Perfectly Broken

by Maegan Abel

  The kind of goals that were long past my reach now.

  But if I left, could I be someone else? Was I ready for that?

  All I knew for sure was there wasn't much more I could do here. I needed to move on from Vegas.

  Where would I go next?

  It took several days for the plan to form. With the money I had saved, I could afford a bus ticket to New York with enough left over to save for an international flight when I was ready. It would probably cost more for the right documents than the actual plane ticket, but it would be worth it in the end.

  Maybe Paris would be my final destination.

  Crowded cities were the best place to hide. Traveling with my injuries would draw attention but I didn't have time to wait until everything fully healed. It would be weeks, possibly months, and I knew I didn't have that long.

  It was Thursday when I told Sydney I would be leaving the next day. I didn't tell her where I was going, just that I was. I thanked her again and offered her a little of the money that I had. Even with the financial difficulties they were under, she refused.

  Thursday night I barely slept, trying to ignore the torn pieces of my heart at the thought of my last night in the city that had come to feel like home to me in a way not many places ever had before. Las Vegas was supposed to be just a short stop on a list of many places to see, but I let myself get tangled up and connected here. Ever since Tish came into my life, offering me a second chance, I had believed that maybe I really could start over. I thought I could leave my past behind but I guess everyone thinks that at some point.

  The truth of the matter is, unless you keep running, the past catches up with you every time. I knew that in L.A. and I was learning it once again. How many times did I need this to be proven to me before I learned?

  Friday morning I was anxious. I tried walking to the store for some last minute supplies early in the afternoon, convincing myself that the hollow feeling inside was from hunger.

  The feeling intensified when I returned to the apartment. I checked my bags again, making sure I had everything I would need. I considered calling Tish and asking him to meet me long enough to say goodbye but as I stood with the phone in my hand, I remembered that he and Kas would be halfway to Florida by now.

  Tish was competing in a few areas at a convention in Daytona Beach. One of his newest passions was airbrushing. Body painting was a rage in beach towns and this competition in Daytona Beach was something they had been planning for months.

  I could call him and say goodbye. He wouldn't be able to stop me from so far away. And this should be Zane's weekend with Conner so without a sitter, he couldn't come after me either.

  As I scrolled through my contacts toward Tish's number, something struck me from behind. I was knocked to the carpeted floor of the garage, the air expelled from my lungs in a rush as I coughed.

  I immediately struggled against the weight on my back, instinct driving me to escape as I tried desperately to ignore the pain.

  "This would be so much easier if you didn't fight."

  I froze as the voice registered, my eyes squeezing shut. I'd had this nightmare every time I slept for the last twelve days. Each time it was different, but fighting him never helped. I would wake up eventually. I could feel the tears already pooling in my eyes. I hadn't meant to fall asleep.

  "That's better," Jordan said. The sound of handcuffs caused me to groan.

  I felt the bite of the cold metal against my right wrist, the pain that shot through the broken fingers of that hand causing me to move. I immediately jerked the hand free and tried again to knock Jordan from where he sat on my legs, his knee pressing into my spine. This hurt. And not like it hurt in the dream.

  I twisted and kicked out with my leg, making contact with the ratty couch and sliding it aside. The momentum helped me turn my body to rest on my hip, causing Jordan to have to straddle me in order to hold me to the floor. I kicked again, this time aiming for the leg I'd injured in the hotel room. He fell back, howling in pain as my foot made contact with its target.

  I scuttled on my hands and knees, trying to put distance between us. I pushed up to my feet and ran toward the door. I cried out as Jordan's arms wrapped around my middle, the pressure against my ribs nearly blinding as he dragged me away from the exit.

  "Not so fast. We'll be leaving soon enough but you really should stop fighting me. I don't want to hurt you, Kylee." Jordan's use of the name had the desired effect. I quit struggling, letting out a soft yelp as he tugged my arms behind me again. He pressed me against the wall and the tears that had been close just minutes ago melted away. Determination took the place of the panic.

