Rusty Knob

by Erica Chilson

  Kade’s hand covers mine with my pajama pants acting as a barrier. His fingers tighten against my wrist, controlling my movements, not allowing me to slow. Faster and faster, my finger slides in and out of my ass, and my hips join the movement.

  A heavy moan pierces the air– mine –for the split-second Kade’s hand leaves my mouth to be covered by his lips. Tongues and moans mingle as I ride out the most intense pleasure of my entire life. I’m not sure I will survive to reach the end.

  “A gift from Heaven– a natural bottom,” Kade rumbles as he flops on the bed next to me. “Maybe there is a God after all.”

  “What? Huh? Seriously? What the fuck?” I lay boneless on my bed, random words rambling out my swollen lips. “How? Huh?” Then it dawns on me. Kade is in my room. Kade just saw me jerking off to The Try Guys. Not only jerking off, finger-fucking my asshole. “Fuck,” spills from my mouth in a rush.

  “Hmm… now this is awkward.” Kaden’s intoxicating laugh fills my bedroom, and it’s too much, too soon after getting off. I writhe on my mattress, riding it out. “You just lay there and get your bearings.”

  Nearly comatose, wishing I could die of humiliation, I lie in bed while Kade cleans me up. He uses my t-shirt to wipe the spunk off my belly. Then he pulls my hands from beneath my pants, and wipes them off too. Now I really want to die, because I can guess what’s on my fingertip that he is meticulously cleaning.

  “You are an odd little shit, I’ll give you that.” Kade chats with me as if he isn’t cleaning poo off my finger. “When I was your age, I had at least ten different gay porn sites bookmarked. But you.” He abandons the cleanup to tug the plug to my headphones from the jack on the laptop. Eugene’s sexy voice fills my bedroom. “Buzzfeed? Really, Wynn? You’re jerking it to Buzzfeed? Wow. Just wow.”

  “The Try Guys are hot. Each one in their own way.” My voice is slurred, sluggish. “Eugene– there’s something about Eugene.”

  “Hmm… I pegged you as a verse who had a thing for manly men. Did I get that wrong? Do I need to stop working out?” Kade shuts my laptop, shutting Eugene up while he’s at it. “This Asian guy seems a bit effeminate. He’s straight, though… and I caught you finger-fucking yourself, so I guess I was wrong on you being versatile.”

  “First time,” I gasp out. “First time for that. Instinct or something. Usually when I’m jerking it, in my head we take turns.”

  “My childhood faith has returned,” Kade says sarcastically. “Nice lube. Good shit. I tried out a dozen brands before I found the right one and settled on this one. It’s great when using a plug.”

  “Too advanced for me.” I roll across the bed, grabbing my laptop on my way. I set my baby on the floor out of harm’s way, and then rest my back against the headboard.

  “Well, I do have a few years of self-exploration on you.” Kade just sits on my bed, staring at me.

  “Why are you here? How did you get in? Why didn’t you stop me?” I press my face to my thighs, hiding my humiliation. “Why did you make me think I was going to get murdered while coming? Why did you try to suffocate me?”

  “Why am I here? I never left. I walked to my car, and then realized I was a grown man and this is still the house I lived in for nearly six years. Royce is not going to push me out, and I need to teach him some boundaries. How did I get in? My key. I walked right in and sat in the kitchen. Bren caught me licking all of his cookies in retaliation like he used to do to me. So we sat downstairs shooting the shit, and Bren ate the cookies anyway.”

  “Eww…”

  “Hey, you suck my tongue, so don’t even try to say my saliva is gross.” Kade maintains a straight face.

  Shuddering, I look at Kade, wondering if he’s for real. “Yeah, but it’s Bren.”

  Kade just shrugs. “The ass used to stare at me when I was eating. If I paused, he’d spit on my food so he could have it. I was trying to gain weight, so I spent a lot of time beating the shit out of him.”

  “Are you serious? I can’t fucking tell right now? You’re acting weird. Why?”

  “True story. The little asshole had good aim, too. Projectile spitting– always on my sweets. He’d take the pounding, and then eat my dessert in front of me.” Kade is not even cracking a smile. I just stare at him, waiting for the punchline. “While Bren was consuming my saliva, Royce came down in a panic, screaming about how I was upstairs fucking you. Then he started shouting about calling an ambulance.”

