Crossroads of the Heart

by Savannah Maris

  With Bash heading in that direction, I take a notepad and pen to the living room to figure out what’s caused Tamryn to think I’ve cheated. My only clue is that magazine. After fixing a glass of tea, I settle in with the items to study the evidence at hand. Just like preparing for any negation, I have to take my heart out of the equation because I need a clear head if I’m going to win the fight for my marriage, the fight of my life.

  Your man comes home smelling like another woman.

  When have I done this? Have I done this? Some of my clients are women and they hug me, usually at the beginning and end of our meetings. Being from the south, you just accept it more so than welcome it. She’s going to have to tell me when this has occurred. Beside this comment I write:

  I will listen to you because if I’ve done this, I am unaware. I will accept your examples.

  You find lipstick stains on his collar.

  Damn, this was a year ago. I thought she’d accepted my explanation, and we’d moved on. Apparently not. I sit with clients and their divorce attorneys in courtrooms thanking God that Tamryn doesn’t throw shit in my face from years earlier. Seems she’s not throwing it; instead, she’s storing it up. Fuck! I’d been honest and removed the girl from my lap as soon as she tried to blow in my ear. That earned me a displeased look from the man I was meeting with, but I didn’t give a shit. Beside this comment I write:

  I promise you with everything in me and my love for you, nothing happened. I removed the girl immediately. You are the love of my life yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

  Your man sends you gifts with an apology.

  I’m guilty of this and then some. In my mind, I thought it was the right thing to do to express how much I hate being away from her. In her mind, it appears to be just a way to buy her acceptance. God, we’ve dated since we were fourteen. Through high school and college, I didn’t have much money to spare so I couldn’t shower her with nice things. Now I can, and she doesn’t want them, or maybe it’s how they’re given. If she understood where the gifts came from, would she want them back? Next to this comment I write:

  I’ve heard what you said, but maybe too late. You don’t need the gifts, you just need me. Yes, some are guilt gifts because I’ve let you down, but most are because I want to give you the beauty that you deserve. I want you to wear something from me every day and know that I’m with you.

  Your man doesn’t come home on time.

  Yep, this one is on me as well. In the last year, I’ve tried to work late only when she’s away on a photo shoot, and I thought I’d been doing good with that until this past week. I know she loves to surprise me, but this had just been the worst week for surprises. Beside this one I write:

  I will do my very best to be home on time or give you advance warning of a late night. I will never go out to dinner last minute when you’re in town. I will put you above my clients always.

  Your man decides to stay away at night.

  This is just the icing on the cake for her. God, had I known these things were running through her head, I would have never stayed away that night. I would have come home no matter what. Beside this one I write:

  I am so fucking sorry. At the time, I thought it was a good idea, but by morning I realized I would’ve rather been snuggled up to you for just a few hours and wake up with you than stay away. It will never happen again.

  Looking at these points, I roll my eyes as I want to know who the author of this article is because I think they need to be tarred and feathered, then be required to sit in every marriage counseling session this article causes. I rub my hand down his face. Maybe I needed this to show me that I haven’t been a good husband in three years. Please don’t let it be too late.

  My phone vibrates. “This is Noah.”

  “Mr. Carmichael, this is Marvin Best. Levi Landers gave me your name and said you could help me with my negotiations with the same music company. I’m in Atlanta this weekend, would it be possible to meet.”

  I massage my forehead. I won’t be good to anybody this weekend except Tamryn. If I can find her. “I’m sorry, Mr. Best. This isn’t a good weekend for me. You can email your contract over, and I’ll look at it first thing Monday morning then we can talk. I’ve got some personal things that I need to take care of, so I’m only working half days next week. Do you have my email address?”

  “Yes, Levi gave it to me. I look forward to hearing back from you.”

  Email. Why the hell haven’t I thought of this before. She may not have her phone with her and maintaining radio silence, but there is no way in hell she won’t check emails.

