Midnight Secrets

by Janelle Taylor

  “Nobody, so what do you mean?” He tensed as he wondered if he had done or said something to cast suspicion on himself, on his mission.

  “Where are you from? How do you live?”

  “Out West and by whatever catches my interest. I stay on the move so I’m not in one place very long.”

  “No home? You travel all the time?”

  “Yep, I prefer it that way.”

  “Where did you attend school?”

  “What?”

  “You sound educated to me.”

  “That surprises you for a cowpoke, a trail duster?”

  “Nothing I learn about you should surprise me. You’re quite a puzzle.”

  “My mother.”

  It was her turn to be baffled. “What?”

  “My mother taught me and had me tutored. Thought it would help get me accepted in the ‘right’ places and with the ‘right’ people.”

  “From your bitter tone, it didn’t. So you instantly dislike people like me? I’m sure life was tough and painful for you on your own.”

  “Despite what you think, Anna, I haven’t had a bad life. I’m good at what I do, and I like it.”

  “Do you ever hire out as a private guide?”

  He was intrigued. A clue? “Why?”

  “Just wondered. Do you?”

  “I have, and I’d do it again if the money and challenge were there.”

  Ginny dropped that idea for the moment. “You said you don’t let people get close so you won’t be vulnerable and get hurt. How could I hurt you?”

  “Don’t you know, Anna?”

  “I hope so, but I’m not sure. Do I make you as nervous as you make me? Do you push me away because you don’t like me or because of Cathy?” The last question slipped out before she could prevent it.

  “Mrs. King? Ah, yes, so it is noticeable to others. I was afraid of that. I set her straight when she waylaid me in the woods yesterday. I’m lucky I didn’t get clawed up by that coy little cat when she was grabbing at me. I had to struggle to control my temper. I don’t like women who paw me.”

  “I imagine many women chase you during your travels.”

  “Some.”

  “Do” you… spurn all of them?”

  “Mighty nosy, aren’t you?” he jested and gently tugged on a curl. “Should I start questioning you about your lovelife?”

  “I don’t have one and have never had one.”

  “That’s hard to believe, a beautiful and desirable woman like you.”

  “It’s true, by choice. I’ve never met a man I wanted to get to know better, until now.”

  “Until now?” he repeated, asking himself if he should press onward to ensnare her or retreat to avoid this sensitive topic.

  Ginny’s gaze fused with Steve’s. “Until you.”

  “You want to get to know me? Why?”

  “Because you’re interesting, different, appealing. Because I like you. Because I think we could become good friends. Is that being too bold?”

  “It’s mighty direct for a lady.”

  “Is that why you’re afraid of me, because I’m a lady?”

  “Ladies give men like me trouble and aggravation.”

  “How so, Steve?”

  “For all reasons you mentioned last night when you scolded me, and because they want and need what I can’t and won’t give them.”

  “Why is friendship so terrible to give?”

  Steve clasped her face between his hands, gazed deeply into her eyes, and asked, “Is that all you want from me, Anna “ Avery? I don’t think so.”

  “I honestly don’t know what I want from you, Steve. It’s confusing.”

  “I know, Anna, and it’s trouble for both of us; it’s impossible.”

  “Why?”

  “I’m not the settling-down kind. Look for a husband in Texas.”

  “What was it you said to me; ‘Advice is easy to give, but hard to take?’ I’m not searching for a husband, Steve, in Texas or here with you.”

  “You’re not the kind to have… unmeaningful…amusement.”

  She was relieved when he chose his words with care. “I…”

  When her words trailed off before refuting his statement, Steve bent forward and kissed her. His tongue danced with hers. He pulled her tightly against him. Scorching heat licked over his body. He yearned to possess her then and there. He felt her tremble in his embrace. She was so warm and willing and eager with her responses, with the way she kissed him, with the way she clung to him, with the way she stroked his back. He knew it would be wonderful to teach her lovemaking, to experience it with her. But what would happen after she surrendered to him? Would she endanger his mission? Would he become too distracted by her to solve it? Would it blind him to the Averys’ possible involvement in his case? Would she become clingy and demanding, or would she get painfully hurt by him?

