Around the World in 80 Girls: The Epic 3 Year Trip of a Backpacking Casanova

by Neil Skywalker

  I hammered at the big red gate and slowly D-Lux came out. It was the afternoon and he was wiping the sleep out of his eyes. D-Lux rented a massive crib in the suburbs in a city whose name I won’t give since I might want to go back there someday. D-Lux’s crib had three bedrooms, all with bathrooms, a giant kitchen, an office space, a bar and a giant living room. There was a garden around the house and a maid’s bedroom and bathroom in the back. He only paid about $450 rent a month for this including utilities and a fast Wi-Fi connection. D-Lux has a passive income and was basically already retired. The house was way too big for one person alone, and personally I would have chosen a smaller place closer to the center for a similar price. Then again, I’m not used to big American houses. I got a bedroom in his house and this would be my new room for a while. The house didn’t have much furniture yet since D-Lux had only moved in a few months ago but I had a small one-person bed. I was happy to see a familiar face again, and though D-Lux isn’t the type to show a whole lot of emotion, I could see he was happy to have a buddy there too. The city barely has any foreigners and the ones who are there are old geezers, dirty grampas as D-Lux called them.

  Some girl stayed over in my bed the night I arrived but I couldn’t get a bang out of her. I kept in touch with her for a while but never convinced her to change her mind. The second night we went out and D-Lux brought a girlfriend with him. We met a few friends of hers and I talked to two of them. I flirted a bit with the younger-looker girl and later found out that she was only seventeen years old. That’s very young, so that was out of the question. I noticed the older sister telling the younger girl to go home because it was getting late. I told her that she was being a bit harsh on her little sister and that’s when she told me that it was her daughter. It would be my first real MILF and it was game on!

  An hour or so later I took her back to the house. Veronica was already forty–two and had four kids, She looked like she was around thirty and in some pictures we took together she looks even younger than that.

  She had all her children by C-section, so she was still very tight down there. I enjoyed being with her and she stayed almost four days with me. D-Lux and his current girlfriend didn’t mind because she was a friend of theirs. Veronica didn’t mind taking it up the bum and at one point that was the only thing I did with her. Later I told her I needed some time for myself and she left.

  This gave me a chance to go out with D-Lux again, and we soon sat down in a bar in a part of town with lots of bars and clubs in one small spot. It was my thirty-fourth birthday that day. He told me to approach some girls walking by. I still had some approach anxiety and declined. “Let the Grandmaster Pimp show you how it’s done,” he said, and stood up and walked over to two young girls walking past the terrace we were on. They sat down with us and we ordered a bucket of Tanduay Ice, a bucket of five bottles of rum-based drinks that only costs around three and a half dollar. We had some drinks and the hottest of two was really interested in me. Prices are so low that even a bum backpacker like me can order a few rounds.

  We invited them to go to D-Lux’s house to sing some videoke and drink some more. I ended up having steamy sex. She had model-like features. We showered afterwards and she let me take a few pictures of her. Her body was amazing and I will always remember her silk-like skin and extremely beautiful face. I thought it was the best present I could wish for. A moment later I realized I had been with Julia the year before and remembered our island trip together. It made me feel sad.

  The next morning we went for a few more rounds of pounding and had breakfast afterwards. D-Lux came out of his room with his usual grumpy smile. He’d done his thing too. He lived in the suburbs so the mall was far away. There was a restaurant within a few hundred meters and it was a typical Philippine street restaurant: a couple of young girls selling rice and ten different side dishes. A nice meal for less than a dollar. In backpacker terms I had hit the jackpot: living at D-Lux’s house was free and I could eat three meals for under four dollars. On days when I did nothing I rarely spent more than five or six dollars on food and drinks.

  The birthday girl was looking for a boyfriend and I told her I wasn’t looking for the same thing yet. We exchanged numbers and she left.

