And Veronica said I’M TELLING YOU, FRANCES, THAT LENORE BACCHIO IS A DEMON!
And that’s why I don’t like Veronica very much because she whispers like that about EVERYBODY. And so does my mom. And so the next time they whisper about Mrs. Bacchio I’ll let you know what she wasn’t supposed to be doing with whoever she was doing it with. If I figure it out.
So long, Superman.
Your pals,
JERRY and ROBERT
Well, Superman,
Whatever Mrs. Bacchio did she must still be doing it because my mom and Veronica nextdoor have been whispering about it for three days. And I don’t know what it is but I know she was doing it with a man and it wasn’t Mr. Bacchio. That’s because my mom whisperd DOES HER HUSBAND KNOW ABOUT IT?
And Veronica whisperd NO, BUT EVERYBODY ELSE DOES.
And I said I DON’T.
And my mom looked up. And so did Veronica. And they thought I was watching Mickey Mouse Club only I wasn’t. I was listening to them. And so I said WHO IS SHE DOING IT WITH?
And boy did my mom get mad! She yelled at me and told me how I wasn’t supposed to listen to groan ups talk. Especially when they’re whispering. And how I better get outside before she gives me a beating. So I went up to Robert’s house and we talked about it for a long time and we tried to figure out who it was she’s doing it with. Whatever it is she’s doing. And Robert said it must be somebody REALLY bad for them to whisper so much. And so I said maybe it’s you, Superman, because why else would my mom get so mad? So if it is you, then why don’t you write us a letter and tell us? And if it’s not you, then don’t worry about writing.
Except you probly wouldn’t write even if it was you. So maybe you better write even if it’s not you.
Thank you, Superpal.
JERRY CHARIOT
and
ROBERT SIPANNO
DEAR SUPERMAN,
Well, we know who she’s doing it with and it’s not you. It’s Mr. Durrelli. He’s the one who brings the comicbooks after school every Monday when me and Robert wait. And so now you don’t have to write us that letter and tell us who it is. But you could tell us what it is. If you want. We haven’t figured that out yet. But we figured out where it is. It’s in the back of Mrs. Bacchio’s News Stand where she keeps all the old comicbooks and stuff. That’s what Robert’s mom said when she was talking to Olivia Mariotti on the phone. Except Robert calls her Ant Olivia. And Robert’s mom said that my mom said that Veronica nextdoor said that she was doing it right there in the back of the store and CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?
And then Olivia said something and Robert’s mom said WHY IT’S JUST TERRIBLE! HOW MANY KIDS DOES HE HAVE?
And Olivia said something else and Robert’s mom said SIX! And then she said, THAT GOES TO SHOW YOU, OLIVIA, YOU JUST CAN’T TRUST A MAN!
And so if she don’t trust a man then she probly don’t trust a boy either. So we better not ask her what Mrs. Bacchio was doing. But we thought maybe you could tell us since you have Super branes and also X-ray Vision. All you have to do is fly over Bacchio’s News Stand and look through the roof and watch them doing it. Whatever they’re doing. And then you could fly up to the Duck Rock and tell me and Robert about it. We sure would appreciate it, Man of Steel.
YOUR FRIEND JERRY and ROBERT again
PS: I like Mrs. Bacchio a LOT better than Veronica next-door or Olivia Mariotti or even my mom or Robert’s mom. Or Buster or Sister Mary Justin or Jimmy Sinceri. Or my sister the Sister who is becoming a nunn who we’re going to see next Sunday. Or ANYBODY. And so I don’t care what they say, Superman, because I know she couldn’t do nothing bad. Because I just KNOW it. So goodby.
Dear SUPERMAN,
You know what I think? I think my baby brother REALLY is in my mom’s stomick. Because the other day she was holding her stomick and telling me how she’s gonna call him Christopher after he’s borned. And I said CHRISTOPHER?
And she said YES, ISN’T THAT NICE?
And I said HOW DO YOU SPELL THAT?
And so she wrote it down for me like this:
CHRISTOPHER
And I said CAN WE CALL HIM CHRIST FOR SHORT?
