Summer in the City: The perfect feel-good summer romance

by Emma Jackson

  I hugged him hard, the weight of everything I’d been ignoring, rushing back now that he was there to help prop me up. He returned the hug with one arm, the other holding one strap of his backpack in place, until I couldn’t seem to let go and he dropped the backpack and gripped me back tighter.

  ‘Stephen. Are you all right?’ His voice was low with concern.

  I forced myself to let him go and stepped back, not embarrassed exactly but feeling exposed. ‘Of course. I’ve had a busy week and I completely forgot you were coming. It’s a nice surprise.’ I would talk to him about everything – well, most things – but I needed to let him rest and get settled first.

  ‘It’s still okay for me to stay with you?’ He adjusted his glasses to look around my apartment. ‘I don’t want to cramp your style if you’ve got company.’

  ‘No company.’ I shook my head firmly. ‘I was just making tea. How was the flight?’

  ‘Smooth. Uneventful. Just the way I like it.’

  ‘You came from Heathrow?’

  ‘Yeah. I’ve got two days and then I’ll fly back again.’

  ‘Short and sweet.’ I forced a smile and poured us both large mugs of tea. ‘Sorry, I haven’t got sugar…and actually I haven’t got any food in for dinner.’

  Nick took his tea and frowned at me. ‘Seriously, Stephen, are you okay?’

  ‘A lot’s been going on. I’ll sort something for dinner while you take a shower, if you like.’

  ‘I’m not bothered about dinner. We’ll go out – it’ll probably help me stay awake if I’m honest. My body clock thinks its midnight. I need to push through for a couple of hours. We can talk then?’

  ‘Sure. I know a nice Italian place.’

  We walked through the streets, the tall buildings casting long, cool shadows, heading for Bennito’s in Little Italy. I didn’t know why I was taking him there. Maybe to prove to myself that I wasn’t bothered by any memories that were lingering about Noelle. The food was good; I wasn’t going to hide away for the rest of my time in New York.

  On the way, I told him about finding Trevor. He’d asked me a couple of weeks ago to talk to him about all this when it happened, but I hadn’t. Part of me had held off because it had felt too complex, and I’d been busy, with work and with Noelle…

  I’d also been concerned about sharing the things I’d found out about Mum and I hadn’t wanted to put him through that confusion I’d felt. The agony and frustration of not being able to ask her.

  But I hadn’t thought about the fact that maybe Nick could help alleviate that frustration for me. It was time I stopped treating him as though he was a little kid. He had been through as much as me, and he was the only other person who had known Mum the way I did. I wanted to know what he made of the idea she would’ve vandalised Trevor’s motorcycle and why she might have hidden his cards from me.

  And what he thought I should do about Lila.

  I’d thought I wanted everything to go back to normal, but how could it now I’d met my father and learnt the things I had? I was tired of pretending I had it all figured out and under control. If I couldn’t talk to Nick, who could I talk to?

  He grew pensive as we walked and I explained everything, his hands in his pockets and eyes on the pavement, and I started to feel guilty and selfish. Maybe I should’ve kept it to myself—

  ‘Mum could have a temper on her, couldn’t she?’ he interrupted my thoughts unexpectedly.

  ‘Could she?’

  ‘Yeah. It was slow to burn and she had a lot of patience with us, but if it came to a matter of protecting us…do you remember when that teacher – Mr Gregory? – made you do laps of the playground in a hailstorm because he’d caught you kissing a girl in the caretaker’s cupboard?’

  I wrinkled my brow. ‘I think so…which girl?’

  ‘How should I know? It was a different one every week with you back then, wasn’t it.’ He nudged my shoulder with his, but I didn’t laugh because it was too true to form. He carried on, although I caught the concerned glance he threw me. ‘Whoever the girl was, Mum wasn’t bothered about that, it was the fact you were practically blue with the cold when you got home. She took you into school the next day, along with a jumbo Slush Puppie from the petrol station and poured it all over his head.’

