The Innocent

by Candice Raquel Lee

  “Lean on me,” she said. Her voice was high and sweet, soothing and motherly, though she looked no older than twenty.

  “I am Yueliang,” she told me significantly.

  I looked from her to Chandraswami. Oddly enough, they reminded me of a fairy tale I had read from One Thousand One Nights. It was about a prince of India going for help to the powerful Empress of China whose magic alone could save him from a deadly curse. That story’s origins were thousands of years old. Could that be them? Nah. I was just tired from dying.

  Chandraswami turned to me. “Do you have any feelings about where Cristien might be?”

  I sat up. I waited, my whole body listening. It had been listening since I had awakened. I shook my head.

  “Try,” Yueliang coaxed.

  Where would he be? I asked myself. I looked at Lance. He would know better than I. He knew Cristien for longer.

  “Lance?” I implored.

  “All I know is he wouldn’t take her to the Hamptons. That’s your place. I don’t know of any others. Maybe I’m wrong.”

  Where would he take her? I asked myself. Where are you Cristien? Where? I remembered our life, how we had climbed up to the roof of his apartment and flown. It had been so quiet there. You could scream and scream and no one would hear you.

  “The apartment. The roof,” I said.

  Lance started the car and drove. Yueliang pulled my head onto her shoulder. Her dark hair smelled of jasmine flowers. I breathed in the scent again and again, feeling my strength somehow returning. With it, my mind began to race. I struggled to understand everything and to prepare for future events, but my thoughts kept going back to Lily. This was all her fault.

  “It isn’t fair,” I complained.

  “What isn’t, my child?” Yueliang asked.

  “That Cristien is going to die because of what Lily and Abe did,” I said, sitting up.

  “You are mistaken,” she told me, her dark eyes sparkling while she gazed at me. “You think of things as punishment, as someone punishing you that is exterior to you. It is not the case. Cristien is not being punished. He is seeking darkness and finding what he seeks. Those who have harmed you had also turned to darkness and no good can come to them.”

  “If Cristien hadn’t gone after them, they would have gotten away with killing me.”

  “Killing you?” she asked me. “You have not died. Death is the name that infinite creatures give to the end of a cycle. When a woman sews, she pulls the needle up through the cloth,” she said raising her hand in a fluid motion. “She raises it high and then brings it down the arc back into the cloth. The needle disappears. Is it dead? Perhaps the cloth mourns it, but it is an illusion, the needle will appear again in another place, shining and bright.”

  “But they’re evil. Shouldn’t they be punished for what they did to me?”

  “As compensation for what?” she asked. “All is One. Nothing can be taken or given. The One can neither be diminished nor added to. Let the past go. Forgive everything. Have no memory, as the earth does not. Liberate yourself from the wheel of Samsara. Live in this moment and you will know peace.”

  “But how can I find peace when Cristien is dying?”

  “Cristien is the master of his own fate. At this moment he seeks out misery because he could only see the Light through you. Without the lens of your life, he went blind. Blind he wallows in rage, because he fears death and loss. He is under a deception. If he understood the light that is in you to be the same immortal light that fills everything, how could he despair? The Divine is everlasting. It cannot die. You cannot die. It has all been an illusion. You are alive, and he is alive. So, there is hope for eternity,” she said, taking my chin in her hand. “If you can still see the Divine in him, see the light, that which is unchanging and indivisible, then perhaps you can help him find that in himself too.”

  I sighed, let my head fall back. I was trying to accept her words, but they were so beyond human. I closed my eyes, feeling tired again. After a while, Lance started whispering.

  “There has to be another way. He won’t recognize her. He didn’t even know me. How is she going to get through to him? Do the ritual and separate them.”

  “Each of us has free will. To impinge on another’s free will is to obstruct the Divine will,” Chandraswami said out loud.

  “Then obstruct away, because God is wrong.”

  “God is never wrong.”

  “Oh, so it’s right to let her die, to send Cristien to hell because those shits couldn’t stand him to be happy. Where was God then?”

