I Need You Tonight

by Stina Lindenblatt

  He kissed my temple. “I still love you, Nicole.” His voice was gruff with emotion, yet his words felt like a soft caress. “But we always knew this would never work between us.”

  My heart ached at his words, but he was right. Our lives were moving in different directions. Once he was released, he’d be back to touring, possibly putting himself at risk again. There would be no place in his life for me.

  I hugged him back, head on his chest, tears leaking onto his T-shirt. “I love you too,” I managed to say past the lump in my throat. Sucking in a sharp breath that bordered on a sob, I pulled away. “I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” I smiled, the expression genuine although a little shaky, my body already regretting the loss of him against me. “By the way, congratulations on becoming a headlining band. The band deserves it. You deserve it.”

  “Thanks,” he said, his tone once again free of emotion. I couldn’t tell if he was excited or not. But in the grand scheme of things, I supposed, it didn’t really matter. He was alive to witness his success—that was more important.

  We talked for a little longer after that, avoiding discussing the band and what had happened on the night he’d OD’d. He told me about his time in rehab, how he was actually enjoying yoga (I had to laugh at that), and how he got to play the piano in the rec room. His face lit up when he shared that, and a warm feeling snuggled up inside me. I told him about the upcoming reopening and how Bernie missed him, but there was no escaping how much I missed him too, even though I didn’t say the words. I also told him that Zack said hi, but kept what else he had said on the phone to myself.

  Eventually I knew I couldn’t stay any longer. I needed to walk away, and I needed to do it now, before it was too late.

  As much as I craved the feeling of his lips on mine once more, we didn’t kiss. We hugged like friends who were saying their final goodbyes. Somehow I kept from crying, though barely. That was a small miracle in itself.

  We didn’t say “I love you” either. It had already been said, and that was enough.

  Walking away was the hardest thing I had ever done. My body and my heart begged me to turn around and stay with him. Even my brain was having a hard time knowing what was the right thing to do.

  I returned to my car and climbed in. But instead of starting the engine, I let my grief consume me—and cried enough tears to turn the desert into an ocean before I finally drove away.

  Chapter 35

  Nicole

  “Look at this, Margie. Isn’t it gorgeous?” the woman said to her friend as they stood next to the display in Blooming Love. They were studying a set of drinking glasses with one of my designs on them.

  As soon as I’d returned home four months ago after visiting Mason, I’d spent the following week sketching and creating my new line of glassware. Each etched design had a different butterfly and a symbol to represent music, usually a treble clef and floating musical notes. The butterfly symbolized change, hope, and life. And, well, it wasn’t too hard to figure out what the music represented.

  There had been no shortage of customers once news got out about my designs. I had recently begun selling them on Etsy and eBay, and had created a line of T-shirts too. To say I was busy was an understatement.

  Being busy had been necessary if I was going to move on after leaving Mason that day at the rehab center. Except I was still waiting for my heart to realize it was time to move on. Maybe it would’ve been easier if I hadn’t designed a line of glassware that had everything to do with the man I still loved.

  “Ten percent of the proceeds are donated to a charity that helps families dealing with addictions,” I told them, and gestured toward the small sign on the shelf that provided more information about it and my work.

  The bell above the door jingled, and as usual I glanced over to see who had entered the store. When I saw Hailey, my eyes widened to the size of one of my glass plates. The last time I had spoken to her was a few weeks ago. She and Callie called me every so often to see how I was doing. Both avoided the topic of Mason, and I was always careful not to mention him, afraid that if I even said his name, I would break down in tears. Again.

  Hailey spotted me and smiled. Unable to contain my excitement at seeing her, I rushed over and hugged her in congratulations. Nolan had proposed to her on Christmas Day. Naturally, she had said yes.

  “Let me see the ring,” I gushed, and checked it out even though I had seen it when Nolan first showed it to me. It was as beautiful as I remembered. Tears of joy blurred my vision, but I didn’t care. Hailey had found love and I couldn’t have been more thrilled for her. “When’s the big day?”

  “September twenty-fifth. And I’m hoping you’ll be there.”

  I smiled at her but didn’t say anything. I wanted to be there for her and Nolan’s big day, but it would also be hard seeing Mason there. Possibly with a date.

  “So, are you seeing anyone?” she asked, not looking at me but studying the black-and-white mural on the wall. Vinelike tendrils floated behind the large butterfly and transformed into fine lines like sheet music, complete with musical notes. I had painted it on the wall between the two shelving units containing my giftware. Below the mural was a shorter shelf with even more glassware.

  I laughed. “I don’t have time to date. The store’s keeping me busy.” After much convincing on my part, Heidi and Cindy had stopped trying to set me up on dates—although my last disastrous date, which had been three months ago, might’ve had something to do with it. The part where I cried because my date was everything on my list but he wasn’t Mason could’ve had something to do with it too.

  “It looks amazing.” Hailey strolled over to the giftware and checked it out. She picked up a glass serving plate. “Wow, you made these?” she asked, referring to the design etched on them.

  “Yes. That’s what’s kept me so busy. But it’s been worth it.”

  Without missing a beat, Hailey said, “You still love him, don’t you?”

