The Tutor

by K Larsen

  He wants a family. He wants Nora and me. Even though Nora loves him, she loves me more. She loved me before, but once she lost the baby, she loved me even more. I am the child she could not have. I filled the hole. I just need to hold on a bit longer and everything will be okay. I picture Eve’s smile in my mind. She used to twirl me around to the radio when I was sad. She would scoop me up and I’d feel weightless. I almost, cannot contain my excitement to see her again.

  Nora

  “No, Aubry.” My voice sounds weak, even to me.

  Her mouth hangs open at me. “You have to.”

  “I don’t. I don’t want to. It’s old news now. It means nothing.” I shake my head at her.

  “What is wrong with you, Nora?! My fucking disgusting brother raped you. It’s something. You have got to tell the police. Press charges,” she rants, while pacing my bedroom.

  “And what good would that do? Your mother would be horrified. She doesn’t have money for a lawyer. What would Anton do? Spend the rest of his life in jail? Be put on the sex offender list?”

  “Yes!” she screams through tears. I regret taking Eve’s advice and telling Aubry what happened. I thought she would question it, but she didn’t. She believed me the second the words left my mouth. I don’t know why I questioned how it would go down before.

  “Why aren’t you suspicious of this accusation?” I ask.

  She paces some more, until I grab her hand as she passes by and yank her to the bed. We’re facing each other. My best friend, who I missed so much, looks sick to her stomach.

  “First, you left without me. That never happens. Two, you didn’t talk to me for like days. Third, you took some crazy job as far away as possible. I knew something was up but I never would have guessed what. But mostly because Anton acted sketchy as fuck at the mention of your name. Still does and it always gave me chills.”

  I wring my hands in my lap. “I don’t want to hurt your family.”

  “Don’t be a jerk. We aren’t weak. We can take this. One less mouth to feed for my mother will be a God-send. Look,” she says and thrusts her hands out at me. “I’m shaking with rage. If you don’t report him, I will. What if he does it to someone else, Nora?”

  The thought hits me like a brick in the face. There’s never just one. As long as no one knows, there are always others. There will always be others. I shudder. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I just . . . I don’t want to cause an upset. I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

  “What about those who hurt you, though? Who pays for that? You?”

  I shrug. “I guess. I don’t know.”

  “You do know,” she says. From the bed she yells, “Eve!”

  Eve comes jogging at the sound of her name. I know she’s probably thinking the worst and ready to throw down for me.

  “What?” She pokes her head in the door.

  “Tell my idiot best friend that she is reporting her rape and pressing charges.”

  “Uh . . .” Eve looks stunned. “You know who did it, right?”

  Aubry tosses her hands in the air. “Why does everyone think because it’s my brother that I’d blindly assume he’s innocent?”

  Eve smiles and comes in. We make room for her on the bed.

  “Nora, Aubry’s right. You have to. For you. For your mental health. For women everywhere.”

  I sigh and look at the ceiling. “What if I can’t? What if I chicken out or freak out. I’m not strong like you two.”

  Before Aubry can respond Eve is rambling. “I know you’re strong because you survived what I did. You lived it and escaped. On top of that, after Anton, you didn’t fade away into nothing. You got up, dusted yourself off and did something with your life.”

  “Yeah, took a job working for a psychopath!” Aubry yells.

  “But she didn’t know that then. She tried to move forward. You are amazing; Nora,” Eve says softly.

  “I needed the money for Lotte’s private school,” Eve says. “Did you know that? She was going to start a gifted and talented private school. I thought it would be a fun way to spend our summer together and save a big chunk of money. Working on a farm homestead was supposed to be fun—like summer camp for us.”

  “She’s so smart. Smart enough to keep her head down and stay quiet and out of the way. I figured out she was really intelligent when she started asking me questions when we were out in the woods exploring. I didn’t know the answers to what she wanted to know sometimes. It was above me.” Eve laughs but it dies off quickly. “We’ll find her. I’m meeting Agent Brown tomorrow.”