  I grab the notepad and hurry to the laptop where I compose an email.

  Tamryn,

  I erase it and start over. I don’t call her that unless I’m pissed off or we’re in public.

  Tams,

  Where the hell…

  Fuck! As mad as I am, I can’t put her on the defensive immediately. She won’t respond at all.

  Tams,

  Baby, I miss you. Please talk to me. I know something happened to send you away from me, but for the love of God, let me fix it.Please, Tams, call me or email if that’s what you need to do right now. Help me fix us. I love you with all of my heart,

  Noah

  11

  Tamryn

  When the song ends, the man places his hand at the small of my back and guides me to the reserved table. That’s Noah’s spot. He pulls the chair for me to sit.

  “May I join you?” The timber of his voice causes goosebumps to run down my arm.

  “Yes.” I look over my shoulder and smile at him. A crooked grin curves his lips as he takes the seat across from me.

  “If we aren’t going to use names, what am I going to call you? Somehow, I don’t think ‘hey you’ is appropriate.”

  I giggle and shake my head. “No, I don’t think that’s appropriate either.” My eyes dance with humor as I think for a moment. “How about I call you Saluda, and you call me Atlanta? It’s personal, but not overly so.”

  He sticks out his hand. “Nice to meet you, Atlanta. I’m Saluda.”

  “Nice to meet you.” A genuine smile crosses my face when I shake his hand.

  “Is Becky coming over here to tell me not to bother you?” Saluda nods toward Becky walking our way with narrowed eyes.

  I furrow my brows. “I don’t think so.”

  “Col—”

  He holds up his hand. “No names, Becky. You can call us Saluda and Atlanta.” He points between himself and me.

  “What? Is this some kind of game?” Becky’s eyes cut between the two of us.

  “I think it’s just best right now not to use our names.” I beg Becky with my eyes not give my real name away.

  “Okay, gotcha. So, Saluda, do you want your usual?”

  He turns toward me. “Are you eating?”

  “Yes, I’ve already ordered.”

  “Then yes, Becky. That works.” He turns back toward me. “Would you like another glass of wine?” I nod, and he holds up his glass signifying he wants another beer as well. We sit in silence and watch the dance floor for a several of minutes. Finally, he asks, “Where are you staying?”

  “Becky’s aunt’s house on the lake. I can’t remember the road, but I know how to get there.”

  He chuckles. “I know the place. It’s nice down there.”

  “It is. Where do you live?”

  “Not far from there.”

  “I see. Do you know of anyone wanting to get rid of a car? I’ve got a rental, but I don’t want to keep it that long.”

  “What are you looking for?”

  “Just something reliable.”

  “As a matter of fact, I looked at a Jeep Cherokee last week. Mrs. Hopkins wants something smaller. It’s in great shape, plus it’ll be better on that dirt road where you’re staying than a car.”

  “Really? How much?”

  “Offer her six thousand cash, and she’ll take it. It’s worth that.”

  “How do I
get in touch with her?”

  “Do have a piece of paper and pen I can borrow, Becky?” he asks Becky as she walks up with our food. She pulls a pad and pen out of her apron, so he can scribble down the name and number. “Here ya go. Let me call her first thing in the morning to tell her someone by the name of Atlanta will call and she may refer to me as Saluda.” A playful smile stretches his lips, and I can’t help but notice his beautiful white teeth. His smile is nice, but Noah’s melts my heart.

  I blink and focus on cutting my chicken. My heart races a little from that smile because I haven’t held Noah’s attention like this in years. “Thank you. I’ll call her tomorrow afternoon.” I fold the paper and stuff it into my back pocket.

  The band has been playing for a while, and we haven’t danced anymore. I’m not used to staying out late, so when my hand covers my yawn I say, “I better call it a night.”

  He stands and pulls out my chair. As I start to leave, he gently places his hand on my elbow and escorts me to my car. “It’s late. I’ll follow you home.”