  “What?” I gasp out, eyes bugging from my skull.

  “What?” Kade mimics me. “I was eating a cookie, so we were all confused how I was upstairs fucking you. Bren just wondered what the ambulance was for.” Still, he maintains a straight face. “I volunteered to either murder whomever was in your room violating you, or assist, if the case may be– not that I told Royce that part.”

  “Stop it,” I snarl, getting more and more mortified by the second. “I’m missing something.”

  “Why didn’t I stop you? Because it took all of my self-control not to join you, that’s why. Why did I try to suffocate you? Because you were lying there with your headphones on, sounding like the main cast member of a solo porn video. You were building up to screaming. That’s why.”

  “Oh. My. Fucking. God. NO!” I hide my head in my hands, and then Kade lets loose, laughing so hard the bed shakes beneath us.

  “If I live to be a hundred, nothing will ever be hotter than you finger-fucking yourself to The Try Guys.” Kade yanks my hands from my face. “I swear to God, Wynn, I creamed my pants the second I laid eyes on you.” My hand is tugged lower, until it’s cupping the front of Kade’s damp pants. “See?”

  No matter how mortified I am, my fingers still clench and give a few pulses to his soft bulge. I pull away, roll to my side away from him, and then lie in the fetal position. “I’m going to go die now.”

  “I miss this room.” Kade moves around on the mattress as he gets comfortable. “I love that it felt like home from the second I moved in. As fatherly as Royce is– and trust me, that gets annoying fast –I needed it. Bren was the perfect annoying, little brother. I always looked forward to coming home on holidays. After Dad died, I thought I’d be lonely all the time. But it’s impossible with Royce and Bren.”

  I tug my pillow over my head, hiding. “You saw me shoving a finger up my ass. You saw my poo. I wanna die.”

  “We both want my dick in your ass… and it wasn’t as bad as you think,” Kade tries to comfort me. “I’d probably want to die if you walked in on one of my more adventurous masturbation escapades. Maybe someday I’ll have the balls to show you.”

  “That good, huh?” I peek out from beneath the pillow, looking at Kade from over my shoulder. He’s just sitting on my bed, looking around the room, memories playing out over his features.

  Kade turns to me. “Oh, God, yes!” His hazel eyes slip shut, mouth parting on a pant. “So good. You, little shit, I’m a virgin. So I’ve had to be creative in my solo missions.”

  “Give me your worst so I don’t feel so embarrassed.” I roll over to my back, and then sit cross-legged. “C’mon. Tell me.”

  “Okay.” Kade sighs like I’m torturing him, then he flashes a naughty grin at me. “I’ll give you my most embarrassing sexual moment, followed by my most adventurous sex. Trust me, that won’t be embarrassing. It’s so fucking good I could come just thinking about it.”

  “Bullshitter,” I mutter, trying to dampen my excitement.

  Kade gets up from the bed, and starts checking out the changes I’ve made around the room. “I like what you’ve done with the place.” His fingertips glide over the antique trunk I refinished. “And I get off on knowing you’re sleeping in my bed.”

  “Unlike you, I still don’t feel at home here… or anywhere.”

  “You will. Trust me.” Kade examines the crown molding I encased the windowsill in. “You trust Royce, but after your dad, you won’t find home until you make one. My house is my home. This room was a layover.”

  “I want
that.”

  “You’ll get it. Be patient.” Kade laughs when he spots the copy of Out magazine I found underneath the mattress. I’d thought it was Bren’s. “I was awkward and horny. I was eighteen before I tried to not be so gross.”

  “You were never gross,” I growl.

  “Yeah, I was,” Kade says without any emotion. “I begged Royce to fix me. I got antibiotics for the acne, a dietician to fatten me up, workout equipment in the basement, and salon visits until I tamed my hair. I know when you look at me, you see similarities between us, but that’s bullshit.”

  “How? What do you mean?”

  I expect Kade to look away, instead he hits me head-on with his gaze. “You are naturally selfless, and I’m selfish. I lie; you don’t. I cheat; you don’t. I fuck up; you don’t. You are smart, athletic, a hard worker, giving and compassionate– a good person. I graduated with a C average, and college didn’t come naturally to me. I struggled to get through every class that bored me. Everything was a struggle, and I had to overcome being lazy to get anywhere.”

