Migrant Hearts

by Isabella Abad

  "Is this your daughter's boyfriend?" Or a friend of the family?

  "He's a friend of Victoria's, from her job. And he comes often.

  "But he obviously has an interest in her." It is seen in their gestures and looks. And he does not like competition.

  "Well, clearly he's used to getting what he wants and marking his territory, so to speak.

  "He has a certain sufficiency that can be annoying ... Maybe it's my impression, but I dislike him.

  -And what do you think? You went from being an annoying memory to a reality ...

  He noticed a confusion in Usem.

  -Come on, Usem. Do you think he does not know what you meant in Victoria's life? It's clear, my daughter told him about it. You are the stone in her shoe right now.

  His face was sad.

  "I'm nothing like that, I have no intention of disputing anything, although I do not think of Victoria in terms of possession.

  This gave him a chance to find out the real intentions of that man with his daughter. This worried him.

  "You know she loves you, right?"

  "I do not deserve that love, though it's what he most want. I have become a sort of bad luck talisman, and I do not want to turn Victoria's future into a bitter defeat necklace.

  "You can not think of your life in those terms." It is true that you have gone through much more than anyone could, but I am of those who believe that these challenges touch the strong. You must think about rebuilding yourself.

  "My firmest desire and commitment is to rebuild my life so that I can support my daughter and allow her to grow surrounded by opportunities. But I do not deserve the love of your daughter. I have been selfish and the death of my wife weighs upon me. I do not deserve to be happy.

  After saying that, he walked away with a squeezed face. He felt sorry for him greatly, he was a man divided by guilt and pain. In these moments he was the worst and hardest judge of himself.

  It would be a tough task for her daughter to make love prevail and perhaps she will not achieve it. She was tenacious and did not give company for lost, but when it comes to the feelings of a person, the terrain is different and does not depend only on one.

  This one sat next to him once she dismissed Miguel. He had always been her confidant and this time he was no exception. She needed someone to listen to her and advise her with greater dispassion than her mother's.

  The preference for this one over the handsome and ascending doctor was clear. He could not help wanting her daughter to live in tranquility of economic and social comfort. He was frightened by the challenge of a man who still had to make for himself.

  “I do not know what's going to happen, really. I love that man, you know it. But I'm sorry Miguel ...

  “Don't worry about him, he certainly knows how to take good care of himself and he is her first priority and option.

  -I do not know why you are not convinced, but good. Usem ... I do not know what he feels, there is a barrier between them. Our talks do not transcend the obvious ... And I would like so much to hug him, kiss him- she almost sobbed.

  -You calm, time will decant things. It is not the first time we see people in shock for what they have passed through, right?

  -Yes, it's true-she tried to wipe away her tears. Forgive me, dad, I am here giving you trouble as if I were a girl.

  He could not help but smile at her. For him she would always be his child.

  -Do you know what I thought? It would be a good idea if you put that little girl, Titrit, in touch with others like her. She has suffered a big blow and she should not have processed it yet, nor how to do it, poor angel.

  -It is true. Maybe if she try to get to know Biram and his brothers, she can chat with them. They have suffered a similar tragedy ... Yes, I will tell Usem and tomorrow I'll take her if she wants.

  Twenty Eight

  Usem prepared himself a well-loaded coffee to mitigate his sleeplessness. He had not slept well and he attributed it to the anxiety to advance his reintegration to Spain.

  But that desire to surrender to Victoria also overwhelmed him. It was difficult to look at her without imagining her in his arms. If he had to continue a long time in her house, he would end up giving her expectations that he knew he could not fulfill. He felt marked.

  He felt her voice greeting him and was relieved that the conversation did not drift into intimate paths.

  It seemed a good idea what she suggested to him when Titrit came down for her breakfast. The sooner she started to bond with boys of her age and inserted herself into Spanish life, the better it would be for her.

  -Victoria wants to invite you to the place where she works to introduce you to some children who are her friends. It's a very fun place, would you like to accompany her?

  The girl nodded shyly. She wanted to please her father and she liked Victoria.

  -Very good, Titrit, my girl. You will see that you will have a great time. See you at noon, I'll pick you up at the Center.

  As he left, he felt Victoria's eyes on his back. He knew he had barely had time to articulate a sentence, but it was better that way.

  Determined to advance as much as he could on his own he began his tour of two of his former employers. Before going to the desert, he had worked for several years in financial companies. I knew that the market was not the same as before, but I had to try something. He did not have much success, as he foresaw, but being busy and in relation to his old contacts made him focus more and more. He re-link himself to what had been his world and which had been distanced from him for so many years. That relearning was necessary, he told himself.

  About noon he was waiting for Titrit as promised. He saw her playing in a large playground with several children of her age. She laughed and shouted as she ran.

  "It's been a very productive morning for her," Victoria said, standing beside her. I've introduced her to Biram, a refugee boy I've known for a while. And his brothers. They have made very good friends and she has been very expressive with him.