  I traced my fingertips over the butterfly and musical notes on a lavender T-shirt. “It doesn’t matter if I love him or not”—or if my heart ached every time I thought about him, which happened more often than I would’ve liked—“because he needs a woman who can handle him being away while he’s on tour. And he needs someone who loves living in L.A., not someone who is more comfortable living in a small town more than two hours from there.”

  Unfortunately, even in the short time Mason had been in Desert Springs, his presence here had woven itself into every part of my day-to-day life. No matter where I went, what I did, I was bombarded by memories of him.

  “I know it’s not easy,” Hailey said. “I often wish Nolan had a regular nine-to-five job. But I know how important his music is to him. It’s what got him through the years of abuse and helped him deal with his grief after his mother and sister were killed.”

  “And that’s why I would never ask Mason to leave the band. Music is his life.” Which left my pathetic heart no choice but to love him from afar.

  Delving deep, I finally found the courage to ask the one question I craved the answer to: “How’s he doing?” My limited knowledge about what he’d been up to since leaving rehab came from what I’d seen online, but I knew from experience that meant little, if anything.

  “Much better. The guys have done everything they can to support him, and he regularly contacts the online Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous support groups. The band has been selling out the few shows they’ve scheduled. The label wanted to see if they could pull off being a headlining act. They’ll be touring for another month, and then they’re off for several weeks.” She grinned, no doubt already counting down the days until Nolan was home again.

  “That’s great.” All of it was. After what had happened last time, I was positive the guys would make sure he didn’t fall back into his addictions. They were family. A family who would do anything for each other.

  “It is great.” She glanced down at the serving plate in her hand
. “I’m buying this. It will be perfect for the wedding.” She looked back up at me, smiling. “And don’t forget I really want you to be there. Nolan and I really want you to be there.”

  Chapter 36

  Mason

  The arena dressing room was empty, other than the lingering smell of sweat. I rolled out my yoga mat on the carpeted floor and began what had become my daily routine before each show. A few months ago I’d have scoffed at the idea of doing yoga. But after finding out during my latest stint in rehab what it could do for me, now I couldn’t imagine a day without it—twice a day when we had a show.

  Now I no longer fucked groupies to help with the pre-show buzz. After being with Nicole, I had lost all interest in females that way. She was the only one I could think about, even though I hadn’t seen or spoken to her in four months.

  After getting into the right mental space for the show, I returned to the greenroom with my mat and grabbed a sports drink from the ice chest, ignoring the beer that was also there. The temptation to have one still tormented me daily, but the bracelet on my wrist that Nicole had given me reminded me why I couldn’t have it. I had hurt too many people when I’d struggled with the depression that had almost cost me my life. I had no intention of ever going there again.

  The downside of the bracelet was that it provided a daily reminder of the woman I still loved. But the bracelet wasn’t the only thing to have that effect on me. My last memories of Nicole were of us together on the Endless Motion tour. Everything around me each day and each night was a constant reminder of her.

  Nolan was busy texting on the couch, a goofy expression on his face. I laughed. “Let me guess. Hailey?”

  “What makes you so sure it’s Hailey?” he asked, still grinning. Like he had been doing ever since he proposed to her and she said yes.

  “Oh, please. Who else would it be? You always have that lovesick puppy dog expression on your face whenever you’re talking to her. Like puck boy does whenever he’s talking to Beckie.” Who had joined us on tour a few times since she and Kirk hooked up at Jared’s wedding.

  “Hey, I never look lovesick,” Kirk said. “It’s not in my genes.” Then his phone played the song he had programmed for Beckie, and his face lit up.

  With my tongue lolling from my mouth, I panted like a puppy. Kirk flipped me the bird. Jared and Aaron cracked up laughing.

  I flopped down next to Nolan on the couch and caught a glimpse of the picture on his phone. “Wow. You really have been domesticated. Now Hailey’s sending you photos of plates?” Not just any plate. It was glass with a butterfly and musical notes etched on it.

  As if he were holding state secrets I wasn’t supposed to be privy to, he jerked his phone away and set it upside down on the couch so I couldn’t see the screen.

  I chuckled. “Didn’t realize plates were such a secret matter.” Suddenly my amusement fizzled. “Nicole made it, didn’t she?”

  Nolan nodded and picked up his phone, the screen now black.

  “Where did Hailey get it from?” I asked, my tone lacking any hint of emotion—the exact opposite of how I felt. Although I had never come out and said I didn’t want to talk about her, the topic of Nicole had been off-limits ever since I was released from rehab. Which was why Nolan looked uncomfortable at my question.

  “She wanted to see how Nicole was doing, and drove down to visit her,” he said. “She bought the plate at Nicole’s store.”

  The door to the room opened, and our tour manager stuck his head in. “Showtime, guys.”

  Nodding, I pushed off the couch and headed for the door. But Nolan’s next words made me pause. “For whatever it’s worth, she still loves you, Mason.”

  I turned back to him as the other guys silently filed out of the room, giving us a second. “She told Hailey that?” Because the last time I’d talked to Zack, he had avoided the topic of his sister and her feelings about me. Which came as no surprise, given that we had man cards, not ovaries.

