Perfectly Broken

by Maegan Abel

  "No hospital. No police," she croaked. Her body shuddered again as she tried to take a deep breath. I continued to trail my fingers on her arm, hoping to soothe her.

  "Why, Lee? You really need to be checked out." Tish stared at Lili with an expression I hadn't seen in years. He meant what he said earlier. Lili was family and he was more than a little concerned. Lili raised her head just slightly from my neck, angling to look at Tish.

  That was when I heard it. The soft sound of footsteps in the hallway. Why in God's name had I thought I could ever trust Lizzie? With Lili on my lap, battered and broken, the reality of my mistake was about to engulf us. She would be hurt even deeper and it was my fault. She was about to find out how much of a scumbag I truly was. I started popping my knuckles and she looked down at my hands.

  "I'm sca—" Lili broke off with a choked sound as her eyes moved to where Lizzie stood with one hand on the doorframe, still dressed only in one of my t-shirts. It was like a knife to the chest when I glanced back at Lili. Her face registered the betrayal for only a moment before her expression cleared.

  The tears that had been an almost constant stream stopped abruptly, as if someone had turned off the faucet. She stared blank-faced at Lizzie. No one spoke. I felt the tension radiating back and forth between Lili and I where she sat on my lap. She moved, but I tightened my grip, not wanting her to leave.

  "Let me go. Let me go! Let me fucking go!" She got louder with each sentence, screaming as I released her, raising my hands in defeat. She scrambled from my lap and though I knew she had to be in pain, not a moment of it showed now other than the tears drying on her cheeks.

  "Get the fuck out!" Tish yelled at Lizzie and she spun, taking off back down the hall. "Lee," Tish started but she turned, letting her anger loose on him.

  "Don't fucking start, Tish. Don't even start. Why didn't you tell me she was here? It doesn't matter. I'm done talking. I'm done." Her voice was cold and hard. The broken girl who needed her family was gone, replaced by the Lili I'd known when I first moved home. This was my fault.

  "Don't, Pix. They didn't know she was here. This is my fault." My voice shook because I knew she would turn her wrath on me next. Worse, I knew I deserved it.

  She turned slowly and I stared at her with my jaw clenched, waiting for her to shred me with her words. With her standing and me in the chair, we were almost eye-to-eye. Her hands began to tremble at her sides and I saw the first crack in the armor she'd thrown on so quickly at the sight of Lizzie.

  Her chest heaved, her tiny nose wrinkling with each breath. A sign of her pain breaking through. I wanted so badly to reach for her or to apologize. Anything to break the silence, but she continued to stare me down. She didn't move again until a tear fell to her cheek. She reached up, wiping it away slowly, staring at it on her finger as if it were a foreign object she didn't understand. She finally looked back up at me, rubbing her hand on her shirt.

  "How could you?"

  "There's too much blood." It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm drifting and I cling to the hand, trying to use it to ground me in the present.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  No More

  LILI

  "You sorry ass little —" Tish kicked his chair behind him, starting toward Zane before he even had a chance to answer my question. I immediately fell back a few steps, wanting to put distance between myself and the rabid expression on Tish's face. Kas jumped up, putting both hands on Tish's chest before he could reach Zane.

  "Enough. Not here." She grabbed Tish's face, pulling it toward hers to block his view of Zane. I let my eyes drift back to where Zane sat in the chair, not even bothering to stand or defend himself from the possible attack.

  My palms and hairline were sticky with sweat and my chest hurt with each heavy breath. Why had none of them warned me? My heart slammed against my ribs, making it harder to breath — harder to even think of anything but the pain. Why would Zane let her in the house? In his bed?

  I tried not to move but Kas whispered my name and my gaze shot back to her, meeting with Tish's still furious expression. I took two more steps back, nearly stumbling as I bumped hard against the island in the middle of the kitchen. I couldn't help the small yelp of pain, immediately pulling a hand up to cover my mouth.

