The Choices We Make

by Barbara C. Doyle

  I force myself to calm down.

  “I didn’t! I chose you. I always chose you! I was the one who packed your bags and made sure you had all your favorite clothes. I even put in the iPod that Sebastian gave you, because I knew how much you loved it.”

  “Why?” I demand. “You never liked him.”

  Her expression sobers. “That isn’t true. I never disliked him, Opal. I just never thought he was the perfect boy for you. That didn’t mean I appreciated him any less, not even when he went to the police. He wanted to protect you, he made me see what I had to do to protect you.”

  I let out a small breath. “How?”

  She goes to reach out to me but stops herself right before her hand touches my arm. “Your pregnancy may not have been what I wanted for you, Opal. But that little girl is a gift in so many ways. She got you your freedom. She let you escape what I never could, and that was all because of Sebastian. The circumstances weren’t ideal, but they were what you needed to finally live your life. Even if it meant pretending I didn’t care so your father wouldn’t go after you.”

  I’m silent, speechless.

  Finally, she brushes her fingertips against me, and I’m frozen. When she sees I’m not going to pull away, she steps closer, taking my hand in hers.

  “I knew that you’d be safe,” she whispers. “I knew that you had people who cared about you. Mrs. Everly gave me updates on how you were doing, up until the day you moved into your own apartment.”

  I try to swallow, but the lump in the back of my throat prevents me.

  She checked in on me? All this time?

  “I’m not claiming to be a perfect mother,” she adds, shaking her head. “Heaven knows I failed you more times than I ever could admit. But don’t … don’t think I didn’t love you. I love you more than you can ever truly know, just like you love Addison and Noah.”

  I don’t stop the tears from forming over his name, the emotion too much to hold back. The mental dam breaking, spilling over in the form of tears raining down my cheeks.

  “Please don’t say his name,” I tell her, taking a deep breath. “I don’t know if I still have him, and it hurts too much to talk about.”

  “Use that,” she encourages, squeezing my hand. “That pain isn’t the bad kind, baby. It’s the kind that tells you that you’ve found the perfect person to ruin your mascara for. I’ve always wondered if you and Noah would end up together, maybe even prayed for it. I liked Sebastian, but Noah Fuller? He was always on the sidelines cheering you on. No matter what was happening between you and Sebastian. Don’t give that up. Don’t settle for somebody who can’t truly make you happy. Don’t …” she chokes, “don’t be like me.”

  Tears leak free until the cold air nips at them as they free-fall down my face. Mom instantly brushes them away and pulls me into her familiar comfort; her Chanel No. 5 permeates my nose and lungs while I just breathe her in.

  “It’s okay, baby. I’ve got you.”

  And for once, I let her hold me.

  I never would have expected to speak to my mother again, much less let her watch Addison. Of course, I’m not completely crazy, and made Kennedy come over to be with them.

  Addy’s forgiving. Sometimes, I worry that she’s too forgiving, and that will be her downfall. But in this case, introducing her to her grandma, it works. They may not have a strong relationship at first, especially since Mom is lacking on certain maternal skills, but it’ll work out. Addy will always give someone a chance.

  So, as my mother and Ken watch my daughter, I find myself walking to the side of town I hardly visit. Passing old, unfamiliar brick buildings and businesses. Usually, there’s nothing here for me on the east side.

  But for too long, there’s been one thing lingering here—hiding in the shadows, waiting for my approach.

  I pull out my phone and dial his number.

  “Opal?” Noah answers, voice full of surprise on the other end.

  “Hi.”

  “You called,” he breathes.

  “I …” I take a deep breath, voice shaky from the tears that want to spill from my eyes. “I didn’t get why you left me, but I do now. I-I needed to be sure once and for all that there was nothing left with Bash. And that’s why I-I have to tell you something, but it’s not easy to say, Noah.”

  His breathing hitches, like he knows what’s coming before I work up the courage to spit the words out. “Something happened between you two.”