  ‘Oh God. I do remember now.’ I laughed this time, recalling the blue syrupy ice running down the teacher’s face and soaking into his white collar. ‘He picked on me for the rest of the year, but never made me run laps again.’

  ‘Exactly. She didn’t really think it through, did she? She was too mad that you’d been put at harm and she wanted to protect you.’

  ‘I suppose you’re right. I always thought when she did things like that it was because she was trying to compensate us for not having two parents. But perhaps she always had that temper; its focus just got distilled as she got older.’

  ‘It’s what happens to all of us, I guess. We change, but only to become more ourselves,’ Nick mused.

  ‘That’s very deep, although it sounds like an oxymoron. Have you taken up reading philosophy in your downtime?’

  ‘Got to do something during the stopovers to distract myself from missing Beth.’

  ‘You really are a love-sick fool.’ I smiled, slinging my arm around his shoulder to cover up the way my chest tightened at the thought of missing someone. I was missing Noelle too – and had spent the day trying to distract myself with work. ‘You still want to go ring shopping?’

  ‘Definitely.’

  He was so sure of himself. I wanted to be sure of myself again. I thought that I’d made the right decision and that I’d be back on an even keel by now. After all, we’d only been seeing each other for a fortnight; breaking it off had been inevitable. But doing it early was supposed to make it easier for both of us – I felt more lost now than before.

  I was back to staring up at my ceiling, arms and legs making the most of the space on the bed. But this time I wasn’t panicking about my book, I was immobilised with rage. At Stephen for being such a jerk and at myself for being such an idiot and letting him hurt me even though I knew what was coming. Was I never going to learn? It was like I’d stood still watching a car driving at me at eighty miles an hour and been surprised I’d ended up in hospital. What did I think would happen?

  I’d been through worse breakups though. We’d only been dating a couple of weeks and it wasn’t like it wasn’t expected. My ego was obviously bruised. Being dumped is always unpleasant but it would mend. It was only a bruise.

  It was a bruise that kept getting prodded though. On Friday morning the ‘boring’ gift Stephen had mentioned he’d ordered for me turned up. I unpacked the brown box and found a roll of window film. It was decorated with a design of pretty embossed suns and wavy lines, which meant when you stuck it to your window it distorted the view through it and gave you privacy.

  It was boring and practical but so like the Stephen I’d been falling for, the one who showed all signs that he’d wanted to help me and to protect me. I thought I’d been figuring him out, but now I was more confused than ever. I needed to talk to somebody about this, but I knew how my family would react – it would either be a joke to them, another entry in Noelle’s comical dating diary, or they would get mad.

  Then an air-conditioning engineer turned up at the weekend who I hadn’t booked. I didn’t have the money for it at the moment. I knew who’d arranged it without ringing around though: Stephen. But was this something he’d booked before? Or was this a new thing? A way of getting square and saying thank you for the help I’d given him to find his dad, or was he provoking me? Trying to get me to call him?

  The engineer stayed to fix my unit and I arranged to pay it by credit card. That just pissed me off even further because my hand had been forced and I had to manage the bigger repayments on my card until my royalties were paid in September. I ended up pacing back and forth in my newly cooled apartment, the blind up on my window, free from pervy eyes watching me because I’d
stuck up the privacy film and I was just so damn mad about it all.

  I wanted to charge over to Stephen’s place and shake him. How dare he keep doing things that meant I couldn’t fit him firmly in the category of selfish asshole? It was driving me insane wondering whether I’d been right all along, and he’d treated me badly, or whether I’d misjudged him and everything that had happened between us had truly meant something. Neither was going to make me feel any good, but it was like I’d said to him about dealing with his dad: at least if you knew, you could start moving past it.

  There was one person who might be able to help me make sense of it all though. Beth. She knew him too. I’d been avoiding calling her back, sticking to texts because I’d been worried about giving the game away about Nick proposing. Now I desperately wanted to see her lovely face and hear what she thought, so I sent her a message asking her if she was free to Skype.

  She came back to me almost immediately and I grabbed a bag of Hershey peanut butter cups, throwing myself in my desk chair, ready to take her call.