  Just like Noah used to do. He never let me drive home alone. I tense because I’m not expecting that and hope he isn’t expecting anything else. I’ve only ever been with Noah, and I’m not ready to be with anyone right now.

  He opens my car door and wraps his hand around my upper arm. “Atlanta, it’s late, you’ve been drinking, and yawning for the last half hour. I’m just going to see you home. Relax.”

  “Thank you.”

  Fifteen minutes later he pulls into the driveway behind me in his silver pickup truck. He leaves it running as he walks me to the door. “I had a good time tonight. Will I see you at Crossroads again?”

  I smile. “I did, too. I’m sure you will. Thank you for dinner and the dance,” I say before I turn to unlock the door.

  “You’re welcome.”

  I let myself in and watch him jog back to his truck and drive up the road. My heart races and my stomach feels like a hundred butterflies just took flight. I place my hand on my stomach and my finger tips on my lips where I can feel my pulse. Did I want him to kiss me? No, that would make me no better than Noah. I lock the door before I walk back toward my bedroom.

  Sunday comes and goes with me buying a used Jeep Cherokee from Mrs. Hopkins. Now, it’s Monday morning and a flurry of activities have kept me busy—from insurance and opening a checking account to making an appointment for later this afternoon. It’s almost lunchtime, and I need to find someone to help me return the rental car, so I pull into the Crossroads Bar and Grill to see if Becky has time to ride with me.

  I open the door and hear, “Hey, Tammy. What brings you in here so early?”

  My eyes have to adjust from the bright light outside to the dimmer light in the bar and grill. “I need to return my rental car to the airport. Is Becky around?”

  “Colt Montgomery, I’d like you to meet our new temporary resident, Tammy.”

  When the man at the bar turns around, my mouth falls open. Saluda. Colt shakes his head, and my gaze falls to the floor.

  “What?” Dale looks between us. “What’s going on?”

  Colt chuckles. “Well, Tammy, I guess our game is over.” He turns from the stool he’s sitting on. “I’ve got some time. I can follow you down there.”

  “I don’t want to inconvenience you.” I wrap my arms around myself as if I might fly to pieces. I don’t know how I feel about this.

  “No trouble at all. Are you ready to go now?”

  “Yes. Dale, please tell Becky I’ll be back later.” I really want to talk with her before my appointment this afternoon. Hopefully, we’ll get back early enough.

  I turn out of the parking lot heading for The Columbia Airport with Colt behind me. I’ve been on the road for less than half an hour when my phone rings. Since I didn’t link my phone and the car’s Bluetooth, I pick it up without looking at it.

  “Hello?”

  “Baby girl, where are you?”

  “Returning my rental car.”

  “Are you going back to Atlanta without coming to see us?”

  “No, Daddy. I’m not going back.”

  “Tamryn, what the hell is going on with you? Have you spoken with Noah?”

  “No, sir, but I’m meeting with an attorney this afternoon.” I straighten my back and work myself up into a tizzy. “Daddy, if he wanted me, don’t you think he’d come looking for me?”

  “How the hell is he supposed to find you, baby girl? And, you don’t know that at all.”

  “Has he called you since Friday? Let me answer that for you, no.”

  “No, because I called him like I promised I would. Don’t do something you’ll regret before you talk to him.”

  I take a deep breath to get control of my emotions. My dad can bring on the tears quicker than my mother. “He denied cheating, didn’t he?”

  “I’m not telling you what he said, but I believe him, baby girl. Whatever burr you got under your saddle, you need to get it out and talk to your husband. He’s worried about you.”

  “Funny, he wasn’t worried four days ago. He was too busy staying away from home to be worried about me.”

  “Tamryn Gayle Fields Carmichael, you sound like a toddler. What has gotten into you?”

  I let out a huge sigh. “I don’t know, Daddy. All I know right now is that I’m not important to him, our marriage isn’t important to him. I want a family, and he obviously doesn’t have time for one. So, if I’m going to have a baby, I’ve got to do something quickly before I’m too old. Daddy, Noah hasn’t looked at me like I’m his world in years.”