  The intensity of Steve’s kisses and hunger, and those of her own, alarmed Ginny. Strange and powerful longings filled her, and she knew their names were Desire and Passion. She wanted to be introduced to them; she wanted to get to know them. But they could be enemies, could be dangerous, could be captors. She relished his fiery kisses and tender caresses as long as she dared without losing her wits. When she realized the hunger was increasing, as was the pleasure, she pushed away from him. “I can’t…do this, Steve.”

  “I know, Anna; that’s what I was trying to prove to you.”

  Ginny looked into his eyes and doubted his claim. He couldn’t convince her he wasn’t as aroused as she was. “Just because I can’t do something reckless here and now doesn’t mean I don’t want to, Steve.”

  “Wanting something badly and taking rash action to get it aren’t the same, woman. Keep a strong will and a clear head, Anna Avery, and don’t allow a man like me to take advantage of you.”

  Ginny knew he had the power to capture her heart and claim her innocence if he really tried; the fact he wouldn’t do either told her he cared about her more than he realized or would admit. “That’s easier for you than for me, Steve, because you’re experienced with these things.”

  “Not with a woman like you, Anna. You should steer clear of me; I’m untrustworthy and dangerous.” He was trapped between two forces. One urged him to take what she offered and what he wanted for his own pleasure and to aid his mission; the other warned and pleaded for him to let her escape his clutches to be kind.

  Ginny didn’t know if his advice was an evocative challenge or an honest warning. “Couldn’t we become friends and take this slow and easy?”

  “I’m tempted, but it wouldn’t work. I won’t mislead you, Anna.”

  “Are you telling me to come after you at my own risk?”

  “No, I’m telling you I’d probably let you catch me for a while, but only for a while, Anna. That I know for certain. You strike me as a woman who’d want more from a man, who’d suffer later.”

  “So you’re spurning me to protect my feelings?”

  “Maybe. I just know it’s crazy to leap on a stallion that can’t be tamed.”

  “I believe you have the skills to master anything you want to. Doesn’t a man keep a valuable stallion after he’s tamed it and branded it?”

  “Some only love the challenge of breaking them in. Then they sell them or release them back into the wild.”

  “And it never bothers you that it carries your brand?”

  “Hasn’t yet.”

  “But it might with me so you don’t want to take the chance?”

  “Maybe.”

  “You never want to commit yourself, do you?”

  Steve studied her for a moment. Maybe she was smarter and braver than he knew; she had learned her lessons well in the past week. Maybe she was using cunning wiles he couldn’t perceive to lure him into her clutches to get him, as she’d subtly hinted, to guide them to the Averys’ contact out West. She could be working with Charles on an evil scheme, out of loyalty to her father or out of a misguided belief the Klan was doing go
od things. As with most Southerners, she did have cause to hate Yankees and to seek revenge. There was only one way to find out: challenge her to pursue him, let her think she’d caught him, and see what happened. If he was wrong about her and she got hurt from his ruse… He’d deal with that possibility later. If she didn’t need him for something important, his imminent words should frighten her and send her running for cover! “How’s this for being clear as a mountain stream? Damn right, I like you and you get under my tough hide. Damn right, I want you, and want you badly. Damn right, I’d take you if given the chance, and take you every time I could. Damn right, I’d leave when the time came for us to part ways; and it would come, Anna, never doubt that for a moment.”

  Ginny watched his retreat with an open mouth and stunned wits. He had admitted his affection and desire for her! He would love her and he would leave her. Or would he? Could she change him? Or not so much change him as help him get over the past. What would it be like to love him, to win him, to marry him, to have his children, to share his life, to take him to Colorado with her?