  ‘Hey there.’ Beth came into view in a room with dim orange lighting in the background. She was wearing a beautiful purple silk headscarf and pyjamas.

  ‘Shoot. I woke you up. I didn’t check the time. Sorry, honey.’

  ‘No. You’re okay. I wasn’t sleeping anyway. It’s too warm and I find it harder when Nick’s away.’

  ‘Where is he this time?’

  ‘In New York. With Stephen.’ Beth added his name carefully and leaned in closer to the camera. ‘Are you okay? I see chocolate and a really glum expression. Did you and Stephen have a falling-out?’

  ‘Whatever gave you that idea?’

  ‘You’re not the only one who can put two and two together. I’ve read a lot of romance novels. All that frustration towards each other, it’s a dead giveaway for sexual chemistry. And then the other week when I was worried about you, he said he was going to go over and check on you and you somehow ended up at his apartment…’ She raised her eyebrows.

  ‘He told you that?’

  ‘I’d asked him to let me know you were okay. He texted me and said you were fine, just working hard trying to meet a deadline but that your air con was broken so he’d offered for you to work at his… Is that all that happened?’

  ‘No.’ I grabbed a handful of candy from the bag and shovelled it in my mouth. ‘We were dating and then he dumped me.’

  ‘Oh.’ She winced. ‘Sorry, honey. Should I be mad at him? Do I need to get Nick to give him a talking-to or something?’

  ‘I don’t know. That’s the problem.’ And so I explained to her what had been happening between us. The trips, the banter, the way I’d thought I’d seen more in him, but I had no clue about whether it had just been wishful thinking on my part or genuine. I didn’t talk to her about what happened with his father though. It wasn’t my place to tell her what he’d been going through – it was too private, and I knew the turmoil he was in was real. I’d seen it. Seen the way he tried to control all those emotions, the coldness he’d directed at his father when really he was hurting inside and scared he was going to turn out like him… I lost the train of thought I’d been following and found that Beth watching me, chin resting on her hand and a pensive expression on her face. I gave myself a shake. ‘So. Anyway. Then he organises someone to come over and fix my air conditioning. What’s that about?’

  She blew out a breath. ‘Honestly? I don’t know. I mean he’ll do things like that for people just because—’ she shrugged ‘—just because he can and he’s generous. You know that bloody goose I had to cook at Christmas?’

  ‘Who could forget.’ I laughed.

  ‘Well, it was Stephen who went and got it for me, to help out. Even though I definitely wasn’t his favourite person at the time.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah. You’re right. Telling me that doesn’t help though.’

  ‘Sorry.’ She gave me a rueful smile.

  ‘But he is a womaniser isn’t he? That’s what he does isn’t it? Treats women like they’re disposable. Gets bored and moves on to the next.’

  She shifted around on her seat. ‘Err…I’m not sure I’d say he treats women like they’re disposable.’

  I squashed a peanut butter cup between my thumb and forefinger. ‘No? What about all those stories you told me about his revolving bedroom door.’

  ‘Look, I might have exaggerated a wee bit. We weren’t exactly on friendly terms at the beginning of the year. The truth is, I couldn’t tell you what he was up to all the time. He went out a lot to give Nick and I some space I suppose. I don’t know if he was always on the pull. Sometimes I think he was just working or crashing at a friend’s house. There were women of course, he’s far from being a monk and y’know, he has his charms.’

  I grunted. He certainly did have his charms. ‘What about that woman who came to the door all distraught and the two he was dating at the same time?’

  ‘The woman who was upset…she’d been dating him when his mum passed away and he’d…he’d basically forgotten to call her back. A bit shitty for her, ’cause she obviously really liked him, but understandable I guess? And that time I saw him with a different woman in between dates with another…it turned out she was just a work colleague who got too drunk to get home by herself and he let her have his bed.’ She cleared her throat. ‘I was ready to believe the worst about him, but I don’t think he’s really that much of a rat-bag.’

  ‘That’s good I guess.’ I rubbed my temple, feeling a headache coming on. I must’ve scoffed too much candy in one go. ‘Thanks, Beth, you go try and get some sleep yeah?’

