Tinseltown

by Stephanie Taylor

  “Then why do I feel used? Why do I feel like this isn’t going anywhere?”

  “We haven’t really defined anything yet, have we?”

  “We’ve been sleeping together for months, Preston. Months! Don’t you think we should have talked about this? If this isn’t a forever kind of deal, I’m not sure I can keep it up.”

  Preston looked down then away. “You know I don’t do commitments.”

  “You’ve certainly been committed to our sex life,” Amanda scoffed then waited.

  “I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “I just don’t know if this is forever. I’ve never really thought about it.”

  “Why don’t you think about it?”

  “I will.”

  She waited patiently, crossing her arms. His expression turned incredulous. “Now? You want me to tell you now?”

  “Don’t you already know? Deep down inside you know if you want this to continue. You don’t have to treat me like this. I can take it.”

  Preston turned and looked directly at her, unnerving her. “When I look at you, Amanda, I see everything I’ve always been afraid of — a wife, two-point-five kids, a minivan…”

  “And?” Amanda prodded.

  “And…” Preston shoved his hands into his pocket. “If you want forever, I can’t give it to you. I’m sorry.”

  Despite the fact she was acting, her heart nearly stopped. Tears streamed down her face and she couldn’t help but believe there was something between them as they stood and stared. It was no longer Amanda and Preston in the room, it was Zach and Deb.

  “I trusted you, Preston,” she accused. “I told you I didn’t want to be another notch on your bedpost. All this time the nagging little feeling I had in my heart told me to end it. To just forget you. And guess what?” She bared her teeth at him and swiped angrily at her tears. “I just did.”

  Her feet swept her off set, and while she normally would have stopped, she kept walking, her heart breaking. If only it could be as simple as walking away from him. In the distance, Fernbank yelled, “Cut!”

  As she was about to walk into the restroom, Zach was behind her, calling for her.

  “Deb! Stop!” The tone of his voice demanded she obey. To her horror as he reached her, she saw tears in his eyes. He was just acting, she tried to tell herself. He was an actor.

  “Can you please, please tell me what’s going on?”

  “That’s all it was, Zach. It was just sex for me.” She knew the look on her face gave her away, but she had to get away from him and figure things out first.

  “Don’t you do it, Deb. Don’t you confuse me with Brad. I’m not afraid of commitment. I don’t want to live without you.”

  Deb lifted her chin. “We don’t want the same things in life.”

  “Try me.” He placed his hand casually against his hip.

  “Fine,” she agreed. “Hypothetically, what if we find out we’re pregnant right away. What then?”

  She saw his hesitation but waited to hear what he would say. “Then we’d have a baby.”

  “Would you be happy?”

  He looked away from her. “Of course I’d be happy.”

  “Let me rephrase. Would you be content?” When he didn’t answer, Deb snapped. “Just answer me. It’s a simple yes or no!”

  He held his hands up. “I have to say having a baby now wouldn’t be my first choice since we’re just starting our marriage, but that doesn’t mean I wouldn’t love one.”

  Satisfied, she fired another question at him. “Would you want to raise it around all this? You see how celebrity children are hounded all the time. I don’t think that’s fair to a child, do you? Once I have children, I don’t want this kind of life anymore.”

  “Fair enough. But why would I have to give it up too?”

  She could tell he was trying to piece things together but was lost. She offered a silent prayer of thanks. She would tell him soon enough. “You wouldn’t have to if you weren’t with me.”

  “But if I was with you, I would?”

  “I don’t want cameras around me if children are involved. Period.”

  “Okay,” he said slowly, frowning. “So where does this leave us?”

  “With one last question. Do you want children?”

  The grief in his eyes, the way he held his mouth suggested he was torn between answering the truth and answering the way he should in order not to lose her.

  “The truth, Zach,” she encouraged.

  He took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “I told you once I would be honored if you wanted us to have a family together. That’s still the case. But I’m not ready for them right now, no.”

