meant everything to Krissy. If J.J.’s big reveal didn’t go as planned, no way she wanted to be down at Patti and Bart’s apartment alone. “I’ll let you know what he says.” Krissy rolled her post earring between her fingers. “There’s something I wanted to talk to you about,” she said. Now was as good a time as any.
“Of course.”
Krissy had given this a lot of thought and really wanted to know Kira’s opinion. “I’d like to introduce J.J. to Mom.” She shrugged. “Not that Mom recognizes me or knows she’s my mom, or that she has any understanding of what it means to be a grandmother.” The traumatic brain injury had taken away so much. Krissy looked down at the table. “I just want...” Want her to see what I’ve accomplished, that I’m a mother now, like her. And a good one, like she’d been. I want her to be proud of me.
“You want...”
“Nothing,” Krissy said, knowing Mom was no longer capable of noticing an accomplishment, or being proud, and she could no longer recognize the difference between a good mother and a bad mother. All she cared about were her television shows, painting and now gardening, and her beloved Oreos. Regardless, she was still Krissy’s mother and Krissy wanted her mother to be a part of her son’s life.
“Do you ever wonder...?” Krissy started. Then stopped, feeling foolish.
“What?” Kira asked. “Talk to me.”
“Do you ever wonder if meeting our children, if finding out she’s a grandma, hearing the word, will somehow trigger something deep inside...” Her eyes met Kira’s. “...and bring her back to us?”
“Brain injuries are so complex. You just never know.” Kira gave a slow shake of her head. “But I really don’t think so.”
Even though Krissy didn’t think so either, hearing Kira agree wiped out the little bit of hope she’d been holding on to. “Mom would have loved being a grandmother. She’d have been fantastic at it.”
Kira reached out and took Krissy’s hand into hers. “It makes me sad to think our children won’t know the smart, loving, exceptional woman she used to be.”
Krissy blinked back tears. “That they won’t get to bake cookies with her before Christmas.”
“That they won’t get to go out on special lunch dates with her,” Kira added.
Mom had gone out of her way to make both of her daughters feel special, and loved.
“What do you think?” Krissy asked. “Is introducing J.J. to Mom a horrible idea?”
“I think...” Kira hesitated. “I think if you want to introduce J.J. to Mom, then of course you should.” She released Krissy’s hand and sat back. “We’ll make sure to do it on one of her good days.”
“How do you think she’ll react?”
Now it was Kira’s turn to look down at the table. “With Mom, you never know.” Then she looked up. “Let’s give her a few more weeks to get adjusted to her new home. Then we’ll pick a time when you, me, Derrick and Tippy can all be there.”
Kira didn’t say it, but Krissy knew they all needed to be present in case J.J.’s presence caused Mom to act out...or become violent, which rarely happened anymore, thanks to her daily medications and the fact they’d all become so in tuned to her moods and triggers. But introducing a baby was an unknown. Who knew how Mom would react? “As much as I want to do this, I won’t unless I’m sure J.J. will be safe.”
“He will be,” Kira said, with a confidence that put Krissy’s mind at ease. “We’ll all make sure of it.”
The little man in question started to cry.
“Oh, good.” Kira jumped up and hurried to the sink to wash her hands. “A quickie hello and cuddle with my favorite nephew then I’ll leave you two in peace.”
Later that evening, when Krissy received Spencer’s nightly text, she responded with a return call. He answered on the first ring, “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing’s wrong. You asked if I needed anything and there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
A response would have been nice, maybe a “Sure, ask me anything.” All Krissy got was silence. So she kept on talking. “I’m feeling much better now and I’d really like to take J.J. down to meet Patti
and Bart. I don’t want to take him on the train, and I’m not comfortable making a long trip with him in the backseat where I can’t see him or take care of him if he needs me. I know this is your busy time at work, but do you think you may have a free Sunday afternoon coming up? And if you do, would you be willing to drive us in? I’d have to work it out with Patti, of course.”
“Let me take a look at my schedule. If it’s okay with you, I’ll call Patti directly to set something up. Then I’ll let you know.”
