Red Or Dead

by David Peace

  Bill struggled to breathe.

  27. A KICK IN THE BALLS

  On Saturday 16 December, 1967, Manchester City came to Anfield, Liverpool. That afternoon, fifty-three thousand, two hundred and sixty-eight folk came, too. Fifty-three thousand, two hundred and sixty-eight folk to watch second play third. In the first half, Manchester City could and should have won. In the second half, Liverpool Football Club could and should have won. And in the fiftieth minute, Roger Hunt scored. But that afternoon, Liverpool Football Club drew one-all with Manchester City. At home, at Anfield. Bill Shankly shook hands with Joe Mercer. Bill Shankly nodded. And Bill Shankly smiled –

  Well played, Joe. Very well played indeed. And if I’m not mistaken, Joe. If I am not wrong. This is going to be a three-horse race, Joe. A three-horse race. So I just hope your lads have got the legs for it, Joe. And I hope your lads have got the stomach for it, too.

  Joe Mercer smiled, too. And Joe Mercer said, Thank you, Bill. Thank you very much. And the same to you, Bill. The same to you and your lads. Their legs and their stomachs.

  …

  One week afterwards, Liverpool Football Club travelled to St James’ Park, Newcastle. In the forty-third minute, Ian St John scored. But Liverpool Football Club drew one-all with Newcastle United. One-all again. Three days later, on Boxing Day, 1967, Liverpool Football Club travelled to Highfield Road, Coventry. Coventry City were fighting for their lives, their very lives, at the bottom of the First Division, at the very foot of the table. In the thirteenth minute, Ian Callaghan crossed the ball to the far post. Tony Hateley turned the ball back at the far post. And Roger Hunt scored. In the thirtieth minute, Ian St John fouled Lewis. Lewis went down. The referee blew his whistle. The referee spoke to St John. St John walked away. Lewis got up. Lewis followed St John. Lewis spoke to St John. St John felled Lewis with a right hook. And the referee sent St John off. And from the free kick, Coventry City equalised. And Liverpool Football Club drew one-all with Coventry City. One-all. Again. Another draw.

  After the whistle, after the dismissal. In the dressing room. The away dressing room. Bill Shankly looked at Ian St John. And Bill Shankly shook his head. And Bill Shankly cursed –

  What the hell were you thinking, son?

  He grabbed my goolies, Boss!

  The cheating bastard. The dirty bastard. But you know they’re going to throw the book at you now, son? They’re going to suspend you, like they did to Denis Law?

  I know, Boss. I know. And I’m sorry, Boss. I’m sorry …

  Too late for sorry now, son. Too late. You get yourself into Anfield first thing tomorrow, son. You meet me there. First thing.

  First thing. Ian St John knocked on the door of the treatment room at Anfield. Ian St John opened the door of the treatment room. Ian St John walked into the treatment room. And Ian St John saw Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley waiting in the treatment room –

  Take off your trousers, said Bill Shankly. And take off your underpants. And then lie down there on that table, son.

  Ian St John took off his shoes. Ian St John loosened his belt. Ian St John unzipped his trousers. Ian St John took off his trousers. Ian St John took off his underpants. And then Ian St John laid down on the table in the treatment room at Anfield.

  Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley walked over to the table. Bill Shankly and Bob Paisley stared down at the testicles of Ian St John. And Bill Shankly shook his head –

  There’s not a bruise on you, son. Not a single scratch.

  But he grabbed them, Boss. He twisted them, Boss. Twisted and bloody squeezed them, Boss. It fucking hurt, Boss.

  I believe you, said Bill Shankly. I believe you, son. That man is depraved. That man is perverted, son. The football field is no place for a man like that. A depraved man and a perverted man. And I’m going to make sure everybody knows. The whole world knows, son. Knows what a depraved and perverted man he is. I will not rest …

  And Bill Shankly turned to Bob Paisley –

  Get to work, Bob. Do your worst.

