Torn (Demon Kissed #3)

by Ward, H. M.

  Looking up into Collin’s face, I made my decision to lie. Besides wondering about Kreturus’ whereabouts, there was another reason not to tell him the truth yet. Collin thought he caused my death, and he couldn’t live with himself. It broke him. Finding him like this let me know that he had a severe weakness—he couldn’t handle losing me. If I told him that I had been poisoned and that the poison was still inside of me—slowly killing me—Collin would do whatever I asked to save me, even give his own life. He’d done that before. I couldn’t risk losing him again. Maybe it was selfish, but I couldn’t do it.

  So I lied. I shrugged, and looked away saying, “I must be immune. It hurt like hell, but it didn’t kill me.”

  Collin pressed kisses to the side of my temples and pulled me into his arms again. When he released me, a look of hesitation came over him. “Why were you acting like you were afraid of me before?”

  Swallowing hard, I said, “I was afraid of you. I thought you were Kreturus.” His expression shifted wildly as I explained what happened, and how it looked as I watched. “What else would I think? It looked like he took possession of you. I was terrified.”

  His fingers played with the long curls by my face, “And what about now?” A slow smile spread across his lips.

  My heart pounded in my chest. Should I lie or tell the truth? Why did my life feel like a free fall? It was like I was clutching at the air trying to stop the inevitable impact that was destined to come. I hedged, “You’ve always scared me, Collin.” I smiled at him, and turned away shyly, talking over my shoulder. I could feel his eyes on my back. “You said things I didn’t want to hear, called me back from the edge of insanity, and challenged me to live my life better than I was. You’re everything I’ve ever wanted, and feared, all wrapped up together. Of course you terrify me.” My arms wrapped around my waist. The confession made me shiver. It wasn’t the answer he was looking for, but it was the truth. And the bond let him know it.

  Thinking back to the first time I met Collin, I knew our lives would be intertwined; I just had no idea to what extent—turns out that it was much more than I would have ever dreamed.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  Reckless was the word that described me best. I kept doing what I thought was right, even if it was incredibly reckless. I was flirting with disaster and I was a terrible tease. Walking with Collin, and being so close to him felt good. I didn’t want it to end. I revealed my plans to sneak to the surface to speak with Al. Throwing messages into the wind didn’t work too great for me. Although I tried, I didn’t know if she ever go them, and there was no way for me to hear her in return. A trip to the surface was necessary. But, when Collin found out that I’d planned on using the portal at the Roman catacombs, he cautioned me against it.

  “You can’t go that way,” he said shaking his head. “Not if the Martis knew you entered there. And you said they followed you guys down here.” We’d been walking through the Underworld like it was normal. Hand in hand, we strolled past the jagged cliffs that tore through the cavern floor and stretched up into the inky sky and out of sight. His dragon was nearby, but didn’t get closer. The beast’s massive wings were hypnotic looking. They seemed impossibly thin to carry such a massive creature. When the dull red glow that illuminated the caverns lit the dragon’s wings he looked terrifyingly beautiful. So, I did my best to ignore the beast or acknowledge him the same way I would a cat or some other normal creature that decided to stalk me. Collin didn’t acknowledge the dragon, but then why would he, if it was his? I didn’t really care that the dragon was there, and the creature did keep the demons and grackles away. Collin and I walked on in silence with the beast looming in the distance like a dark cloud.

  Collin hadn’t asked what happened to my friends yet. I told him that they’d come down here to help me, but I didn’t mention what happened after that. As we traced the paths that I’d walked with Eric and Shannon, emotions began to bubble from deep within me. They were too strong to hide and I could tell that Collin could sense my dismay through the bond.

  “Ivy,” he started hesitantly, pushing his dark hair away from his eyes, “if you don’t want to talk about it, we won’t—but, what happened to them? Where are Shannon and Eric?”