“That’d be great. Thank you.” Krissy hated how things felt so strained between them now. No laughing. No banter. “Don’t mention J.J.” Good or bad, Krissy wanted to be there in person, to see their reaction as well as to render first aid if one of them collapsed in shock.
“I won’t.” After a pause he added, “Thanks for asking me.”
“Thanks for agreeing. And thanks for the baby bath and the diaper pail. I would have thanked you sooner if I’d known they were from you. I thought they were from Kira. We’d discussed them at the hospital.”
“Uh, yeah, about that. I um...”
“No worries.” She gave him an out.
He took it. “Whew. Okay, then. Well, I guess I’ll be in touch with the date and time.”
“Talk to you then.”
Only she didn’t talk to him then, because late one night about a week later, she received a text.
3 p.m. next Sunday. Pick you up at 2 p.m. Spencer.
CHAPTER EIGHT
SPENCER GLANCED AT the time on his cell phone then settled back onto his sofa. He had half an hour before he needed to head down to Krissy’s apartment to get her and J.J. down to Patti and Bart’s by three o’clock. He tapped his ‘Find Friends’ app to find her down in her apartment, where she spent most of her time, taking care of her newborn baby like a good mother should.
Maybe it’d been wrong to load the app onto her phone and accept the terms on her behalf, especially within minutes of her giving birth. But when she’d asked him to find the cell phone she’d dropped during labor, he couldn’t bring himself to pass up the opportunity. When she’d moved into his building, he’d promised to respect her privacy and not to stop by without an invite. ‘Find Friends’ allowed him to keep tabs on her without intruding in her life, without putting them in close proximity, which would no doubt lead to more kissing, which would no doubt lead to...complications he didn’t need in his life right now. The app served his needs perfectly. God willing she wouldn’t notice the icon amongst the dozens already on her phone.
For all the time he spent on ‘Find Friends’, you’d think he was tracking more than one friend. Well, maybe tracking wasn’t the best word to represent his purpose. Some might see tracking someone’s movements as stalkerish behavior.
He wasn’t a stalker.
He was a concerned friend, a godfather responsible for the well-being of his godson, a man trying to do the right thing while distancing himself from temptation. Yet the more he’d checked on her location over the past month, the more he’d thought about her. And the more he’d thought about her, the more he’d started to miss her. He glanced at the time again, the buzz of excitement zinging around his belly. The time had come. Today he would see her. In twenty-six minutes, to be exact. Only he didn’t want to wait twenty-six more minutes. He didn’t want to wait one more minute. So he stood and grabbed his keys and walked to the door.
As he left his apartment he wondered how he’d be received. After texting her every evening since she’d given birth, to see how she was doing and if she needed anything, not once had she invited him over. He should be happy, relieved even. Instead it irked him. He didn’t like being shut out of her life. In the elevator he wondered if she’d be happy to see him, or angry that he showed up early, or frazzled and thankful for an extra pair of hands?
As much as he’d been thinking about her and trying to imagine what she’d look like without her pregnant belly, when she opened her door, nothing could have prepared him for the sight of her big, welcoming smile and the vision of her beautiful, voluptuous figure in a pale peach baby doll type dress, tight on top, flowy on the bottom, stopping a couple of inches above her bare knees.
All the air whooshed out of his lungs.
She looked...stunning, had lost all of her baby weight, at least as far as he could tell. But her breasts, her big, beautiful breasts had grown even larger. Spencer swallowed to keep from drooling. He couldn’t look away, couldn’t keep himself from thinking about dropping his head into her deep cleavage, from wondering what the soft heat of that creamy white skin surrounding his face would feel like?
“I know,” she said, looking down. “They’re freakishly huge.”
“They’re...awesome,” slipped out of Spencer’s mouth before he could stop himself. Thinking it made him a typical guy. Saying it out loud made him sound like a jerk.
He was on the verge of apologizing when, Krissy smiled. He took that as a ‘no apology needed.’
“Come on in.” She stepped aside. “We’re almost ready.”