  Bob Paisley opened up his medicine bag. Bob Paisley took out a piece of cloth. Bob Paisley took out a bottle of iodine. Bob Paisley took out a tin of boot polish. Bob Paisley opened the bottle. Bob Paisley dabbed the piece of cloth with iodine. Bob Paisley smeared the iodine across the genitals of Ian St John. And Ian St John giggled. Bob Paisley opened the tin. Bob Paisley dabbed the piece of cloth with boot polish. Bob Paisley smeared the boot polish over the genitals of Ian St John. And Ian St John laughed. And Ian St John said, I hope this is giving you as much pleasure as it’s giving me, Bob.

  Shut your dirty mouth, said Bill Shankly. I’ll have no depraved talk here, son. I’ll have no perverted talk at Anfield.

  Bob Paisley put down his cloth. And Bob Paisley and Bill Shankly stared down at the testicles of Ian St John. The black and purple testicles of Ian St John. And Bill Shankly smiled –

  Good job, Bob. Great work, Bob.

  Thank you very much, Bill.

  Bill Shankly nodded. Bill Shankly turned to Ian St John –

  Stay there, son. And don’t you move a muscle. I’ll be back in a minute, son. Back in just a minute …

  And Ian St John stayed where he was. On the treatment table. Naked from the waist down. His testicles black and purple.

  There were voices in the corridor, there were footsteps in the corridor. Lots of voices and lots of footsteps. And then the door to the treatment room opened. And Bill Shankly led in the reporters and the photographers. Bill Shankly ushered the reporters and the photographers into the treatment room. Bill Shankly gathered the reporters and the photographers around the treatment table. Around the black and purple testicles of Ian St John –

  Look at them, said Bill Shankly. Just look at them, boys. It’s a disgrace. An outrage! So I want to the world to know the truth. And I want the world to see the truth. I want pictures, boys. On all the front pages. All your front pages, boys!

  The reporters and the photographers stared down at the testicles of Ian St John. The black and purple testicles of Ian St John. And the reporters and the photographers shook their heads. And the reporters and the photographers said, We can’t take pictures of that, Bill. We can’t print pictures of that. It’s disgusting, Bill. It’s horrible …

  Well, take some pictures anyway, said Bill Shankly. Because I want copies. And I want them quick, boys. I need them for tomorrow.

  The next day. Bill Shankly and Ian St John sat down in the corridor at Lancaster Gate, London, at the headquarters of the Football Association. Bill Shankly was in his best suit and red tie. Ian St John was in his best suit and red tie.

  Come!

  Bill Shankly and Ian St John stood up. Bill Shankly and Ian St John adjusted their red ties. Bill Shankly and Ian St John opened the door. Bill Shankly and Ian St John stepped inside the room.

  Sit down, Shankly. Sit down, St John.

  Bill Shankly helped Ian St John limp down to two chairs at the end of a long table. Bill Shankly and Ian St John sat down in the two chairs at the end of the long table. Ian St John grimaced. Ian St John stifled a scream. And Bill Shankly and Ian St John looked up the long table at the members of the Disciplinary Panel.

  The head of the Disciplinary Panel shook his head. The head of the Disciplinary Panel said, This is the third time you have come before us, St John. This is the third time you have sat in that chair, St John. The third time for violent conduct, St John. The third time and the last time, St John. We made an example of Denis Law. We set a precedent with Law. We suspended him for six weeks. And so you are suspended for six weeks, St John.

  Bill Shankly touched his red tie. Bill Shankly nodded. And Bill Shankly nodded again –

  The example you made of Denis Law was the correct one, sir. The precedent you set was the right one to set. And the press are right to label that man a thug and an animal. But this man here is no animal, this man here is no thug. What happened to Ian St John is very different, sir. It is beyond the pale. And it has no place on the football f
ield, sir. No place in our beautiful game. No place at all, sir …

  What are you talking about, Shankly? Your player violently attacked another player. Your player is the same as Law.