  We stopped walking suddenly, as I was unable to control a shudder. What happened to them? It was the question I was dreading. I wrapped my arms around my middle to chase away the chill that shook me, but it didn’t help. Nothing could help. Nothing could change what happened on the way to rescue Collin. I lost both of them. Taking a deep breath, I looked up into his eyes. Collin’s face was full of compassion. He knew something was very wrong. But he was right; I didn’t want to talk about it. Staring into his eyes, I knew that I couldn’t admit that I drained Eric’s soul. And, I could barely talk about Shannon without spewing venom so thick that it made my throat hurt. No. I didn’t want to talk about them at all. Blinking, I looked away from his gaze.

  My voice was flat, concealing the tremors that were shaking me apart inside, “Shannon turned on me. She said that I was corrupt from the time Apryl died. She’d been pretending to be my friend since then. We fought. She tried to kill me. So, I sent her to the surface by shoving her through a black glass. And Eric…” I paused, swallowing hard. How was I supposed to admit to Collin that I turned someone into a Valefar? The one thing that Collin wanted the most was his soul. The thing he confessed to me from the very beginning was that he would do whatever it took to undo the Valefar curse. And here I was, adding people to the Valefar army of the damned. Collin was understanding, but I didn’t think he would understand my actions.

  Not this time.

  To confess that I turned Eric would poison our relationship. Collin would never look at me the same way again. The last time Collin and I spoke of souls and demon kisses, I was terrified. And now? Now, I admitted the idea held some appeal. A demon kiss—the act itself was horrendous—but I was part Valefar and it called to me. And at some point during my time in the Underworld, I noticed that I didn’t have to try to act Valefar anymore. I just was. I didn’t have to flip off my Martis side and intentionally change to my Valefar side. Somehow they became equally accessible, anytime I needed that part of me.

  Swallowing hard, I said the only thing that I could admit that wouldn’t skew Collin’s perception of me, “Eric’s dead.” That was all that I could admit. And it was true. The Eric I knew was dead. The new terrifying version was still around, but I was too ashamed to admit it. I tried to save him, and failed. The old Eric, the boy I knew, was dead.

  Collin’s fingers threaded through my hair as I looked up at him. He pushed back stray curls like he did when we were at school and I was upset about something. Now all those times seemed so trivial. I thought my world was falling apart then, and he acted the same. His steadfast nature gave me hope. Maybe I wouldn’t become the monster that fate carved out for me. Maybe I could still be someone else.

  A curl slipped between his fingers and brushed my face. “I’m sorry about Eric. I know you guys were friends.” I nodded at him, but said nothing. When I didn’t speak he asked, “So, Shannon the shrew is a full-blown Martis? And you shoved her through a black mirror?” I nodded again. His gaze bore into me. Those blue eyes were so intense that it was impossible to look away. My heart raced below my tattered shirt. It felt like he could see right through me. He smiled, “Sounds normal. For you. And what else? What aren’t you telling me?”

  My stomach twisted in knots at the question. Did the bond give me away? Could he really tell that I didn’t tell him everything? I couldn’t tell him what I did to Eric. I didn’t want to admit it to myself yet, and Collin—I just couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t risk it.

  Finally he saved me from my thoughts and asked, “The glass? You can conjure the Locoician Glass! That’s incredible!”

  Relieved that he didn’t more about Eric, I asked, “What? You mean the mirror?” He grabbed my hands and pulled me to sit next to him on a boulder. There was no one else around; it wa
s just us in the darkness. The dragon, wherever he went, was out of sight for the moment.

  He smiled at me, “Of course! That mirror hasn’t been seen for centuries. It’s a wicked looking glass—literally. It’s made of a black mirror and brimstone. And it’s cursed. No one’s seen it since the demon Locoicia was killed. It was hers. And you can call it! That’s amazing! What did you do with it?”

  I didn’t know what he was talking about. Confusion lit my face, “I didn’t do anything with it.” The idea of calling an evil mirror sort of unnerved me. I didn’t realize I’d called it, and I had no idea what it did. One day it just appeared. Al thought it was evil, but she wasn’t certain of its origins. Apparently she was right. That nun was always right.