  All three sets of eyes were on me now. I dropped my hand, fighting to clear my expression and hold my emotions in check, but I could feel my body trembling from the tension. I was either going to be sick or pass out and I couldn't do either right now in front of these people.

  "Get out. Now." Tish's voice was low and menacing. I stared at him in shock, but his eyes were on Zane. It took a moment for his meaning to register. He didn't mean me, he was telling Zane to leave. "Take that bitch and get out of my house."

  "Tish," Kas started as Tish stepped forward when Zane didn't move. He was still staring right at me. "Zane, go. Please."

  Zane finally looked away from me, his tormented eyes falling to the floor. He stood without a word, heading toward the doorway to the hall. Anger shot like fire through me as I watched his back. He had no right to feel pain. I'd been beaten and nearly kidnapped and I had actually felt guilty knowing he would think I'd known it was Adam. I'd worried about how I'd hurt him and he was fucking Lizzie.

  I grabbed the closest thing to me, which was a full mug of coffee that hadn't been brought to the table, and wrapped my injured hand around it. I flung it with everything I had toward him, missing him by inches as it shattered against the wall beside his head. He spun to look at me, shocked. I opened my mouth to speak, my words further punctuated by Lizzie's appearance behind him in the hallway, smirking at me over his shoulder.

  "I fucking hate you, Zane."

  It hurt to speak but I put all the venom I could behind the words. I stared straight into his eyes, letting every bit of the betrayal I felt show. My head throbbed from the stress and the edges of my vision started to blur as I watched Lizzie step closer.

  "Come on, baby. We don't need them." Lizzie wrapped her arms around Zane's waist from behind him as she spoke. I took two steps forward, all my pain now lost in anger.

  "Whoa," Tish said, grabbing me by the arms. I struggled against his grip for only a moment before Kas stepped past me. She walked straight to Zane and Lizzie. Reaching past him in a quick motion, she slammed her fist straight into Lizzie's face. I winced, the memory of my own injuries coming back but I was still somewhat satisfied as Lizzie cried out and Zane tried to separate them.

  I leaned into Tish as my legs started to give out beneath me. He held me upright. I blinked against the sudden fuzziness in my head but I couldn't make my eyes focus. I started to slide in Tish’s grip, feeling the sharp stab of pain in my side as his arms tightened. I was barely able to lean forward before I vomited on the tile.

  "Fuck!" Tish lowered us both to the floor. All I could hear was his voice. "I'm not going to say it again! Get out!" He leaned closer to me, trying to be careful as he lifted me in his arms.

  "She probably has a concussion."

  I heard Kas close by again as Tish carried me to the bathroom, settling us on the floor by the toilet as I groaned, trying not to vomit again. "Baby girl, you need to stay awake." Kas' face appeared at the side of my vision, indistinct and seeming to float.

  "Leave me alone," I attempted to say but I wasn't sure the words made any sound. I used a hand to try and push away, wanting them to leave. All of them. But I couldn't seem to lift my head. I heard yelling in the distance. I couldn't make out the words as I struggled and failed to hold on to the final tendrils of my consciousness.

  Long arms held me from behind and warm lips were at my ear. My hair fluttered as a deep voice spoke but the words were garbled. I couldn't seem make them out. All I knew was that I was safe. That was all that mattered. I blinked slowly into the darkness, the shapes of my furniture swimming into view. My room. I was safe and in my own bed, lying on my side, facing the window.

  "You make me feel safe," I whispered when silence fell around me
again. I suddenly wanted him to know how much I needed him but I was struggling to make myself speak.

  "I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere."

  The words were exactly what I wanted to hear and I couldn't help but smile. His soft lips brushed my ear as he spoke, his fingers trailing along my arms comfortingly. It was perfect.

  "Promise?" I asked but the word was raspy, scratching and choking my throat to say it. I coughed, trying to roll onto my back. The welcoming arms around me became restraining.

  "Oh, I promise."

  The voice had changed subtly but it was enough for me to hear the threat behind the words. I gasped as I met Jordan's eyes. He pinned me to the bed, both his hands wrapping tightly around my neck as he struggled to finish what he started.