  I was stronger than this. Now that I knew where he planned to take me, escape was the only option. Even if Jordan got me out of this apartment, he'd never get me back there without a fight. And, though a fight in public might cause a scene, it would probably be just what I needed to break free. I'd get away. I always did.

  The sound of a knock at the door made me jump. It was more of a pounding fist than a knock.

  Before I could think to react, Jordan tugged me against him, releasing my hands as he clamped his left palm over my mouth. I cringed and moaned as pain radiated out from my broken nose, my eyes watering automatically at the blow.

  "Pixie? Come on, I know you're in there," Zane's voice called out from the other side of the door. Jordan's hand tightened over my mouth and he pulled me a few feet further from the door until we were trapped in the corner of the living room.

  I could feel my body shaking as the tears started new, spilling onto my cheeks and over Jordan's hand. This couldn't be real. Zane showing up here just proved it was a dream.

  At least, that was what I was trying to convince myself.

  The doorknob rattled for a moment and both Jordan and I tensed. I heard Zane sigh before pounding again. "Lili, I'm not leaving until you talk to me. You have to give me a chance to explain." His voice was pleading.

  Jordan's hand tightened to the point of pain and I reached up, gripping his arm and trying to pry his fingers to loosen them.

  "You'd better hope he goes away," Jordan whispered harshly. His breath grazing my ear caused me to shiver and I groaned at the radiating pain in my ribs. Jordan tugged me tighter against him as the sound abruptly cut off on the other side of the door.

  "Lili?" Zane's voice sounded different as he spoke this time and I knew he'd heard me. I saw Jordan's right hand break into my field of vision as he reached over my shoulder. I didn't have to see the gun, I already knew it was there. I sobbed silently, knowing where this was going. I wanted to call out to Zane, to tell him to run, but I knew he wouldn't. If he knew for sure I was in here, if he thought for a second I was in danger, he'd never leave me.

  The next sound that came was my phone, buzzing and ringing where it had landed against the leg of the end table when I fell. It was Zane's ringtone and I knew what he was doing. Not only did he know that I was here, but if I didn't answer, he'd know something was wrong. The song cut off mid-verse as my voicemail clicked on.

  I didn't even have a full second before the door flew open. I immediately kicked back with my foot, aiming blindly for Jordan's injured leg as I grabbed for his right wrist with both hands. I ignored the pain, letting out a small yelp as the gun fired in his hand. The sound and flash resonated so close to my face that the air around me felt like it was on fire.

  The sound of splintering wood drew my attention to the direction of the door. Zane crouched and I lunged forward, reaching for him before I was yanked back again. He started to move but froze in the same second I felt the bite of scalding metal against my temple.

  My ears were still ringing from the shot and the smell of gunpowder burned in my nose. Jordan's left arm tightened across my shoulders as he held my back against his front, pressing the barrel of the gun to my head so hard the pain made me dizzy. Fear and anger played across Zane's face as he raised both hands.

  "Don't do this, Adam," Zane pleaded. "Kil
ling her won't right things. It's me you're mad at. Not her." Zane kept his voice even, the training on handling hostile situations coming to the forefront. His eyes never left Jordan's. It took a moment longer for his words to register and my heart broke at the realization of what he meant.

  He'd believed me when I'd blamed him. When I'd told him all of this was his fault. And now he was here, thinking Jordan was going to kill me over him. I wanted to tell him everything but Jordan spoke first.

  "What makes you think killing her isn't exactly what I planned to do all along?"

  Zane took a step forward and Jordan reacted immediately, slamming the butt of the gun into the side of my head. I cried out, the pain causing my vision to whiteout for a moment as I sagged against Jordan's hold on me. I forced my head up, lifting a hand to stop Zane, knowing he would be ready to attack.

  "Stop," I gasped, trying to focus my eyes on Zane. I knew what I had to do. Jordan wouldn't kill me, he needed me. Or, at least, he thought he did. I wasn't so sure he wouldn't kill Zane if he had to, though. If I told Zane he wouldn't kill me, Zane would risk his own life to try to stop Jordan. I had no doubt Zane would get himself killed if I didn't work fast. "Stop trying… to help. You just… make it worse. Just. Leave."