  Bill Shankly shook his head. Bill Shankly picked up his briefcase. Bill Shankly opened his briefcase. Bill Shankly took out three photographs from his briefcase. And Bill Shankly passed the photographs up the long table to the Disciplinary Panel –

  I hope you have strong stomachs, gentlemen. Because what you will see in these photographs will surely turn your stomachs. This is the documentary proof, the forensic evidence of the barbarous and outrageous attack that was inflicted upon this man here. An attack on his very manhood. An assault on his unborn children. The heinous and scandalous assault that provoked him into an act of self-defence. Sheer self-defence. And while he knows now, in the cold light of day, he should not have reacted as he did. While he knows now, with the benefit of hindsight, that two wrongs do not make a right. And while he now readily apologises for his act of self-defence. While he now is utterly contrite. Still I would beseech you, gentlemen. Still I would implore you. Not to tar this man with the same brush as the likes of Denis Law. Not to equate an act of self-defence with such acts of mindless thuggery. And to let this man walk free today. Free of any suspension. Free to play his football …

  The members of the Football Association Disciplinary Panel looked down at the three photographs of the testicles of Ian St John. The black and purple testicles of Ian St John. The members of the Football Association Disciplinary Panel shifted in their seats. The members of the Football Association Disciplinary Panel turned pale. Their hands to their mouths, their mouths behind their hands. The members of the Football Association Disciplinary Panel whispered among themselves. And then the head of the Disciplinary Panel looked down the long table at Bill Shankly and Ian St John. And the head of the Disciplinary Panel said, The obligatory three-match suspension for violent conduct on the field of football still stands. However, in this case, in the face of this evidence, there will be no further suspension. No six-week suspension.

  Thank you, said Bill Shankly. Thank you, gentlemen.

  The head of the Football Association Disciplinary Panel said, But I sincerely hope we will not see either of you again for a very long time. Or your photographs. Now close the door on your way out.

  Bill Shankly helped Ian St John to his feet. Bill Shankly helped Ian St John limp past the long table back to the door. Bill Shankly opened the door for Ian St John. Bill Shankly and Ian St John stepped out into the corridor. Bill Shankly and Ian St John closed the door behind them. Bill Shankly and Ian St John walked down the corridor, out of Lancaster Gate, and into the street. And on the pavement outside the headquarters of the Football Association. Bill Shankly looked at Ian St John. And Bill Shankly shook his head –

  What did I say to you the last time we were standing here, son? What did I tell you the last time we were standing here?

  I’m sorry, Boss, said Ian St John. I’m sorry …

  Well, this is the last time I’m going to tell you, son. Make sure you get your retaliation in first. When the referee is not about. So the other feller knows you are about. And then he’ll not be fiddling with your goolies. Fondling your testicles. So remember –

  Always get your retaliation in first, son.

  …

  On Saturday 6 January, 1968, West Bromwich Albion came to Anfield, Liverpool. That afternoon, fifty-one thousand and ninety-two folk came, too. In the third minute, Geoff Strong scored. In the fifty-seventh minute, Roger Hunt scored. In the sixty-seventh minute, Hunt scored again. And in the seventy-ninth minute, Hunt scored again. And Liverpool Football Club beat West Bromwich Albion four–one. At home, at Anfield. That evening, Manchester United had thirty-seven points. Liverpool Football Club had thirty-five points. Leeds United had thirty-three points. And Manchester City had thirty-two points.

