White Horses

by Joan Wolf

  She said quickly, “Perhaps it will not happen so very often this year.”

  He looked skeptical but let her comment go unchallenged. Instead he asked, “Why did you call me cheri?”

  She blinked at the change of subject. “We are supposed to be married. We should show some affection for each other, otherwise people will wonder.”

  He continued to look at her. Mon Dieu, he is looking like a god again. His cotton shirt was open at the throat and his russet jacket made his shoulders look very broad. A few strands of golden hair fell across his forehead.

  “It is not easy,” she said a little breathlessly, “trying to look intimate when we scarcely know each other.”

  A little silence fell, then he said, “I know this is awkward for you, but the government had to send someone along to keep an eye on the gold.”

  Her back stiffened and she stared straight ahead at the wardrobe door. “No one ever came with us when my father carried gold.”

  “Before you were carrying gold for the Rothschilds. Now you are carrying gold for the English government. It’s not quite the same thing.”

  “No,” she said sarcastically. “The Rothschilds trusted us and the English government doesn’t.”

  She heard him sigh. “Let’s not keep pointing fingers of blame at each other, all right? I was sent to guard the gold, and that is what I’m going to do. You must appreciate that. Keeping the gold safe means keeping you safe, too.”

  “Fine,” she said, annoyed at herself for feeling disappointment at all his business talk. She was still not looking at Mm. “You can take care of the gold. I have enough to worry about without worrying about that, too.”

  “What do you have to worry about?” he asked. “The circus ran perfectly smoothly this afternoon.”

  She shrugged. “I must always worry that someone will get hurt or that one of the horses will get hurt. We are a small circus. We need everyone to be healthy.”

  “All of your performers seemed perfectly healthy to me.”

  “They are. But something bad can happen so quickly.” She turned to look at him. “Look at what happened with Andre.”

  He met her eyes. “You don’t appear to harbor a grudge against Sandi. I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

  She shook her head. “It wasn’t Sandi’s fault. Andre was standing right behind Mm and he bent suddenly to pick up Sandi’s foot—he was going to pick it out, but Sandi didn’t know he was there. That’s why he kicked out. It was just a moment of carelessness on Andre’s part, and he was dead.”

  Her eyes were somber. “So you see, Leo, I know about accidents. That is why I worry.”

  He said, “Well, let me do the worrying about the gold.”

  Easily said, not so easily done, she thought. But she forced a smile. “It’s too early to go to bed. Why don’t you tell me more about yourself?”

  Immediately, the blue-green eyes grew cold and distant. “I’ve already done that,” he said.

  That space around him has just got bigger, she thought. But she persevered.

  “Tell me about your home. You said you were brought up in the country?”

  “Yes.” His voice sounded clipped. He was no longer looking at her.

  “Does your home have a name?”

  He hesitated and she didn’t think he was going to answer, then he said, “Branford Abbey. It used to be an abbey before Henry VIII ceased to be a Catholic and dissolved the monasteries. That’s when it came into my family—-that was three hundred years ago.”

  “Mon Dieu,” she said. “That is a long time.”

  He nodded.

  “I have always wanted a home,” she said wistfully. “A circus person is constantly on the move. The closest things to a home I have ever had are the farms we rented for the winter.”

  A little Of the coldness left his eyes. Clearly he was more comfortable talking about her. “Have you always traveled with the circus?”

  She replied readily, “Since I was born. My Maman had me while we were on the road—and the same with Mathieu and Albert.”

  “Your mother is dead?”

  “She died not long after she had Albert.”

  “Then who took care of you?”

  “Sometimes the women who traveled with the circus, sometimes nannies. But the nannies usually didn’t like the traveling. I was the oldest so I took care of the boys the best I could.”

  He frowned. “Did none of you go to school?”

  “Papa taught us.” She thought of something and laughed. “His choice of subject matter would probably not suit a regular teacher. I read Xenophon—the ancient Greek horse expert—when I was eight!”

