Summer in the City: The perfect feel-good summer romance

by Emma Jackson

  The smile faded like I’d predicted, and her eyes flickered over my face. ‘Expectations?’ She rolled off me and sat up, pulling the sheet with her to stay covered. I shivered as the cool air in my apartment brought goose bumps out on my bare skin. ‘Well, you have taken my innocence, you nefarious rake, I expect a carriage to be called immediately so that we can elope and save me from ruin. Otherwise, one of my brothers will call on you to challenge you to a duel.’

  I sighed and pinched at the bridge of my nose. ‘You needn’t take the piss, Noelle. I’m just trying to make sure that…I’m not going to hurt you, okay? Are we on the same page about this?’

  She licked her lips and pushed her hair back from her face. ‘Well, from my perspective, it’s pretty simple. We’ve been wanting to have sex for some time. Now we’ve done it and it turns out, it’s pretty good. I’d like to keep doing it at mutually convenient times until one of us no longer wants to keep doing it.’

  ‘Is that your way of describing dating?’

  ‘No. Dating usually involves things like eating out or going for coffee. Leisure activities that precede the physical ones. Do you think you could handle that too?’ She tilted her head and looked down at her nails. It was easy to think that nothing fazed her, but she was still a person with feelings under her bolshie front. Of all people I could recognise that. I didn’t want to give her an answer just to avoid upsetting her now. It would only upset her more later, so I let myself think.

  Dating was not an issue for me. I liked dating and I was sure I would enjoy dating Noelle. Our relationship to this point was not a far cry from dating as it was, just minus the sex. Adding that into the deal sounded perfect to me. But… ‘There’s one more thing dating usually involves.’

  ‘And what’s that?’

  ‘The potential for long-term commitment. I can’t make you any promises.’

  ‘It’s okay. I know how you feel about that. I’m a grown woman and I’m going into this with my eyes wide open. So, are we on the same page now?’ She drew her knees up, taking yet more of the sheets with her. She was a complete bed and cover-hogger and she looked delicious, light blue cotton wrapped around her soft, freckled skin. Hadn’t I wondered what it would be like to tumble her back into bed in the morning? I could hardly believe I was going to get the opportunity to find out.

  ‘I have one more question,’ I said, wrapping my hand in the covers that skimmed her toes.

  ‘What’s that?’

  I tugged and she gasped as the covers came away. ‘Why are you all the way over there?’

  My body was desperate for more sleep. Stephen had left me utterly, bone-meltingly satisfied in his bed. The sheets were cool, just the right side of worn, and full of his scent. But if I went to sleep now, with a week of only getting three to four hours a night of shut-eye behind me, I wouldn’t wake up until he got back from work. And tempting as it was to lie there waiting for his gorgeous, talented self to join me again, I figured it wouldn’t give him the right impression. Camping out in someone’s apartment, even if they’d said it was okay, didn’t give off casual vibes.

  I’d experienced my fair share of commitment-phobic men. I knew the signs, the things that made them uncomfortable, the things that they wanted to avoid. I didn’t want to freak him out when he’d been so conscientious about making sure I knew what I could and couldn’t expect from this new phase in our relationship. I really didn’t want it to be over before it had even started, so he had to understand that I wasn’t one of those women who thought I could reform a bachelor. I wasn’t trying to do that. I wasn’t.

  Not that I thought Stephen needed to change in order to be suitable for a long-term commitment. He just needed to accept the fact that he wasn’t tainted by his father’s lack of moral fibre. It was a realignment of perception he required, not a personality transplant, and if I could help him with that, it didn’t mean I was being foolish and getting my hopes up. It was totally different. Wasn’t it?

  Regardless of all the relationship stuff I’d landed myself in, I still had a deadline.

  After a shower and a cup of coffee from the pot he’d left brewing for me, I got back into my dirty clothes from yesterday, gathered my stuff and went home to change. I plugged in my dead cell phone and groaned at the number of messages and notifications I was going to have to trawl through once I got my book off. I answered one from Kaylee I’d received on Wednesday though.

