The Lost Mage

by Difar, Amy

  “Of course.”

  Okay, and are there people that sometimes use slang but they don’t sound right and it kind of makes people laugh?

  “Yes, but why are you asking me? Oh, you think I sound silly?”

  Well, sort of.

  “I am merely attempting to fit in with the locals. I shall continue to listen so I can use their slang more appropriately. Now enjoy your milk.”

  Thanks, dude. I’ll be up in a moment. The cat eyed the milk with hungry eyes but didn’t move.

  “No need to be so cautious, cat. I know you want the milk. It’s actually a gift from Sean.” Seeing that the cat was still playing the aloof card, Darakin backed out of the room and left the cat to his milk.

  Chapter Four

  Darakin made his way back to the front of the pub. The smell of food was making him hungry, reminding him that he hadn’t eaten in almost a day. Sean looked up and indicated that Darakin should sit at the end of the bar.

  “You look a bit hungry, lad.”

  “Well, it has been some time since I’ve eaten, but I have no gold.”

  “Gold?” Sean blinked in surprise.

  “Yes, you know, currency.”

  “Oh, money! Well, that’s okay. Everyone who works here is entitled to a bit of food.” He looked across the room at the pretty barmaid and yelled, “A burger for our new friend, Nora.”

  “Right away, Sean.”

  Darakin noticed that Nora seemed to have the same accent as Sean. He turned back to the bartender. “You and she hail from the same land?”

  “Hail? Yes, we’re both Irish. Where are you from, lad? I can’t place your accent.”

  “I’m from the Land of the Kwagl.”

  “I’ve never heard of it.”

  “I’m not surprised.”

  “I’m guessing that English isn’t your first language.”

  Darakin laughed. “No, it’s not. I’ve been told that my speech is rather odd.”

  “’Tis, my boy, ’tis. So, do they have ale where you’re from?”

  “They do.”

  Sean poured a Guinness and put it in front of Darakin. “I don’t approve of heavy drinking while working, but one to go with the burger is fine.”

  Nora returned from the kitchen and put a large plate in front of Darakin.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  “What do you mean what is it? It’s a burger. You know, a delicious beef patty surrounded by a soft bun.”

  Darakin pulled the bun back to reveal the meat patty. “Interesting.”

  Nora put her hands on her hips and stared at the strange man. “Interesting? What’s so interesting about it? It’s a standard hamburger.”

  “Hamburger? This looks like no pork I’ve ever seen. I thought you said it was a beef burger.”

  “Yes, burger. Short for hamburger and it’s not made from ham. Like I said, it’s made from beef.”

  “Then why do they call it a ham-burger?” Darakin could see the frustration on Nora’s face, but he really was confused.

  “I don’t know. Just eat it.” She turned and went off to help some customers.

  “You’ve a way with the lassies, no doubt.” Sean chuckled.

  “You’re being sarcastic?” Darakin asked.

  “Actually, no, laddie. I’ve never seen her get so frustrated so quickly. I think she likes you.”

  “She … likes me?”

  “Well, she can’t keep her eyes off you.”

  Darakin turned and saw Nora turn away quickly.

  “Now, have you never had a burger before?”

  “No. I’ve never seen a piece of meat that looked like this before, either.”

  “It’s not a piece of meat, it’s a patty made up of ground beef.”

  “Oh. They don’t do that where I come from.”

  Sean laughed. “Obviously not. Try it; I think you’ll like it. You just pick up the whole thing and take a bite.”

  Darakin still looked apprehensive, but he started to pick up the burger.

  “Wait!”

  “What?” He dropped the burger as though it had burned him.

  “Ketchup. You need to put some ketchup on that.”

  “What’s ketchup?”

  “Ketchup? Red sauce?” At Darakin’s blank stare, he continued, “No? Just trust me.”

  Sean picked up a bottle of ketchup and lifted the bun to squeeze some on the burger. “Now. Take a bite.”

  Darakin picked up the burger and took a small bite. A smile soon lit his face and he took a bigger bite. “Thish ish dewicious!” he said with a mouth full of food.

  “Told you.”

  When only one bite remained, Darakin stopped eating.

  “What’s wrong? A gentleman never finishes everything on his plate where you come from?” Sean asked with a laugh.

  “No, I promised the cat I’d find some food for him.”

  “I’ll tell you what. I’ll give you a dollar and you can go to the market down the block and get him some cat food, okay?”

  “Um, okay.” Darakin had no idea what a dollar was or what cat food was, for that matter. He pictured bottled mice, recalling Mrowley’s breakfast that morning.

  Sean handed him a rectangular piece of paper. “The market is on this side of the street, about five shops down.”

