Never Let Go

by Graysen Morgen

  Tracey knelt next to Finley with her hand on Finley’s shoulder. “Target is in sight. Swimmer is ready.”

  “Roger. We are in a twelve foot hover. The seas are one to two feet. Deploy swimmer,” Greg replied. As the pilot, his job was managing the operation and remaining in contact with their base at all times, while handling the helicopter, maintaining a holding pattern, which was the most difficult job on the aircraft, next to the rescue swimmer deploying into the water.

  Tracey tapped Finley’s shoulder three times to indicate the go ahead order. Finley gave a quick salute and a thumbs up, then she pushed off, free falling the short distance into the water with one hand on her head and the other over her chest in a half-seated position so that her heels entered the water first, then her butt.

  “Swimmer is away. Swimmer is in the water,” Tracey said

  Finley splashed down into the ocean and popped right back up. The salty water tinged her lips as she raised her right arm up over her head with her palm facing forward, indicating she was okay.

  “Swimmer is okay,” Tracey radioed.

  Finley began swimming out of the rotor wash, towards the two people who were bobbing in the water with life vests on.

  “Swimmer is at your two o’clock.”

  “Copy. I’ve got a visual,” Greg replied as he moved the helo up to forty feet above the small waves.

  Finley reached the young man and woman easily. “I’m Chief Petty Officer Morris with the United States Coast Guard,” she said. Both of the victims were visibly exhausted. “Are either of you injured?”

  “No ma’am,” the man replied. “Just tired and hungry.”

  “Where’s your boat?” she asked.

  “It sank hours ago,” the woman answered.

  “6516…rescue swimmer. Both survivors are conscious, but fatigued. No apparent injuries. Copy.”

  “Rescue swimmer...6516, copy. Deploying basket,” Greg replied. “Flight Mech, send the basket down to them.”

  “Roger,” Tracey said. “Basket is on the hook.” She pushed it out of the open cabin door. Basket is below the cabin door,” she added as she began to lower it. “Basket is in the water. Swimmer is at the basket,” she finished, watching Finley get the man into the basket. “Survivor is in the basket.”

  Finley lifted her arm with her hand in the thumbs up position.

  “Survivor is ready for pick up.”

  “Roger. Begin retrieval,” Greg said. “Our headwind is starting to pick up,” he added.

  “Taking the load,” Tracey radioed as she began hoisting up the basket.

  As soon as the basket was inside the cabin, she helped the man get out. Then, she lowered it back down and waited for Finley to get the woman inside. When she got the signal from Finley, she once again hoisted the basket up and helped the woman out of it.

  “Flight Mech, let’s get our swimmer and get out of here,” Greg said.

  “Roger,” Tracey replied, sending the hoist hook down.

  Finley was waiting for it and quickly attached it to her harness. Then, she threw her arm up with the thumbs up sign.

  “Swimmer is on the hook. Swimmer is ready.”

  “Bring her up,” Greg said.

  Finley spun around slowly on the cable as she was lifted from the water. When she reached the bottom of the helo, she put her hand out to steady herself. Then, she grabbed the handrail and climbed inside.

  “Swimmer is retrieved. Closing cabin door.”

  Finley put her helmet back on and quickly looked over both people, who seemed to be okay, despite floating in life vests for nearly six hours.

  “Alert: eight; Injury: zero,” Finley said.

  “Sector…Search and Rescue 6516. We are inbound with two survivors. Alert status: eight; Injury status: zero. Copy,” Greg said.

  “6516…Sector. Copy. EMS is standing by,” the dispatcher replied. It was always a precautionary measure to have an ambulance waiting when they were bringing someone in.

  *

  After they landed and sent the two survivors on their way, the aircrew began the post-flight checklist on the helicopter.

  “They were very lucky that the water was warm and the swells were low because of the summer weather,” Tracey said.

  “Great job, Finley,” Greg added as they finished the checklist and headed into the hangar. “Are you meeting us at Oasis? We haven’t seen you because your schedule changed over the weekend. What’s up?”

