Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova

by Neil Skywalker

  We went to his apartment and when I walked in I saw cups and medals literally everywhere: the walls were filled with them. I asked him if they were all his and he told me that a lot of them were his daughters’, who were international athletes. Needless to say by now I was ever gladder I’d accepted his invitation.

  When I met the daughters they turned out to be very hot girls. I went out with the older daughter of the two, Natalya, and some of her friends. One of her admirers/orbiters got into a small car accident and I felt bad because he was showing me around the city, but on the other hand he hadn’t really been paying much attention to what he was doing. We went to a place called Beerhaus and drank a few beers there, where I met a girl called Lisa who had her eyes on me.

  That night I slept in Darya’s room, though unfortunately not with her. She was truly beautiful and fun to be around. I would have ended my trip then and there if there’d been any chance with her, but she already was engaged to a local Footballer.

  The next morning Eduard made a big breakfast, and later a friend of his drove me all over the city to the hostel now that we had finally found the proper address. His friend didn’t want any money for this long ride and by this point I didn’t expect him to ask either. As I said, even though they don’t smile much in public, Russians are incredibly nice and friendly people.

  I settled in at the hostel, where I was the only guest, and texted the Julia I’d met on the train. We met up that evening. Julia was a good-looking girl with a killer body who was still dressed in her office clothes but was still sexy in her tight purple dress. We walked along the beach road a bit and then I suggested we get some coffee and visit a cinema. She agreed, and we went to see Bruno, a brutally offensive but hilarious comedy with Sasha Baron Cohen. Because it was advertised as a comedy many people showed up with their children. They soon left, loudly complaining after the ridiculous sex scene with a small Thai gay boy. Julia didn’t like the movie at all but I laughed my ass off even though I couldn’t understand the dubbed Russian voices.

  One technique I use with girls in the cinema to test how interested she is is to just grab her hand or simply say “Give me your hand” (being alpha), and gently rub my thumb on her fingers. If she doesn’t pull away, and especially if she rubs back, then you know for sure she’s willing to kiss you. Let your hand rest on her lap when you do this. If she doesn’t mind your hand close to her pussy then you know she’s an easy catch.

  She was very eager to kiss me that night.

  Afterwards back on the streets I walked a bit with her and then pulled her into an alley. She was quite surprised by it and quickly flushed. I kissed her again and she started to get really horny. She kept saying I was a fairytale/dream prince come true and we made out pretty heavily. She rubbed her body on me and that was my cue to ask her to show me the place she lived. She shared a one-room apartment with another girl but luckily for me the roommate was out of town.

  Her apartment was in the suburbs, in a typical dark concrete building left over from Soviet times. We kissed some more and I took a quick shower. The bathroom was horrible and a lot was broken inside. After that she took a shower and we kissed some more on the bed. She was not willing to go all the way on the first night but I got a good blowjob out of it. I stayed over at her place.

  Russia is an expensive country with low salaries; Julia worked in accounting and couldn’t afford her own place. She shared her apartment and even the bed with the other girl. To my cheeky question about whether they spooned at night she just laughed. She asked me if I was a “pick upper”. Of course I denied it and played dumb. I wasn’t even lying, really: at that point I had actually never heard of pick-up artists.

  After saying goodbye in the morning I walked around the city center with Darya and visited a boring museum. She told me that Natalya’s friend Lisa was eager to see me again. I said to Darya that I was already with another girl and she was surprised. She asked me if I’d a Russian girlfriend before and I told her about the two Julias in Moscow and Kazan, and mentioned the girl in Kazakhstan. She immediately called Lisa and the two talked wildly about it, I couldn’t understand much of the quick Russian conversation but enough to hear that they were excited about me. This was the moment of revelation that I found out that being with lots of girls is a major attraction spike for most girls and not a turn-off the way it was programmed in my beta mind. In pick-up terms this is called pre-selection and it would be become one of my strongest beliefs.