  ‘Are you upset with me for making him out to be such a Casanova?’

  ‘No. I get it. Like you said, you were pissed at him and ready to believe the worst. We’re all guilty of that at times.’

  We said goodnight and I rested my head on the desk, flicking my bag of candy over so the little pieces rolled out, some stopping by my nose and some plunging off the side to land on the floor. I was making a mess of everything these days.

  Chapter Nineteen

  I left Nick sleeping in my bed the following morning. I’d taken the sofa because he needed to rest properly after his flight, and I needed to not be in the room that reminded me so strongly of Noelle. Not that the sofa was much better, but short of sleeping in the doorway to the balcony there weren’t many places in the apartment that didn’t remind me of her.

  I ached for her and all her crazy contradictions; sexy and ridiculous; smart and irrational; snarky and empathetic.

  But I went to work and got my head into it like the professional trader I was. This was my life now. The bachelor – like the reality TV show but miles less entertaining. I’d chosen it and I couldn’t entertain regrets. I was not going to blow hot and cold with her no matter how much it felt like I’d made a mistake. She wasn’t going to be interested anyway. She knew all about the selfish gene in my make-up and I wasn’t going to give in to it the way my father always did. I cared about her too much for that, and she was too clever to get drawn into a relationship that was ultimately doomed. This distance would have brought her to her senses I was sure.

  Nick was waiting outside my office building at lunchtime ready for our trip to the jeweller’s. However difficult the last few days had been, having him around was a comfort. It had made me recall what I did have as much as what I didn’t. And it made me think more about contacting my sister, Lila. Nick and I had each other through the hard times growing up and now as adults. I didn’t know who Lila had. Was her mother as bitter towards her as she had been to me because she saw Trevor in her? Did Lila have other siblings?

  I could make my peace with keeping Trevor at arm’s length now. If he needed help for his wife, I’d give it to them, but I didn’t want to spend any time with him. Maybe a bigger person could have forgiven him, but I couldn’t, and I didn’t have to. He wasn’t even asking for forgiveness.

  But could I walk away without reaching out to my sister? I wasn
’t sure I could.

  It only took a minute to walk to the nearest branch of Tiffany & Co. We paused outside one of its large windows with the stone arch and signature blue banners hanging down.

  Nick shuffled around and tugged at his hair. I really wished he’d get it cut – I couldn’t believe there wasn’t a dress code for pilots; surely all those golden curls risked flopping into his eyes at an inopportune moment?

  ‘You look nervous,’ I observed quietly. Or as quietly as anyone could speak with the traffic and the crowds passing by. I pulled out a packet of mints and offered him one. ‘Beth doesn’t know you’re going to propose. I doubt it’s on her mind. You can give yourself a little longer. There are Tiffany stores in London.’

  ‘No. That’s not it. I want to do this.’ He took a mint and crunched down on it. ‘I’m just worried I’m going to pick the wrong ring. What does it say about my understanding of her, if I have no clue about the type of ring she’d like?’

  I shrugged. ‘I suppose it says that you’re the type of man who doesn’t pay attention to jewellery. That’s all. It’s only a ring. Buying a ring from this kind of place.’ I waved the packet of mints towards the cream stone exterior. ‘It’s a symbol isn’t it? A status thing. You pay two and half times your monthly salary for it, the rock will be huge, and she realises you must be serious.’

  ‘So cynical,’ he scoffed. ‘Who made up the rule about how much you have to spend?’

  ‘Consumer capitalists.’

  He huffed a quiet laugh.

  ‘You could always propose and then take her with you to pick a ring,’ I suggested.

  ‘That’s not exactly the traditional way. It might come as a disappointment.’

  ‘Beth doesn’t strike me as a traditional sort of woman.’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ He instantly tensed and I waved my hands at him in a calming gesture.

  ‘Stand down, stand down. She’s not one for peer pressure, is she? That’s all I mean. She doesn’t worry about what people think. She serenaded you from a tree for goodness’ sake.’ I laughed.