  Finley still hadn’t told anyone about her situation. The only thing the Operations Duty officer knew was she had a daughter that came to stay with her. She checked her watch. They had fifteen minutes left in their shift. She was tired from spending most of the day flying around, looking for those two people, and hoped they didn’t get called out again before the end of the shift change. “I’m sorry, guys. I had some stuff come up over the weekend. I’m afraid I can’t make it tonight either. It’s not like I go every week anyway.” She shrugged.

  Greg walked over to his locker. “Hmm, I still think something’s up with you. I’m here if you need to talk.”

  She knew he meant well, but she wasn’t ready to air her dirty laundry through the open cabin door of a helo just yet. “Thanks. I’m fine, really. You guys go have a good time. Hopefully, we don’t get called out again.”

  *

  That night, Finley taught Caitlin how to make stuffed bell peppers, a Morris family tradition. They played around in the kitchen together, then enjoyed their crazy creation. Afterwards, they watched the movie SAW III, which scared the hell out of Caitlin, even though she begged Finley to not only let her watch it, but watch it with her. What was she thinking? It was a little gory for Finley, although not really scary. It made her think of the countless nights she’d made Nicole sit up and watch movies that scared the hell out of both of them.

  Caitlin was in bed by ten. Finley was finally heading up the stairs to shower and hit her own pillow. She had to be back at the base at six-thirty in the morning and it was already past her bedtime. Halfway to her bedroom she heard her cell phone ringing, which she’d forgotten to carry up with her, so she ran back down the stairs, swiping to answer without even looking at the caller ID. She knew Nicole would call Caitlin’s phone if she wanted to talk to her, just as Finley had done for years. It was the reason Finley had bought her the phone in the first place and continued paying the monthly bill for it. She had access to her daughter and vice versa anytime without going through Nicole.

  “Hello?” Finley hoped it wasn’t the base calling with an emergency. Even when she was on the scheduled shift, if there was a major disaster or an emergency that needed assistance from more than one helo, another aircrew was called in.

  “Finley?” Nicole’s soft voice was almost a whisper.

  “Nic? Why are you whispering?”

  “Sorry I didn’t call you back. Dave had a bad day and we wound up talking. Anyway, he’s asleep now.”

  Great. She has to sneak around behind her husband’s back to call me to discuss our daughter. What kind of twisted shit is that? “Well, now that you can talk, I think you have some serious explaining to do.”

  “I know.” Nicole paused. “You have no idea. Caitlin has finally found her attitude and she’s been absolutely brutal to live with lately.”

  “Well, she’s a teenager. I hear they are hard to handle. What’s so bad that you shipped her off, Nic?” Finley walked out back onto the small deck and stared up at the stars.

  “She yells at me and cusses at me. She acts so unhappy all the time. Her grades started slipping last year and she…”

  “She what?” Finley was waiting to hear she was having sex or something like that. Hell, the girl hadn’t even started her period yet. She was a little bit of a late bloomer, but Finley was sure all of that was about to change and the hormonal imbalance was probably the reason she shot up five inches in a year and the attitude from hell had arrived.

  “I’m so mad at her. I don’t even know what to say to her. We�
��ve been fighting since the day she came home with her schedule for the next school year. She’s been constantly arguing with Dave. She refuses to listen to anything he says to her.”

  “I don’t give a shit about Dave. I’ll talk to her about respecting adults, but as far as I’m concerned, I don’t want to hear his name come out of your mouth. This is about Caitlin. What did she do at school? She didn’t quit swimming did she?”

  “No. Of course not. I think she’s part fish, just like you.” Nicole sighed. “She joined that stupid ROTC thing. I went and talked to the principal but he won’t let her out of it. Dave even tried talking to him.”

  Finley cringed when she heard that name again. ROTC? My little girl has an interest in the military? And she didn’t at least talk to me first? Finley was excited and hurt all at the same time.