  Zane's eyes met mine for the first time since he entered the apartment. I knew my words hurt him, but he remained stoic. The hardening of his expression and tightening of his jaw were the only indication he’d heard me. He still wasn't leaving.

  The sound of the door opening at the front of the house caused all three of our heads to turn in that direction. I didn't hesitate. I slid myself lower in Jordan's grip until my teeth made contact with his left arm. I bit down, clamping my jaw until he tugged his arm and I felt skin ripping under my teeth. He cried out, lowering the gun in an attempt to pull me off. The coppery taste of blood on my tongue made me gag and I let go the second his grip on me released.

  I saw the gun and I ran, wanting to put myself between Zane and Jordan, knowing Jordan wouldn't shoot me. Just as I reached my arms out for Zane, he grabbed me, using our momentum to spin us as the sound of the gun rang out. Our feet twisted underneath us and pain radiated up my leg as I lost my balance. We tumbled to the floor, Zane landing partly on top of me as I cried out.

  I coughed, gasping for air I couldn't seem to find and there was the sound of a struggle somewhere close by. I tried to lift my head but the shock of what was happening kept me from moving. Zane looked down at me, his eyes wide with panic.

  I heard the gun fire again…

  "Pix…"

  CHAOS

  "Oh, shit! Oh, shit!" Jackson's voice is the first to reach my ears. I cough, tasting blood as I try to take a breath to speak.

  "No… NO!" Hands pressing against me. I try to find words, but I can't breathe.

  "Fuck! This wasn't supposed to happen!" What? What wasn't supposed to happen? I want to ask Jackson but his voice is far away.

  I groan, feeling pressure against my chest. Stop, it hurts. "Help!"

  "Jackson!" I blink, this voice is close and I try to make my eyes stay open. "Jackson, I need you!"

  "Shit." I'm moving. Someone is rolling me over. "The bullet is lodged. Here, use this." There is more pressure, causing me to let out a cry and I cough again, choking. I can't breathe.

  "We have to call for help!" I try to ignore the panic in the voices, focusing solely on moving my hand, reaching toward the sound. "Where's your phone?"

  "This can't be happening…" A broken sob ends with a cough. I can't catch my breath. Somewhere nearby Jackson is yelling. Calm down. You have to stay calm.

  "Just try to breathe." Jackson's voice is close again. "Stay calm."

  "Hey! Open your eyes!" I'm trying. I attempt to somehow acknowledge the words, fighting to find something to hold on to. A hand grips mine tightly. "Stay with me!" I'm trying.

  "Stop moving." I can feel myself trembling as I try to squeeze the hand holding mine. "Just try not to move." I need you.

  "I'm… cold…" I'm not sure where the words come from. I don't remember deciding to say them.

  "There's too much blood." It's okay. It'll be okay. I'm drifting and I cling to the hand, trying to use it to ground me in the present.

  "Stay with me!" I'm trying. "Don't you dare leave me!" Never.

  "Where the fuck is the ambulance?" Ambulance? I hear the words and I realize for the first time that I'm dying…

  "You need to move back. We can't help if you won't let us by." Help is here. Commotion around me. I cough as the pressure is removed.

  "I'm coming with you." Don't leave me. I hear beeping as I'm jostled. I try again to open my eyes. To hold on to the voice.

  "You'll have to wait here. Someone needs to check on you." No. Stay. My hand is empty now. I'm empty.

  "Please hold on. Be strong. I love you." I love…

  "I love you, Lili."

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Awake

  ZANE

  "Did he say something?"

  "I think he's waking up."

  I try to pry my eyes open but the brightness of the room is nearly blinding. I cough and pain radiates through my chest and down my side. I'm unable to help the groan that escapes as I attempt to move any part of my body.

  "Zane? You really coming back to us this time?" I recognize Tish's voice and try to nod. I must succeed because I hear his chuckle.