And she said NO, THAT’D BE A SIN.
And I said WHY?
And she said BECAUSE THERE’S ONLY ONE CHRIST AND YOU CAN’T NAME A PERSON AFTER A GOD.
And I said WHY? again.
And she said BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE JUST PEOPLE AND GOD IS GOD AND SO GOD WOULDN’T LIKE IT.
And I said WELL, I DON’T THINK WE SHOULD CALL HIM CHRISTOPHER.
And so she got to say WHY? this time.
And I said BECAUSE IT’S TOO LONG AND BESIDES IT’S UGLY.
And she said we could call him CHRIS if we want.
And I said I DON’T LIKE THAT EITHER.
And she said WELL, WHAT DO YOU LIKE?
And I said HOW ABOUT CLARK?
And she said CLARK?
And I said I THINK CLARK IS A REAL NICE NAME FOR A BABY. OR EVEN A PERSON.
And she said CLARK? again.
AND BESIDES, HE’S MY BABY BROTHER AND IF I CANT GET A ATOMIC SUBMARINE THEN I SHOULD GET TO CALL HIM CLARK. SO THAT’S WHAT I’M GONNA DO.
So she said WE’LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER.
So I said WE TALK ABOUT EVERYTHING LATER.
So she said DON’T GET SMART WITH ME, YOUNG MAN! GO DUMP THE GARBAGE.
So I started to say something back but then my dad came in from work and so I didn’t because he gets mad quicker than my mom does. And after I dumped the garbage I thought about it for quite a bit. And I decided if I can’t call him Clark then maybe I could call him KAL-EL. That’s what your name used to be when you lived on Krypton before it exploded. But I still like CLARK the best.
Goodby.
YOUR FRIEND JERRY
PS: Which one do you like the best?
Guess what, Superman?
My mom said we can’t name my baby brother Kal-El either because all Catholic babys have to be named after Saints. And that’s why we can’t call him Clark. And Christ wasn’t a Saint because he was God. It would be a sin if we named him after God or a person and that’s why we have to name him after a Saint like Christopher even if we don’t like it.
Which I don’t.
You see, Superman, a Saint is somebody who used to be a person before he became a Saint. And if you want to become a Saint then somebody has to kill you first because you believe in God and they don’t. Like Joan of Ark who’s on a lot of the Holy Cards. She kept smiling and praying and singing about God while they tied her up and burnt her. The only trouble is that everybody here in Pulpburg already believes in God. So the only way they might kill you around here is if you DIDN’T believe in God. But I don’t think that counts. So I guess I can never become a Saint. And I guess I can never name him CLARK either.
I’m sorry, Superman. I tried.
JERRY CHARIOT
PS: I don’t want to be a Saint anyway because there’s already a Saint named Saint Jerome. I’d hate to go to all the trouble of becoming a Saint and then have everybody get me mixed up with somebody else when they’re praying to me.
Dear Superman,
This afternoon me and Robert went into Bacchio’s News Stand to buy SUPERMAN’S PAL JIMMY OLSEN NO. 125 like we always do. That’s the one where Jimmy Olsen is making you cry allover the cover so he could get some Super tears for his magic formula that he was making. So first we looked through it like we always do. That’s so we can give Mrs. Bacchio some time to decide if maybe she wants to give it to us free. But she wasn’t even looking at us. And she didn’t smile or say HI BOYS like she always usually does sometimes. So we went over to pay for it and that’s when we noticed her eyes were all red and watery like yours on the cover. And like Elizabeth’s on Saturday night. And she looked really TERRIBLE, Superman. So Robert said HI, MRS. BACCHIO! and I said YOU SURE LOOK NICE TODAY but she didn’t say nothing. Not even one word like Hello. She just took our money and gave us our change and didn’t even look in our eyes.
And we never saw her like that before and that’s why you GOTTA do something, Superman.