  Kaylee: How is the book shaping up? Not

  heard from you for days so I guess you’re

  working hard. Let me know if you need

  anything.

  Me: Hey, honey. I have been hard at it. Nearly

  there. Are you free this morning? It would be

  amazing to have another set of eyes to read

  through it, if you’ve got time.

  By the time I’d changed into some clean clothes and repacked my bag of notebooks and laptop she’d messaged me back to meet her at the library. She was such a star.

  ‘Oh my God, Noelle, this is sooo good,’ Kaylee whispered to me as we sat side by side at the table in the library. She was on her laptop, reading through the manuscript I’d emailed her with track changes on and I was reading backwards through a paper version I’d printed out.

  ‘You’re not supposed to be looking at it for story,’ I murmured back, turning another page and adding it to the pile. ‘Just basic sense, so Patti doesn’t think I’ve been suffering from heatstroke.’

  ‘I can’t help it.’ She deleted a word on the screen, eyes still glued to the page. ‘I’m actually a little upset with you for making out it was in such bad shape. There’s no way it was as awful as you were saying, and it got this good in a few weeks.’

  I wrinkled my nose, trying to contain a smile. ‘Cut it out. D’you mean it?’ My heart fluttered with hope. ‘Does it work now?’

  She nodded, her curly black hair bouncing in the high ponytail she was wearing.

  ‘The love story, Noelle.’ She grabbed my elbows. ‘It’s such a delicious slow burn, but also the mystery, oh my heart. I fell in love with Kit. If Patti doesn’t think he is a million-billion times better than that sleazy James, I think she has issues.’

  ‘Oh my God, thank you.’ Tears of relief touched my eyes and I hugged her. I felt like I’d hit a groove with the story once the inspiration came to me that night in my sister’s garden when we’d been babysitting. But I made all the changes in such a frenzied blur, I had no distance from it to figure out whether it had worked out for the better. Kaylee was only one reader, but she was an experienced author and a fan of cosy mysteries and thank God, thank God. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘You don’t need to thank me. I didn’t do anything.’

  ‘You’ve helped me loads, Kay. I’m taking you out to treat you next week okay?’

  ‘If you insist.’

  I practically bounced home. Or I would have done if the stack of A4 I had held together with elastic bands wasn’t so heavy. It took me another few hours to work through the errors we’d both found, sitting at my desk in the dingy light but I finally hit send at around eight in the evening.

  ‘Woohoo!’ I flicked on one of the songs from the playlist Beth sent me and did a dance around my living room.

  Was it too late to call Stephen? He’d probably like to know. Maybe he’d want to celebrate with me. Or maybe he was out having Friday night drinks at a swanky bar with his work colleagues. I picked up my cell phone and chewed on the end of my hair, wondering just how casually I was going to play this thing with him. I mean, I wanted to see him; that was the point of crossing the line with him the night before…and this morning…but he hadn’t called me today or sent me a message or anything.

  He was probably busy. And giving me the space to work that I’d told him I needed. I still couldn’t get over how perfectly he’d given me what I wanted.

  I turned the volume down on my music and checked out some of the other messages I’d received, scrolling through while I figured out where
to start. And then one caught my eye and I bit my lip.

  Dad: I have a current address for Trevor

  Moorcroft.

  Chapter Thirteen

  ‘I’m not sure about this,’ I found myself saying as we walked down the road in North Hills. It was a quiet neighbourhood. The houses were small and close together, with square yards where the grass out the front was withering away in the heat. The mailboxes were wooden and painted white, though some were peeling and others glossy. Kids were playing in the road, rolling along on skateboards and trying to execute jumps over an old tyre.

  ‘You’re not?’ Noelle stopped and turned to me. We were under the shade of a tree and the light danced over her face in diamonds. A little line showed between her eyebrows as she looked at me, but there was no judgement or shock in her face. It was almost as though she’d expected this. She probably had.

  When she’d called me the night before to tell me her dad had tracked Trevor down, I had surprised myself with my lack of reaction. We’d discussed the logistics of when I was going to go there, and where exactly the address was. Noelle offered to come with me because it was a suburb a couple of hours out from the city and I’d agreed.