  “Nic, I’m in the military. If Caitlin wants to see what it’s all about, then I’m proud of her. I’m upset that she never expressed the interest to me. I may have stopped her from making a wrong decision, but she is growing up and she can handle it. High School ROTC is a good learning experience for her. She’ll either love it or hate it. But don’t expect me to be on your side about this. That would be biased considering, don’t you think?”

  “She doesn’t know what that life is like, Finley.”

  “Well, maybe it’s time for her to find out why you left me and tore us apart.”

  “She’s not ready.”

  “Has she ever asked you about it?”

  “Yes,” Nicole murmured.

  “And what did you say to her? What was the reason you gave our kid for you taking her away from me? Apparently, it wasn’t the same bullshit you gave me. Oh, and by the way, how is your dad? I hear he’s still kicking.”

  “That’s not funny, Finley. I told her…I told her we would talk about it when she was older.”

  “She is older! We weren’t a whole hell of a lot older than she is when you got pregnant and we got together.”

  “She’s started asking more questions and I can’t…Finley. I’m not ready to answer them. And I am damn sure not ready to see her in a uniform. That’ll just break my heart.”

  “Gee, Nic. You sure know how to make a girl feel good. I didn’t realize you hated the service that much. But, I’m telling you right now, if she starts asking me questions, I’m going to answer them truthfully.” Finally wanted to reach through the phone and smack the woman on the other end.

  “I know I can’t tell you what to do”

  “You’re damn right you can’t and your husband…,” Finley almost choked on the word. “Has no right to tell my daughter anything about the ROTC. It’s her choice, and if someone is going to explain the military life to her, it will be me!”

  “Why do you always yell at me when we talk?” Nicole’s voice was back to a whisper.

  Finley knew she was trying to disguise the sadness, but it was still there. She hated hearing it, but Nicole had made her choice. Seeing and hearing how naïve Nicole had gotten over the years made her angry. Something had changed in her. The light that had once shined so brightly when they were younger, was all but gone.

  “Well, let’s see…we haven’t talked for almost seven years. I had to buy Caitlin a cell phone so that she and I could talk to each other. Plus, you force me to see her through my mother when I come up there. I’m not even going to get started on the other reason. You know why I’m yelling, Nic. Let me just walk out of your life with your child overnight, then send you a wedding invitation for me and my soon to be husband. Then, you tell me if you’re not hurt. The years go by, Nic, but the pain is always just below the surface.” Finley heard her own voice crack.

  “You’ve changed,” Nicole murmured. When Finley didn’t say anything, she added, “you sound so bitter.”

  “Yeah, well you would be too if you were on my end,” Finley huffed. “Look, I have to be at the base, and flight ready in six hours. I’ll talk to Caitlin about her attitude, but that’s it.” Finley hung up before Nicole could get another word in.

  Damn you, Nicole. Seven fucking years and my heart aches like it was yesterday. Tears stung her eyes as they rolled down her cheeks. Normally, Finley would go for a jog down along the river when she was upset or had Nicole on her mind, but she was reluctant to leave Caitlin asleep upstairs, and she needed to get to bed. Over the past couple of days, Caitlin had become friends with the girl next door, who seemed to be about her age. The girl’s mother had offered to keep an eye on Caitlin during the day while Finley was on shift since she was a school teacher and off for the summer, which had worked out perfectly. Caitlin pretty much had free rein of the house, but under the neighbor’s supervision. Finley had set down the ground rules, no loud music, no cooking, no boys, no leaving, and no parties. If any of these rules were broken, she’d be going to the base everyday and sitting in the office, staring at four walls while Finley was working. Caitlin showed interest in going to the base, but the smile turned into a frown when she heard about the small room she’d be stuck in for twelve hours a day. Finley promised to take her on a tour of the base in a few weeks, but right now she’d been too busy, and no one knew about her yet. That was a whole different story. One she wasn’t ready to share with her friends and colleagues.