  D-Lux and I went out again and this time I did the approaching. I walked up to some girls and asked if they would sit with us. Normally this wouldn’t be a strong line but here it doesn’t matter much. We talked a bit and had a few drinks in a club. D-Lux didn’t like the girls and went home while I walked the two girls back. One of them was named Carry and lived in a poor area of town where foreigners usually never go. It wasn’t a straw hut slum but it was definitely a poor area. Carry had a very small room there. The mattress just fitted between the walls lengthwise. It was that small.

  We bought a few beers at the convenience store and I was out of condoms again. I actually stole a pack from the store because I didn’t want them to know I was buying rubbers right in front of them.

  We went back to the room and the three of us went to sleep on a mattress one meter wide. It was kind of crowded and I started making out with the chubbier one, Carry, and was feeling her under her skirt. She got horny but the other girl, who had a far hotter body, hesitated. I soldiered on and got her half-naked too. I was lying in the middle of the mattress and holding a big boob with my left hand and a small boob with my right. This went on for a while but I couldn’t get a threesome out of it. We went back to sleep again.

  When we woke up somewhere past noon, the skinnier girl left and I was banging Carry within ten minutes. It felt good; we had good chemistry together and knew how to please each other. So what if she wasn’t the hottest girl around, she was nice and even cooked me breakfast while I was hanging out with her friends. The room she rented was in a building with several other people where all the cooking was done in a central corridor. Most people spent the day sitting there talking and watching some television on a small fifteen-inch screen. People were friendly without wanting anything from you. Carry and I said goodbye and I took a jeepney back to the suburbs. Why spend four dollars on a taxi if I can get the same ride for twelve cents?

  If I saved some money here I figured I could spend a bit more elsewhere. A couple of days later another girlfriend of D-Lux came by, and she stayed with him for a long time. In fact she became his regular girlfriend. Her name was Rachel and she was a really good-looking and friendly girl. She was quite the cook, too, and made some delicious pork adobo, probably the best meal I had in all the time I stayed in the Phils. It even made me a bit jealous of D-Lux for having a girl who could cook like that.

  I was walking over to the convenience store daily, where I’d buy some iced coffee and a whole roasted chicken every day of the week. I’m a simple eater – fancy stuff is nice, but I can live on the same food for a long time. Sometimes I ate the chicken at once and poured it down with some beer. A whole delicious chicken for 140 pesos, which is like three-and-a-half dollars, is dirt cheap. I never saw cheaper chicken anywhere; even in poor Bolivia it was more expensive.

  Rachel brought a girlfriend over to D Lux’s house and I slept with her too. Candy was very short, just like most Philippine girls, and also quite fanatic between the sheets.

  I had to go out by myself for a while now, since D-Lux was staying with his girlfriend all the time and blowing his money on drugs, something I had a few discussions with him about. I met two very young girls and I took one of them home, which was always easy to do since my friend had a videoke installation and a cute little Chihuahua dog. I loved that little over-excited dog. Whenever I tried to pick a girl up, this was one of the things that really helped me out.

  After talking to them for a while I would ask them if they wanted to go to my place and have a drink or two, quite a few girls would say no since my buddies house was far away from the center. Showing a picture of the dog and letting them know I had a videoke machine usually hooked them in.

  So this girl went home with me and spent the night, b
ut when we started to make out and things got heated up, she shouted out “Yours is too big and strong!!”.She was very skinny, almost too skinny; she still had a nice rack, though, and I wondered what she would look like if she gained a few kilos. She said she only had a few Korean boyfriends before and they didn’t pack much of a punch. She wouldn’t even let me try and all I got that night was a blowjob. She said I had to warn her when I came. I didn’t and still remember the betrayed look on her face.

  In the meantime I was getting at least a hundred texts a day. This was even worse than Indonesia. I still had the same phone number from my first time in the Phils, when I stayed four months. Girls I met during that time were texting me, Jenna was texting me, Donna from Indonesia was texting, it drove me crazy. Girls in the Philippines will give your number to other girls and they want to “practice their English with you”, in other words this means hang out with you but usually just to chat. Sometimes they even actually want to practice English. I was going crazy from the endlessly ringing phone and having to charge it every night.