  He looked at her in silence, waiting for her to continue.

  -Biram ... You see, he has also crossed the sea and lost his father on the way.

  Victoria's interest in his daughter touched him, and he really appreciated her gesture. No doubt it would be good if Titrit could face his mother's death in the most natural way possible. He could not, unfortunately, and that weighed on his soul.

  -I appreciate everything you do, Victoria. Having fun and connecting with others like her is great. Although I think that nothing will help my daughter more than being able to establish a routine of her own and that will be when everything legal and economic is resolved. In that I am. Today I have traveled several places.

  -Have you had luck?

  -No, but it was expected. In the afternoon I will undertake the task of reviewing my financial history. Check what happened with my accounts, with my taxes, etc. A mess, but fundamental.

  While he spoke this way, he looked at Titrit. The girl was having a tantrum, which is not common in her. She was surrounded by two more children and she was screaming. They came running to see what was happening, but already calmed down. He watched tenderly as Victoria wrapped her arms around her and separated her, gently asking what had happened. Thing of boys, but he was shocked to see the desperate form as his girl held the woman tightly.

  -Don't worry, baby. Nothing happened

  While reassuring her, he decided that it was vital that his daughter receive psychological help to help her channel her anxieties and losses. And it was also basic that he achieved economic independence to be able to leave. A greater time more attachment and more difficulty to cut ties with Victoria and her family. The girl would experience a break up again. Suddenly he felt more urgency than ever.

  These thoughts were interrupted by the arrival of Miguel, who greeted him very formally. He did not hide his displeasure and there was something quarrelsome about his posture. The inconsequential dialogue he proposed became intense as Victoria left to att
end a consultation.

  - I hope that you are destined to continue with your life far from her. she already did enough for you.

  He looked at him calmly but before he could answer, he continued.

  -Our relationship is very established. It's the best for her and the only thing you can add are doubts. Get away if you really care about her.

  While he frankly disliked the bellicose tone and he knew that the relationship was not as firm as he described, he restrained his response. It would only serve to generate conflict and impose tension with Victoria. He, although what he would have wanted most was to stay, nevertheless he was passing by.

  -Calm down-was his only answer and he joined his daughter to return.

  The days were endless until finally he was able to reunite with his uncle. Seeing him get off the train and appreciate his bald head and his prominent belly he thought that time had passed for everyone.

  What had not changed was his natural self-confidence and grace, which was felt in his first hugs and comments. He wanted to know what had happened, how the years had gone by, but the urgency was evident to Usem. For that reason the man stopped his chatter and looked at him.

  -I know you're worried. But I have good news for you.

  This brought untold relief. If he had to climb twenty floors outside to wash windows or sweep, he would do it.

  -First, let me tell you that I spoke with my brother and I inquired in detail about what had happened with your accounts. He was sincere when he said that money is not there.

  -I assumed so because of what you told me ... I made my own inquiries and I'm at zero.

  - He promises that he will return everything. I do not know I do not believe so. He does not do it for bad, but he drowned himself in debt and as a last resort he took your own. I do not justify it at all, of course.

  -Look ... I do not come with intentions to generate mess or discord. Mine is that, but well, you see ... You know that I'm not moved by ambition ...

  -I know it well, you have the free spirit of your mother. But as you see, vile metal makes a difference in our world. Maybe not in your Tuareg life, but here, yes.

  - I get it very clear and I have to work urgently. I owe it to my daughter and I'm not willing to let my nomadic life affect her future.

  -That's why you do not have to worry. You have a family: I am here for you and for her. That's why I already offer you a job in a friend's company. I talked to him and you can start whenever you want.

  -You do not know what peace you bring to me. I am willing to work whatever.

  -It is in the accounting area, that you master. Although you're going to have to refresh some things that you must have had rusted-he patted his back.

  Both laughed and decompressed the urgency, coffee in between, chatted for a long time. In addition to knowing the rest of his family, he learned some more details. The most important was that he owned an apartment in Madrid, which left him amazed.

  -But where did it come from?

  -When we liquidate the inheritance of our father, of the general share, that corresponded to your mother and therefore to you. I refused to let my brother put fingers in it because I thought it might be useful.

  "How right you were!" He sighed gratefully.

  They had a place to settle down and a job. The tangled skein of recent years was beginning to unravel.

  The rest of the talk took place in the house, where he introduced his uncle to everyone. Titrit was especially fond of him. Usem remembered that that same feeling she had had in the past every time he saw her

  Twenty nine

  The last days had been so intense that Victoria felt immersed in a sea of ​​mixed feelings. Intense joy at the reunion, love and desire joined the pain caused by the remote and apathetic attitude of Usem. Tens of times she had been tempted to yell at him and confront him, shake him to make him remember how happy they had been. How much they could be now?