  “Then I guess we’re done.”

  “Deb, are you pregnant?”

  “We have nothing in common,” she whispered. “It really was all just sex. We pretended there was a future. We could love each other, but in reality, all we want from each other is what the other can’t give.”

  “So we’re breaking up because I won’t give up my career for a family with you? You’re issuing the same kind of ultimatum Brad gave you, Deb! Let me remind you that you weren’t willing to end your career in order to be with him.”

  Tears flowed down her cheeks again and she sniffed. “Because we didn’t love each other, Zach. And apparently we don’t love each other enough, either.”

  “Not true,” he argued with a pout. “I love you more than anything, Deb. And you know how I feel about losing you.”

  “Sometimes it’s not about winning or losing, it’s about what means the most.”

  His eyes narrowed on her and she shifted her weight, uncomfortable with the intensity of his angry gaze. “You’re no better than good ol’ Brad if you’re going to do this to me. If you’re too stupid to see how much I love you then go ahead, walk away without a fight. You’ve always taken the easy route anyway, just allowing people like him to treat you like crap.”

  Deb looked away. “I guess you’re no exception, huh?”

  With pressed lips, Zach stepped closer to her. “So you were playing me? Spending the holidays together last year and doing all the things you did was just a way to ensure my cooperation with your family and Fernbank?”

  “I asked for some space from you, Zach. All of this accusing and anger isn’t giving me the space I need to think!” She turned and started pacing, ignoring the sudden roll of nausea in her stomach.

  A crew member appeared. “Guys, Fernbank is getting impatient. We need a retake on that scene.”

  Zach gave him a curt nod and looked at the ground. He swung his arms in a carefree manner, turning. “We’re not done here,” he warned.

  Deb took a deep breath and sighed. No, they weren’t through. She wasn’t sure, despite the ache in her heart, if that was a good or a bad thing.

  Chapter 17

  With filming wrapped, Deb had someone pack up her trailer for her, but this time, she found she needed the steady rhythm of shoving things into boxes to keep her from going insane. The nausea was worse. Thankfully, it hadn’t interfered with her job, and the movie would probably be coming out after this baby was born. At her best guess, he or she would arrive around September and the movie’s release was set for October.

  Deb was still unsure how to tell Zach. She wished she had taken his opening when he’d asked her point blank, but it would just make things more convoluted than they already were. He’d feel the need to be the hero and rescue the damsel in distress.

  First she was going to see a doctor to make sure everything was okay, but judging the constant nausea, the constant exhaustion, the pregnancy was going strong. After the doctor confirmed the pregnancy, she was flying to her parents’ home. There, her mother would help her figure things out.

  A small knock on the door didn’t surprise her. Zach was leaving today too. He was flying to New York to get ready to shoot his next film. Today was the last day they had.

  When she opened the door, he stood there looking at her, his face distorted in a tigh
t frown and his eyes rounded in disbelief. It killed her to know she’d hurt him, but she simply didn’t know what else to do until she gained some insight.

  “Can I come in?” he asked quietly.

  “Um…” She hesitated only because she recognized the look in his eyes. She didn’t have the strength to deny him.

  He pushed through the door, and he pulled her in his arms. “I’m sorry for calling you stupid,” he said with his cheek pressed against hers. “I’m sorry.”

  She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and held him close. “It’s okay.”

  “I know you asked for time, but I don’t know how to give it to you. I’m terrified of losing you, and I don’t even know what I did.”

  Huge tears formed in Deb’s eyes and she framed his face with her palms. “You didn’t do anything, Zach. Please believe me.”

  “Then why the sudden change of heart? I thought we were going to make this into something special.”

  “We were, we can. I just…” She chewed her lip. “Something came up.”

  Zach’s gaze sharpened. “You’re not going back to Brad, are you?”

  For the first time in a while, Deb laughed. “No way.”