  “Good, you can report Anton to her while you’re at it,” Aubry says, and shoots me an expectant look.

  “I want to come tomorrow,” Eve says. I smile at her.

  “Okay. And I will,” I say to Aubry. But it doesn’t feel like a victory to me. It feels like giving in. I seem to give in all the time for all the wrong reasons, so I hope this time, it’s for the right ones. All day, I’ve felt a fullness, as though there’s something waiting for me, today, tomorrow, soon.

  Agent Brown

  It has been three days but the weather is finally on my side. My anger at Nora has subsided. I need this case to pan out. I need a win and her flippant attitude wore my last nerve raw. After a chat with Salve, I finally called and apologized for slapping her. My ego and drive had gotten the best of me and it was unprofessional and out of line. Something I would have imagined Eve doing—not me. And Eve, she surprised me. She went from raging mad to bestie with Nora and it set off alarm bells in my head. But her need to save Charlotte and her need to see Holden brought to justice swayed her to make nice with Nora. She’d called after a particularly intense emotional come-to-Jesus moment with Nora bawling. And right then, I knew it had taken every ounce of strength for Eve to tap into the victim side of herself to play nice with Nora.

  I’ve scheduled the team to meet at the access road Nora and Eve circled on the map. I pound down a cup of coffee, hoping to push my mind beyond caring that my body has only managed five hours of sleep the night before. It is my third cup of the morning and I know I will get the jitters, if I don’t slow down. But I can’t afford to be tired and sloppy. I review everything in my head as I wait for a car to pass. I feel a stirring of excitement as I near Nora’s motel door. I picked her up after her appointment with Dr. Richardson. Eve, too. Dr. Richardson and I had a brief moment to discuss Nora’s therapy. She’s making headway but slowly, because Nora seems insistent on telling the whole story—in order. As if she can convince anyone that what happened up on that damned mountain was okay.

  The girls’ chatter dwindled the closer we got to Pocketville. I dropped Eve at the motel to meet Salve. Nora is coming with me. She’s in a soft cast now and should be able to make the trip. Eve was pissed, but acknowledged that it had been too long for her to be useful with directions or recognizing her bearings.

  I knock on Nora and Eve’s door. One of them says Come in, but I can’t decipher which. I push inside their room.

  “Eve, stop.” Nora puts her hand on Eve’s to still the motion of the brush. “It’s fine how it is. I’m wearing a hat anyway.”

  “Morning,” Eve says. I slug back the rest of my coffee and raise a hand to her in greeting.

  “Are you ready, Nora?” I ask.

  “Yes,” she answers. She brushes past Eve to the bed and picks up her coat. I nod at Eve while holding the door open for Nora.

  “Do you want me to call Dr. Richardson? I could have her at the motel for you tonight.”

  “Why?” she asks.

  “I don’t know,” I shrug. “I don’t know what we might find or how it might affect you.”

  “That’s . . . kind to offer but I’m fine. I will be fine.”

  I slide into the driver’s seat and crank the engine. Nora settles herself next to me.

  “Okay. Just checking.”

  Nora

  A cluster of snowmobiles waits just off the main road for us. Our driver slows and pulls to the side of the road
. Agent Brown and I, and the others exit the cars and pool together near the snowmobiles. Snow covers the trees, the road, everything. Visibility is strikingly different after the leaves fall. The land is a very different place. Nothing looks like I remember.

  “Okay, Nora, think you can get us there?”

  I nod and follow her lead, as she climbs on the giant sled. Holding onto her tightly, we speed off—single file toward the one spot I thought I’d never see again. My leg aches with each bump we race over but I do not complain about it.

  We pass the first gate and it looks like the road bends to the right but I remember going straight. Helicopters fly above us, communicating with the agents on the ground. We slow to a stop.

  “They spotted a cabin,” Agent Brown says. My heart rate spikes, sending a hot flush crawling from my chest to my neck. “Are you ready, Nora?”