  I stopped doing dates with girls I met online after a while because the results were horrendous. Girls would show up with two other girls so you’d always have to pay for three people when having an expensive coffee in a Starbucks rip off in the mall. And of course the dates went nowhere this way.

  I tackled this problem by making girls promise that they would show up at a place alone. I would tell them that we’d be meeting in a mall and that they didn’t need bodyguards for that. It’s a good method to weed out the shy girls and the ones who even show up with their mom – yes, really, this happens. Having a free room at D-Lux’s place saved me a lot of money and I helped him out by buying a couple of dozens of beers a few times and fixing a few minor things in and around the house. I paid some money for the electric and water bill and shared the costs of the Internet bill. Although I now shamefully admit it was reluctantly.

  I wanted to work out my idea for a website and D-Lux agreed to help me with it. He had designed websites before but we couldn’t agree on which software to use. He started designing with Dreamweaver but I was afraid if something went wrong it would take ages to fix. I found out about Wordpress , where I could do things myself, though I had no clue how to build a website and had to start from scratch. D-Lux said he didn’t know how to work with my software and withdrew from the whole thing. Still, he made a few awesome headers for me and even designed a business card while I was in Ecuador.

  I wasn’t allowed to bring girls to the house all the time anymore; I suspected that D-Lux’s girlfriend, who also lived in the house now, had complained about it. Also, D-Lux was careful with his belongings. I can’t blame him. He had had a few break-ins in Vietnam, and in the Phils some girls had taken stuff from his house while partying there.

  One night out I met Selma, a friend of the skinny ´´too big ,too strong´´ girl that had stayed with me. She was short, had nice legs and an amazing set of big lips. I couldn’t stop staring at them. I went with her to a cheap ten-dollar hotel and spend the night with her there.

  Taking a jeepney back to the suburbs the next day, I met a girl. I was lucky to be alone with her on there because normally jeepneys are packed with people. I flirted and talked with her and within a few minutes I had her phone number. I had just said goodbye to Selma a few minutes before and I was already picking up another girl. We rode the jeepney till we both were close to D-Lux’s house and parted there.

  We met for coffee that night and she went home with me. I was very attracted to her and was giving myself mental high fives. Her big luscious lips were even more beautiful than Selma’s. She stayed with me a few days but soon enough I got bored even of banging this cute girl up the bum. She was asking me to impregnate her all the time and I was wondering if I needed a secretary to answer all my texts and an accountant to keep track of all the banging I did.

  It became one big blur of girls. Veronica was coming over every once in a while, I met new girls and went on dates all the time, a couple of times a week I went out the bars and clubs in the center. If I didn’t score I could always call Carry and take a taxi there and sleep, shower and fuck at her place.

  I wanted to see the birthday girl again and we met in a club down town. Her younger sister came with her too and their first names differed in only one letter, so it was hard to tell them apart. They went home with me and the three of us ended up in my small bed. There was barely room to move around but I started kissing the birthday girl and went for her younger, 17-year-old sister too. This was my chance of scoring a threesome with two sisters, but it remained a fantasy. There was no way that was going to happen because her younger sister was already reluctant to share the bed. She had already had a baby at sixteen, so she wasn’t exactly new to sex.

  The next morning we played some darts in the living room and I introduced them to D-Lux, who always said he was my pimping teacher but was starting to wonder how I pulled all the talent.

  That night I had an argument with him when I wanted to bring over two other girls. At one point he agreed to it and I brought them there; nothing happened that night but they had already left when he woke up in the afternoon. I later met one of them again and smuggled her in, telling D-Lux it was Veronica who had been with me the night before. D-Lux was in a daze all the time from doing a lot of dope. We had a few words again about it and I tried to talk some sense into him, because he was blowing all his money on drugs at that point. We had quite an argument for the rest of the night.