  “I have never read Xenophon,” he remarked.

  “You must. He is the foundation father of all good riding.”

  He said curiously, “Are you satisfied with the circus, Gabrielle? Is it something you want to do for the rest of your life?”

  She shrugged. “It’s what I do. It’s what I know how to do. It’s how I earn my living. I don’t have a nice estate in the country to go back to. All I have is the circus.”

  “I suppose that was a stupid question,” he said quietly.

  “Yes,” she agreed, “it was.”

  They were silent for a few moments, but it was a comfortable silence, not a strained one.

  “Papa’s family once had an estate,” she began. “A small one, not like yours—but it was lost in the Revolution.” She sighed. “The Revolution was a terrible thing. And now Napoleon has lost over half a million men in Russia and he is collecting another army of young men. France needs peace. That is one of the reasons why I am carrying this gold for General Wellington. He will help to stop Napoleon and give us peace.”

  He nodded and said soberly, “He will do that, Gabrielle. I am sure of it.”

  “Perhaps it is time for us to go to sleep.”

  She could hear the smile in his voice as he replied, “All right, I know the drill. Just let me get my nightshirt and then I will turn my back and let you get undressed.”

  She should be getting more comfortable getting undressed in the same room with him, Gabrielle thought, but instead she seemed to be getting more uncomfortable. She was acutely aware of him moving behind her. She pictured him pulling his shirt over his head, then taking his breeches off.

  Naked, he would really look like a Greek god.

  She blushed at the thought. What was wrong with her? She shouldn’t be thinking things like that! Hastily she pulled her nightgown over her head, then removed her undergarments under the shield of its voluminous folds. She folded her clothes on a chair and said, “I’m ready.”

  “So am I.”

  They turned around and regarded each other. Gabrielle hoped she was not blushing.

  “Turn the lamp out,” she said, and while he had his back turned she jumped into bed and pulled the covers up to her breast. He crossed the floor in the dark so she did not have to see his bare legs as he joined her in the bed.

  They had looked long and muscular in his tight breeches. Good horseman’s legs, she thought.

  Colette stretched herself and groaned.

  “Good night, Leo,” Gabrielle said.

  “Good night, Gabrielle,” he replied. Then, in a voice that held more than a hint of irony, he said, “Good night, Colette.”

  She heard him turn over, seeking a comfortable position in which to sleep. She stayed as far as she could on her own side, not daring to risk any physical contact.

  Eleven

  Emma came to talk to Gabrielle the following morning as they were getting ready for the first show of the day.

  “I hope we’re not going to have trouble with Jeanne,” she said.

  Gabrielle was brushing Sheiky’s tail and she continued with her even stroking motion as she looked up at Emma. “What do you mean?”

  “After you left the cafe last night she started to flirt with Franz. Pierre didn’t like it at all.”

  Jeanne was new to the circus; Pierre had m
arried her over the winter.

  “Mon Dieu.” Gabrielle said. “They are newlyweds!”

  “You wouldn’t know she was wed at all, the way she was behaving last night.”

  “What was she doing?”

  “She was only asking Franz questions about himself, but it was the way she did it. She kept touching his arm.”

  Gabrielle finished with Sheiky’s tail and straightened up. “Maybe she was just being friendly.”

  “Well, as I said, Pierre didn’t like it. He glowered for the whole time we were there.”

  “Then he will talk to her and it will not happen again.”

  “I hope so. We don’t need sexual jealousy rearing its ugly head in our circus.”

  “Let’s give Jeanne a chance, Emma. She’s new and she was probably just trying to be friendly. I hope Pierre isn’t going to be the kind of husband who won’t let his wife talk to other men. We have so few women with this circus that if she can’t talk to the men then she will be very isolated.”

  “Well, I just thought I should warn you.”

  Gabrielle reached out and gave Emma a hug. “You worry too much.”

  Emma smiled. “Perhaps.”

  Gabrielle watched as the older woman walked away. Then she turned to survey her domain.