  I can’t inhale. I can’t find my voice. Am I? No. I don’t ever want to see the cabin again. Not like this anyway. I nod my head because it’s the only thing I can do. It’s too late to turn back now. The snowmobiles roar to life and I clutch Agent Brown around the middle and squeeze my eyes shut. I think of Aubry. I think of Eve. I long for Lotte. I will do this for her. Relive it all, if I have to.

  We slow again.

  I don’t know how long it’s been but my guess is a good thirty minutes. Agent Brown pats my wrist. I release her and we both step off the snowmobile. I yank my helmet off and gasp. Tears well in my eyes and I double over clutching my knees for support.

  “It’s okay. No one’s here,” she says.

  I look up to Agent Brown “This isn’t it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “This isn’t the cabin,” I cry.

  I lurch forward, stomping through the knee-deep snow. Halfway to the front door, I see a wooden structure off to the left—not across from the cabin.

  “Where are you going? Nora, wait,” Agent Brown calls. My breaths create clouds of icy vapor in front of me. I squint against the bright white surrounding us and slowly spin around. So similar but not the same. Agents are chattering in the background and leaving foot trails through the snow as they look around and secure the perimeter.

  “Nora, stop, we have to secure the scene,” Agent Brown commands. I ignore her and march up to the front steps and swing the door open. Her boots crunch in the snow behind me. Other Agent’s yell for me to stop. I will not. I will not stop. They can screw their protocol.

  Kitchen to the right—not the left. Living room has three oversized chairs—no sofa. Two bedrooms off the main room. I push through the door on the left. Pictures, drawn by a child are taped to the walls. Lotte. A scream rips from my lungs. Realization hits hard. He has more than one cabin up here. Lotte and Eve were here once. I was not. My mind races to make sense of it all. I tear into the other bedroom. The mattress is stained with blood. Shattered glass shards litter the floor. Eve sized skirts and shirts hang in the wardrobe that’s missing it’s door. I drop to my knees. Glass bites my skin but I’m so numb, I barely feel it. Crawling forward, I extend an arm under the bed in a sweeping motion.

  I hit something solid and wrap my hand around it to pull it out.

  A box.

  Pulling off the top, I find Eve’s driver’s license, cell phone and a picture of her and Lotte together. With the box in my hands, I roll back onto my rear and stare at the photo. Two girls—both radiant, healthy and strong looking stare back at me.

  “Nora, what do you have?”

  I look up to Agent Brown. I swallow the lump in my throat. “Eve’s stuff.” I slide the box across the floor. It stops just shy of hitting her feet.

  She looks from the box to me. “What are you saying?” Two other agents crowd behind her in the doorway. It is difficult to be strong with the weight of three pairs of eyes boring into me. I swallow the lump in my throat. “There’s more than one cabin.” For long, sludgy seconds, we’re all transfixed in a painfully silent group. No one moves.

  I put my head back and do something I’ve never done before. I scream to the sky, to the heavens, to the universe. I have kept it in, my fear and rage, but now I scream it out because this is it. The tipping point. How much trauma is one person supposed to endure in a lifetime? I was never only ever his. My carefully constructed glass house shatters around me.

  Soon, I am breathing normally again, but no amount of deep breathing will calm the shaking of my hands. I lean heavily on Agent Brown, as she helps me stand.

  Eve is at dinner with Salve and Dr. Richardson. The motel room would be quiet, if Agent Brown would leave.

  “There has to be something in common, if there’s more than one of them,” Agent Brown says.

  Absently, I nod at her. The bed shifts as she sits at the end of it. “Think, Nora.”

  “I have been!” I shout. “What about Eve? Why don’t you hound her, like you have me?”

  “I’ve been on the phone with her, yes.”

  “And what did she say?”

  “Settle down, Nora, we’re all doing our best here.”

  I sigh and slump back against the headboard. “I know. I know that but clearly Eve and I have the same amount of knowledge on the subject.”