  “It’s not what you think.” I swallow past my emotions, gripping a handful of my sweater in my hand just to feel grounded again. “We didn’t have sex, bu-but we almost did. I couldn’t, Noah. I couldn’t love him like he loved me, like we used to love each other. The only person I could think about was you, and how I wanted it to be you, not him. I stopped it. I-I know that it may not be enough to prove to you that you’re the one I want, but you needed to know.”

  He’s silent; only his soft breathing coming through the line. My heart hammers waiting for his response. Does he hate me? Will he forgive me for my moment of weakness?

  When he doesn’t say anything, I force myself to continue. “I’m sorry I ignored your calls, but I was so angry at you for breaking your promise. For making me feel like he did all those years ago. You’re the one who’s supposed to be there for me, the one who’s supposed to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. When you left, you took so much of me with you, and seeing Addy so upset that you hadn’t come to visit made me want to hate you. But I couldn’t. Because I love you. Because you’re it for me. Always.”

  He exhales, like he was holding his breath. “I didn’t know what to expect when I saw your name pop up on my phone,” he admits. “Please don’t apologize, Opal. I’m the asshole who left. When I went on that business trip for my dad back in August, he got in my head. Told me that the expansion of the business would be huge for my career. That it would keep me financially set for my family. For you and Addison. But when he asked if you were going to let Sebastian back into your life, I couldn’t answer … not knowing how you would react to seeing him again. He got me questioning if settling down was what you’d want once he knew about your daughter, his blood.”

  I blink back tears, but some let loose, trickling down my cheeks. God, I’ve cried so much over the last few months.

  His father isn’t a bad man, he just cares about his son and his future. I can’t fault him for questioning my motives, when I didn’t know them myself. He was protecting his son from heartache. From me.

  “I had to know,” he whispers, barely audible. Drawing in a breath, he adds, “I didn’t want to be the person to stop you from truly being happy, Opal. Even if it meant letting you go. But, damn, do I miss you. I missed you so fucking much it hurt. Dad saw what I was like and knew what you meant to me. He even apologized for ever doubting our relationship.”

  “He was protecting you,” I reason. I climb the last stair to the second floor of the building I know Noah’s currently staying. His apartment he bought after college and moving back to Clinton. The same apartment that he rarely used.

  “Noah?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Open the door.”

  He pauses. There’s shuffling from the other side, locks unclicking, chains moving, then the door opens. A struck Noah stands inside, looking unkempt, and as empty as I feel.

  I sniff back tears, keeping the phone pressed to my ear. “Please come home, Noah. Please? I need you. Your daughter needs you. I can’t take this anymore; this empty feeling is crushing me. It feels like I’m slowly dying, and you’re the only one who can revive me. The only one who can breathe life back into my soul. Please, please come home.”

  He drops his phone and jerks me into him, letting me bury my face into his chest, while he wraps his arms around me so tight I can barely breathe. I’d happily take this suffocation, knowing he’ll be there to save me.

  He peppers kisses on the top of my head as he backs us into his apartment, closing the door and pressing
me against it.

  “Jesus Christ, Opal,” he whispers, drawing back, wetness in his eyes that mirror my own. “I didn’t think you’d ever ask.”

  “You said to tell you when I was ready.”

  “And are you?”

  “More than ever.”

  He kisses me then, pouring all of his emotions into it, his tongue dancing with mine, tasting me, claiming me. His body pins me to the door, my arms snaking around his neck. He doesn’t pick me up, doesn’t strip me, doesn’t even try to.

  We don’t need to sleep together to feel something, to try finding whatever connection we have. It’s all in the kiss, the way he holds me, the way he loves me with a single look.

  He pulls back, resting his forehead against mine, his eyes closed. He holds me there, his arms warming me from the cool air that nipped my skin.

  “Opal,” he whispers, “marry me.”

  My eyes widen when he produces a black box from his pocket.

  “Noah,” I rasp, staring at the box.