  That day I also bought new jeans at a Chinese market, since my old pair was nearly falling apart and was all ripped up at the crotch and knees. Who says you need to dress nice to pick up a hot girl? In the evening I saw Julia again and we had coffee and some chicken at the local cafeteria before going back to her house. That night I had mind-blowing sex with her. It was the best I had ever had up to that point. She was very flexible, had a killer bikini model body and the craziness of a porn star. She looked very similar to the girl on the cover of this book, who is also a Russian model. She kept saying it must have been a magical event for us to meet in the train and being together now. She was head over heels in love with me (and still is).

  Russia (Far East) – Trouble at Vladivostok Airport

  When I was in Khabarovsk I had to plan my way out of Russia. My initial idea was to take a boat to Japan, but I changed my mind because the last boat left three days before my visa expired, and I didn’t want to leave my beloved Russia before I had to. Other than the boat, the only option was taking a plane, so I started checking out websites. The only “cheap” flight I could find was one with Air Vladivostok to Niigata in Japan. I put “cheap” in quotation marks because it still came to about five hundred dollars for a one-hour flight. Of course, looking for a flight only five days before your visa expires is really not the most recommended way of travelling, but I really do travel on the fly – I never know how long I’ll stay somewhere or when I’ll move on to the next destination. In this case, there was only one problem: the flight I found was the day after my Russian visa expired. There I was, overstaying my visa again; the first time I’d done that was in Kazakhstan. But I didn’t worry, figuring that if I had managed to talk my way out of that situation, I could do it again in Russia. I presumed they wouldn’t wave AK-47s around at me at an airport. What can I say, sometimes you have to take risks.

  On departure day, I woke up next to Julia, who was already awake and looking at me. Her perfect naked body looked amazing in the morning sunshine that was coming in through the window. We talked about saying goodbye and she asked if we could keep in touch by email. I was ok with that but didn’t give it much chance of actually happening; usually you keep in touch for a while and then things eventually die out. It’s the natural order of things, I guess. Still, we exchanged Facebook names and email addresses anyway.

  After saying goodbye to Julia I had to rush to get to Vladivostok airport on time. I took a bus and arrived only one hour before the flight. Because I already knew I was going to be in trouble, I cut in front of the line and showed my passport to the custom official. Her eyes widened when she saw my visa date. She called for her superior and a uniformed guy walked in.

  He was unfriendly from the start. After one look at my visa he told me I was in Russia illegally and that he was putting me in the airport prison until further notice, talking about sending me back to Moscow for an emergency visa. So far, this was pretty much the same situation as back in Kazakhstan – except for the machine-gun pressing into my back and pushing me forward. With time ticking away I asked him if he could make an exception because I paid five hundred dollars for the ticket and had mixed up the dates when booking, but he didn’t want to hear any of that. He kept saying that I was going to the prison, and that he would contact the embassy. He was determined that I wouldn’t make the flight, and I was getting really worried. Had I gone too far this time? Was I going to be some big guy’s girlfriend in prison?

  But apparently there’s someone up there whose job is to look out
for lucky bastards like me: another custom official walked in and she was hot!! I guess she was somewhere in her late twenties. She had long blonde hair with red extensions woven into it. Her uniform couldn’t hide her nice-looking breasts. I looked at her shoulders and saw the same stripes as the guy who was giving me a hard time. I thought to myself: You are exactly the one I need right now.

  I started explaining my situation to her and she spoke very good English. For the next half-hour I completely ignored the tough guy and just praised Russia to her. I told her how much I loved the country and how nice everyone was to me, I talked about my experiences with the people I met along the way, the wedding I was invited to and the big bouquet of flowers I bought for the bride. When I said that, she put her hand on my shoulder and gave me a massive smile. Mixing up English and Russian words, I told her that I’d fallen in love with a Russian girl and that I wanted to live in Russia after I finished my trip.