  I moaned softly, blinking into a blinding light from a large doorway. My heart was hammering against my ribs and my eyes squinted to adjust to the light. Pain pounded between my temples and the annoying beep coming from beside me wasn't helping.

  The room came slowly into focus through my watery eyes. On my first pass, I thought I was alone. It wasn't until I looked around for the second time that the large figure slumped in the tiny chair in the corner came into view.

  His legs were stretched in front of him, his cheek rested on the heel of his hand as he leaned to the side. He was obviously uncomfortable but sound asleep.

  "Tish?" My voice croaked the way it had in the dream. I groaned as a shudder passed down my spine, causing my already sore muscles to tense. He blinked twice before seeming to realize where he was. His eyes passed over me and then focused. He blinked again, pushing himself to sit higher in the chair.

  "Damn, Lee. How long have you been awake?" he asked, rubbing his eyes before glancing at his phone.

  "Just woke." I cleared my throat, wishing I could speak louder. "How long was I out?"

  Tish seemed to study his phone, typing something before he answered.

  "Sixteen hours or so. You were in and out in the beginning, but the doctor said you probably wouldn't remember much. They have you pretty doped up."

  He stood and stretched, making his way closer to me. "Glad to have you back." His words were sincere, threatening the moisture in my eyes to spill over. I had to look away to keep my composure so I scanned the room again, my eyes skimming past the shape of the TV bolted in the corner and small clock on the wall closer to the door. The lights were off aside from a few dimly lit bulbs over the bed and the bright light coming from the hallway.

  "What happened?" I asked, trying to push myself upright. My entire body felt stiff. I scowled at the IV attached to the inside of my forearm and shivered, pulling the blanket up as I moved.

  "You scared the hell out of us. We couldn't wake you up on the ride over."

  The door groaned softly as it was pushed open further, revealing Kas in the light. I took note of her messy ponytail and pajamas as she closed the door tightly behind her.

  "Thank God." She rushed over to the bed, sitting on the opposite side from Tish. She took my injured right hand in both of hers. "We were so worried."

  "How did I get here?" The foggy mixture of medicine, sleep, and my injuries was starting to clear, leaving way for the memories of the last few days to invade.

  "We brought you to the ER when we couldn't wake you up. I know you said no doctors but we didn't have a choice." Kas ran her thumb in a slow circle on my hand as she spoke.

  "I…" I didn't know how to finish. I was frustrated, my heart pounding as I realized the implications of her words. I had been admitted into the hospital. There would be questions. Questions I couldn't answer. And why were they here? I didn't want them here. Either of them. I didn't need them to take care of me. I fought back tears, hating the fact that I felt so vulnerable and wondering if it was the medication making me so emotional.

  I cleared my throat but before I could speak again, there was a soft knock on the door. I looked that way but it didn't open.

  Kas sighed loudly, shaking her head. "Okay, look. Zane is outside and he really wants to see you." I wasn't sure what my expression showed but I started to pull my hand away from her and she squeezed it. "He's been out there since they moved you into this room and he’s refused to leave. He even argued with security when they told him visiting hours were over."

  The events of the night before replayed in my mind, making me feel as if the air was forced from lungs.

  Zane had gone back to Lizzie.

  I swallowed the lump in my throat, trying desperately to feel anything other than the utter betrayal from the only people I'd ever trusted.

  "You don't have to see him. His sorry ass can sit out in that hallway forever and fucking rot," Tish said as he ran a hand through his hair in aggravation. The movement was so much like Zane that it nearly choked me. Tish had been on my side. I remembered that. Tish had always been on my side. Since the day he took me in, not knowing me, and helped me start over, he'd always protected me.

  But, Tish being this angry at his brother, over me, was a weight I wasn't sure I could carry.

  "Let him in."

  I felt Kas squeeze my hand again before she released it, standing to open the door. Zane stepped inside slowly, his head down as his glassy eyes looked me over carefully. I suddenly felt exposed in a way I hadn't with Tish and Kas in the room. I tugged the blankets around me higher, wishing the awful hospital gown was thicker.