  "Should I go get the doctor?" I force my eyes open at the sound of the second voice again. A hand squeezes around mine as I search for the face that goes with the voice.

  "Paige?" My voice croaks, making me realize just how raw my throat is.

  "I'm right here," she says just as my eyes finally adjust to the light. She looks older than the last time I saw her. And exhausted. I slowly tilt my head, blinking as I try to recall what happened.

  "You've been in and out for a while now," Tish says, stepping closer. "We wondered if you were going to make it."

  Just as I'm about to ask, the pain in my back and chest spikes, causing me to wince. The feeling throws my mind back into the apartment and the moments before the gun went off. Lili. My heart slams against my chest, intensifying the pain as I try to make sense of the memories.

  "Lili?" I can hear the edge of panic cutting through the single word.

  Paige scoffs, bringing my attention to her. "Fucking bitch. She nearly got you killed."

  "Paige," Tish warns. I turn to him, ignoring the feeling of fire spreading throughout my chest.

  "She's fine. She's in the waiting room with Kas. They would only let family back here while you were unconscious."

  I try to move, attempting to sit up but the pain in my chest and back makes me pull in a sharp breath through my teeth.

  "I need to see her," I say, almost panting the words.

  "You need to talk to the doctor first," Paige replies.

  "No! I need…" I cough, trying to catch my breath.

  "Calm down, Zane. She's fine. You think I would lie to you about that?" Tish asks. Paige watches me, fear etched in her features.

  I take a few shallow breaths, noting it's less painful if I don't try to breathe too deeply. I see Paige's eyes gloss with tears and I open my hand toward her. She curls her fingers into mine.

  "I'm okay, Paige," I say, squeezing her fingers. But, as much as I want to comfort her, my fear for Lili is still at the forefront of my mind. Our family has seen too much death as it is. Paige, being the youngest, has always been protected from it as much as Tish and I could manage.

  At the thought of my family, I remember that I left Conner with Lizzie's parents so I could go talk to Lili.

  "Conner?"

  "He's fine. I've kept in touch with Tom and Marna. They're worried about you but Conner just thinks you're working. We didn't think he'd understand," Tish explains, obviously unsure of that decision. I nod slowly as I let his words sink in.

  I glance at Tish, still holding Paige's hand tightly. "I need to see—"

  I stop speaking as the d
oor opens and a doctor walks in. He smiles when he sees that I'm awake and I fight the urge to curse. Now I know I'll have to wait.

  "Welcome back, Mr. Tishler," the doctor says as he walks over to the foot of the bed, lifting a clipboard from the frame. I roll my eyes at the name. "And with a sense of humor, it seems." He glances over at Tish. "I need just a few minutes with him."

  Tish nods and Paige kisses my fingers before she releases my hand. I do my best to smile at them both as they quietly leave the room.

  "Zane, I'm Doctor Jacobs. I was the trauma surgeon on duty the evening you were brought in. I was told you're a paramedic, so you understand that you were brought to UMC because we are a Level One Trauma center?" he asks. I nod my agreement, wishing he would hurry up with what he has to say.

  "How are you feeling?" he asks and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

  "Like I got shot," I answer, trying to keep the pain off my face.

  I need to stay awake long enough to see Lili. I need to see for myself that she's okay.

  Doctor Jacobs chuckles at my bluntness and nods, moving to my side. "The bullet entered posterior between the fifth and sixth rib and traveled upward through your chest, lodging in the third rib. Had it been just a few centimeters lower, it would have most likely gone through the intercostal space and exited your chest. As it is, the bullet damaged your lung and caused a hemothorax. We were able to put in a chest tube but we had to open you up to repair the lung. The bullet was fragmented against your rib and posing a danger to the lung so we removed it."

  I stare at the wall across the room, my mind barely focusing on his words. The bullet lodged in my third rib. I think of Lili, picture her standing in front of me, the way I held her against me. Head level. If the bullet had been any lower, it would have torn through my chest and possibly hit her in the head. My body trembles with the realization of how close Adam was to taking her from me forever.