  Agent Brown makes a funny face at me. She reaches out and puts a hand on my ankle. “No. Everything is fresh in your head. Eve’s been safe a year now. We’ve compared your statements and it seems Holden was slightly different with you. He may change things up with each girl. Right now, you’re our best shot at finding him.”

  “You mean Lotte.”

  Agent Brown sighs. “Yes, him and Charlotte.”

  “I’m doing this for her. Not for him,” I state. Agent Brown stares at the motel door. “It’s late. I’m exhausted.”

  She nods and stands. “I’ll get going. See you in the morning.”

  I slip under the covers, after I’ve taken a sleeping pill. I feel ragged and I can’t go another night without sleep. Normally, I lie awake and stare at the shadows on the ceiling. I practice my breathing—like Dr. Richardson said—until dreams become remembrances that hold me down and whisper cruel things into my ears.

  “What’s the best way to hide out here?” Lotte asks. We sit with our feet dangling in the water. The view is eerily tranquil. Away from the rush and noise of modern life, time passes more slowly. Twilight seems to last longer. The tranquility of the deep woods, with the sigh of wind through the treetops, is something I’ve come to cherish.

  “The best way for anyone or anything to hide in the forest is to keep absolutely still,” I say. Lotte nods at me. “Movement, even swatting a mosquito, can give you away.”

  “So, basically play dead.”

  I look at her and shrug. “I guess. Why are you asking?”

  “For when we leave.”

  My breath catches. “Lotte.”

  “I don’t want to be the reason we get caught. He’s too strong and good at hunting. So, I need to know.”

  I pull her against me. “It’s not that bad here.” Lotte looks up into my eyes and gives me a dirty look.

  “It’s not real life,” she says.

  I squeeze my eyes shut and inhale deeply. “No, it’s not.” Lotte scoots from my embrace with a determined look on her face.

  “Wanna see Slay rock?” Lotte asks.

  “What’s Slay rock?”

  “I’ll show you, if you want,” she says. “Holden took me there after Eve left.”

  A wave of nausea rushes me. I take her outstretched hand and stand.

  “Lead the way.”

  Lotte takes me to Slay rock. It’s at the crest of a beautiful vista, marked by an enormous rock. From here, I can see the creek we were just sitting at and just barely through the canopy of trees where the cabin hides. She tugs my hand to get my attention. Lotte bites her bottom lip and points. Three humps of dirt. Loose dirt. I march over to what appears to be three graves. Marked with small piles of rocks I stare down at them. Three stones, largest on the bottom, smallest on top, each resting on top
of the next. Lotte says, “They have been here since Holden brought me after Eve left.” She starts crying but I can’t tear my eyes from the dirt mounds to console her. “I think one of them is Eve.”

  September is gracefully rolling into October. The scents of autumn, the vibrant colors of the leaves rustling in the trees, the cracks of shots from Holden hunting cracking through the hills, fill me with unspecified dread, murmurings of terror. The games he plays, the things he says that are never true, the side of him that I didn’t know. I am reminded that I’m playing his game, and he will always win. The range to the south is dusted with the first skiffs of snow already. There will be no way to escape when the snow comes.

  “Who are the others, then?” I ask.

  “Laura and I don’t know who the third is.”

  ‘Who’s Laura?”

  Lotte looks up at me. “She used to live with us.”

  I wrinkle my face in confusion. “When?”

  “When Eve was here. Until Eve left.”

  I shudder and wrap my arms around her. She clings to me as if her life depends on my body. “Lotte, who put them here?” I whisper, while stroking her long hair.

  “Holden.”

  I jolt awake, overwrought. Without hesitating, I dial Agent Brown’s room.

  Eve

  I flip the light on, then rub sleep from my eyes. Nora sits upright, phone cradled to her ear. She was asleep when I got back from dinner.

  “What’s going on?” I ask.

  Nora looks at me, but continues listening to the person on the phone. When she finally hangs up, I repeat my question.

  “I remembered something that could help. I was dreaming about it. Go back to sleep.”