  “Hailey guessed it, but Nicole confirmed it’s true. The question is,” he said as we stepped into the hallway, “what are you going to do about it?”

  Good question. Too bad I didn’t have an answer.

  We strode down the hallway to the stage entrance, energy flowing through my veins, eager to feed off the fans’ excitement. This was what it was all about. The fans. The music.

  So why did it feel like that was no longer enough?

  Chapter 37

  Nicole

  Six weeks after Hailey’s visit, I was busy helping a bride-to-be and her mother choose the flower arrangements for her upcoming wedding. I was alone in the shop—Heidi was home sick, and Cindy had had to leave a little early to pick her daughter up from school for a medical appointment.

  Even though Heidi was the one who usually dealt with the weddings, the meeting had been put on the calendar a few weeks ago, and the clients weren’t able to reschedule. I knew enough to help them, though, and if anything came up that I wasn’t so sure about, Heidi was only a speed-dial away.

  “I’m not a fan of roses,” Julia explained. “They’re pretty, but I’d rather have something else.”

  I flipped through the pages of an album containing photos of bouquets and table floral arrangements Heidi had created, as well as pictures she had printed from the Internet. I stopped at the photo I was looking for and showed it to Julia and her mother.

  “Freesias make beautiful bridal bouquets,” I told them. “They’re available in so many different colors, and because they’re in season for your wedding, we can definitely make them work with your budget.”

  The bell above the store door tinkled. Out of habit, I glanced over at it.

  Mason stood in the doorway.

  My heart screeched to an abrupt standstill. He was wearing checkered gray and orange board shorts, sandals, and a plain navy T-shirt that hugged his chest, shoulders, and abs perfectly. Not a single part of my body was immune to seeing him there—all ached for different reasons.

  Julia gasped. Without even looking at her, I could tell the sound had nothing to do with the floral arrangements she’d been studying. “Wow, wonder what he’s doing here,” she said, her voice hushed.

  He smiled at me, and my insides combusted. Then he winked at me, and I was a goner. I sighed longingly, the sound echoed by Julia’s own wistful sigh. If her mother thought we had gone crazy, she chose to keep it to herself.

  Mason strolled to the giftware display against the wall, and my heart pounded so loud, I wouldn’t have been surprised if everyone felt the vibrations through the floor.

  “Excuse me for a moment,” I told the two women. I didn’t know if Julia had heard me. She was still too busy gaping at Mason. Her mother said something about a photo in the binder, her words lost on both of us.

  I walked hesitantly over to Mason. He looked much better than he had the last time I’d seen him—healthier and happier.

  He was inspecting the glass etchings, T-shirts, postcards, and magnets, all with the various butterfly and musical designs I had drawn. “You made these?” he asked.

  I nodded, stunned into silence. I longed to ask him what he was doing here, but my brain and my mouth weren’t cooperating. Only my heart was talking, but who knew if Mason could hear what it was saying.

  He reached up and slowly traced his thumb along my bottom lip. Then he lowered his head, his mouth replacing his thumb with a tender kiss. “I love you,” he said, quietly enough so only I could hear him.

  “I love you too,” I whispered back, positive I was dreaming. Any second now my alarm clock would rudely awaken me—and there would definitely be some cursing involved on my part.

  The bell above the door tinkled again, and four women and a little girl entered the store.

  Mason smiled at me, then walked out of the store, leaving me to stare after him in bewilderment. Had he seriously just driven all the way from L.A. to tell me he still loved me, only to walk away?

  I blinked. Then, with my heart cheering me o
n, I pulled open the door and ran outside into the heat of the day. The glare from the sun temporarily blinded me, so I shielded my eyes with my hand and scanned the parking lot. But it was too late.

  Mason had already driven away.

  Chapter 38

  Nicole

  “Did you hear about the hot new music store owner?” Heidi asked me two days after Mason had breezed into the store, told me he loved me, and left. He’d sent me a text a few hours later, saying he was thinking about me. I’d responded that I missed him and was thinking about him. And that was that. I hadn’t heard from him since. Heidi had told me to give him time. Everything would work out the way it was supposed to.

  “Since when do you pay attention to anything that has to do with that store?” I asked. I couldn’t remember a time when Heidi had ever needed to go there.

  “Since Cindy told me about it yesterday. Her kids take piano lessons there.”

  “I didn’t realize the business was for sale.” The last time I’d been there was with Mason. Since returning to Desert Springs, I’d purposely avoided the music store because of the memories associated with it.

  “Apparently so,” she said, plucking a dead flower off a potted plant. “The owner and his wife decided to move to Alabama, where their grandkids live.” She removed another wilted blossom. “I thought maybe you could take a few things over there that you’ve made, see if he’d be interested in selling them in the store.” At what was no doubt an uncertain expression on my face, she added, “What would it hurt to try? The worst he can do is say no.”

  “True. Okay, I’ll do it after work.”

  “Why don’t you go now? I can handle things till you get back.”

  “Are you sure?” At her nod, I selected a set of glass coasters and prints to take with me. Heidi grinned the entire time, leaving me to wonder what she was up to.