Married. Wait! What?

by Virginia Nelson

  “Estelle, you wound me with your words. Now, I’m going to need some extra affection from you or I’ll start believing you just don’t love me like you used to.”

  “I’ll give you some extra affection alright, a whack upside the back of your head if you touch that food before we say grace.”

  Rolling my eyes at that, I sat down. I couldn’t help but smile at how much the two of them loved one another, as we bowed our heads to say grace. They almost gave me hope that I could find that type of love too. Almost.

  Mom cleared her throat before saying, “There’s some grown up juice mixed in with the orange juice, since I’m more than sure we gonna need it. Nothing ever bodes well when Max calls and says he wants to discuss something with us.”

  “Ma, come on, maybe I just wanted to spend some time with my family.”

  “Boy, do I look like I was born yesterday to you? If so, them damn contacts ain’t worth a damned dime that you paid for ‘em, and you need to go get a refund.”

  I just about choked on my juice listening to the two of them go back and forth. I don’t think Pops even heard a mumbling word over his own chewing. I barely recall seeing the man even fix his plate, but when I looked over at him he was already halfway done and eyeballing seconds.

  I had a coughing fit so bad Pops was about to get up and beat me on the back until I choked out an, “I’m okay,” when I heard Max telling Mom, “Maybe I wanna just discuss going on a family vacation. We haven’t done that in a while now.” I downed another glass of ‘grown up juice’ to help soothe my throat, and get ready for the big reveal.

  “Maybe if you actually ate some food to go with all that juice you keep downing you wouldn’t be over there having spasms,” Pops suggested to me between mouthfuls.

  Only thing I could say to that was, “I am. I’m just a bit more thirsty than I am hungry.” You would be too if you knew just what kind of vacation your son was talking about. As if he was reading my thoughts, Max cut his eyes at me.

  “Quit eyeballing your sister, and tell us some more about this vacation idea of yours.” Poor Mom, she truly sounded excited about it.

  “Yes, Max, please enlighten us with more details about this vacation plan of yours,” I said. “I am just so intrigued.”

  “Justine, I hate you.”

  “Love you too bro.” I even blew him a kiss with that. Which made him look as though he wanted to strangle me. “Just trying to offer up some encouragement. I’m in the mood for a vacation myself and would love to hear the details.”

  “You are so not helping here.” He was turning beet red. Maybe I should let up a little bit. I had barely had that thought before there was a knock at the door.

  My eyes went round as saucers. “Please tell me you didn’t.”

  When Mom scooted back her chair to go to the door, Max stopped her saying, “I’ll get it.”

  Sure enough, when he walked back in he had Chelsea on his arm. “Mom, Pops, meet Chelsea, my fiancée.”

  After about two seconds of stunned silence, Mom finally recovered enough to say, “Justine, pass me that damn juice you hogging up over there.” Then she turned to Pops saying, “Henry, please tell me your son did NOT just bring me home a white girl.”

  4

  After getting over the initial shock of meeting their future daughter in-law, and me pointing out for the millionth time in my life to Mom that Pops really was white no matter how many ways she tried to justify it in her mind that he wasn’t, we reconvened in the living room. Since the only response I got was the usual eye-roll anyhow, I just shook my head and rolled my own eyes. To say Mom was stubborn and set in her ways would be the understatement of the year.

  “I still better get my damn vacation,” Mom muttered before Pops pulled her down on the couch with him.

  “Calm down now, sweetheart. I’m sure our boy has better sense than to mention a vacation to us, and then just yank it back. Especially after dropping such a sweet bombshell on us just now.”

  “Who knows what sense he got these days? Looks like his damn brain is down there in his balls.” I tried to cover up my laugh with a cough a second too late. “I don’t know what you over there laughing at, I know you knew about this,” Mom said.

  “Mom! Even if I did know about it, it wasn’t my place to say anything. This is all on Max, not me.” Of course she’d somehow turn it around to me. Ugh.