  Chapter 5

  Finley and Caitlin stood in the ticket line outside of NASA’s Kennedy Space Center. It was Saturday morning, and the skies were clear. The sun was already beating down over eighty degrees. Crowds of families and a few couples gathered around, waiting to go inside. Little kids were pulling on their mother and father’s arms while pointing to the spacecraft statues. Cameras were flashing left and right. Finley saw the smile spread on Caitlin’s face when they were finally allowed inside. She grabbed a map and began plotting their course for the day.

  After hours of space exhibits and tours, they sat down for lunch in the Astronaut Café where a couple of former astronauts were doing meet and greets, and signing autographs. Caitlin was thrilled to get their signatures and take pictures with them. One lady was nice enough to take a picture of Finley and Caitlin with both of the astronauts.

  After lunch, they went on the simulators and took a tour of a mock space shuttle, where Caitlin sat in the Captain’s chair, then the pilot’s chair as Finley took pictures.

  When the park finally closed at five o’clock, Finley and Caitlin were some of the last people to leave. She was happy to see the smile on her daughter’s face. She almost didn’t want to talk, but the conversation she’d had with Nicole a couple of nights ago was playing on the back of her mind.

  “Caitlin, I know something’s been bothering you. You know you can talk to me about anything.”

  “There’s nothing to talk about. I had fun today. Thanks for taking me to the space center, Mom.”

  “You’re welcome.” Finley looked over at the young girl that looked so much like herself sitting in the passenger seat. She took a deep breath and dove head first. “I talked to your mom. She said you guys have been having problems lately. Do you want to tell me about it?” Come on, Caitlin. Talk to me.

  “There’s nothing going on. Dave and I don’t get along, and she thinks I should”

  “Kiss his ass?” Finley finished.

  “Yeah, something like that.”

  “Why aren’t you getting along with him?” Finley asked as she checked her mirror and changed lanes on the highway.

  “He’s not my dad and he never will be. He has no say over what I do. Plus, he treats Mom like shit.” She winced for letting the curse word slip. “I’m sorry.”

  “Where did you learn to swear? I know it wasn’t your mother. And you haven’t been around me long enough…”

  “School, I guess and Dave. He yells and cusses at Mom a lot.”

  “Oh, really?” Finley didn’t like the way this conversation was going. So she’s been standing up for you, Nic, and you’re mad at her for that? “Well, you and I have already had a talk about your swearing. This had better be the last ti
me I hear it. Do you understand me?”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to let it slip. I just get so mad at him. You and Mom are my parents. He’s nothing to me.”

  “There’s no need to be purposefully mean to him just because your mother and I aren’t together anymore, Caitlin. Things happen, and life goes on. You need to be polite. She obviously loves him if she married him.” It pained her to say those words, but Caitlin needed to hear them. “Dave is an adult and you will show the utmost respect to adults. Are we clear?”

  “Even if he’s mean?”

  “Unfortunately, yes. If you get frustrated with him and need to talk, you can call me anytime. You know that. I don’t want to see you sad. I also don’t want you to let him get to you and cause you to be disrespectful.”

  “She’s sad all the time,” Caitlin’s voice was barely a whisper.

  “Who?”

  “Mom, she cries a lot. Every time I ask her about it, she tells me that she’s fine, but I know she’s sad. She forgets I wasn’t too little to remember you guys together when we lived with you. Mom was happy and smiled all the time. She’s not like that now, and I don’t like to see her that way. Plus, he thinks he can tell me what to do at school. You’re my mom and my dad all in one. He’ll never be anything to me,” Caitlin said as tears started to well up in her eyes.

  God, this is worse than I thought. “What’s going on with school? Why is he sticking his nose in that?”

  “I wanted to wait and tell you when I sent you my school pictures, but I guess I can tell you now. I joined the ROTC at school. It’s the Air Force ROTC, but I know you were in there too.”

  Finley smiled and reached over, squeezing her daughter’s hand. “You’re right. I was in the ROTC at Annandale High. I learned a lot there, and I’m proud of you. I only hope you did this for you and not me, Caitlin. I want you to grow up to be who you are, and do what you want to do. If I had followed my parent’s I’d…well I wouldn’t be where I am today.”