Home Is Where the Heart Is

by Freda Lightfoot

  ‘We need the house to look good as Father Christmas will be here soon,’ Cathie explained to the baby, as the pair of them sat together on the rug. Heather’s soft little lips pursed in concentration as she tried to help by flicking bits of paper about, some of them sticking to her little fingers, which made Cathie laugh. She’d also bought a tree, which she now decorated with home-made Christmas crackers, a few baubles and pipe-cleaner dolls dressed in scraps of wool and cotton that she and Sal had made when they were small.

  Stepping back to admire her efforts with a glow of satisfaction, in her mind’s eye she could see Sal standing on a stool as she fixed a fairy to the top of the tree. As the elder of the two, her sister had always insisted on this being her job, carried out when the tree had been fully decorated. The thought that this would be the first Christmas without Sal, filled Cathie with fresh pain. Brushing away her tears, she strived not to dwell on past memories.

  ‘What do you think?’ she asked her mother, keeping her voice deliberately bright and with a cheerful smile on her face.

  Rona gave a careless shrug. ‘The tree’s a bit small but I expect it will do. But all them decorations seem like a lot of effort for just the two of us.’

  ‘The war is over, and there won’t be just the two of us. Alex is coming home, remember, and it’s Heather’s first Christmas. I mean to make it very special.’ Cathie fully intended to honour Sal’s memory by giving her precious child a wonderful time. Even if Heather was only a baby and had never even heard of Father Christmas, Cathie had already found her a stocking to hang up, and bought a few small toys to put in it, together with a few jelly babies and chocolate creams.

  ‘Don’t expect me to look after the nipper over Christmas, even if your boyfriend does get home in time. I have my own plans, and it doesn’t include going back to child-minding and washing nappies. I had my fill of all that with you two.’

  ‘I wouldn’t dream of expecting you to,’ Cathie caustically replied, feeling this comment proved what a neglectful mother Rona had been. ‘I did wonder though, if you would be willing to babysit for one evening at least, so that we could go out for a meal together to celebrate his homecoming. I haven’t seen Alex in nearly two years.’

  ‘I’d need to meet him first, to give my approval. Why don’t you ask him to join us for tea one day, or Sunday dinner perhaps?’

  Whenever he’d walked her home after they’d been out on a date, he’d never actually stepped inside, claiming a reluctance to intrude upon her life. In reality it may well have been the lack of welcome from her mother. Now, despite them living in a much shabbier property, Cathie smiled with relief. ‘That would be lovely. I’ll do that. I’m quite certain that you’ll like him.’ She made to give her mother a kiss in gratitude, but Rona moved quickly away, as ever resisting any show of affection from her daughter, although she rarely refused a kiss from a man.

  Fortunately, Cathie reminded herself, she no longer depended upon her mother for love, not now she had Alex, and the baby. She ached with longing to see him again, but everything was ready: the goose ordered, mince tarts made, and having failed to find any icing sugar she’d coated the Christmas cake with a mock butter cream. Cathie had even treated herself to a new dress in Christmas rose red, and Davina had trimmed and styled her corkscrew curls for her. Half her personal savings were gone, but Cathie was delighted with all the preparations she’d made.

  When later that day the postman delivered a second letter from Alex asking her to meet him at Victoria railway station at eleven o’clock the Sunday before Christmas, her heart turned over with happiness. She rushed to tell her friends at the very first opportunity.

  ‘So pleased for you,’ Brenda said, giving her a delighted hug.

  ‘How exciting. When does he arrive exactly?’ Davina coolly enquired.

  Cathie read out the necessary details from her precious letter, without revealing his private comments to her. ‘I can hardly wait.’

  Now her life would truly change for the better.

  At the end of the week, as she clocked in as usual at the tyre factory to start her morning shift sharp at eight, she found a note from her boss. Answering his call to enter, she breezed into his office with a happy smile on her face, her heart feeling as if it was bouncing with happiness. ‘You wanted to see me?’

