by Linda Ford
He needed to ignore the sweet call of Lilly’s beauty and spirit in favor of his son’s needs.
A reveler requested another song and the evening continued for some time.
However, the songs seemed to grow fuller and fuller of love and angst and sorrow, until Caleb thought his heart could not contain it.
Lilly edged closer. “Are you okay?”
He nodded, his heart too swollen to answer.
“Does this music make you miss Amanda?”
He jerked about to face her. The fire filled her eyes. “Amanda!” It shocked him that she’d thought that. “Amanda and I didn’t—” He could hardly say they didn’t love each other. Not only did it make him sound mean-spirited, but it besmirched her somehow. He shook his head. “We weren’t like that.”
From a few feet away Rose was watching them, but he was certain she couldn’t hear their words over the music, so he continued. “All my life I’ve wanted what you have here—a home, a family, love. Now it is out of my reach.”
She ducked her head before his intensity then slowly brought her gaze back to his, her face full of fierceness. “It sounds like you’re giving up.”
“I have given up on my dreams. All that matters now is getting help for Teddy.” He scrubbed his lips together. It was no longer true. His dreams had never died. They’d only lain dormant. “You have made me wish things could be different.”
She smiled so gently his throat tightened. “Caleb, maybe they can be different. Maybe you just have to be willing to look for ways to make it so.”
He drank in her look of hope and encouragement. “Teddy didn’t have a nightmare last night.”
“Well, there you go. Things are changing for the better.”
“If only he could walk.”
Her eyes bored into his until he saw nothing else but her, heard no sound but the twinning of their breath. “If Teddy walked, what would you do?”
He stared as hope flourished like a drought-stricken plant soaked in life-giving water. Then he pushed reality into his thoughts.
“I’ve never considered it.” He turned and faced the fire. He didn’t dare let his thoughts drift in that direction. He might be tempted to take a wait-and-see attitude toward Teddy’s healing.
She correctly read his withdrawal and turned her attention back to the sing-along. He couldn’t help but notice that she shifted to her right, putting a few inches between them so their arms no longer were no longer brushing.
He should be glad. He didn’t want to encourage her to think he was offering more than he was. All he could offer was friendship and gratitude.
But there was no gladness in his heart. Only a gut-wrenching regret.
The guitar player stood. “Best be going.”
His announcement echoed around the circle and the company slowly drifted away except for Cora, Wyatt and Lonnie, who had planned to stay overnight.
Wyatt grabbed a shovel and tossed dirt on the fire. Caleb helped him. Each shovelful quenched the flames until nothing remained but the smell of smoke.
Caleb took the tools and carried them to the shed, his footsteps slow and heavy.
The flames in his own heart also needed to be put out. He had to set aside the dreams he had allowed to flare to life and again focus on the tasks before him, working to get enough money to take Teddy down east.
But the sweet fragrance of memory would remain.
* * *
Cora and Rose lay in their beds on either side of Lilly. Wyatt and Lonnie slept in the other room with Caleb, Teddy and Blossom. Lilly smiled with contentment. “It’s almost like it used to be.”
“It’s nice,” Cora said. “I miss you two.”
Rose made a jeering sound. “From what Lonnie says, all you talk about is Wyatt. Wyatt this and Wyatt that.”
Lilly chuckled. “He says Wyatt is just as bad. It’s always Cora this and Cora that.”
Cora laughed. “That doesn’t mean I don’t miss home at times. Lots of times.”
Lilly sat up on one elbow. “Is it as you hoped?” What she meant was: Did the change make life better? Or did it make life scary? Did she ever wonder if Wyatt would leave her?
“I love Wyatt and can’t imagine life without him. Every day is full of sweet surprises as we get to know each other better. More and more I am impressed with what a good, noble man he is. And my, what good times we have. He—”
Rose groaned. “We get the picture.”
Cora laughed. “Sorry. Lonnie’s right. I do talk about Wyatt a lot.” Her voice grew serious. “There’s one thing I want to say to you both. Don’t ever be afraid to love.”
Neither of the twins said anything. If Cora had pressed her, Lilly would have had to confess she was afraid of falling in love. What if it led to more disappointment?
Cora continued. “Don’t let our past control your future.”
“Funny, but I said the very same words to Caleb.” The words were barely out of her mouth before she wished she’d held them back. Her sisters would demand details.
But maybe she’d said it because she wanted to talk about Caleb.
“I expect he has good reasons for his past to influence his future,” Cora said, her voice thoughtful. “He’s had to deal with a lot. How are your treatments working on Teddy’s leg?”
“I see improvement in his muscle strength, but he won’t use the leg. It seems to me he’s afraid to, and I don’t know how to help him deal with that.” She told her sister about the story she and Teddy were making up and how she hoped talking about Tiny would give her clues that would help Teddy. “All he says is his leg has forgotten to work.”
“So what are you going to do?” Cora asked.