  Well, I wasn’t lying – not a single word of it. I had plans to live in Khabarovsk and work as an English teacher or something. I was truly in love with Russia. The whole story impressed her a lot – I had totally won her over. She even playfully touched me a few times while I was telling my story. I was charming her all the way. The hard-ass customs guy walked off and the hot one told me she could make an exception if I was willing to pay a fine and pay for a one-day emergency visa. Of course I said yes to this. We were pressed for time at this point – there were only a few minutes till the plane took off and she had a big pile of papers I had to sign. I signed at least twelve documents while she filled in all the forms for me because they were all in the Cyrillic Russian alphabet. To this day I have no idea what I agreed to in those forms but at that moment I didn’t care. Now I kind of worry I might have promised my first-born son to Russia or something.

  The fine was a whopping nine Euros. I had to hold back my laugh when she told me that.

  I had only a few minutes left, and other officials were searching through my backpack. When they finished she told me to hurry to the airplane, which was waiting on the airstrip. In one last bold move I asked if I could take a picture with her. She looked around at her colleagues, especially the guy who had given me a lot of problems, than she looked at me, gave me a big smile and said: “Don’t push your luck, get on that airplane!”

  From the way she looked at me, I was pretty sure she wanted to take that picture with me, but didn’t want to embarrass herself in front of her strict colleagues. With a quick “Bye and thanks!” I ran to the plane with my backpack on my back. As soon as I got one foot in the plane, they closed the door behind me and I had to leave my backpack the flight attendants’ area. I was so happy that I didn’t miss that flight. But I made it, all thanks to one hot Russian Customs agent. I’m pretty sure she had a lot of fun telling the story of the charming, stupid illegal tourist over the next few weeks.

  Actually, I had one more trump card up my sleeve when the whole customs drama went down, if nothing else had worked out. Vitaly, the sketchy businessman I’d met in Khabarovsk and Vladivostok had told me to give him a phone call if I ever got in trouble. He runs a visa agency and had already promised me a free Russian visa for one or two years if I decided to live in his city. He had said he’d solve any problems with Customs if needed. He also said that once I finished my trip round the world, if I did come back to Khabarovsk he would get me on Russian local television (local, but still a million viewers), because he was impressed with my story and knew people at the network. I think Vitaly had enough connections to actually talk me out of trouble. It didn’t matter anymore. I was on my way to a whole new world. A world unknown to me but that I was dying to find out about. Asia had always fascinated me, and when exploring, what better country to start with than Japan, the craziest country of them all.

  Chapter Two – Northern Asia

  Japan – Niigata

  The flight from Vladivostok in Russia to Niigata in Japan took only a little over an hour. I felt great setting foot in Asia, a whole new world waiting to be explored. At arrival the customs checked my temperature in case I had the bird flu, which was the big worry at the time. They took my picture, my fingerprints and went through my backpack. I couldn’t find a working ATM and couldn’t change my Russian rubles, which made for a great start for a new country. Luckily I had twenty dollars left in a hidden place in my bag and was able to exchange that and buy a bus ticket to the city center. There was a guesthouse in town and I wrote down the address. When I asked for directions, the girls at the tourist office told me I’d have to take three separate buses and walk for twenty minutes.

  I thought to myself that I’d go straight to Tokyo and went to the train station. The prices were horrendous, so I looked for the bus station instead. I found it, but there were no more tickets for the night bus so I bought a ticket for the first bus in the morning at 06.00. That evening I walked around Niigata a bit. Since I had my backpack I couldn’t go to bars or anything, and frankly I didn’t feel like it much. Niigata was impressive: it was my first contact with Japanese culture and of course I finally saw the teenage girls in their little school uniforms. Everything you might think about it is true: they do look sexy in those short skirts and big white socks.

  The next amazing thing I saw were the toilets at the local McDonalds. I went in there for a burger and I needed to take a dump. I went into the toilets and saw that the toilet had a lot of buttons on it. The first button I tried turned out to be for the automatic toilet seat, which would go up or down without you needing to touch it. I sat down and did my thing. I took my time because I wanted to try all the buttons. One was turning on music and another turned on the bidet. A beam of water hit my bum; another beam of water hit me in the nuts. Apparently that one was for the ladies. A little blow-drying later I was all done and ready for action.