  “Tamryn, life isn’t like that all the time, and you know it. My world rises and sets in your mother, but I don’t look at her like that all the time. That’s why marriage is work. When’s the last time you and Noah went on a vacation, just y’all and no phones?”

  “Three or four years. I don’t know—our honeymoon?” I swipe the tears away.

  “Maybe that’s where y’all need to start. He’s a young virile man, he has needs and his wife is gone more than half the time. Let’s just say, I think he’s a stronger man than I could’ve been at his age. It’s not just him whose put their career first, sweetheart. You’ve got some blame to be laid at your doorstep, too.”

  “Then maybe we’ve outgrown each other. If our careers are more important than our marriage, then maybe it’s time to move on.” I take a calming breath. I nod, confirming my plan, to myself. “I’ve got to go, Daddy.”

  12

  Noah

  Taking Tamryn’s phone from my car, I walk into my office building close to noon looking like shit. Yes, I have on a suit and tie, but the bags under my eyes tell the story that I haven’t slept for four nights running. As I turn the corner from the elevators toward my office, I see Carol fielding phone calls. She’s just hanging up when I walk past her desk.

  “I need to see you now, please.”

  “Mr. Carmichael? Let me—”

  “Now, Carol. Let it go to voicemail.” I leave my office door open, and by the time I reach the other side of my desk, Carol walks in. “Close it behind you.”

  Carol does as I’ve asked and turns with apprehension on her face. She straightens her skirt and smooths it down as she waits for me to speak. “Are you okay, Noah? Are you sick?”

  “Have a seat. You need to be aware of some things that happened over the weekend because there’s a good chance the news will pick this up today, and it’ll be plastered all over the media.”

  Carol eases into a chair across from my desk at the same time I take mine. Placing my elbows on the desk and my head in his hands, I inhale deeply as I push my fingers through my hair and then exhale slowly as I try to gather my thoughts. After a few moments, I lower my hands and cross my arms on the desk so I can look Carol in the eyes. I want her to see that I’m in no shape to deal with bullshit today, and she needs to run interference as much as possible.

  “Tamryn has been missing since Friday night. The last we know is that she
was on a flight for Columbia, South Carolina.” I hear Carol gasp while I continue to speak. “I filed a missing person’s report and the officers warned that it’ll become public record today, so I imagine you’ll get some calls with people asking questions.”

  “How do you want me to handle them?”

  “Dammit, I don’t know. From all appearances, she’s left me, but I haven’t been able to speak with her.”

  “What?”

  I look at Carol with sad eyes. “A PI is trying to locate her. As soon as he finds her, I’ll be leaving. If you could reschedule my appointments for the rest of the week, that’d be great. Oh, a Mr. Best wants us to negotiate his contract with the same music company as Levi’s. Give it to one of the junior attorneys to handle. They can use Levi’s contract as a template.”

  “That’s who I just hung up with when you walked up. Anyone in particular?”

  I shake my head. “If the media calls, tell them she’s gone to see some family, and I wasn’t able to go with her. Our schedules didn’t mesh, and I’d forgotten she was going.” I run his hand down my face. “As soon as I hear from the PI, I’ll retract the missing person’s report.”

  “Maybe you should go home.”

  “I’ve got a couple of things to do here, then I am.”

  Carol stands. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry you’re going through this. You two are perfect together, when you’re together.” Carol gives me a sad smile before she walks toward the door.

  When you’re together. Am I the only one who didn’t see it? “Thank you, Carol.”

  I hear the door click shut and turn to look out of my office windows. The sky is blue with plenty of white fluffy clouds, and the sun is shining. To everyone else it’s a perfect day, but to me, it may as well be pouring rain and gray. I lean my head back on my chair and close my eyes. Moments later, my phone vibrates and brings me back to the here and now. I answer without looking at the screen.