Lilly smiled. Her big sister was back, even if only for the night. She’d always felt she could go to Cora for anything from a little scratch to a big fear. “I think I’ll play some games with him. Something that will give him an opportunity to express whatever is holding him back.” She had talked to him plenty over the past few days, saying much the same things as she had said to Caleb, only in simpler, more direct ways. Like bad things in the past don’t mean bad things in the future, and how evil things make a person fearful, afraid to change or try new things.
With a start that almost brought a cry from her mouth—a cry that would surely have made her sisters demand an explanation—she realized she had been speaking from her heart and to her heart as she talked to Teddy.
She was afraid of things changing. She didn’t want to try new things. Rose was right. Being abandoned on the prairie had left an indelible mark on her. Not that it surprised her that it had. It only surprised her that the event had the power to flavor every thought she had.
Was it something she could change, or was her past so much a part of her that it would always make her fearful of change and of trusting others?
Chapter Eighteen
“I hear there was a fire at the Bell place last night.” Ebner gave Caleb a look that made Caleb’s skin tighten. He wished the man would go away and leave him alone to relive the joys of the previous evening. He didn’t even have to close his eyes to recall every detail—the way the firelight had pooled in Lilly’s eyes, the way she had smiled when she’d talked to him, the way her eyes had lowered with shyness and then blinked wide open with assurance. The way his heart had willingly gone down pleasant trails with her.
“Don’t suppose you set it.”
Caleb’s muscles tensed with horror. “Nope.” He managed to keep his tone neutral.
“Too bad. It’s fine idea.”
“Have you forgotten my son is staying there?” His taut and commanding voice should have alerted Ebner that he wouldn’t tolerate putting Teddy at risk.
“He won’t be there forever.”
Caleb didn’t like that answer. He would
divert Ebner as best he could while he was there, but then what? Ebner meant to get the Bells to move by fair means or foul. And he guessed Ebner preferred the latter.
“What have you got against the Bells? It isn’t like they own enough land to affect the Caldwell ranch. Just a few measly acres.”
“It irks me that anyone could be so stubborn. The boss has tried to reason with them. He offered them ten times what the land is worth, but that old man refuses to budge. You know what he says?” Ebner snorted.
Caleb held his counsel, though he guessed the man didn’t expect an answer.
“He says God meant the land to be put to good use and that’s what he’s done.” Ebner snorted again. “Like he and God have a special arrangement.” Ebner looked ready to gnaw the arm off someone.
Caleb backed away. “I best get to work. It won’t get done on its own.”
“Yeah. You do that.” The man stomped away, muttering to himself.
Caleb shook his head. He didn’t want Ebner to become a problem for either himself or for the Bells, though the Bells had already experienced trouble from him.
He tended the list of chores Ebner had assigned then headed for the woodpile.
Ebner rode into the yard and jumped from his horse. He jogged toward Caleb. “I got something for you to do.”
Caleb groaned inwardly, but outwardly he kept the appearance of patience. Ebner had gone out of his way all week to keep Caleb from getting finished in time to have supper at the Bells’. Likely he meant to try again. “What do you need, boss?” he asked as Ebner drew closer.
“Need you to go to town. Get some oats from the feed store. Those horses coming in from working the range all summer deserve a good feed.” Ebner headed away and then turned back. “Best see if the cook needs anything for the kitchen, too.”
“Yes, boss.” As Caleb trotted to the barn to hitch up the wagon, he did a little figuring. If all went well, he should be able to get to town, pick up whatever was needed, get home and unload the wagon and still get to the Bells’ in decent time. Though he might not make it for supper.
Would Lilly be disappointed? Would she set aside a plate of food for him?
A few minutes later he was on his way. At the fork in the road, he took the right-hand one that led to town, but he glanced longingly to the left and wished he could follow it to the Bells’ farm.
In Bar Crossing, he jumped down from his wagon and clambered up the steps, his boots ringing on the boards. He hurried for the door of the store, stepping aside to allow several young ladies out.
They studied him with interest. “Hello, Caleb,” they chirruped.
He touched the brim of his hat. “Afternoon, ladies.” They had been at the bonfire the night before.
One pretty little thing with eyes as dark as the night sky glanced past him. “You’re alone?”
“I am.” Why should she care?
The girl sidled up to him, her friends surrounding him. “Maybe you’d like some company while you’re in town.”
He scrambled for a way to inform them he had neither the time nor the interest without being rude. “Ma’am, I wish I had the time to enjoy your company.” He let his glance skim over the four of them without meeting a single pair of eyes. “But the boss is mighty particular about me getting back in good time.”
The girls stepped back, the dark-eyed one pouting openly.
As he reached the door, one of the others spoke loudly enough for him to hear. “I think there’s something not quite right about a Caldwell cowboy courting Lilly Bell.”
Courting? The word blared through his mind.
He gave the storekeeper the list the cook had given him.
“I hope you don’t mind waiting,” the man said. “I have three other orders to fill and I don’t have anyone to help me today.”
“I have to get some feed and a few others things, so I’ll be busy for a while.” Caleb left the store and jumped into the wagon. Surely the order would be filled by the time he had picked up the other things.