You see, Mrs. Bacchio really likes you a hole lot like we do. And she ALWAYS talks about you. And so we know you could make her feel better because she really feels bad because we can tell. We just know. And we don’t know why exactly, but we know you could figure it out please? All you gotta do is go talk to her for a little while and she’d REALLY like that. And if you did, then me and Robert wouldn’t even care if you didn’t get a chance to talk to Perry White about giving Robert a job. Which is what we was gonna ask you about. But now you don’t have to worry about it. Unless you wanted to. Goodby.
Love,
Jerry and Robert
PS: Did you ever hear of Saint Buster? Well I didn’t either. But my mom said that Buster isn’t his real name because it’s Anthony like my dad. And Anthony is a real good Italien Saint. And I said ARE YOU SURE THERE ISN’T A SAINT CLARK? And she said DID YOU EVER HEAR OF HIM? And I said WELL I DON’T KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT SAINTS, BUT SISTER MARY JUSTIN DOES. So me and Robert are gonna ask her. But first we thought you might know since your name is Clark sometimes. So if you don’t know, then maybe you could fly faster than the speed of light and crash through the Time Barrier and fly back to when you was Superbaby in Smallville. And you could ask Ma and Pa Kent if they named you after Saint Clark. And then you could fly back to the future. Which is the present. Which is when me and Robert is writing this letter. Which is the way you could let us know. Thanks, Man of Steel.
Dear Clark,
We keep reading how you fly back through the TIME BARRIER a lot. Like the time you went back so you could use your Super-breath to help Benjamin Franklin fly a kite. And another time you flew back to when there was dinasores allover the Earth which was a LONG time ago. In fact it was so long ago that we can’t even remember which issue it was in.
And so if you decided to fly back to see Ma and Pa Kent, then you’d also see yourself wouldn’t you? I mean, you might run into yourself when you was SUPERBOY or SUPERBABY or even before you wasn’t anything, like my baby brother.
And then you could watch yourself and see what you did when you was a kid.
Unless you landed in the past on a day when Superboy was in the future seeing what he was gonna look like when he became Superman. And then neither of you would get to see yourself. Unless you passed yourself on your way through the Time Barrier.
Me and Robert was wondering if that ever happend? Or if it’s ever gonna happen? Why don’t you tell us?
Your Friends,
JERRY CHARIOT and Robert
PS: That’s why I can’t wait until I get Super, Superman. Because then I can fly back through the Time Barrier and meet me when I was a kid. Which is RIGHT NOW. Which means I might be meeting myself any day now. Then I’ll know what I’m gonna look like when I get Super. So I hope I come to visit me REAL soon. Goodby.
Well, SUPERMAN,
Me and Robert have been watching pretty close, but we don’t see anybody who looks like me flying around. In fact we don’t see anybody flying around at all. Not even you.
I hope that don’t mean I’m not gonna get SUPER.
Maybe it just means that when I get Super I’m never gonna decide to fly through the Time Barrier. Except that’s one of the FIRST things I’m gonna do.
So maybe it just means I’m gonna fly into a Saturday because we don’t have school on Saturday and so I’ll have more fun with myself. And since tomorrow is Saturday, maybe that’s when I’m gonna do it.
I’ll let you know.
Your,
PAL JERRY
Dear Superman,
Well I didn’t do it. I didn’t fly into the past and meet myself or anything. I even went up to the Duck Rock and looked allover the place and Robert came with me. But nothing happend and then it was time to go eat. And so I asked my mom if Robert could eat at our house and she said OK. But Robert’s mom said he couldn’t because she made spaghetty all day. Which Robert likes quite a bit anyway. And so do I. So I asked my mom if I could eat at Robert’s and she said GO ASK YOUR DAD. And my dad said NO. So I didn’t. So after supper Robert came down and asked my mom if I could sleep at his house like I do sometimes on Saturday. And she said GO ASK YOUR DAD. And I said DO I HAVE TO? And she said YES. And he said NO. And I really wanted to because we have more fun up there. Because his mom always gets drunk on Saturday night and so we could stay up REAL late. But my dad didn’t let me like he usually don’t. And he wouldn’t let Robert stay at my house either. He said we always giggle and make too much noise. And I said PLEASE? And he said YOU HEARD ME! And so I had to stay home all alone and wait, Superman.