  But now we were here, and I had a horrible feeling what I’d taken for being calm and collected, was actually shock that it was finally going to happen. It should have been obvious. What else could make the state of intense anticipation I’d been in all Friday at the thought of seeing Noelle again evaporate to the point where I suggested we both needed to catch up on our sleep and I’d pick her up from her apartment the next day? We needed our sleep? Something had clearly been wrong with me.

  ‘Perhaps I shouldn’t just turn up like this. He must be nearly sixty. I think.’ God, I didn’t even know exactly how old my own father was. I supposed I could find out shortly if I asked. But there were other questions I needed answers to more. ‘What if he has a heart attack?’

  ‘You’re not that shocking you know.’ She smiled and nudged me playfully on the arm. ‘Some people would even say you’re pleasant to look at.’

  ‘Hmm…’ I tried to smile back but everything inside me was clenched. I had a horrible feeling she was going to see me when that little box burst open inside me. I didn’t know what was in it. I doubted it would be pretty.

  ‘Okay.’ Noelle’s face became serious again. She took hold of both of my hands, squeezing them hard enough to bring my focus back onto her again. ‘I’m gonna straight-talk you now: you don’t have to do this.’

  ‘What? Of course I do. My mum wanted to leave him something and we’ve done all this work.’

  ‘So what?’

  ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘So what if your mom left him something? You can leave it to the lawyers now or, y’know, fuck him? Does he really deserve that money? I think we both know the answer to that. And as for the legwork we’ve done, it wasn’t time wasted if you change your mind now, okay? We’ve been on an adventure around New York, it’s been fun and if it gave you the time to realise you can actually live the rest of your life without seeing him, then it was worth it.’

  I looked down at our interlinked hands, mine large and tanned, hers pale and small but a damn sight steadier and I felt a deep tug in my chest. We had enjoyed ourselves but as for figuring out what this summer had taught me about what I could and couldn’t live without, I had no clue. All the lines around things had become blurry.

  ‘You’re right. I don’t think he deserves the money. But I want to figure out why Mum left it to him. She didn’t have anything good to say about him. It annoys the hell out of me. I need an answer about it. And about what’s in the envelope.’

  ‘Okay. Well. I totally get needing to scratch the itch. But are you ready today? Do you need more time? Would you prefer to wait until Nick comes out and he can go with you rather than me?’

  I pressed my lips together hard. Was I ready? Would I ever be ready? No. Probably not, but I was going to do it anyway.

  And however badly it went when I saw Trevor, Noelle was not a permanent fixture in my life, so she was the better option for moral support than Nick. Whatever he saw would never disappear from between us. If it scared Noelle off, or I couldn’t bear the reminder each time I was around her, well, it was only bringing the inevitable forward by a few weeks. Eventually, she was going to come her senses about wasting time on me.

  She stepped closer and let go of my hands so she could wrap her arms around my waist and hug me close. I already felt weak; the way she hugged me made me feel like everything was rushing to the surface but also that it was okay. I think she would have stayed there for as long as I needed; as the sun set and the kids went in for dinner.

  ‘You don’t have to do this on your own,’ she whispered as she pressed her head against my chest. I put my arms around her too. She felt so good there. My body got busy sending reminders to my brain about how well we fit together, and I had to kiss the top of her head and detach myself before I suggested we leave this place and find somewhere more private.

  I took a deep breath. ‘Right, let’s do this.’

  She moved back and offered me her hand again.

  We walked along the block, seven more houses and then we came to it. A house that looked like all the others, with 127 on the mailbox. There was a hose unfurled in the front yard and the grass was damp and letting off that fresh smell of childhood. A mug was on the post of the stoop. Someone had been outside, seeing to the garden. Maybe even out there while Noelle and I were hugging just a little further down the road.