  We talked it out after he told me that I had to get the fuck out of his house when he suspected I was after one of the club girls he really liked. I wasn’t after her, but someone who is all aggressive and dazed from drug use is hard to talk to. I had already been staying for four weeks at his place and it was time to move on.

  On one of the last nights I went out, I met an Australian guy in his late thirties.

  This guy was stone cold crazy and lived there in the city. When we talked in the bar, he had a girl with him and I thought it was his regular girlfriend, but he had just met her the day before. We talked about girls for a bit. The Aussie wanted to go to the beach at night, and now I was the one who did a pimp-style move like the one D-Lux had shown me on my birthday. I walked straight up to two girls, talked to them a bit, and convinced them to come to the beach with us.

  The five of us got into his sports car and this guy was driving like a maniac. I’m not easily scared, and as you know I’d been on some pretty crazy rides before, but that still doesn’t mean I wanted to return home in a body bag. We ended up (alive) at some karaoke place close to the beach and had a few drinks there while the three girls were singing and dancing. At the end the Aussie wanted to go to a love motel with his girl and I had to choose between the other two. It felt stupid because until that point I hadn’t made a choice yet. When I chose a girl, she said she was ok with it, but I had the feeling the other one wouldn’t have said no either. The guys working at the motel tried to cheat me out of a lot of money by changing the rates. They kept making problems and I said that in that case we’d only stay a few hours. The room was luxurious and had a beautiful bathroom. We did our thing there and slept a few hours afterwards. In the morning we took a taxi to the mall and she bumped her head really hard on the front seat when the driver made a sudden stop. She was lucky not to have broken her nose.

  Two nights before I left I went out with the Australian guy again but I think he was all fucked up on pills or something. He was super hyper and ruining all our chances with chicks. I called up the girl I’d smuggled into D-Lux’s house before and took her home with me. The Aussie was pissed off and drove off like an insane racecar driver, almost running over a small group of people. I was glad to get rid of that maniac. He texted me again the next morning and asked me to go out again. I declined and spend the afternoon with my girl.

  Veronica was planning to say goodbye to me and before she showed up I had to ditch my current girl, who was the tallest Philippin
e girl I had been with. Veronica came by to say goodbye but couldn’t stay. She massaged me like she always did and we had sex for the very last time. She walked out of the gate and had to walk fifteen minutes back to the main street just to get a jeepney and sit on it for another hour before she could get home to her children. When I saw her walking away I truly felt like a miserable bastard for having used her like this. She knew damn well I was banging lots of other girls but still wanted to see me all the time even though I never spend a dime on her except for a bit of food from the street restaurant sometimes. We are still in touch.

  I sat down in my room and packed my bag. I thought about Jenna back in Cebu. It had been five weeks since I last saw her but it felt like a lifetime. In the last five weeks I had sex with only six girls and had gotten blowjobs and make outs from a lot of others. Six girls isn’t even that much but I had been switching back and forth between them and treated some of them really badly and now I had to face Jenna again. I had had at least nine or ten other dates, some of which were hilarious; I had been texting and chatting with girls online all the time and had wasted much valuable time that I could have spent learning Spanish or building my website. I was about to go to South America in a few months and didn’t speak a word of Spanish yet.

  I said goodbye to D-Lux and his girlfriend and promised to visit again someday. I intend to keep that promise. Afterwards I took yet another airplane in the Philippines. I almost knew the stewardesses by now. I still have minor Facebook contact with most of the girls I met in D-Lux’s city.

  Back in Cebu and Manila

  Jenna didn’t look too happy when she saw me coming to her door. Of course she knew I was coming but she also knew was that I’d been with a lot of other girls. She’s a clever girl and can do the math when a guy like me stays away for five weeks. She was disappointed that I had left a week before Christmas and not stayed with her during Christmas and my birthday. Being the biggest hypocrite in the world and hating myself for it, I accused her of seeing the Swedish guy again. We had arguments all the time and I was being a dick to her. Deep down I knew it was all my own fault and that I’d been chasing meaningless sex while I had a girl who loved me.