  “Then what?”

  “I can’t talk about it right now.”

  “Will you tell me truthfully, Deb? Was this all just a way for you to keep your family from being suspicious?”

  Deb thought a moment. If she told him it was it would almost certainly ensure him giving her the space she needed. But if she denied it, he might keep pressing her. She didn’t want that right now.

  “Yes and no.” Although the yes part was a lie.

  He studied her. “Care to explain?”

  “I love you, Zach. I really do. The truce we made at my parents’ house was an honest one…”

  “Did you sleep with me because you wanted to or to make sure I kept helping you?” he demanded, releasing her and taking a step back. If looks could kill, she would have been a greasy stain on the carpet.

  Deb swallowed the lump in her throat, torn, but she knew for now she had to let him go, thinking the worst. She might not make the best decision for the baby if she allowed him to stay in her life right now. And the worst part was she knew he might never forgive her after this.

  Taking a deep breath, she exhaled slowly. “Making love to you was amazing, Zach. But the filming is over. I don’t need you anymore.” She put on her best act yet, trying to keep the truth out of her words.

  He chuckled. “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice…” He shook his head and bared his teeth.

  Backing away slowly, he didn’t look at her. When his heels made contact with the door, he turned and simply left. She sank to the ground, burying her face in her hands and cried harder than she ever had before.

  * * * *

  Numbness spread throughout Zach, zeroing in on his emotions. He was such an idiot. Idiot didn’t even cover it. He was an imbecile to fall for her tricks twice. And then to go and do something as stupid as fall in love with her.

  But even as he thought it, he knew despite their abrupt ending, it wasn’t over. Maybe he wasn’t ready for the white picket fence or the two-point-five kids, but he would make sure he got there if it was that important to her.

  But he didn’t get it. One minute, she was all over him and the next, cold as an iceberg. He didn’t understand her abrupt change in behavior. If she had waited until after filming was over, it might have made more sense, but she’d tried to end it almost a week before they were done.

  He had a couple of weeks before he was scheduled to start filming his next movie, but he vowed to himself to forget about Deb during those two weeks. Afterward, he’d buckle down and see if he could fit the pieces of the puzzle together.

  But for now, he just wanted to forget.

  * * * *

  Deb ignored the clicking cameras behind her and stepped inside her parents’ house, her senses assailed with a feeling of homecoming. She called out, announcing her arrival, and closed the door behind her.

  Her mother was instantly in the foyer, grabbing her in a bear hug.

  “I was so excited when you called to say you were coming back again for a while!” her mother said in a flurry.

  “I hope that’s okay. I don’t know how long it will be. It might be as long as a few months.” Deb’s heart worked overtime to try to keep her emotions in check.

  Her mother looked behind her. “Where’s Zach?”

  Deb scratched her brow and finally gave up. Tears sprang into her eyes as she fell into her mother’s arms, sobbing. “Oh, Mom! I don’t know what to do!”

  Her mother didn’t say anything, for which Deb was grateful. Her mother simply held her until her sobs subsided then gently led them upstairs into her room. It was the same room she and Zach had shared, and just looking at the bed made her tear up again.

  “Start from the beginning,” her mother said.

  “Zach and I finally…” She eyed her pointedly and cocked an eyebrow. “I finally… fell in love with him, Mom. I don’t think, I know. He’s the most amazing man I’ve ever met.”

  “He seemed to care a lot about you, Deb, but if he hurt you, he wasn’t worth it.”

  “He didn’t hurt me, Mom,” Deb cried. “I hurt him. So much I’m afraid he’ll never speak to me again when he finds out the truth.”

  “What truth?”

  She glanced at her mother and purposefully slowed her breathing.

  “I thought I was sick at first. But eventually I noticed I was late, and then, I took a test.” She stopped and inhaled. “I’m pregnant,” she said in a big whoosh.