  “So what?” I scoot down the bed to sit at the foot of it. “I like you, Kade. I meant what I said before. You’re still Kade– the Kade I remember, and that’s a good thing.”

  “I’m glad, because I’m still embarrassed of the old Kade. I got to Penn State thinking I could… ya know…” Kade stumbles over his words. “Experiment. Learn some shit.” His shoulders curl into themselves, making him look so much smaller. “That didn’t happen. Not once, even after I grew into my looks. I was awkward.

  “My most humiliating sexual experience was every day over four years of my college education.” Kade sits next to me at the edge of the bed. “My roommate was a slut– a hot slut. Every night was another girl, even when he had a girlfriend. I’m ashamed to admit I’d whack off while he fucked them in front of me. I was transfixed by my roommate. I didn’t want to date him. I didn’t even want to fuck him. I just got off on watching him.”

  “Damn,” I drawl, utterly shocked.

  “We were friends. Not like best buddies or anything, but good friends. He knew about how I thought I was a pervert and why I wanted to wait to have sex. So I didn’t realize Danny caught on until junior year, when he’d actually done so during our freshman year. He’d been posing for me, making sure I enjoyed myself. At the end of our last semester, he brought this twink to our room. Uriah.”

  “I don’t like where this is headed.” My voice deepens with jealousy. “Not one bit.”

  “It’s not what you think.” Kade rests his hand on my knee. “Imagine Francis five years from now– that kid is going to own Berkeley. That was Uriah. He was more sexy and feminine than all the girls Dan had brought home for four years, but manly too. I can’t explain it. I lasted ten seconds into my lap dance.”

  A growl echoes around the room, and I don’t even realize it came from me until Kade is chuckling.

  “Uriah was a bit disappointed because I looked like I do now by then. He thought he was getting a playmate for the night, and Danny thought he was going to get even by watching me for once. But I popped immediately. Nothing like a pity fuck courtesy of your roommate.”

  “Um… I do get that. I’ve had Bren ask Jessica to ask me if I wanted a blowjob a few times to take my edge off. But I couldn’t do it. We’re more alike than you realize, I guess.”

  “Bren and Jessica do not have a healthy relationship.” I’m surprised by the sad tone in Kade’s voice. “I ended up getting the education of a lifetime. Danny was keyed up and Uriah was willing, and I was the one who was given a show.”

  “Your straight roommate?”

  “I didn’t actually believe gay-for-you existed, but I was proven wrong,” Kade mutters wryly. “I’d never seen Danny like that– he even surprised himself, I think. So for the rest of the semester, not a single girl stepped foot into our dorm room, and Dan almost flunked out of college. He fucked Uriah continuously, making sure I watched. Both of them telling me anything I’d ever want to know. And they always made sure to masturbate with me so I didn’t feel like a freak.”

  “Did they touch you?”

  “No,” he says matter-of-factly. “I wouldn’t let them.”

  “Oh.” I’m surprised that I sound mildly disappointed. Part of me wanted to live vicariously through Kade. “That sounded like it might have been… fun. What happened next?” eagerly spills from my lips.

  Kade falls back against the mattress, and stares at the ceiling. He huffs a laugh, and I almost beg for him to continue. He flashes me a sly smile. “We’ve kept in touch since we graduated, meeting halfway every month or so. They live just south of Pittsburgh, so it’s not that far of a drive. This past summer, I was their best man at their wedding.”

  “Again, I gotta say this: your straight roommate.”

  “I’ll have Uriah visit soon, and you’ll see why he’d appeal to my straight roommate. Danny doesn’t care that Uriah has a cock because he loves him, and I think he loves the cock almost as much now, too.” Kade releases a laugh I’ve never heard before. An intimate manly one exclusive to sex. It runs along my spine and curls in my belly.

  “The bachelor party was at a male strip club, but it was Uriah who gave me a lap dance. This time I didn’t pop because it was like overstimulation– chaos everywhere. But we did get drunk and end up getting spunk all over the inside of the limo. Me from watching them fuck… the stripper.”