  “Incubus . . .”

  “Lance.”

  “Lance, you are still under the delusion that there is right and wrong. There is only Free will. Wait, you missed the turn.”

  “Huh?”

  “The turn. You missed the turn. Go back.”

  The car swerved then swerved again.

  “Okay, good,” Chandraswami said. “Right and wrong are just names we give to things to separate what we desire from what we do not desire. But everything is Divine. Even the darkest demon serves the Divine purpose. They are one. Once you see that, you will know peace. You will be glad in the worse hour because you will know that it is only illusion.”

  “Well, if this is illusion, then it sure feels like I’m going to lose my best friend and my daughter.”

  “If that is God’s will, then why fight it? It will only hurt more. Accept it. Learn from it. You will attain wisdom.”

  “I don’t want any wisdom if it can make sense of this. This should not make sense. It should not be allowed.”

  “Only children cry when what they want and what is reality do not mesh. An adult sees and allows it to pass.”

  “Then there are a hell of a lot of children in this world.”

  “That is very true.”

  “Wait,” Lance cried in an agitated voice, “how can you kill them? Isn’t that impinging on their free will?”

  “Alexa has given her consent, and since she and Cristien are one, her will is his will.”

  “You can’t do it,” Lance said in a hard voice. “You can’t kill them. I won’t let you.”

  “Your daughter will die after her mate does by slowly starving to death. And your friend Cristien will become a shadow creature causing pain and torment to himself and others. You would prefer this outcome rather than their being reborn?”

  “I don’t know that they’ll be reborn. All I know is that you’re killing them.”

  I sat up. I was going to tell Lance that it was all right, but Chandraswami put his hand on his shoulder.

  “Do not weep, my son,” he said. “Our loved ones always return to us. I have lived many millennia. I would not lie to you. They return. You will find them or they will find you again. I promise.”

  The car stopped, and I heard Lance’s labored breathing. Tears fell from my eyes too. I didn’t want to lose Cristien, or Lance, or my mother, or my life, but I didn’t seem to have a choice. I wiped my eyes.

  After a while, Chandraswami said, “Perhaps, I should drive.”

  “No, I’m all right. I’m fine. I’m okay,” Lance said, sniffing and wiping his face. He restarted the car and we drove on.

  Soon the apartment was looming in the front windshield, and I could not help but remember my fall, my death. I cowered a little. Yueliang rubbed my arm. I was glad when we went into the underground parking lot.

  “Oh shit,” Lance gasped.

  I sat up and saw at least twenty armed Nephilim coming toward us.

  “Drive. Just drive,” Chandraswami commanded.

  Lance hit the gas. I heard gunfire as we raced ahead, scattering anyone who was standing in our way. Then Lance spun the car around.

  Chandraswami and his wife leapt out. He drew his sword. His wife clapped her hands, and a thin curved bone-white blade appeared in them. They charged forward together.

  “Stay behind me,” Lance commanded, pulling open my door and using it as cover as he yanked me out of my se
at. He popped the trunk open, exposing a cache of weapons. He got two guns, shoved me down to the fender and started firing. Those who were not already wounded or dead ran for their lives.

  “What the hell is going on?” Lance asked. “Why did they just attack us?”

  I remembered Lily standing over me and speaking to Abe.

  “Lily wants to make an army of Nephilim to rule humanity. Abe’s her spy. He’s helping her because he wants to rule New York.”

  “Abe’s dead,” Lance said, firing as reinforcements appeared. He grabbed more weapons from the back.

  “Come,” Yueliang said, and led us to the stairwell.

  “You protect Alexa from above,” Chandraswami said and we began to climb.

  The Nephilim followed. Yueliang ran to meet them. Chandraswami charged into the throng with her. There were gunshots and not all from Lance. I heard Chandraswami and Yueliang cry out more than once, but they kept protecting us. Lance continued to fire up the stairwell whenever anyone showed their face.