  I shrugged, “It showed up and I shoved Shannon through it. I didn’t know what it was. The first time I saw it was when I had a vision about you. The next time was when I pushed Shannon through. It spit her out at the church in New York, and then it disappeared again. I haven’t seen it since.”

  Collin’s face fell. “You pushed Shannon through the mirror?” He closed his eyes, blinking hard. “Oh wow. That’s not good.” He turned toward me, “Ivy, the mirror is enchanted. It amplifies people’s characteristics—their evil characteristics. Locoicia was a demon princess who wanted an army of unstoppable warriors. She would shove her slaves through the mirror to amplify their abilities. It made her army undefeatable.”

  My jaw dropped. “Are you saying I just made Shannon undefeatable?” My shoulders slumped, as I looked up into the thick black sky, and ran my fingers through my hair while pulling hard. What were the odds of that? Why does this stuff happen to me? Shaking my head in disgust, I looked at him saying, “She’s their Seeker—the Martis chosen to kill me.” The last part came out as a laugh. I’d enabled her to hunt me down and kill me even faster, and all without knowing it. Awesome.

  “Yeah,” Collin said with a coy smile on his face, “in the future, don’t shove your enemies through the mirror.” His voice was light and teasing. I shot him a look that said I was about to freak out, but he cut off my tirade, taking my hands in his. “It doesn’t matter. She’s up there. You’re down here. She can’t get at you down here.”

  “But that’s just it,” I said springing up from my seat and pulling our hands apart. Collin remained seated and watched me pace. I spoke at an increasing volume with my hands flying, desperation filling my voice, “I can’t stay down here Collin. I don’t belong here. I want to go home. I need to talk to Al. There are things happening that I don’t understand. I can ask you about the Valefar side of things, but I’m part Martis too and if that part dies…”my voice trailed off. I couldn’t even begin to fathom what my life would be like if I allowed that to happen. “I don’t want to lose that part of me. I can’t become the Prophecy One. I have to do this. I have to sneak up there and find Al.”

  At one time I’d felt that I could have told Collin everything, but not now. Not when things were so precarious. It could lead to my undoing. And then I wasn’t entirely certain of some things myself; like why was Lorren down here? How significant was it that he saved me—especially since there is an army of Martis trying to kill me? I stared at Collin’s face wanting to say these things, but feeling like I couldn’t. I hadn’t told Collin about Lorren either. I didn’t know what to think of that whole situation, and I wanted to discuss it with someone very much. But, revealing Lorren would also reveal my fatal wound. I couldn’t say anything. Collin couldn’t know.

  I needed Al for these things. I pushed back the thoughts before the bond betrayed me. Right now I knew that my emotions were running wild and that my thoughts were so jumbled he couldn’t get an un-garbled read on me. One thought penetrated all the others. It cut through the worry and fear, shooting straight to the top of my mind.

  Please.

  CHAPTER NINE

  He sighed and through the bond I felt that this was against his better judgment. He thought I was safer down here. He took my hand, “I’ll take you to her, but we can’t use the portal you’re headed towards. We have to use a different one. Shannon will gut you the second you walk through the tomb.” I shivered, and was about to tell him that I didn’t think she could have gotten back so quickly, but Collin cut me off. “Sorry, but you have to realize what you’re dealing with. Shannon is going to be everything she was—times a hundred. If she was good at something before, now she is going to be unbelievably fantastic. And if her job is to kill you, then you have to avoid her. Take no chances. There are no more near-misses, not with her. If you see her again, you have to realize that one of you is not walking away alive. If you see her again, kill her before she kills you.”

  I nodded. This is what my life had come to. It made me feel sick inside that Shannon had turned on me. I didn’t want to think about it. If I could live the rest of my life without seeing her again, that would be okay. But the odds of that happened weren’t good. Even with the poison in my chest.