  That evening I tried to stay at the local train station to pass the time and get some sleep but the guards kicked me out around midnight. I walked the streets a bit and decided to get some sleep in the park. There were a few homeless people around sleeping on the park benches, and I found an empty one and lay down. The bums looked weirdly at me but left me alone. A few hours later I went back to the bus station because I couldn’t catch any sleep. I found a bench to sleep on there, set my alarm and when I woke up there were already a bunch of people around me waiting for the same bus. Some were staring and pointing at me, and one even took a picture. They’d probably never seen a white guy sleeping on a bench before.

  I jumped on the bus and went to see one of the biggest cities in the world: Tokyo.

  Japan – Tokyo

  Arriving in Tokyo created the usual effect: total disorientation, exhaustion, and not having a clue where I was. I had swapped the Russian Lonely Planet for the Japanese one in the hostel in Vladivostok, so at least I had a map of the city, but the Japanese alphabet is even crazier than the Russian one. After finding out where the hell I was, I was able to find my way to a hostel. Not that it was easy: luckily I got some help in the metro from a friendly woman, but once I was outside I walked for about an hour and a half to find the hostel. I walked in dripping with sweat; the humidity was killing in Tokyo. The hostel was very luxurious, but I wasn’t expecting anything less for about twenty-eight dollars a night.

  After a few days on my own I’d gathered a small group to hang out with. There were two Danish girls, an American girl, another Dutch guy and a Scottish guy who looked like a mix between a leprechaun and a Hobbit. We visited a museum together and went to a nearby bar called the Samurai Café a couple of times. Going to clubs was out of the question. Taxis were unaffordable and so were the prices in the clubs. Too bad, because it meant I didn’t get any contact with local chicks. The two Danish girls (Julie and Lisa) were just average-looking but one of them had the biggest tits ever. One night we all got drunk at the Samurai bar and at one point we were talking about doing a motorboat on them.

  The Danish girl didn’t think I’d do it but I grabbed those enormous knock
ers, stuck my head between them and motorboated her for half a minute. I couldn’t get enough of it. Meanwhile the Scottish guy was on my tail, he wanted her too. He was butt-ugly but also quite funny. The race was on.

  After a while we all went back to the hostel which was close to the bar. I talked with the Danish girl when we walked over and all of us stayed around in the hostel a bit more. The two girls went to bed and stayed behind with the Dutch guy. A few minutes later I went to my bed in the dorm and got my toothbrush. When I walked into the bathroom I saw clothes lying on the floor and heard the big-boobed girl and the Scottish Gnome talk and laugh in one of the shower cubicles. I felt really pissed off and learned a lesson that day: it isn’t over till the fat (Danish) lady sings. I don't remember if they were staying in the same dorm. Maybe they were and things got started that way, but most importantly I missed a lay and a flag that day.

  The next day she mentioned she had to explain things to him while having sex. The leprechaun couldn’t even bang her right! Thinking about this night now, I made so many beginner mistakes it isn’t even funny.

  I visited a lot of places the next day, including the famous crossroads you often see on television and a lot of temples. The problem with the temples is that when you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. I bought an Acer laptop because of the high prices for Internet in Tokyo. You’d think the most digitalized country in the world would have cheap Internet rates but I had to pay four dollars an hour for it. At least Wi-Fi was free in the hostel. I really needed to start using Skype because my time in Russian and Kazakhstan cost me an 1100-dollar phone bill. I had called Julia from Kazan and my friends and family quite a few times on my Dutch mobile, and of course it was like making a long-distance call from Holland each time. Only I could be that stupid. Those phone calls cost me a month of travelling. I had never used Skype back home and didn’t bother to make an account before I left on my trip. I did however do lots of other planning and printing of information which I never used in the end. Talk about pennywise, pound foolish.