  It was a sunny morning and the field looked as if it was about to sprout some grass. The circus troupe was spread out among its wagons, some of them practicing, some of them just relaxing and playing cards. The big circular circus tent, with its flag flying off the center pole, looked bright and colorful in the early spring sunshine. She smiled as Paul tried bending forward and catching a plate behind his back.

  “Bravo, Paul,” she called, and he grinned and waved at her.

  Everything looked peaceful and harmonious. She looked for Leo and found him with Mathieu just outside the horse corral. He was holding Kania while Mathieu brushed the horse’s mane. Albert was sitting on a box nearby, sketching them.

  I wonder if Leo could help Albert, she thought. He was an aristocrat. Perhaps he would be able to get Albert into a good art school—maybe even in England, where there had been no revolution to disrupt and destroy the arts.

  I have to have Albert show Leo some of the drawings he has done. Leo likes horses. He will be very impressed with the way Albert can capture a horse in his drawing.

  The more Gabrielle thought about this idea, the better she liked it. If 1 have to be saddled with Leo for this trip, perhaps I can find a way for him to be useful. It sounds as if he comes from an important family in England. Surely he should be able to help Albert.

  She moved from Sheiky’s rear and began to apply her brush to his long flowing mane. He stood quietly, with no one holding him.

  She had just finished with the mane when she was approached by Sully.

  “Gabrielle,” he said, “may I have a word with you?”

  “Certainly,” she said. She patted Sheiky’s arched white neck and snapped a lead rope on his halter. He lowered his head and looked hopefully for grass.

  Sully said, “I’m sorry about last night.”

  “You should be. You promised me last year that you would stop drinking over the winter. Now here you are again, doing the very thing you promised you wouldn’t do.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. It’s just…when the blackness comes on me, I can’t help myself.”

  “It’s very unpleasant for everybody else. Leo had to put you to bed last night.”

  Sully’s brown eyes looked even more mournful than usual. “I’m sorry.”

  Gabrielle’s anger dissipated, “Sully, I know you are still grieving for your daughter, and I know the black feeling that you have. I lost my husband, remember. But I kept busy and I didn’t give into it and it got better. Giving into it the way you do only makes it worse. It keeps you from healing.”

  “You’re right. But you’re young, Gabrielle. I’m not.”

  “You’re hardly an old man. When you feel that black mood coming on you, come and talk to me, Sully. Will you do that?”

  He gave her a sad smile. “All right.”

  “I know I’m young, Sully, but I have known sorrow, too.”

  He patted her shoulder. “Yes, but you have a new husband. I can’t get a new daughter.” And he walked off.

  Gabrielle stood looking after him. I don’t have a new husband, Sully, she said in her head, but she could not say that to him.

  Everyone in the circus must think she had forgotten Andre.

  That’s not true, Andre, she thought fiercely. I will never forget you.

  They had been a perfect match: both young, both horse-mad, both circus people. Her father had thought Andre too irresponsible, but Gabrielle had liked his smile and his laugh and she liked the way he made her feel. He was young and handsome and she was nineteen years old. She fell in love and they married and her life had changed very little. Then he had died and for the first time in her memory she had known real sorrow.

  Her life had gone on, however, and the constant flow of performances, caring for horses and her father’s and her brothers’ comforting presences had helped her get through. Then her father had died, and the whole burden of the circus and her brothers had fallen on her shoulders.

  Now she was the one who had to pay the salaries; now she was the one who had to collect the ticket money and make sure it covered not only the salaries but the costs for the horses and for the hotels and food for her and her brothers. Now she was the one who had to worry what she would do if one of the horses got injured and could not travel. Now she had to worry about what would happen if Sully got too drunk to perform.

  Oh, Papa, she thought. Everything seemed so easy when you were alive.

  At the end of the first show, Gabrielle gave some of the collected ticket money to Leo and asked him to drive the hay wagon into town and pick up some bales at the feed store.