  She understood that her father was right when he spoke of shock, but she could not reason when it was his. It would have been so easy to rearm his life and assume as a family. She was more than willing to welcome Titrit as her daughter, not only because it was her blood but because the girl was a charm and needed a mother.

  But he moved with haste seeking to leave, with a painful urgency. It seemed that he could not wait to put distance between them again.

  Of course she was glad that his financial situation was solved. The security of employment and a home were fundamental, she knew it well. She saw him every day where he worked; that is why she had encouraged Biram and his family.

  Miguel's attitude was not collaborative either and had begun to annoy her. He behaved like a child

  capricious and haughty, far from the pedestal on which he had placed these years. He never failed to point out the real and imaginary defects of Usem, in addition to promoting himself in a way that was starting to annoy her. It was pointed out several times. The relationship between them cooled completely.

  She was particularly moody and depressed that morning while all these ideas were crowding in her head. She felt that she had lost the rudder of her life and was marching adrift, trying vainly to land in a safe harbor.

  "Are you very focused on your ideas this morning," a voice bringing her back from her daydreaming. It was Emma, ​​the psychologist at the center where they worked.

  - How are you, Emma? Excuse me, I was in another galaxy. Well, how did you go with Titrit?

  For several days they had chatted and She hoped that she would have made the girl open up with her and could do the necessary catharsis.

  -She is a sweet of a child and I'm amazed at how well you understand. She is very sociable, actually. She has succeeded in establishing a great friendship with Kale and Biram. Especially she sees the latter with an admiration bordering on adoration, despite the few days that they knew each other.

  -It probably reminds her of her world in Africa.

  -The Fact is that. I succeeded in making her tell me what happened at sea, something she could do being that she does not remember it well. Probably it was so fast that she did not even see it.

  -Terrible, poor girl.

  - She misses her mother, a lot. She told me about her tenderly. What amazes me is her maturity. She knows that she is no longer there and there is no option for her to return. She is more concerned about her father, however.

  -Why Usem? What worries her exactly? -she was surprised.

  -She sees him sad and silent. Withdrawn all the time.

  -Well, it's logical given the circumstances.

  -Obviously, but for her it is a warning signal. She has lost a lot and clings to her father like an anchor.

  This conversation went around in her head all day, thinking how to convey to Usem what her little girl felt without tying it to her own demands. She decided she could not undo both and she did not want to. It was necessary for him to react, for his own sake and that of his daughter, but she, too, deserved answers.

  That same night she decided to raise everything, taking advantage of the fact that her parents invited Titrit to a cinema. They would died to see the reactions of the girl to a movie. It was amazing how she was sneaking in their hearts.

  She found him ordering papers and taking numbers in the kitchen, hurriedly preparing his new life, in Madrid.

  -So you're almost all prepared. When do you plan to move?

  -If everything goes well next week they would be handing me the apartment and we could settle. Work awaits me and I already chatted with my future boss. He gave me time to settle down.

  -How thoughtful.

  -It's like that, he's a great friend of my uncle.

  Silence surrounded them for a moment, until she interrupted him at once. She could not bear to talk about trifles with him.

  -I spoke with the psychologist. She is very pleased with the way Titrit has assumed the loss. But note her concern for you.

  "For me?" He looked at her in bewilderment.

  -The
girl perceives your grief and pain. That scares her, she does not know how to help you and she is afraid something will happen to you.

  -But I'm fine, trying to improve myself and I put my best face to her, because that's how I feel.

  -The children read us better than you think. You think that you act normally, but your apathy and distance is evident.

  "Distance?" He was amazed. I have always been present, every moment trying to accompany her.

  -I do not doubt your good intentions. But it's not just about that. You have to overcome your pain to be really healed and then she can calm her anxiety.

  His silence exasperated her to the point of making her burst.

  - Say something, for God's sake! Do you know how frustrating it is not to know what's going on in your head? Do you not think the same thing applies to me? You treat me like a kind stranger. Did you forget everything we live?

  The cataract of reproaches struck him, and he stopped and walked nervously.

  -Of course I remember everything, each of the moments we live. I treasure them. But a lot of water has run since then, "he said quietly.

  This hurt her like a stab. There it was, a definition. Not exactly what She would have wanted, but at least something.

  -They were magical moments. But my life took other paths and these have not been precisely good. I want from now on to focus on building from nothing, start a totally new life.

  -And there is no place for old ghosts in that new life, I understand you.

  Her heart broke down with such cold words. It was such a ruin that he did not realize the damage it caused?

  -I doubt that old ghosts want to live with me again.

  -That's where you're wrong. I would be more than happy, I would be happy if you wanted to love me.

  She had said it without clutches. Her mother would be horrified. Exposing her naked soul risking a humiliating contempt. But she did not see it that way. She loved him and she was willing to fight for him. Failure was a possibility, but to repent a life of not having spoken on time was even worse.