  Collin pulled me to my feet, explaining, “Valefar leave the Underworld through various portals. Once you know where they are, you can effonate there, and then pass through them. The living and the dead aren’t supposed to mingle, and that includes us. I mean, me…and the Valefar. The angels went to great lengths to keep us separated from your world. But there are a few doors they didn’t seal, because they didn’t know of them.” He winked at me. I wondered if he would have told me the portals locations if he knew there was an angel hiding out in Hell. An angel who would seal the portals. All of them.

  I asked, “So, Valefar get around down here by effonating and then passing through a portal? We can’t just effonate directly in or out of Hell?” He nodded. “But once we go through the portal, Valefar can effonate through the Underworld, just like they do above? They can go anywhere?” He nodded again. That must be why I never saw Valefar walking around down here. They didn’t have to. And it avoided unnecessary unpleasantness with demon birds, dragons, and psychotic Valefar if they effonated. “Then why don’t we just effonate to a portal?”

  He replied, “We can’t. The only portal you’ve ever seen is the one you came through to get down here. It’s not safe to use that one again, and you can get to the other locations because you’ve never seen them,” he paused gazing at me. “Besides, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”

  I smiled at him. I wasn’t sure what’d he do. I asked, “So, you’ll come with me?”

  His eyebrows pinched together and he gave me a look that made me know that he thought my question was strange. “Yes. Why wouldn’t I?”

  I shrugged. “Just wasn’t sure because of the way things happened before.” I wasn’t sure if Collin knew that Kreturus had been in him or not. He never acknowledged that he was possessed, and during the time we were apart, well—it was possible that Kreturus left him. Or Kreturus could still be in there, but I couldn’t sense the old demon. Even during that kiss, there was no trace of the ancient evil. It was just Collin and his icy hot kisses that I felt.

  He turned me towards him, “Ivy, I’ll do everything I can to protect you, but I have to tell you something. Kreturus and I have a past. He’s targeting me, and not just because of you. When we were in New York, I told you that I made a bargain with him—my soul for yours.” Collin held my shoulders, but couldn’t meet my eyes, “That was the deal. I told you that I’d do anything to escape my life as a Valefar. I wanted my soul back. Kreturus promised me I would have it. Since demons have a tendency to lie and not follow through on their promises, I demanded part of my soul before I began looking for you. Kreturus gave it to me.”

  I couldn’t believe what Collin was telling me. Kreturus had given him part of his soul? That meant Valefar could be restored! That meant that I could save Apryl and undo the horrors I inflicted on Eric! Hope soared within me and deafened me to the solemn look on Collin’s face. If I’d noticed his expression, I wouldn’t have jacked myself up so high on hope, because as soon as he finished his story, I felt miserable.


  “Ivy, he gave me a piece of my soul. He said it was a down payment—a glimpse of what I would get when I completed my task. Kreturus went the Pool of Lost Souls and called my soul out. He took a portion of it and infused it into my Valefar body. My soul and my body were reunited. But, it didn’t work.” Collin released my shoulders and tipped his head toward the ground. The toe of his shoe scraped against the loose dirt. “As soon as my soul was reunited with my body, it became rancid—like it didn’t belong inside of me. When the Valefar killed me, I was a good man with a good soul. When Kreturus gave me back my soul, I was an evil man with an evil body. The good soul and the bad body couldn’t fuse again, not without force. So that’s what Kreturus did. He forced the soul to reattach to me, and in doing so, corrupted it. My soul had to become like me to live within me.”

  Collin laughed coldly, folding his arms tightly to his chest. “I thought I outsmarted Kreturus. I thought that piece of soul would free me from him, but it turns out he outsmarted me. Because it doesn’t matter how pure my soul was before, there is no way it will merge with my body ever again - not after living the life of a Valefar. But when he forced it, he forced the evil from hundreds of lifetimes onto that tiny piece of soul. And no soul could bear that kind of abuse. That bit of soul wasn’t enough to free me from being a Valefar. It wasn’t enough to lift the curse that binds me to Kreturus.” He looked haunted, revealing a memory filled with pain that he didn’t want to relive. He bargained with Kreturus.