  Slowly and painfully, we made our way up the floors toward the roof. Lance threw the door open. Chandraswami and Yueliang ran past us. Their feet made no sound on the gravel as they walked. I could see blood coming from their multiple wounds.

  “All is clear,” Chandraswami said.

  Lance ducked his head and we stepped out. It was dark up here. I had not remembered it being so dark. Behind us, Yueliang was humming a strange rhythmic tune. Tiny lights appeared, floating around us, brightening everything.

  That was when I saw Cristien, or what he had become. There was a thing squatting on the roof ledge to the right of the air-conditioning unit of the building. I couldn’t help but go cold, grow heavier in Lance’s arms. He looked down at me.

  “We can turn back,” he said.

  “Do not be afraid,” Chandraswami assured, as we stopped beside him. “Fear is your enemy. It will destroy you. Have faith in yourself. This is your destiny. This time has already been written.”

  I looked from him to the hulking shape of Cristien in the distance and told Lance to put me down. He released me reluctantly. When I touched the ground, I felt strange. My body was so light, and yet I felt stronger then steel. I stretched my gaze across the distance between myself and Cristien, between myself and the dark thing within the darkness. Then Lily appeared to the right of us, stepping out from behind the roof’s cooling unit. I could not help but spread my wings in fury. She moved closer, and I could see she was hurt. Her eye was blackened. She walked with a limp, and blood trickled from the corner of her mouth, but she still smiled.

  “Come back from death to fight for him, little girl? You still think this is a love story? You are just a vessel for the power I needed. You are just the ploy I used to bring my greatest enemies, now weakened with battle, before me. I will drain you all and become even mightier than Inanna, than the Elohim, than the God Dumuzi, himself,” she laughed. “It would have been such a mistake to have eaten you when you were just an Innocent, when you were so unripe. Now I can get even more from you. You’re even more powerful after passing through death, through the realm of Ereshkigal, Queen of the underworld. Cristien has delivered you into my hands like a gift.”

  She walked over to Cristien. He growled and raged but could do nothing. She had chained him!

  “I wish I could put him to sleep,” Lily sighed, “to avoid all this nastiness between us, but in this form he seems immune to me.”

  Cristien towered over her like a wave. How could that tiny woman have beaten him? It made no sense.

  “Still, in some ways, he’s more manageable than ever. I have been waiting for an opportunity like this for eight hundred years. I think I’ll keep him as a watchdog,” she said, and began to change. She did not sprout wings but grew long. She was not a succubus but a ten-foot tall, winged dragon with a maw full of sharp-white fangs, a hide of silver leaf-like scales and bird feet.

  She swung her tail. Instinctively, I soared upward, but everyone else was caught, wounded and exhausted as they were. Lance, Chandraswami and his wife were flung back into the door of the roof. They hit hard. Lance collapsed, but the other two rose only to be engulfed in flame from Lily’s jaws. I heard their screams, knew their pain. I flew at Lily, trying to wrestle her mouth away or shut her jaws before she killed them. She swung her head with me clinging to it against the air conditioner, nearly crushing me. I fell to the ground, stunned.

  Lily roared. She opened her jaws and blew flame at me. I ducked my head knowing the agony that would come, but I felt nothing. I stood in the center of her power as it burned white hot around me and felt nothing. I raised my head and looked up at her. She raged and opened her mouth again to belch an even larger plume at me.

  I didn’t wait for it this time but ran for the sword Chandraswami had dropped when she struck him. Her fire rained harmlessly down on me as I lifted the weapon. It was light and cold in my hands. I ran at Lily as her fire thundered around me. I flew up and plunged the blade into her chest with all my momentum, and she fell back shrieking and clutching at the hilt, unable to pull it out. She could not even touch the sword. She fell to all fours and charged.

  I turned to run. She trampled me and snatched me up her jaws. I expected to feel her teeth cut me in a hundred places but nothing happened. It was as if she were a ghost or specter.