  “Jesus Christ,” I breathe out in a gush. I reach down to squeeze myself before I pull a Kade. “That’s too advanced for me.”

  “Me too. Well, not the watching and whacking… the actual fucking. Uriah wanted me to do him while Dan watched for old times’ sake, neither having been with anyone since they met. But I told them I was taken, so they settled on making me watch them with the stripper.”

  “Was the stripper hot?”

  “Eh… not really. They were hotter.” Kade starts laughing, a belly-deep sound of amazement. “I didn’t think it’d be like this with you. So easy. It’s like talking to a best friend, but better. Best friend, brother, boyfriend, and lover rolled into one. I’ve never been able to share this with anyone but Dan and Uriah. I always feared getting a boyfriend and having him judge me. Like how you see girlfriends act, all jealous and spiteful. They’re automatically right, no matter what, and the guy is always wrong, even when he’s right. Me. Me. Me. But I forgot you’re you. Mr. Selfless. Thank fuck for that, because I’m not.”

  I reach over and rest my palm against Kade’s chest. His heartrate is through the roof, probably worried about what I am thinking and feeling. The odd thing is that I feel more connected to Kade than ever because he’s telling me the truth, even if it might hurt me or piss me off.

  “I am jealous, but more curious than anything.” My fingertips clench against Kade’s t-shirt. “Did you want to fuck them?” My tone is serious, but without judgment. “Do you now?”

  “Yes,” flows gravelly deep. Kade turns to pin me with his stare. “And yes.” He waits a few heartbeats for that to sink in, how he is attracted to other people.

  “I’ve had so many people tell me what to do, what to think, how to feel. Where to work and how my money is spent. Where to go to school and study what. What, where, and when to eat, sleep, shit. I’d never do that to you, because I need you to be the first person in my life to give me the freedom to be who I am. So I’m not gonna get pissed because your dick gets thick over some hot piece of ass. You didn’t get mad at Tyler when it happened to me because you knew I wouldn’t do anything about it.”

  Kade stares at me for a very long time– intense and deep –and I stare right back, open and exposed. His hand cups the nape of my neck, fingertips curling possessively. Neither of us blink, silently communicating. Then his lips are on mine, rough and hard. Demanding.

  In a flurry of questing, impatient hands, we tear each other’s clothing off while grinding against one another, mouths never parting. My pajama pants are gone in an instant, but Kade’s boots and t-shir
t are more difficult. Getting angry with it, with a harsh yank, I rip the fabric from his back.

  Tearing his mouth from mine with a growl, Kade shoves me off of him and steps away. In a few heartbeats, his boots are tossed to the wayside, and his jeans follow after. He pauses, looks at me, looks down at his boxers, and then looks at me again. The boxers fall to the floor in an instant, displaying six and a half feet of naked male.

  My brain takes a vacation when I get a good look at him, but he’s too impatient to stand still while I devour him with my eyes. I nearly pop the top off my dick when Kade’s hands cup my armpits, lift, and then toss me up to the head of the bed. He’s on me in an instant, laying his heavy body on top of mine.

  “I won’t fuck you,” Kade rasps out in my ear, sounding like the words bring him physical pain. “Neither of us are ready for that yet, and I won’t in this house.”

  Before I can reply, my arms are wrenched above my head. Lips descend, landing on my throat. “Oh, God!” A deep groan is pulled from my chest at the first bite of Kade’s crooked front tooth sinking into my flesh. I arch up, wanting more. “I like that. Harder.”

  A heavy palm smothers my moans. “I’m not the Sandman, and you’re not sleeping,” Kade reminds me, not removing his hand from my mouth. “Last thing we need is Royce barging in here to take you to the emergency room.”

  My laugh vibrates against Kade’s hand, but it turns into a grunt when he attacks my chest with his lips. My back jackknifes off the mattress, wanting more of everything he’s giving me.

  “I feel so alive,” murmurs against his palm. “So goddamned happy to be alive.”

  “Me too. We’re alive because we were supposed to be here in this moment,” comes in a voice I don’t recognize. So deep, almost a groan. I will always associate that sound with sex. My cock jerks between our bodies because of the way Kade is turned on by me.