  “I’ve had this for months,” he admits, opening it to show me the beautiful diamond encrusted silver band resting in the felt holder.

  My bottom lip trembles. “You didn’t return it. Even when you thought I wasn’t coming back?”

  He shakes his head, getting down on one knee. “Never. It’s always been you, baby. Even when Dad got in my head. Deep down, I knew that this was meant to be something. A forever something.”

  I hiccup. “Always?”

  “Always.”

  I crack a smile. “That’s our thing, isn’t it? We’re the next Snape and Lily.”

  He chuckles and shakes his head at my Harry Potter reference. “So, is that a yes? Because they never actually ended up together, and I’d really like to call you my wife.”

  “Their spirits did,” I counter. “But yes. A definite yes!” I exclaim. “It’s time we’re a family, Noah Fuller.”

  He takes out the ring and slides it onto my finger. A perfect fit.

  The tears don’t stop from falling, pouring down my face. He quickly stands, wiping them away with his thumbs.

  “I hope those are happy tears,” he teases, kissing my damp cheeks.

  I nod, too overcome by love to form words. I have a secret of my own. One I wasn’t completely sure of until this morning’s doctor’s appointment. So, I gather all my strength and step back, preparing myself for his reaction.

  “I have something to show you,” I whisper. I reach into my pocket and pull out the little black and white photo, handing to him.

  He looks at me with a question in his eyes, one I won’t make him ask.

  “I’m actually four months along,” I say. “I didn’t have any of the same symptoms I had with Addy. It was a complete shock to me as well.”

  “Y-you’re pregnant?” I nod my response. “I’m going to be a dad?”

  I roll my eyes. “You’re already a dad, Noah. Addison is as much your child as she is Sebastian’s. But yes, we’re having a baby.”

  I watch as the wetness in his eyes waterfalls down his flushed cheeks. “I can’t believe it. We’re having a baby, Opal.” He kisses me so hard I almost fall backwards, but my knight catches me before I do. “I love you so much, Opal.”

  I wrap myself around him. “Let’s go home.”

  He’s already opening the door before I finish talking, his keys in hand and jacket over his arm. When we’re outside, he slips his jacket on my shoulders, pulling my arms through the sleeves.

  Slowly, his hands graze my stomach as he zips it, our eyes locked with one another’s the entire time.

  “I’m sorry I ever made you doubt me,” he hums, knuckles brushing against my chest as he finishes closing his jacket around me.

  “I’m sorry I made you wait.”

  He chuckles. “I don’t mind waiting for you, Opal. My mama taught me that love ain’t easy. It’s chaotic and messy. You lose control and perspective, but you never give up, because you’re still connected to your other half. No matter how much time passes. Eventually, you live for that craziness. Guess that’s how she is with Dad, even all these years later.”

  I close my eyes, a slow smile spreading on my lips when his lips brush the side of my head.

  “Be chaotic with me?” he asks.

  I giggle, clenching the front of his sweater. “I think we’re already there.”

  Three Weeks Later

  Christmas is in three days, and my living room is littered with horribly wrapped presents that look like they’ve been run over with a lawnmower. One of them was even wrapped with duct tape, because the regular tape wasn’t holding up the thick ends.

  When the doorbell rings, I know I’m about to be saved. Thank God I got two extra rolls of wrapping paper, one purple and silver, the other white with cats wearing Santa hats. The standard red and green paper was almost gone, and something told me they’d be torn up and redone to look less tragic.

  Opening the door, I see my mother and Kennedy on the other side, both bundled up from the negative degree weather we’d been having since December hit.

  “I’m so happy you’re back!” Mom chimes, pulling me in for a tight hug.

  Ian convinced me to leave town for a while to get a fresh perspective, so I flew to Nashville with Dylan to visit him and Ashton. I couldn’t say watching them argue over what their baby’s nursery would look like was exciting, but they took me out to dinners, movies, parties, anything to get my mind off of Opal.

  And it worked.