  “What do you do with this money at night?” he asked. “You don’t just leave it in the wagon, do you?”

  “No, I take it to the hotel with me.”

  “Does everyone know you have it?”

  “I suppose so. You’re the first person who’s asked what I do with it.”

  He frowned. “I don’t like the idea of you carrying so much money. It’s a temptation.”

  It took her a minute to understand what he was implying. “Do you think someone from the circus would steal from me?” she said indignantly.

  “You never know,” he replied.

  She stuck her chin in the air. “I don’t know the kind of people you are accustomed to associating with, but I can assure you that no one in this circus would dream of stealing money from me. They get their salaries once a week, and I pay them quite nicely, thank you. There is no need for them to steal.”

  “I didn’t mean to insult your circus,” he said. “It’s just that…you seem so young for all this responsibility.”

  How dare he! She had thought the same thing herself, but hearing him say it incensed her. “I have watched my father all my life and I know exactly what to do to run this circus! If I was a man you wouldn’t be saying this.”

  He looked at her, his eyes grave. “Perhaps you are right. I am not accustomed to seeing women in charge of businesses.”

  “That’s your difficulty, not mine,” she retorted.

  “At least I hope you keep the money in a locked box,” he said.

  She kept the money in a box, but sometimes she forgot to lock it. “Of course,” she said loftily.

  “Someone from the hotel could get into your room and take it if you leave it unlocked.”

  “I keep it locked up,” she repeated, and vowed that she would do so in the future. “Stop treating me as if I was a child.”

  He looked a little grim as he left to get her hay. “I don’t think you’re a child, Gabrielle. You don’t have to worry about that.”

  Luc had too much to drink at the cafe that evening and spent his time trying to badger Leo. Leo, exercising tremendous self-contr
ol, did not respond. Gabrielle suggested that they go back to the hotel early, and Mathieu and Albert joined them.

  “I’m sorry about that, Leo,” Gabrielle said when they had got outside. “Luc was thinking he could replace Andre and he received a big shock when you came along.”

  “I’m sorry if I got in the way of your romance,” he said.

  “I had no plans to marry Luc,” she insisted calmly.

  Albert said, “He can be nice. He let me draw him the other day.”

  “He probably liked the attention,” Mathieu said.

  “I don’t like the dissention that is creeping up in the circus,” Gabrielle said in a worried voice. “First there was Sully, then Pierre got mad because Jeanne was talking to Franz, and now Luc is insulting Leo. We never had this kind of trouble before.”

  Leo said easily, “When people live as closely as your circus members do, there is bound to be some tension. It’s just normal.”

  “I don’t need tension,” Gabrielle said irritated. “It’s enough that I am responsible for all this gold.”

  “I am responsible for the gold,” Leo corrected. “That’s why I’m here.”

  Gabrielle glared at him. “I would not be having this trouble with Luc if it wasn’t for you!”

  “You would be having different trouble with Luc if I wasn’t here,” he retorted. “He would be pressuring you to many him.”

  “I can handle Luc,” she said.

  “Then handle him and stop whining!” he replied.

  She was insulted. “I have every intention of doing that.”

  “Good.”

  “Don’t be mad with Gabrielle, Leo,” Albert said tentatively.

  “I think it is the other way around, Albert,” Leo replied coldly.

  Gabrielle stuck her chin in the air and didn’t reply.

  They finished their walk back to the hotel in silence.

  Gabrielle said good-night to her brothers at the staircase and preceded Leo up the stairs to their room. She was fuming.

  Whining! How dare he say that I was whining. I think I have been amazingly good natured about having him foisted on me. I have been nice to him! And he’s useless. No, he’s worse than useless. He’s causing trouble. I should have refused to allow him to come along. I should have told Monsieur Rothschild that I wouldn’t take the gold if he couldn’t trust me to deliver it by myself. Now I am stuck with this pretend husband whom I can’t get rid of. I don’t even have the privacy of my own room anymore!