  Ginny milked the cow as Ellie Davis had taught her, then helped with breakfast and the clean-up chores.

  A religious service was held under the trees with Bible reading, singing, and praying. In spite of many complaints, they had begun their training last Sunday on the “Lord’s Day.” By this one, the men and women were ready to begin their trek the next day.

  The women took their four-mile walk while husbands watched children. Afterward, the men took theirs. It was everyone’s last task before making all final preparations to depart. They had the remainder of the day off, to work, to rest, and to have fun.

  The two grain wagons and drivers arrived in camp: Hollister and Brent. The leader met with them and gave them their instructions.

  After lunch, Ginny and other women went to the river for a last bath and shampoo before hitting the dusty and demanding trail. She lathered her long hair as she thought about Steve and last night. He had been distant again today and that troubled her. She couldn’t decide whom he was trying to protect the most: him, her, or both of them? Would she ever understand and reach him? He wouldn’t be afraid of her and avoid her unless…

  Don’t push it, Ginny. It might complicate matters and you don’t need more problems. You don’t know him well enough to reveal your secrets. Doing so can paint you black to him. He already doesn’t trust people; then you confess you’re a deceiver! He’ll think you’re like the others—or worse.

  While Ginny was gone, Charles Avery arrived and joined the group.

  Steve walked over to speak with the man who was attaching his chicken pens to his wagon and stowing supplies. “Good to see you.”

  Charles glanced up and smiled. “My sister gave me your message; thanks for coming by yesterday. I was already planning to head out today. I thought it was best to let Anna have privacy during her training. How did she do, Steve? Any problems?”

  Steve was intrigued by what he thought was a slip: how could she “do badly” in front of him if she’d been away at boarding school for six years and had just returned? “No problems to amount to anything. Training was tough on all the women, but Miss Avery did fine. You should be proud of her.”

  Confusing the two girls as he sometimes did—his lost child and Virginia Marston, his alleged daughter—Charles answered with remarks about both. “I am; she’s a smart girl; she can do anything she sets her mind to. She made the best grades of her class. They wanted her to become a teacher, but Anna wants more of a challenge in life.”

  “Such as?” Steve asked casually as he helped with the task.

  Charles centered on their ruse, as he honestly liked Ginny. “She doesn’t know yet, but I won’t be surprised by anything she attempts.”

  “She’ll do fine at whatever she tries if she keeps her mind on it. The only trouble she has is with bouts of distraction.”

  “She told me she had trouble concentrating and you scolded her.”

  Steve gave the same explanation he had given her, and no apology.

  “I fully understand and agree, and I told Anna so. She promised to do better and obviously she kept her word.” Charles glanced around to make sure no one was close enough to overhear what he was about to say. He had decided to get the scout and Ginny matched up for she would need the man’s help and protection soon. He was sure Carr would keep his confidence, as he seemed that kind of man. “This is between us, Steve, but it might explain why she behaved like that in the beginning. When she came to camp, she’d just lost her best friend since childhood, she died in Anna’s arms right before I started my training. That’s really why I left her in town with my sister; I thought she needed privacy to grieve and begin to recover. Don’t tell her I told you; it would upset her to know you’d be nice because of her suffering. She’s a proud girl. She also has me to deal with; we’ve been separated for six years, so she’s having to get used to me again. While she was up North, she lost her home, and the war ravaged everything she knew and loved. I collected her and I’m rushing her off to the Wild West. She just needed time to adjust to all those changes. Do you understand?”

  Steve nodded and continued helping Charles to secure the fowl pens. He knew what it was to lose a best friend, a home, and more. He now knew the reason why she’d been weeping that night; and she’d had no one to comfort her. Twinges of guilt for his behavior and suspicions chewed at him. He had been too tough and cold; she was so very vulnerable. It was surprising she’d come to like him. She should have confided in him about her troubles. She probably assumed he wouldn’t understand or, if he did, it wouldn’t make a difference in his treatment of her. Yet she had tried, he remembered, and he’d prevented it. Lost a best friend to death…

  At least her best friend had died, he mused with bitterness, not been murdered and… But the. cold-blooded killer would be tracked down and punished as soon as he completed this mission. He had promised himself: no more defeats, distractions, and unfinished business to prey on his mind. He would—

  “That has it done, Steve; thanks for the help. You promise you won’t tell Anna what I told you?” the graying man reminded.