  We were walking up the path when the screen door creaked open and a man came out. He was tall but slouched with rounded shoulders. His hair was mottled salt and pepper, but you could see it had been dark once and after an initial moment of shock when he noticed us approaching his house, he offered a smile that hit me in the gut. I recognised that smile. It was my smile. On this strange man. My smile reserved for when I wanted to present a friendly exterior but was also on alert.

  ‘Hallo. Can I help you?’ He moved down the steps slowly and stopped at the bottom, not coming any closer. His accent was strange. I could hear the English, but it was mixed in with American twangs too.

  I couldn’t speak. My throat had closed up. Noelle tugged my hand and I followed her automatically as she moved along the path.

  ‘We’re looking for Trevor,’ she said. As though there could be any mistaking him.

  ‘Is that right?’ He was still smiling but his eyes were guarded. He turned his attention from her to me as we stopped an arm’s length away. The smile slowly faded as he stared at me. Brown eyes meeting brown eyes. Could he see himself in me? Could he see my mum? ‘And who are you?’ His voice turned thinner, reedy and unsure.

  Noelle looked up at me. I needed her for moral support. I couldn’t deny that – but I couldn’t leave her to do all this while I stood there mute.

  ‘I’m Stephen.’ I found my voice, though it was hoarse.

  ‘Stephen?’

  ‘Stephen,’ I said more firmly. ‘Your son.’

  ‘Stevie?’ he whispered again, looking me up and down. His hand went to his mouth. ‘You’re little Stevie,’ he mumbled through it. His eyes shone suddenly with tears and he fumbled behind him, collapsing heavily onto one of the steps.

  That remark I made about him having a heart attack came back to me, but he looked well enough, and I couldn’t bring myself to ask him if he was okay. He was shocked.

  I was a nasty shock.

  ‘Look at you.’ He shook his head, both hands up on his face now, pressing at his cheeks. ‘You’re all grown up.’

  ‘That happens when thirty years pass.’

  ‘How did you find me?’

  ‘Does it matter? Were you trying to hide?’ I couldn’t seem to stop the harsh retorts.

  ‘No. No. I just wondered. It’s been so long. I’ve moved a lot.’

  ‘Don’t we know it,’ Noelle muttered.

  ‘Is this your wife? Are you married? Do you have
kids? Do you live over here too?’ He kept blinking, like I might disappear if he concentrated hard enough.

  ‘No, I still live in London. I’m working here at the moment. This is my friend Noelle.’ It didn’t feel enough to describe her as just a friend but I couldn’t call her my girlfriend either, could I? Not without her perhaps getting the wrong idea. ‘I’m not married and don’t have kids.’ I concentrated on speaking calmly. I needed more control than this. I didn’t want drama. I just wanted to pass on the information and get a couple of answers and then be on my way. ‘Is there any chance we could go inside to talk? Or meet up at a later date? I won’t take up much of your time.’

  I caught the worried look Noelle threw me out of the corner of her eye, but I was done looking vulnerable. She knew how I really felt – but I didn’t want him to know that. Perhaps it was letting him off the hook. Maybe if I showed how upset I was, he’d feel more guilt, and didn’t he deserve to feel guilty? But equally, I didn’t want him to feel like he was important. He’d ceased being important when he chose to leave me behind.

  ‘Oh. Oh.’ He nodded and dragged himself back up to his feet. He seemed to have aged an extra five years in the time since I told him who I was. He looked over his shoulder and seemed to deliberate. When he spoke again, his voice was hushed. ‘Okay. Sure. You can come in. Just – my wife – she’s not very well and…I never told her about you. You see, she couldn’t have kids; we tried but it never happened, so I didn’t want to upset her…’

  It was a triple blow. I was his dirty secret. Even standing in front of him, he wanted to keep me a secret and he’d remarried with the intention of starting another family. I’d known that was likely. But to hear it and have him pretend I wasn’t his…

  ‘I won’t say anything,’ I replied coldly. ‘Five minutes and you will never have to see me again.’

  I was raging on Stephen’s behalf. He’d gone rigid. His jaw set like it’d been wired that way, even as he spoke so calmly and politely to his awful, awful father. Or maybe I was judging the man too harshly.