  Glancing up from the account sheet upon which he was working, he removed his spectacles and gave a brief nod. ‘I wish to thank all you ladies personally for the sterling work you’ve done throughout the war, and can now release you from those labours as the men are returning.’

  Cathie stared at him in disbelief. ‘I beg your pardon?’

  ‘The war is over, if you haven’t noticed. The soldiers, sailors and airmen are all coming home and need their jobs back. So while you women have done splendid work, you are now free to return to your domestic duties.’

  Her mind in a whirl at this unexpected announcement, the last thing she’d wanted to hear right now with a baby to feed, Cathie couldn’t think of a polite way to protest, however much she might feel the need to defend her own rights. Women who had refused to take a war job back in 1941 had been threatened with prison. She’d been happy to do her bit, young as she’d been at the time. She’d loved her work, the independence it had brought her, as well as the companionship of other women. ‘I do appreciate what you say, boss. Of course fighting men have the right to get their jobs back, but do women need to be dismissed entirely in order to achieve that? How are we supposed to survive without a wage coming in?’ she asked, attempting to sound reasonable.

  He gave her a wry smile. ‘I hear you’ll be married soon, Cathie, so what’s the problem? A woman’s role is to produce babies and support her husband.’

  ‘And no doubt clean fire grates, knit baby clothes and mend socks,’ she said, with a sharp edge to her tone. ‘But what if I have no wish to be confined to the kitchen sink?’

  He seemed to find this remark so amusing he laughed out loud. ‘That is something you must discuss with your dearly beloved. I’m sure hubby will take you out from time to time. And, as it’s Friday, the job ends today, so don’t forget to collect your final wages and card on your way out.’ Having said his piece, he put his spectacles back on and returned to the task of adding up company profits, which might well drop now they’d be paying higher men’s wages.

  Walking back to her bench in a complete daze, Cathie felt tears prick her eyes. How on earth would she cope without any money coming in? It felt as if a whole different world was opening up before her, one where she would have very little say over her own future. But once she’d listened to the woes of the other women, many of them war widows with children of their own to feed, she swallowed her own worries and said very little. She, at least, would have a loving husband to depend upon, one who would be home in just over a week.

  ‘How on earth can I continue to pay the rent without a wage coming in?’ Brenda snapped, also complaining bitterly about being sacked. ‘I certainly have no wish to return to my late husband’s family home out on the Pennines.’

  Judging by the expression on her friend’s face, Cathie thought it wise not to ask for an explanation on that point, and instead gave her a consoling hug. ‘I’m sure if we look hard enough, we’ll find other work, even if it’s only part-time. We do have considerable experience at our fingertips, after all. Surely all these years of hard work we’ve done must count for something?’

  ‘I do hope so. We should have seen this coming, of course. Those brave soldiers do deserve their jobs back. I’d just never got around to thinking how that might affect me. Nor did I expect it to happen so suddenly.’

  ‘Me neither. A little warning might have helped, or better still an alternative offer of a job here in the factory, one that involved us in work we know so well.’

  According to the general conservation buzzing around them, other factories were likewise laying off women workers, so a new job might not be easy to find. And thinking of the busy week ahead in
preparation for Christmas, helping with a charity event at the local Co-operative Society, and with a goose to pay for, Cathie attempted to mentally calculate how much money she had left to live on.

  As for Alex’s homecoming, her feelings were becoming increasingly muddled. Much as she longed to see him, she really had no wish to be dependent on her fiancé from the outset. In any case, war might have badly affected him too, and she had no wish to add to his distress by expecting him to be entirely responsible for earning all the money they would inevitably need. It was necessary to be practical as well as supportive and loving.

  The rest of the day passed largely in gloomy silence and, as the factory clock chimed six strokes, the women packed their bags, collected their wages and walked out grim-faced, into what they’d believed would be a brave new peaceful world, and now wasn’t looking quite as good as they’d hoped.