  “Okay, thanks.” Darakin left the bar and walked until he found a shop with a sign that read “Market” and stepped up to pull the handle only to have the door open before he could touch it.

  “What sort of wizardry is this?” Darakin exclaimed in surprise as they door banged into him. He jumped back.

  A woman exiting the store gave him a wide berth as she clutched her child’s hand tighter and hurried off.

  Cautiously, Darakin stepped toward the door and it swung open on its own. Once again, he jumped back. Several passersby stopped to stare and laugh at the odd man’s reaction. Aware of the onlookers’ laughter, Darakin straightened his shoulders and approached the doors again. This time when it opened he rushed past it and into the store where he looked around in surprise at all the boxes.

  “Hair dye’s in aisle four.” the young man behind the counter said, noting Darakin’s silver locks.

  “What? Hair dye?”

  “I figure you for just having woken up in some strange chick’s apartment and trying to fix all the crap you did last night but can’t remember.”

  “A chick? Why would I be sleeping with a young chicken? I am not accustomed to sleeping in barns, nor have I seen any in this city for that matter.”

  “Dude, are you still drunk? Usually people have sobered up by this time.”

  “Drunk? I’ve had no spirits. Well, I did have an ale, but only the one.”

  “Okay, relax. You’re just your run of the mill wacko, I get it.”

  “No, I … um … I was looking for the market, but this seems to be a warehouse of sorts.”

  “Huh? What are you talking about? This is the market.”

  “Where’s the food?”

  “Dude, look at this place, it’s, like, all around you.”

  Darakin took a closer look at the boxes on the shelves. Most did appear to contain food and he thought, how odd, they don’t eat fresh food in this land. Aloud, he said, “Oh. Where’s the cat’s food?”

  “Third aisle, like halfway down.”

  “Okay. Thank you … like … very much, dude.”

  “Yeah, sure.” The kid gave Darakin a funny look and went back to pretending to read his magazine, but keeping a watchful eye on the crazy man in aisle three.

  Darakin went to the specified aisle and walked halfway down. Stacks of cans with pictures of dogs and cats stared back at him. He picked up one with a cat on it. “These aren’t mice. The cats and dogs of this land must eat this ground meat, too,” he said, looking at the other picture on the label that depicted a bowl full of gravy-covered ground food.

  Darakin carried the can to the counter and put it down. “I wish to exchange currency for this merc
handise.”

  “What are you, like some kind of alien?”

  Remembering Sean’s use of the word alien when he was offered the job, Darakin smiled. “Yes, I am an alien.”

  “I thought so, but you’re missing your tinfoil cap.”

  “I need a cap?”

  “Yeah, tinfoil for the gamma rays, right?”

  “Um, sure, whatever you say.” Darakin gave the young man a wary look.

  The kid shook his head and rang up the cat food. “Forty-nine cents.”

  “Cents?”

  “Yeah, you know, coinage?”

  “Coinage?” Darakin stared blankly at the clerk.

  “Change, coins, pennies, nickels. You know?”

  “Ah, coins. I have no coins. I have only this dollar.”

  “Yeah, that’ll do.” The kid snatched the bill from Darakin and hit some buttons on the machine in front of him. A drawer popped out. The startled mage jumped.

  “Dude, it’s just my till. Relax.”

  “Okay, dude.”

  Again the clerk gave him a strange look and held out his clenched hand. Darakin stared at the young man’s outstretched fist trying to decide if it was a threatening move.

  The kid shook his hand, rattling the coins together. “Your change.”

  “Change?”

  “Yeah, look dude. Just hold out your palm, okay?”

  Darakin held out his hand and the clerk dropped some coins into it. The kid hurried to put the can in a bag and handed it to the strange man, hoping he would leave quickly.

  Darakin picked up the bag and went back to the bar. He handed the coins that the clerk had given him to Sean and put the can down on the bar.

  “One can? You could have gotten at least two.”

  “Oh. I didn’t know the exchange rate for currency and goods here.”

  “In that case, stay away from the cash register, okay?”

  “Okay, dude.” He started to walk away.

  “Dude?”

  “What?” Darakin turned back to face Sean.

  “No, you said dude.”

  “Yes, that seems to be a common form of address among the locals. I’m, like, trying to fit in.”

  Sean laughed so hard that he started to choke.

  Nora rushed over and hit him on the back. “What’s wrong with you, Sean?”

  Through tears of laughter, Sean gasped, “He’s trying to fit in.”

  “Yes, dude. I am. I, like, fail to see the humor in this situation.”