The apartment wasn’t as neat as it could have been, but Krissy had a diaper bag, her pocketbook, and the car seat ready and waiting by the door. J.J. looked neat and clean and way too adorable for words lying on his back on a cushiony baby comforter on the floor in the living room, just off the entryway. It didn’t escape his notice that Krissy had dressed the baby in the light blue sleeper with the baseball emblem on the chest that Spencer had bought. “Wow, he’s really filled out.” And he was alert, his eyes opened and looking around, his little legs bending and straightening, his tiny hands clenched into fists, one shoved half into his mouth.
“He’s a breast man, too,” she teased, coming to stand beside Spencer. “Every two to three hours. Which means we’d better get on the road soon in case we hit traffic.”
Right. But before they left, he took a few seconds to be impressed by how calm and organized she seemed.
Krissy went down on her knees and carefully scooped J.J. into her arms.
“What can I do to help?” he asked as she placed J.J. into his car seat on the floor and buckled him in.
“If you’d carry the car seat down, that’d be a big help. Usually I put him in a baby carrier thing that I wear. But since you’re here I will shamelessly take advantage of your big, strong muscles.”
“Happy to help,” he said, meaning it. He missed helping her as much as just being around her.
On their way out the door Krissy stopped and ran back into the kitchen. “Almost forgot.” She opened the refrigerator and took out a plastic bowl. “I made a fruit salad.”
That she’d even thought of that, with all she had to do, impressed him even more. “With lots of bananas and strawberries?” he teased.
“Oh, my God, don’t even bring them up.” The bowl in her right arm, her pocketbook and diaper bag draped over her left shoulder, she walked toward the door. “I’ll start retching. Can’t stand to even look at them. J.J. left my body and took those awful cravings with him.” She glanced up at Spencer. “I’m hoping he doesn’t develop a taste for them when he starts on solid food.”
With Jarrod as his dad, chances were pretty good that he would.
Down at the parking lot, Spencer moved the base for J.J.’s car seat into his SUV. Ten minutes later they were on their way.
“I’m going to start out in the front seat,” Krissy said, “So you don’t feel like a chauffeur. But if J.J. starts to fuss, I may need you to pull over so I can move into the back.”
“No problem.”
“I hate that he has to face backward so I can’t see his face.”
Spencer didn’t like that either. He recalled seeing a mirror that could be placed on the seat so you could see the baby’s face from the front seat and in the rear view mirror. Later on he’d do an Internet search to see where he could bu
y one.
After he’d run out on Krissy post-kiss, then left the hospital without saying good bye, and then went a full month without seeing her, Spencer had been concerned things might be a little strained between them. But Krissy kept the conversation going, sharing stories from J.J.’s first month of life, until about halfway through their trip, when she stopped talking, mid-sentence.
Spencer looked over to see she’d fallen asleep.
So exhausted, and yet she never asked for help. Krissy was so different from his needy mother and sisters. She was so different from his last few girlfriends, too. He got the feeling Krissy wouldn’t complain about his long hours on the job or days away when he traveled with the team. Krissy wouldn’t demand his time and attention, wouldn’t expect him to buy her expensive things she didn’t need. Krissy wouldn’t clam up and give him the silent treatment, either.
He smiled.
She didn’t play girlie mind games. She was angry? She came right out and told you so...loudly. That’d been one of the things he’d liked most about her.
Ten minutes from Patti and Bart’s house he woke her. “Krissy,” he said quietly as he gently shook her shoulder.
She jerked awake, would have sprung out of her seat if not for the seat belt. “J.J.” She looked around, seeming confused.
“He’s in the back. Haven’t heard a peep out of him.” He’d been driving with the radio off to make sure he didn’t miss even the tiniest whimper. “We should be there in ten minutes.”
Krissy’s hand went up to twirl her post earring, a nervous gesture Jarrod used to tease her about back in high school. “You okay?”
She sat staring out the window, same as prior to Lamaze class.
He waited her out.
Still staring out the window she eventually said, “Maybe I should have checked with Patti and Bart before I went through with the artificial insemination. I mean sure, Jarrod wanted to leave a part of himself behind, wanted his parents to have a grandchild to dote on. And I grew to love the idea of having his baby, of having Patti and Bart’s grandbaby. For a long time, they were more mother and father to me than my own mother and father were. But what if they don’t want a grandchild? I never once took that into consideration. What if they—?”
The Nurse's Newborn Gift Page 9