  “Mom, Justine only just found out last night. And, yes, you will be getting your vacation. We’re having the wedding in Hershey, Pennsylvania.” Max smiled and sat back, giving Chelsea’s hand a reassuring squeeze as he did so, like he had just accomplished his big goal. Silly boy.

  “I want a vacation soon, son, and not sometime next year.”

  Sooner than you think, Mom.

  “Well, it actually will be before next year.” Poor Chelsea hadn’t said a damn word, just sat there getting more and more red, or was that green, as Max continued on. “It’s going to be the week after next.”

  That did it. That one sentence was the equivalent of lighting a match to a box of dynamite. Mom and Pops starting going off, ramming questions at Max so fast there was no way he could keep up. I sure as shit couldn’t.

  When I looked over at Chelsea she had surpassed the red and turned fully green, and looked as though she were about to explode. I hurried over to where she sat with Max, snatched her up by the arm, and ran/walked her to the downstairs bathroom that looked like a broom closet to everyone on their first visit to the house. I got her to the toilet and pulled her hair back just in time. I don’t think they even noticed we were no longer in the room.

  After she hurled a few times and got it all out of her system, she mumbled a thank you to me. When she got up and rinsed her mouth out, I guided her to the kitchen to get her a glass of water. Deciding now was as good a time as any, I asked her, “Do you love my brother?”

  “Of course I do. And the little monster that he put inside me that keeps making me throw up and won’t let me eat hamburgers anymore,” she responded with a shy and timid smile.

  “And I can tell he loves you. Come on.”

  As we walked back into the living room I took a deep breath then shouted at them, “Can it!”

  That got their attention. Once everyone’s eyes were on me, I spoke to them all as a whole. “Mom, Pops, your son is in love, grown, and ready to have a family of his own. It may not be ideal to you guys or anyone else, but it’s just what happens to be right for him. Though he could have told you in a better way than this.” I gave Max a pointed look at that, “But, now that we all know, let’s just support him and get this shindig on the road.”

  “And just how do you get an entire wedding planned halfway across the country within two weeks?”

  “This was my initial response, too. And, yes, we have come up with a plan. Amongst our friends everyone has a task: Chase is looking up Pennsylvania marriage laws to see if we can just pick up the license here so that can be already taken care of and out of the way and he’s also in charge of the rings; Donny is at the travel agency booking them a short trip to Paris; Danielle is taking care of travel arrangements to get everyone to Pennsylvania; Chelsea and her friends are going to find a wedding dress; the food catering is being handled by her sister since she still lives down there, and I’m taking care of the venue online tonight.”

  “Well, looks like y’all really got this handled,” Pops said proudly.

  “Pops, I am my father’s daughter.”

  “I had a hand in things too,” mumbled Max.

  “Yeah, slightly.”

  Mom finally chimed in, “Well, welcome to the family, Chelsea. I guess you’ll blend in. I’ll just try to think of you as albino.”

  At least it was a start.

  5

  I was sitting in my office clicking onto yet another venue in Hershey for Max’s wedding when my personal assistant, Alex, buzzed in, “Hey, Allie, wassup?”

  “Hey boss, you got a cutie wit a bootie here says he knows you
. And that he really needs to see you.” Then she tried to whisper to me, even though if I could hear her. That meant so could he. “Something you forget to tell me about, Ms. Lady? You promised me I could cross examine the next one before they got they mitts onto you.”

  On an exasperated sigh, I replied while scrolling through the appointment list on my phone, “Alex, you do realize that even though you’re so-called whispering that if I can hear you, he can to, unless he’s deaf. Even in that case he could just read your lips.” I thought I could hear a familiar laugh at that. “Plus, I don’t have anything scheduled for the day. Did you happen to have gotten his name?”

  “Nah, I was too busy staring.” I swear I need to start hiring and hanging with people with filters. She didn’t even bother letting go of the button as she asked him, “What’s your name hot stuff?” I thought I heard the answer, but that couldn’t be right ’cause he never came by my office. “Says his name’s Chase. Should I let him in? He could always just stay out here and keep me company.”