  At his words, Nora burst into laughter, as well. When she got her giggles under control, she said, “You probably shouldn’t use the word ‘dude’. It doesn’t seem quite right coming from you.”

  “But I’ve heard all the locals using it.”

  “Yeah, the kids, Darakin. Most adults don’t use it, except if they’re joking around. And they don’t call their boss dude. It’s kind of disrespectful.”

  Darakin was at once apologetic. “Many apologies, Sean. I meant, like, no disrespect.”

  Through fresh peals of laughter at Darakin’s use of the word like, Sean said, “I know you didn’t, lad. That’s what made it so funny.”

  Nora continued, “Oh, and about the like thing? It’s kind of a poor speech thing. You shouldn’t do it.”

  “Ah, I see. I should be careful about imitating the youth, who have not yet developed rich language skills.”

  “Yeah, that’s it.” Nora shook her head with a smile and returned to work.

  Chapter Five

  Darakin spent the evening carrying heavy crates of liquor and glasses around. He liked the atmosphere in the bar, its bulky tables and heavy wooden bar stools reminded him of the pubs in his home realm. Other than those powerful magic boxes of miniaturized people, there were few things in the tavern that startled him. It was very late by the time he was done and made his way to the little room in the back of the bar.

  He opened the door and looked for Mrowley. The cat lay on the bed and opened one eye at Darakin’s arrival. You look tired.

  Darakin yawned. “I am.” Then he remembered the can of cat food in his pocket. “Oh, I have a present for you!”

  For me? The cat raised himself up, looking pleased.

  “Yes.” He pulled the can out of his pocket and held it out for the cat to see.

  Cat food? Wow, I haven’t had any of this stuff in a long time.

  Darakin stared at the can, trying to figure out how to open it. He noticed a tab on the top and pulled at it. To his pleasure, the edge of the can popped open. He pulled it in the opposite direction and the lid came off. “What an ingenious invention.” He held the lid up, admiring it.

  The cat’s head moved back and forth as he followed the can in Darakin’s hand. Darakin noticed and apologized. “Sorry, I forgot, you must be starving.”

  Nah … well, yeah actually. I am hungry. After all, it has been weeks since I ate.

  “Weeks? You said days a few hours ago. And I’ll remind you again that you had a mouse this morning!” Darakin said in surprise.

  Dude, that was like weeks ago.

  “It was not weeks … oh, never mind. Here you go.” Darakin put the can down and the cat dug in. “I’ll have to get more tomorrow, now that I know where they sell it.”

  He lay down on the bed and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.

  He awoke to a paw in the face. Dude?

  “Huh? What … what time is it?”

  I don’t know, but I need to use the box.

  “What box? What are you talking about?”

  It’s just an expression. I have to answer nature’s call.

  “Oh! Sorry, I didn’t think of that.”

  Well, I need you to work the knob thingy and let me out unless you’d prefer I just used the corner.

  “No, no!” Darakin jumped up quickly. “Do you want to stay out then? Or are you coming back in?”

  I’ll come back in. I need to keep you warm, remember?

  “Oh, that’s right.” Darakin picked up the cat and left the small room. He went through the dark kitchen and opened the back door that led to a small alley where he put the cat down.

  Mrowley took a few steps and turned back. Um, do you mind? Could I have a little privacy?

  “Sorry, yes.” Darakin turned to go back inside.

  But only for a minute. I’ll be right back to keep you warm.

  “Okay, I’ll wait here.”

  Darakin leaned against the door to wait until the cat came back. He must have fallen asleep standing up, because he was startled by the feel of the cat’s body rubbing against his legs. He bent over and picked the cat up. He took him back to the small room and put him on the bed. The cat dropped something on the floor.

  “What was that?”

  Dinner, Mrowley said as he pounced on it.

  “Dinner? But I gave you that can of food.”

  Dude, that was days ago.

  “No, it was only a few hours!”

  Well, a mousie ran by me, it was impossible to resist.

  “Mrowley, you can’t bring rodents into a food establishment.”

  Don’t worry. I’m gonna eat it.

  “Okay, but please don’t leave the carcass around for Sean to find. I’m going to sleep.”

  Mrowley finished his mouse and curled up next to Darakin, purring loudly. The mage started to pet the cat, but was soon fast asleep.

  Darakin woke up again a few hours later feeling refreshed. He went out to the bar area. Sean greeted him.

  “Ah, Darakin. Listen, lad, I’m going to give you your wages for last night and you can have the night off.”

  “But I don’t want the night off; I need to work to get some gold … money.”

  “I know that, lad, but I’m afraid there’s a rumor going ‘round that the INS will be snooping about, so I’m gonna need you and Nora to make yourselves scarce.”