  “You have my word of honor, sir.”

  “That’s the most important thing a man can have and give to another.”

  “Yep, but the war almost took it away from us Rebs. We promised to do a lot of things—protect our homes, families, friends, and land, but we couldn’t keep those vows. I guess we’ll all accept that defeat one day.”

  “One of the hardest losses a man can suffer is that of his pride. Things wouldn’t be so bad in the South if the Yankees would let us have a little bit of it back. They’re determined to keep us cowered and conquered.”

  Steve listened and watched for clues. “I don’t see that there’s much we can do about that, sir, until they change their minds and actions.”

  “I’m afraid you’re right, Steve, and it really sticks in my craw.”

  “Mine, too, sir. But as you said, there’s nothing we can do about it. Of course, some of the men here think differently.”

  Charles came to alert. “What do you mean?”

  Steve tried to sound and look nonchalant. “Oh, there’s been a lot of wild talk at night about the Klan and what they’re doing. Some of the men think they’re in the right.”

  “And you don’t?”

  Steve pretended to think a moment, shrugged, and replied, “I’m not sure what I believe, sir. A man can’t always trust everything he hears and reads, so I don’t know if they really do all they get blamed for.”

  “Would you ever join up with a group like that to punish the ones who’ve made us suffer and continue to make us suffer so much?”

  Steve faked deep thought again. “I can’t honestly say one way or the other, sir. I’ve never run into any Klan members. I don’t know the truth about them.”

  “I have. They struck me as decent, honest men who are protecting their friends and families and what little they have left
from the war.”

  “But what about all the lynchings, burnings, and lootings they’re blamed for?” Steve reasoned.

  “I don’t suppose they’re doing anything worse than those Yankee marauders and foragers, like Sherman and his troops did here in Georgia.”

  “But isn’t the Klan attacking innocent men?”

  “From what I hear and read, it’s carpetbaggers, scalawags, Loyal Leaguers, cruel ex-officers, and troublemaking Negroes they focus on.”

  “Does that give them the right to retaliate in such a deadly way? They could make mistakes and kill innocent people, and some don’t obey rules.”

  “Who can say what’s right or wrong when it comes to war, hatred, revenge, and justice? If things were set right in this country and courts didn’t go against us, there wouldn’t be a place or need for societies like—”

  Ginny returned and halted their conversation. She glanced at Steve, then looked at Charles Avery. She behaved as she thought she should. She smiled and embraced the older man. “It’s good to see you, Father.”

  “It’s good to be here, Daughter. Steve was telling me how well you’ve done with your training. I’ll get a look at it for myself on the trail.”

  She stood there with Charles’s arm around her shoulder. “It was hard, Father, but we all survived his lessons.”

  “If you two will excuse me, I have chores of my own to tend. Good day, Miss Avery, sir.” Steve nodded at the woman and left them alone.

  “That young man likes you, girl,” Charles told her.

  “He what?” she asked. “Did he tell you that?”

  “Not exactly, but he was softening up your father to get to you.”

  “What did he say about me?”

  “Nothing much; just bragged on how well you’d done this week.”

  “It’s about time; he’s usually stingy with compliments or he walks them through the back door.”

  Charles laughed. “That’s because men get skittish around girls they like and want; they’re scared of making mistakes and scaring them off while they get up the courage to court them.”

  “Court me?” she repeated and laughed. “I can imagine a moody loner like Steve Carr coming to our wagon at night to ask your permission to take a stroll in the moonlight with me,” she teased.