  "Pixie, I'm—" Zane started but Tish cut him off.

  "Don't start apologizing now. You made a choice and sorry isn't really an option right now. You wanted to see her, you've seen her."

  I reached out, placing my hand on Tish's arm where he had moved closer to me protectively. I tried to take a deep breath but both my nose and my ribs protested the movement. I squirmed a little with the discomfort, causing Zane's eyes to widen in concern.

  "Are you okay? How are you?"

  I could tell he wanted to step closer but with Tish and Kas on either side of me, he seemed too nervous to even try. I wanted to answer his questions. I wanted to tell him the truth. But, saying the words aloud was almost impossible to consider and I knew I couldn't get it out with Tish and Kas in the room.

  "Could I have a few minutes alone with Zane, please?"

  I squeezed Tish's arm where I held it still, nodding as he looked down at me. Kas moved first, reaching a hand out to Tish as they met at the foot of my bed.

  "Watch yourself or I will fuck you up and you'll be glad you're already in a hospital," Tish warned Zane, staring him down as Kas led him into the hallway, shutting the door behind them.

  "Stay with me!" I'm trying. "Don't you dare leave me!" Never.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  Loathing

  ZANE

  I'd thought the hours of waiting, not knowing how bad she was hurt or when she would wake up, were the worst.

  I'd rushed Lizzie out of the house just after Tish and Kas left with Lili, coming straight to the hospital. I was pissed that Tish wouldn't let me take care of her at the house. It's my fucking job.

  When they'd arrived, Tish told them he was her brother and she had come home badly beaten. They would only let him back in the ER, even when I tried to sweet talk several of the nurses I knew. Once they confirmed a concussion through CT scans, they admitted her and moved her to a room. While Tish allowed Kas in, he refused to let me near her. It's not like I could blame him for that, he was looking out for her. I should've been looking out for her. I should've been protecting her from Adam. Instead, I got angry and blamed her even though I knew — I knew — she wouldn't do something like that behind my back.

  I spent hours pacing the halls of this hospital, my mind imagining every possible scenario of how to make Adam pay for this. And he would pay. Our history, as complicated as it was, was nothing compared to what he'd done to Lili. He'd gone too far. I'd let go of my anger and hatred about Lizzie and Conner. But, he should've moved on and found someone else because now, I wouldn't stop until he was out of the picture. With every ne
w idea, every new plan I formed, I had to force myself to wait.

  Just wait.

  First, I needed to know that Lili was okay.

  And, I needed to be patient. Adam was smart. But I was smarter. And he knew it.

  So I'd waited… with the last words she'd said to me still replaying in my mind.

  "I fucking hate you, Zane."

  I thought those hours were the worst. But, standing here, in her hospital room, listening to the beeping of the machines hooked up to her while she stared at me in silence, waiting for her to speak and tear me apart further… this was the worst. And I deserved it. So I stood, clenching my trembling hands into fists at my sides while I let her silence peel back every bit of sanity from my being, praying that I could take it. I wanted to take it. I would take her pain, too, if I could.

  "Am I okay?" she repeated the first of my questions in a voice that she was obviously trying to keep steady. "No. No, Zane, I am far from okay. I'm lying in a hospital bed, attached to all sorts of shit. Not okay."

  "Lil—" I started forward but she held up a bandaged hand, two of her fingers taped together in splints. I stepped back, feeling even worse.

  "How am I?" I watched her shift on the bed, pulling the blanket around her while failing to keep the discomfort from her face. "I'm actually sore as hell. I feel like I got my ass handed to me by a fucking Marine who is trained in hand-to-hand combat. A Marine who somehow managed to deceive me for over a week and slipped past all of the defenses I had to keep jerks like him away from me." I could see her hands shaking as she fisted them in the blanket, the tears spilling slowly from her eyes to her flushed cheeks as she continued. "If that wasn't bad enough, I also had my heart stomped on by someone I thought would always have my fucking back."