  Three days afterwards, Ferencvárosi Torna Club of Budapest, Hungary, came to Anfield, Liverpool. In the ice and in the snow. That night, forty-six thousand, eight hundred and ninety-two folk came, too. In the ice and in the snow. Forty-six thousand, eight hundred and ninety-two folk to watch Liverpool Football Club play Ferencvárosi Torna Club in the second leg of the Third Round of the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup. In the ice and in the snow. This was Liverpool Football Club’s thirteenth European game at Anfield. And in the ice and in the snow. Liverpool Football Club were all sweat, Liverpool Football Club were all toil. But with the ice in the air, with the snow on the ground. Ferencvárosi Torna Club were hard in the tackle, Ferencvárosi Torna Club were subtle on the ball. In the ice and in the snow. Ferencvárosi Torna Club pulled Liverpool Football Club in all directions, Ferencvárosi Torna Club stretched Liverpool Football Club in every direction. In the ice and in the snow. In the twentieth minute, Katona passed to Rákosi, Rákosi passed to Juhász, Juhász passed to Varga, Varga flicked to Branikovics. And Branikovics scored. And in the ice and in the snow. Liverpool Football Club lost one–nil to Ferencvárosi Torna Club. At home, at Anfield. And at the whistle, the final whistle. In the ice and in the snow. The Spion Kop acknowledged Ferencvárosi Torna Club. Their tactics and their technique. And the Spion Kop applauded Ferencvárosi Torna Club. In the ice and in the snow. From the pitch, the Anfield pitch. In the ice and in the snow. Liverpool Football Club were out of the Inter-Cities Fairs Cup. Liverpool Football Club were out of Europe. Leeds United were still in the Inter- Cities Fairs Cup. Leeds United were still in Europe. Manchester United were still in the European Cup. Manchester United were still in Europe. But Liverpool Football Club were still second in the First Division. Liverpool Football Club could still win the League Championship. And Liverpool Football Club could still win the FA Cup. The League and the Cup. The Double –

  On Saturday 27 January, 1968, Liverpool Football Club travelled to Dean Court, Bournemouth. And Liverpool Football Club of the First Division drew nil–nil with Bournemouth Football Club of the Third Division in the Third Round of the FA Cup. Three days afterwards, Bournemouth Football Club came to Anfield, Liverpool. That evening, fifty-four thousand and seventy-five folk came, too. In the thirty-third minute, Tony Hateley scored. In the forty-fourth minute, Peter Thompson scored. In the fifty-first minute, Roger Hunt scored. And in the seventy-third minute, Chris Lawler scored. And Liverpool Football Club beat Bournemouth Football Club four–one in the Third Round replay of the FA Cup.

  Four days later, Liverpool Football Club came to Goodison Park, Liverpool. That afternoon, sixty-four thousand, four hundred and eighty-two folk came, too. But that afternoon, Liverpool Football Club lost one–nil to Everton Football Club. Away from home, away from Anfield. That evening, Liverpool Football Club had thirty-six points. Leeds United had thirty-eight points. And Manchester United had forty-one points. And that evening, Liverpool Football Club were third in the First Division.

  On Wednesday 12 February, 1968, Liverpool Football Club travelled to Stamford Bridge, London. That night, Liverpool Football Club were bereft of ideas, Liverpool Football Club were drained of power. That night, Liverpool Football Club lost three–one to Chelsea Football Club. And it could have been more, it should have been a rout. Four days afterwards, Liverpool Football Club travelled to Fellows Park, Walsall. And Liverpool Football Club of the First Division drew nil–nil with Walsall Football Club of the Third Division in the Fourth Round of the FA Cup. Two days later, Walsall Football Club came to Anfield, Liverpool. In the fog, the heavy fog. Thirty-nine thousand, one hundred and thirteen folk came, too. In the fog, the heavy fog. Thirty-nine thousand, one hundred and thirteen folk to try to watch Liverpool Football Club play Walsall Football Club in the Fourth Round replay of the FA Cup. In the fog, the heavy fog. In the twenty-fourth minute, Liverpool Football Club scored. And in the fog, the heavy fog. The Spion Kop asked, We want to know who scored? And through the fog, the heavy fog. The Annie Road end answered, Hateley scored. And in the fog, the heavy fog. The Spion Kop sang, Thank you very much. In the fog, the
heavy fog. In the thirty-third minute, Liverpool Football Club scored again. We want to know who scored again? In the fog, the heavy fog. Hateley scored again. In the fog, the heavy fog. Thank you very much. And a minute later, Liverpool Football Club scored again. We want to know who scored again? In the fog, the heavy fog. Strong scored. In the fog, the heavy fog. Thank you very much. And in the fog, the heavy fog. In the sixty-fourth and seventy-first minutes, Hateley scored and scored again. And Liverpool Football Club beat Walsall Football Club five–two in the Fourth Round replay of the FA Cup –