  “You are so full of it, you know damn well who Chase is, Ms-Act-Like-You-Confused. We all went to the same friggin’ high school.”

  “Well, the Chase I knew sure didn’t look like this.”

  I could just imagine how red Chase was getting at that comment. “Send him in here.”

  “Sure thing, boss, and send him back out here to me when you’re done with him. I call next.”

  As Chase walked into my office for the first time ever, I got a chance to see that he was one of those rare people that actually looked better in the light of day than in the dim lighting of the bar. It had been such a long time since I had seen him minus Donny and Max, and even longer since I had seen him before the sun had already set.

  “Nice office,” was all he said as he pulled up a chair and had a seat at my desk.

  “Not that I’m complaining at all, or anything like that, but what are you doing here?”

  “I would have called, but I don’t have your number, and I did not want to call Max to get it. We’ve got a bit of a problem.”

  “Ugh, that’s the last four words I wanted to hear this morning. I know I’m going to regret saying this, but you’re gonna end up telling my anyway since that’s why you’re here, what’s wrong?”

  “It’s the license. I came to you because I didn’t want to Max to get all worked up. I’d rather go to him with some type of plan in place. And I’d much rather come to you with this than go to Donny with any problem bigger than two plus two.”

  “That’s a lot more than a bit of a problem.” I started rumbling through my bottom drawer at that, trying desperately to find my emergency pack of smokes. “So, what exactly is this problem?”

  “Pennsylvania requires that both parties be present to pick up the license, and it’s a three-day process.” When I just looked at him like, get to the real problem, he continued on, “And that means we need to get on a plane if we plan on keeping this on Max’s short notice time line.”

  “Ha! See ya’ bye. I’m not getting on a plane.” Everyone who knows me knows I do NOT do planes, never have, never will. Point blank period. “It doesn’t take that long to drive there, as long as we don’t make any stops.”

  “Have you ever driven with a pregnant woman?” Chase asked this with a look of horror on his face. “If they’re not stopping somewhere to pee, they’re stopping somewhere to either throw up or eat. And that’s not even including all the added time due to inevitable road construction.”

  “Chase, she isn’t that far along.”

  “Justine, I have four sisters, remember? It doesn’t matter if she’s two months along or five, pregnant women and road trips do not mix.”

  I shuddered at that. “Remind me to never get pregnant.”

  “Will do.”

  “Fine, they fly ahead of us, and we continue on with the party bus like we planned and meet up with them when we get there.”

  “You know your brother is not going to be happy knowing we’re all on a party bus, while he’s stuck on a plane, with someone who can’t even drink. That was supposed to be his so-called bachelor party, while we stuck your parents on the jet with Chelsea so they could get to know her a little better. Kind of wouldn’t be a bachelor party, without the bachelor.” He may have had a point, but it didn’t mean I was going to concede. “Dude has a private jet; we can do a party jet instead of a party bus.”

  “Ha! Y’all sure can, minus me. Y’all go right ahead, and I’ll just drive by myself.”

  “He’s not going to go for that either. His sister driving across the damn country with no one but herself. No way.”

  “Then what do you suggest, Chase, that doesn’t involve moving the date, and me getting on a plane? Because me and planes do not agree with each other. Planes tend to like to fly in the sky, whereas I like the comfort of the ground directly beneath me.” Why in the world did I just have a sudden thought of straddling Chase in his seat when I said beneath me? I swiveled my chair to face the outside windows to shake that line of not so disturbing images. As corny as it sounds, I was saved by the bell when the phone rang. After I heard what was relayed to me from the other end however, only thing I could do was bang my head on the desk.

  “Justine?” came from Chase in a deeply concerned tone. He probably figured I had finally snapped and lost my ever loving mind.