He smiled as he thought of returning to the Bells in a few hours. His mind scurried back to the conversation with the young ladies in front of the store.
Did he mean to court Lilly? Maybe he had been doing so without realizing it. He shook his head. As soon as he got his paycheck he would be going east with Teddy. There would be no time for courting.
He pulled up to the feed store and loaded the sacks of oats and then drove to the hardware to get nails and two new ax handles.
When he returned to the mercantile, the order was ready. He carried the boxes to the wagon, ready to be on his way.
He hadn’t left town when someone flagged him down. “Mister, you got a loose wheel.”
Sighing back his frustration, Caleb thanked the man and got off to inspect it. Indeed, the wheel was crooked.
He scrubbed at the back of his neck. This would mean a delay, but at least it hadn’t happened out on the trail. He turned the wagon toward the blacksmith shop.
An hour later the wheel was repaired and he was again on his way. He glanced at the sun already halfway down to the horizon. Would he make it to the Bells’ before dark?
* * *
“Let’s play catch,” Lilly said to Teddy as she tossed a ball back and forth from hand to hand.
“Okay.” He grabbed his crutches and followed her out to the yard. He leaned on the crutches in order to free his hands.
Lilly tossed the ball gently to him. She had no wish to see him tumble to the ground, but she hoped to again see him use his right leg when he wasn’t conscious of it.
If Teddy’s leg would work again, Caleb wouldn’t need to leave.
Would he then stay in the area? He’d hinted he might. She allowed herself to dream of the possibility.
He giggled as she missed his wide toss and had to chase after the ball. After that, it turned into a game of how far he could make Lilly run, until, panting for breath, she finally called a halt.
“Let’s see if Blossom would like to play.” She found a stick and handed it to Teddy. “Call her over and show her the stick, then toss it just a few feet away from you. Let’s see if she will bring it back.”
Teddy looked troubled. “Won’t it hurt her to fetch it?”
“Don’t throw it very far.” This could be a chance to talk to Teddy about injuries. “She needs to use her muscles to keep them strong.”
“Won’t she be afraid?”
“You mean of the pain?”
“I guess.”
She squatted before him and held his shoulders. “Did your leg hurt a lot when it happened?”
He nodded.
“Are you afraid it will hurt if you walk on it now?”
He looked into her eyes as if seeking something.
She wanted to hug him, but she needed for him to think about her question. She’d seen enough evidence to be convinced he could use his leg if he tried. He had to get over his fear.
Teddy looked at the stick he was holding. “My mama’s dead.” The agony in Teddy’s voice brought the sting of tears to Lilly’s eyes and she hugged the child.
“I’m so sorry.” She felt powerless in the face of his pain. The child had endured so much physically and emotionally. No wonder he feared to trigger any more pain by using his leg.
Rose wandered by. “Pa’s out digging turnips.” There were several rows still in the ground.
Lilly understood Rose’s unspoken message. Pa shouldn’t have been doing it on his own. In fact, since his fall from the ladder a few months ago, they’d done their best to persuade him to leave most of the physical work to them. Not that he had listened.
Lilly straightened. “Teddy, you stay here and play with Blossom while I help Rose and Pa.” She grabbed a digging fork and hurried after Rose.
They knew better than to ask him to leave, so they set to work alongside him. The more they dug, the less Pa would have to do.
An hour later, when they were down to their last ten feet, Lilly felt the ground rumble.
“Did you feel that?”
Rose nodded and they looked about for the source. Over the hill raced a herd of stampeding cows.
“The Caldwells.” Rose spat out the words.
They raced for the house.
Lilly stopped. Where was Teddy? She spotted him up the hill, right in the path of the thundering cows. “Teddy!” she shrieked.
The boy stared at the approaching herd.
“Run, Teddy, run.”
He took one step. Two. Then froze.
Lilly’s heart stalled. He’d be trampled unless she could reach him. She picked up her skirts and tore across the yard, with Rose behind her hollering, “Hurry!” Then Lilly heard nothing but the pounding hooves, the snorting and bellowing of the cows.
She measured her progress against that of the cows and forced another burst of speed to her feet. She reached Teddy, snatched him into her arms and continued her headlong flight to the barn.
The ground shook. The air rang with a noise that she knew would fill her nightmares for days to come.
They reached the barn, falling through the slit in the door. She sat on the floor, rocking Teddy as the cows rushed past. The door shuddered as an animal banged into it. Something creaked from the pressure of the surging animals.
The pigs squealed. Chickens squawked. She wondered if any of them would survive.
Finally the noise lessened. A set of hooves cracked against the wall and then the thunder passed. Dust and the smell of cattle droppings filled the air.
She held Teddy, her arms locked in position. Weakness filled her until she thought she might throw up.
“Lilly, come quick.” Rose’s urgent voice gave strength to her limbs and she stood up and pushed the barn door open enough to exit easily.
Teddy’s crutches lay nearby, one broken in two, the other soiled so badly it would require a good hard scrubbing.