  I looked down and saw a wounded Lily surrounded by the shape of a dragon. It was only an energy projection now. I could feel it and it felt good. I hungered for it. I realized then that it was my own energy that she had stolen from me, my life force. It was mine, and I wanted it back.

  A white light emanated from my body. It touched the dragon projection and devoured it until only Lily staggered before me with a sword running through her guts. She had taken so much from me, caused me so much pain. I grabbed her by the throat like Abe had grabbed me and started taking from her as she took from me.

  Her power was old and thick like syrup. It tasted good, like endlessness, like limitlessness. It tasted of desires, of blind worship, of untempered greed and lust. I could do anything, it whispered, and no one could stop me. I could have anything and no one would stand in my way. I could do so much with that power, it said. The world would be at my command.

  In my mind’s eye, thousands bowed to me, a hundred-thousand prayed, a million souls trembled, and the heavens cringed. I should take it, take the power for myself. Lily deserved to die, to know what hell was like. With this power, I could make a hell just for her. I could make her pay for what she had done to us.

  She screamed as my light devoured her. She writhed in my grip as I had writhed. She cried out and struggled as I had. How did she like being on the receiving end? How did she like being me?

  And how do you like being her? Ereshkigal asked in my head. No. I rebelled. I was not like her. I was the victim. I was only . . . But again Death had come to strip away the lies, to kill the untruth. I was Lily, and she was me. It was so easy to become her, so easy to let power and hatred go to my head. Now I knew.

  When you saw angels, you should know the devil is never far behind. And with great power comes great temptation. Buddha had his Mara. Christ had his Temptation, and I had Lily. I had been taught that Lily was evil. According to all I had been taught, so was I. We pick our fights and the stories we choose to believe in. They were the real clothes with which we dressed ourselves. They told everyone who we were. I didn’t believe I was evil. Maybe Lily wasn’t either.

  I hated her but not enough to destroy myself, not enough to become her. I let her go. I left her alive. I wouldn’t kill Lily. I had learned that there was a need for creatures like her to push us, to test us. Like Ereshkigal, she was necessary. I let her fall to the ground.

  Cristien let out a terrible howl. He made a great leap and his chain snapped as he lunged toward us. I fell back as he landed by Lily. He pulled the sword from her body and with terrible rage raised it to give her the final blow that would seal his fate.

  “Cristien, no!” I s
creamed, running to him. I grabbed his dark arms. I fought him as he struggled to finish her. The sword trembled inches from her body. Then I saw his face, how much he had changed. I could see the tears of blood flowing down his cheeks from his crimson eyes. I could see what my death had cost him, and it killed me again.

  “Cristien,” I called. “I came back from death for you. Won’t you give up your hatred for me? We have to be equals. We each have to sacrifice something for the other. That’s how love works.”

  He growled, pushing harder against me. He was so strong my knees nearly buckled.

  “Cristien, please,” I begged.

  Still, he didn’t know me. His eyes remained focused on her. How could I reach him? I could feel the hate in him, but I refused to believe it was greater than our love. I pressed my lips to his fierce mouth. He did not respond. He did not see me. He had to see me. He had to let her go. This had to end.

  “Damn it, Cristien,” I shouted, pushing him away. “You better not hate her more than you love me!”

  He slid across the gravel, crashed into the roof railing and dropped to the ground. Chandraswami’s sword fell from his hands. I marched to stand over my husband. I was so ready to kick his ass until he saw me. And when he opened his eyes they were green.

  Playing God

  I ran to him, knelt beside him. He grabbed me to pull me close, and I cried out.

  “Alexa?” He didn’t even know he was hurting me.

  Chandraswami and a now conscious Lance raced over. They pulled his claws away. Cristien stared at them.

  “It’s okay,” I told him. “Everything is all right now.”

  My arms were bleeding and badly scored, but I tried not to show it.

  “You were dead,” he whispered.

  “I came back.” Sobs wracked us both of us. I felt him again. I felt him everywhere.

  “I love you more than anything,” he wept.

  “I know. I know.”