  After maybe the eleventh bang, I lifted my head just enough to look up at his worried expression. “Don’t worry. I don’t need a straitjacket or anything, just a new brother that doesn’t expect us to pull off the impossible one week from today.”

  “I don’t wanna know what that call was about, do I?”

  “You probably don’t. But, just so that I can return the favor of delivering bad news to you like you did to me, I’m going to tell you anyway.” I have to admit, when all he could do was give a groan in response I got a slight delight, so I continued on with what I’m more than sure was an insane looking smirk. “That was Danielle. The wedding dress she went to go pick up today? The fucking idiots sent it to the Ohio shop! Looks like I definitely WILL be driving down there.”

  “Sure, but not by yourself.”

  “And just who’s going with me? Danielle is not going to pass up a chance to get on that jet, and I wouldn’t even ask her to, knowing how bad she’s been longing to get on it. Allie was already flying in last minute to keep things in order while I’m gone. And sad as it is to say, I don’t have any other real friends. I mean, I guess I could just hire a driver or some shit like that.”

  “Oh hell no. A driver? Someone none of us even know? That is so not happening. A young, beautiful, single female with a body meant for ravishing, alone with some possible freak that might drive you to some backwoods alley and rape you? No way.” After a slight pause, he added, “I mean, I’m sure that’s what Max would say.”

  “Fine. What would you suggest then? Because we’re running out of time as we speak.”

  He seemed to think about it for a minute, getting his words in order before saying, “Well, you could still hire a driver, maybe get like a Hummer limo, you know, just to have some kind of fun out of it, drive across the country in style. But, you should take someone with you. That person could even split the cost with you, or maybe even pick up the entire bill, since they would be getting some fun out of it too.”

  “And who would that person be?”

  “Me.”

  And even knowing that this had ‘bad idea’ written all over it, and I had every intention of saying ‘no way’, I found myself saying, “Why not?” instead. I blame it on the fact that we were on a time crunch and didn’t have another minute to spare arguing about it. That’s my story and I’m sticking with it.

  6

  Chase insisted on taking care of all of the arrangements for the limo, since the task of retrieving the license was now no longer his, with Max and Chelsea having to take care of that on their own. I tried to explain to him that it wasn’t his fault, but he still wanted to do it.
I was so used to every man I’ve been involved with just using me as a fancy meal ticket that it was actually kind of nice. Not that Chase and I were involved or anything like that. That would never work out, not with him being Max’s best friend. Plus, well, it just wouldn’t work.

  Anyway, I was sitting on my front porch, bags already packed by my side. I wanted to be ready when he got here since we had so much to do. I had just hung up the phone from speaking with Danielle about where exactly we were going to pick up the dress, and to let her know where in the airport they were meeting, when Chase pulled up in one bad ass limo, proving that the man truly did have good taste.

  I was still in the process of picking up my jaw from off the ground when Chase opened the back door and stepped out, and I’d be a damn liar if I said he didn’t look like he belonged in that ride. When he stepped out he could have been mistaken for some sort of movie star, or some other big time celebrity. His curly dark brown hair had been trimmed up to a slight fade, and his face had been clean shaven, leaving only a slight goatee and mustache. The sun seemed to glint off of his hazel eyes, and there was a mischievous smirk on his face. He was wearing a black button-down shirt with the first three buttons undone and showing off a hint of muscles beneath, with a pair of grey slacks tailored to perfection. Let’s just say I was more than glad today was a panty wearing day otherwise I may have left a wet spot on the chair I was sitting in. And I felt more than underdressed when I stood with my black low cut tank top and ripped-up jeans.

  “Should I go back in and change?” I asked Chase as he started up my walkway. I bent down to pick up my bags.

  “No,” he responded on a laugh, “I had to stop by the office this morning before heading to the jewelry store to pick up the rings, and the limousine place. There’s a particular client that doesn’t think highly of any of the other lawyers, even the partners, and seems to not understand why I have need of a vacation. But, she’s our biggest ticket so I have to keep her appeased.”