But it didn’t happen.
I stayed up REAL late but nobody flew through my window who looked like me. I kept waiting and waiting. And then my dad made me turn out all the lights and I still kept waiting. And waiting. And then I fell asleep even though I didn’t want to. I couldn’t help it because I was real tired from climbing allover the Duck Rock. And that’s when it happened, Superman.
I had this dream.
I dreamed I was flying through the air and I was flying real fast and I broke through the Time Barrier. Only I wasn’t flying backwords into the past. I was flying forword, into the future.
Like you do sometimes.
And you’ll never guess where I landed? I landed right where I am write now! Right on top of my dad's apartment building! And it was late at night. Real late. But my light was still on so I looked in the window and you'll never guess who I saw?
It was me, Superman.
Only I was a LOT bigger. And I was writing a letter to you, just like this one. Lots of short sentences. Lots of short paragraphs. Only I wasn't writing it because I was typing it. And I don't even have a typewriter but that's what I was doing.
I watched for a long time.
I looked through the window and I looked at myself and I knew it was me. I KNEW it! Except I was bigger, like I told you. And I was crying. Tears kept falling allover my typewriter. The one I don't have yet. And each tear was a different color. Red and blue and yellow. And gold. And green, like Kryptonite. They fell everywhere. Rivers of rainbows flooding the room, getting higher and deeper, attacking me, drowning me—killing me!
It was AWFUL, Superman! I thought FOR SURE I was gonna die! I kept trying to make it to the window, to pull it open and save myself. But I couldn't. Somebody was stopping me. Somebody was outside holding it shut. And that's when it happened, Superman.
I woke up.
Everybody else was asleep. Even Buster. I wished Robert was there so I could tell him about that dream, but he wasn’t. He’d been gone a long time. I was all alone. It was the middle of the night. I was still crying. Still writing. Still waiting for someone who looks like me to fly through the window and dry my tears and pick me up and fly away. Will it ever happen, Superman?
Will it ever happen?
just,
Jerry
I’ll tell you, SUPERMAN,
It sure is hard to figure this all out. But me and Robert hardly ever give up and that’s why we’re still trying. So we’ve been thinking about how Ma and Pa Kent died a long time ago and you felt real bad and cryed and everything. So maybe that’s why you don’t want to fly back through the Time Barrier and ask them about Saint Clark. Because you’d know they’re already dead only they wouldn’t know it and so you’d have to feel bad all alone.
Except Robert said if you kept flying back into the past then you could be with them ALL the time, Superman. Which means they would NEVER be dead.
And since everybody used to be alive sometime, then you could visit anybody anytime. Not just Ma and Pa Kent, but Abraham Lincoln or Adam and Eve or ANYBODY. And so actually nobody must ever be dead. It’s just a matter of getting to them at the right time. Which means all you have to be is Super. Or else you have to be God.
Which might be the same thing anyway.
Your PALS,
JERRY and ROBERT<
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You see, SUPERMAN,
On page 13 of Robert’s Catechism it says that GOD IS EVERYWHERE. And on page 14 it says that GOD CAN SEE EVERYTHING. And on page 15 it says that GOD ALWAYS WAS AND HE ALWAYS WILL BE AND HE ALWAYS REMAINS THE SAME. And every time Sister Mary Justin talks about God it sure sounds like she’s talking about you, Superman.
Especially since you can be a man or a boy or a nothing, depending on which time you do it. Which means you can be EVERYWHERE and EVERYWHEN all at the same time. Just like God the Father.
Which is what Robert said a LONG time ago when we first started thinking about it. So now we’re thinking about it again because of what Sister Mary Justin keeps saying. And she knows a lot about God just like we know a lot about you, Superman. Except we don’t know if you’re God or not. So why don’t you tell us like you didn’t before?
Thank you very much.
ROBERT and JERRY
DEAR MAN OF STEEL,
The Kryptonite Kid: A Novel Page 7