  I accepted that moving on was my only choice, and the distractions they offered were welcoming. Their banter over whether the baby would like country or rock was entertaining, and their debate over whether it would be a boy or girl seemed to fill the void of leaving my own little girl behind.

  Addison and I had a long talk before I left. I explained why I was leaving and where I was going and confirmed a hundred times that I would be back in a few weeks. Opal let her stay over the night before my plane to Nashville was scheduled to take off, and we stayed up late watching movies. That night we fell asleep on the couch, only waking when Opal knocked on the door the next morning.

  “I’m glad to be home. Now get inside before you freeze to death,” I tell them both, moving out of the way. Mom steps in first, pressing a kiss on my cheek, and patting her palm against my chest.

  Kennedy follows, unbuttoning her jacket while still moving. I close the door behind her and move to help her remove it. She looks over her shoulder and smiles her gratitude at me.

  “I missed you,” she whispers between us. I move toward her, our hands brushing, causing an electric current to snap between us.

  “Missed you, too.”

  We just stare at each other for a long moment, smiling. She breaks first, and I watch her walk into the living room, observing the train wreck of presents everywhere. It looks like a craft store blew up in here, and I can tell she’s biting her tongue not to comment.

  Mom’s watching me watch Kennedy, one of her brows arched as a small smile tips on her lips.

  I give her a look. “What?”

  She shakes her head. “Nothing, sweetie. Nothing at all.” Her voice is light, full of unspoken humor, as she takes her own jacket off and passes it to me. When I put them in the closet by the door, I hear them giggling.

  Walking up to them, I notice the way they both are now examining the presents.

  Mom speaks up first. “Baby boy, this was never your strong suit. Things don’t change much, I suppose.”

  I chuckle. “I now understand why you never let me help wrap presents when I was younger.”

  She pats my shoulder. “Thankfully we’re here to help. Kennedy used to help me wrap Opal and Addy’s presents over the years.”

  “You all stayed in touch?”

  Mom takes both mine and Kennedy’s hands. “Of course we did, Sebastian. I love Kennedy as much as I love you, Opal, and Addison. We’re meant to be a family, no matter the awkward circumstances.”

  Her words are a
double meaning that I can’t help but analyze. Paired with her knowing eyes, and the way she squeezes my hand—probably tighter than she does Kennedy’s—tells me that she sees what’s happening here.

  Kennedy picks up the gift closest to her, picking at the duct tape around the edges. “Did you have to use duct tape?” she doubts.

  “Scotch tape wasn’t working.”

  She shakes her head and rolls those pretty green eyes of hers. “Hopeless.”

  I nudge her shoulder with mine. “I’d like to think there’s some hope left for me. Even just a small sliver of it.”

  She bites down on her bottom lip.

  Mom breaks us apart. “We’ve got to get moving if you want this mess looking somewhat decent before Addy comes over. She’s spending Christmas Eve with you, right?”

  I nod.

  Opal had texted me asking about the holidays, since I’d been away for Thanksgiving. I wanted to spend Christmas Day with Addy, but I didn’t want to make things difficult for Opal if she had made plans.

  We agreed that I’d pick her up on Christmas Eve, where she’d spend the night at my house. Then Opal would pick her up Christmas morning, where they’d be at their apartment.

  We could have convinced ourselves to do a combined Christmas, since we’re civil around one another. But with all the changes happening at once—her grandma coming into her life, her first holiday spent with me, and even Kennedy and I dancing around each other—it’s best we get our separate alone time with our daughter.

  “She is,” I agree. “I was thinking you could come over here and open presents a day early? I can order some food—”

  “Order food?” both girls blast simultaneously, equally horrified expressions painting their faces.

  Mom swats my arm. “Sebastian John Everly, you are most certainly not ordering food for Christmas!”

  “Nothing will be open, anyway,” Kennedy reminds me.

  I blow out a breath. “All I can make are cinnamon rolls like we used to have on Christmas Eve, Mom. I can’t cook anything else without burning it. I’ve tried.”