  Her mother’s face was almost comical. At first she looked confused, then as she realized where the conversation was going, utter joy filled her face.

  “You’re going to be a grandma again. I had a doctor confirm it four days ago.”

  There. It was out and now her mom could tell Deb what she needed to do next. Deb certainly didn’t know.

  “Oh wow!” She gasped for words and put her hand to her chest. “I’m… speechless!” They both laughed for a moment before her mother turned serious. “Obviously, Zach doesn’t know?”

  Deb shook her head and frowned. “I couldn’t tell him yet. He admitted to me he didn’t want kids right away. I got spooked he might get spooked, and I left before either of us could get spooked too much.”

  “It seems to me he doesn’t have much choice in the matter,” she said, annoyance lacing her voice.

  “I took my birth control regularly. I just don’t know what happened. And he doesn’t have a choice, Mom. I didn’t give him one. I can’t ruin his career over this.”

  “Why would it ruin his career?”

  “Because it’s not fair to a child to raise it in the kind of lifestyle we live. I couldn’t do that to my child…” Deb thought a minute then decided she had to tell her mother everything. “I asked him if he would give up his career for me.”

  “What did he say?”

  “He said he would have to think about it, but led me to believe the answer would be no.”

  “That’s a big demand. Sounds reminiscent of another relationship I used to hear about.”

  It was all her mother said but it was enough. Deb knew her mother thought she was out of line by asking such a thing from Zach. Her mother had certainly voiced her displeasure when Brad had asked her to do the same thing.

  “What should I do?” she asked, helplessness filling her.

  “You don’t have a choice, Deb. You have to tell him.”

  Deb sighed deeply, putting a hand to her stomach. She was right. Now only one question remained.

  How?

  Chapter 18

  Eight weeks passed by before Deb knew it. Her stomach was growing and the nausea passed. It was a rough first trimester that kept her mostly bed-ridden and as every day ended, she thought of Zach. She had planned some romantic way to tell him, but a sad truth flowed through her. Zach hadn’t contacted her. Not once
. But she had asked him not to. She had asked for space. Well, she’d had her space and now it was time to make amends and tell him about the baby.

  After a week of feeling well, Deb got up that morning and showered. She shaved her legs, a task long overdue. Makeup felt glorious against her skin. Turning to view her profile, she smiled. She needed new clothes. She wasn’t officially showing yet, but her jeans were tight, and she simply couldn’t put it off anymore. Maybe she’d get some elastic-waist pants. Those would be most appropriate for this transition time.

  In her time between toilet visits, Deb read several books on pregnancy and parenting. She wasn’t as afraid as before. The only thing scaring her half out of her mind was thinking of Zach’s reaction after such a long break without her. What if he had moved on? What if someone else warmed his bed at night?

  A surge of jealousy, strong and feral, ripped through her. She could only pray no one ever met the other end of these strong pregnancy emotions. Laughter might fill her one minute then something as silly as a commercial might make her burst into tears the next.

  Deb figured she would hear from a lawyer about a divorce before she heard from Zach. So far, however, no lawyer and no Zach. The rings on her fingers did exactly what he’d intended the day he’d placed them there. They reminded her of the wonderful yet short-lived bliss they had shared during the holidays. Would they ever be able to pick up where they’d left off?

  “Where are you going?” her dad asked over his morning cup of coffee when she went into the kitchen to retrieve her purse. He was a little taken aback by the news of her pregnancy but had agreed to let Deb handle things.

  “I’ve got to run out and find some pants… mine aren’t fitting anymore. Do you care if I borrow your car?”

  “Not at all. The keys are on the counter there. Be careful. After you’ve stayed away from cameras for two months, I’m sure they’re dying for a picture of you.”

  “It’s all right. I think I can handle it. Do you think Mom would want to go?” she said mainly to herself.

  “She’s reading upstairs. You should ask her.” He went back to his paper, but looked up again. “How was the doctor’s visit?”