  ‘Have you considered asking for a job here at the Co-op?’ This question came from Steve Allenby, an old friend who had returned from the war some time ago with serious injuries. Cathie was helping him to organise a Christmas concert in the Co-operative Society rooms above the shop, and had casually mentioned the fact that she’d lost her job, although she felt she really had no right to complain too much. A V1 rocket had exploded close to an airfield where Steve was working in Holland. It had so badly damaged his leg an amputation had been necessary. He now had an artificial limb on his right leg from the knee down, and walked with a slight limp. He was making a good recovery, if still suffering from pain and post-war traumas, looking even thinner and more raw-boned than when he was a scraggy kid. But then losing a leg was far more serious than being dismissed from a job, however worrying that might be for her.

  In between blowing up balloons that were piling up all around them, she turned the idea over in her head, a little hope lighting up within. Could that be a possibility? She wondered. Cathie knew that in the past the Co-operative movement had supported workers during strikes, as well as throughout the war, keeping tally sheets for folk who couldn’t settle their household bill till their next wage was paid. Whether they would be willing to offer her a job was another matter entirely.

  ‘I’m not intending to work here for ever,’ Steve was saying. ‘I do have other plans. But Cyril Leeson, the manager, generously kept my job open and I’m proud to be employed by a business that has been in operation since the mid-nineteenth century and an important part of the community. They are expert at juggling prices to suit customers’ needs, give dividends, and run holiday clubs in which money can be saved for Wakes Week. Generally a week in Blackpool, as we know.’ He laughed.

  ‘I do approve of their Christmas club, which has helped me to finance this expensive season by saving up in it week after week,’ she said, thinking of her dream to make this the best Christmas ever for Alex. ‘Unfortunately, my skills are more concerned with checking tyres.’ She gave a dry little laugh. ‘Can’t see that being of any use slicing bacon, butter and cheese, let alone keeping track of people’s accounts. I’d be hopeless.’

  ‘Probably you would at first, but with a bit of effort you might at last learn to count, and even add up.’

  ‘Cheeky!’ she snapped, playfully punching him on the shoulder.

  He laughed as he ducked, in case she tried again. ‘I trained as a junior instructor in the army and eventually became a trainer myself, doing a lot of work with small arms. What has that got to do with cheese? You’d soon get the hang of it, Cathie. It’s plain to see that you’ve grown much more confident and capable as a result of this war.’

  Was that true? Cathie rather hoped it may well be. She had changed quite a lot over the years, gaining considerably more courage and faith in herself. Had Steve noticed that in her, or was he playing her for a fool yet again? They’d been friends from childhood, as he came from the same rough area as herself. But although he was fun to work with at these charity events, she still had her reservations about him.

  She recalled how once he’d built them a tree house down by the River Irwell, and persuaded her to climb up and sit in it. Then he’d dashed off to play with his mates, leaving her stuck up the tree, too afraid to climb down without assistance. Hours later, soaked to the skin from a downpour of rain, she was rescued by Sal who came looking for her. Steve claimed he’d meant to return but forgot. Knowing how he loved to play endless practical jokes and tricks upon her, she’d never entirely forgiven him, refusing to speak to him for months afterwards. They’d fallen out countless times over the years due to her innate caution, while Steve, on the other hand, had always been a bit reckless and impulsive, lively and ruddy-cheeked.

  Now his face was drawn and pale with a bleakness to his blue-grey eyes. Out of pity for the pain he was suffering, their friendship was slowly improving. But not for a moment could she ever feel the same way about him as she did for Alex, who was much more handsome, smart and sweetly polite. Steve would never be anything more to her than an old friend, but at least he was trying to be helpful now.

  ‘Maybe I should make a polite enquiry, just in case.’

  ‘Good. I’m sure you’ll find another job, Cathie, assuming you decide you need one.’

  She looked at him in surprise. ‘Why would I not?’

  ‘I heard that Alex will be home soon. You must be looking forward to seeing him again, and may soon be busy raising a family instead.’ He glanced across at little Heather, contentedly asleep in her pram with her thumb in her mouth.

  They both fell silent as Cathie considered this point. Was she eager to have children of her own? She hadn’t thought that far ahead, obsessed only with seeing Alex again, as well as caring for Sally’s little one. But a job could well prove to be unnecessary if they married quickly and she fell pregnant. Did she want that to happen? ‘It’s certainly true that I can’t wait see him. It’s been two years or more.’

  ‘Let’s hope he soon settles into Civvy Street. I found it difficult at first,’ Steve admitted, as he gathered the balloons into a net. ‘Once everyone has welcomed you home by buying you a pint, they tend to forget all about you. Life can feel a bit flat after that, and rather lonely to suddenly find yourself without all the mates you’ve lived and worked with for years, let alone shared untold horrors.’ He drew in a deep sigh, a frown marking his too thin face. ‘And some of them I’ll never see again.’

  Cathie was filled with sympathy as she waited for him to reveal more of his war story, but as always his mouth clammed shut. Could it be that grief overwhelmed him, the pain of remembering being too much to bear, or was he holding back some secret he wished to keep to himself? ‘It must have been very difficult for you, Steve. But I’ll be there for Alex, as I’m sure his family will too.’ Not that she knew anything about his family, never having met them.

  ‘He’s a lucky man to have you. I was not so fortunate.’

  ‘Maybe you will be one day.’ Tucking the blanket over the baby’s sprawled chubby body, Cathie decided it was time to change the subject. ‘Will Father Christmas be coming to this charity concert?’

  ‘I’ve written to invite him,’ Steve replied in all seriousness. ‘It wouldn’t be Christmas without him, would it? He’s promised to call in towards the end, with presents for all the children. There’s a special group coming from Styal, St Patrick’s and other local orphanages.’

  Glancing again at Heather, thankful that her niece hadn’t ended up in such a place, she smiled. ‘That’s wonderful. I always feel so sorry for all the poor orphans created by this dratted war.’

  Steve gave a grim little nod. ‘Yes indeed. At least we can provide them with a good Christmas party, thanks to the generosity of the Co-op. And a fun concert.’

  Before leaving, Cathie called at the office downstairs to ask if by any chance they did have any vacancies, and was politely informed that sadly that was not the case.

  ‘Hope you didn’t mind my asking, Mr Leeson. Admittedly, I don’t have any experience as a shop assistant, but I’m willing to learn. Should there ev
er be one, do please let me know.’

  ‘Of course,’ the manager, said. ‘Keep your eye on our window, Cathie, which is generally where we post vacancies. Although people tend to hang on to their jobs rather a long time these days.’

  Over the next few days, having had the idea of being a shop assistant planted in her head, Cathie enquired about work at several other shops too, only to receive the same response. She called in at warehouses and factories, explaining her skills and experience during the war, forced to walk away as heads were shaken. She chose not to apply at the cotton mill, as working with her mother did not appeal.

  Only a short time ago they’d been celebrating the end of the war with ticker tape and dancing, street parties, funny hats and flags. Now everyone seemed to have sunk back into a gloomy depression. Except that in two days time she’d be welcoming Alex home, which lifted her heart afresh. Their future together was surely all that truly mattered now?

  CHAPTER FOUR

  A cold north-east wind was buffeting her as Cathie stood anxiously waiting on Victoria station platform, pacing back and forth, and constantly glancing up at the big clock high on the wall. The train must be running late as she seemed to have been standing here for an awful long time, yet she felt more concerned about the coming reunion with Alex than worrying about the cold. Did she properly remember him? How well had she got to know him in the excitement of their love match? Cathie recalled a kind, gentle, handsome man, very polite and caring. Would he still be the same, or might he have suffered some injury that he’d chosen not to mention in the few letters that had managed to get through? More importantly, would he still love her?

  Cathie had tried to look her best, dressed in a tailored navy jacket and skirt with a neat pleat down the front, over which she wore a beige raincoat to protect her against the weather. A wide-brimmed red wool hat decorated with a navy hatband sat carefully tilted to one side over her neatly styled hair, a matching handbag dangling on one arm, and warm red gloves. But what if he remembered her as being far more glamorous and beautiful, instead of homely and ordinary, which was how she saw herself now? If only the weather had been better, then she could have worn a pretty dress.