F**k It Therapy
Page 25
As I say, it’s ‘natural.’ That’s how our brains work. We tend to recognize and process in the outside reality only what we already know. The other bits are ignored.
So far, so interesting. What am I suggesting? That we try to widen the range of frequencies we’re able to see by sitting in a low-lit room, staring at our cat, trying to see other colors? No. Unless you really want to. I’m suggesting that we become conscious of the extreme way we drag previous perceptions, judgments, opinions, and prejudices into the present moment. Think for a moment how you react when you’re introduced to new people. You prejudge them based on how they look, or talk, or act, very quickly (when I talk about ‘prejudice’ in this sense I’m not talking about race or gender prejudice, but the universal prejudgment of anyone or anything based on previous experience). For the sake of convenience, we rapidly ‘label’ everyone and everything we come across. I’m suggesting, too, that we become more conscious of the extreme way we drag an agenda into the present moment. We always approach the moment wanting something. We work out what we want in life, then we make our plan, set some goals, and we follow that plan, trying to achieve those goals. It seems like a very healthy process, but it means that we hit each moment with an idea of how it should be, of how it could serve us. And this, of course, is another form of judgment based on our ideas. We judge and filter based on what is ‘good’ and ‘bad’ out there, what is helpful or unhelpful, what serves our purpose or not.
By becoming more conscious of how we load each moment with judgment, prejudiced selection, and an agenda, we’re likely to see the ways in which we can become more open. And this expression of ‘just turning up’ to the moment can really help. It implies that we put aside all those ideas about how things should be, and what we want out of something, and how it could turn out, and ‘just turn up.’ We see that there are limitless possibilities in every moment and we open more to those. We simply become curious about what could be there. There’s a delicious sense of freedom in the idea that we just turn up to each moment, unburdened by all the other stuff.
Daniel Craig in Cowboys and Aliens had the turning-up thing forced upon him. Without any memory, he found himself in the Wild West. Without any idea of how he should react, he reacted to new situations, new input simply in a way that felt natural, or instinctive. You don’t have to knock yourself on the head to try this. Imagine it’s possible to live in the moment, to operate very effectively in the moment, in fact, without recourse to all previous behaviors, reactions, and ideas. Faced with exactly the same circumstances (which is, of course, impossible, but still…), one day you might react in one way, the next day you might react in a completely different way. That is ‘just turning up.’ And it’s a surefire step to freedom.
THE ‘REAL NATURE’ OF F**K IT THERAPY
So we’ve taken you through a thorough process in this book of F**k It Therapy. How to use those powerful two words – ‘F**k’ and ‘It’ together in the unbeatable, almost holy union of F**k It’ – to create freedom in your life.
We’ve investigated why most of us need to say F**k It (because we’re in prison, in one way or another).
And we’ve looked at what the ‘Its’ are that most of us need to ‘F**k’ in order to be free.
We’ve explored magic techniques, which arise directly and naturally from the ‘F**k It State’ – the care-free state we reach when we’re deeply relaxed. And we’ve seen that the magic words ‘F**k It’ can take us back to that state, or at least remind us of it.
We’ve equipped ourselves for the moment people criticize us, and learned to say ‘F**k It’ to what people think.
Then we’ve played with how to Live the F**k It Life in day-to-day situations.
So we’ve looked at how to use F**k It when we’re not free, in order to break free and then stay free.
But what does being ‘free’ really mean?
As we’ve alluded to many times in this book (including toward the beginning, when we suggested that we might be giving away the ending), true freedom embraces all the apparent states we experience. This means you can be free while you’re still in ‘prison’ (whatever that means to you). This means that you were free all along anyway, after all. And this is the real nature of F**k It Therapy.
This is a higher level of understanding freedom, just as it’s a higher level of understanding F**k It. In the dualistic, wrong and right, trapped and free, tense and relaxed, sick and ill, material and spiritual etc., world, we constantly crave movement between these states. And that’s fine. It’s not just fine, it’s beautiful. We want to move from bad to good, from prison to freedom, from stressed to chilled, from materialistic to spiritual and peaceful. The desire for movement is natural and beautiful, and the movement itself can be natural and beautiful. That is life, it seems. At least a life lived positively, consciously and beneficially (a life lived negatively and unconsciously can lead everything in the opposite direction).
But.
But.
Don’t we just love the word ‘but.’ It indicates that there’s always another way to look at things. Yes, that’s true, but… And if what follows is also true, you turn a ‘but’ into an ‘and.’
Let’s have a go.
But… we are most free when we realize that it’s all the same: all states are natural and are part of the overall flow; the apparent prison we’re in is fine for now and is where we’re meant to be; the tension and anxiety we feel are necessary for the blossoming of what follows next; materialism is as valid as spiritualism because it’s all, in the end, the same thing.
One thing can be true, and its opposite can be true, too. We are solid, separate individuals governed by Newtonian physical laws, fighting for survival in a harsh and alien environment AND we’re non-solid, energetic beings, all connected (or just ‘one’), bathing in one energetic field, which is probably all love.
And we probably won’t get ‘it’ fully, ever. But by realizing that we won’t get it, everything about us relaxes and loosens, so we become more like ‘it’ anyway, which is always soft and loose and moving.
And F**k It helps us with all of that. Sure, F**k the Its in the dualistic world keeping you trapped and causing you pain. F**k the Its who criticize you and are holding you back from feeling free. F**k It and break free, no matter what anyone else thinks.
But say F**k It, too, to the idea that you’re trapped in the first place, that there’s anywhere to go from and to; that there’s anything you have to do or anywhere you have to go.
Can you hold those two ideas at the same time? That takes some F**k It. Some clever clogs, and I don’t think it was Einstein this time, said that genius was ‘the ability to hold two opposing ideas in mind at the same time.’1
Can you throw yourself into a F**k It Life? Where you’re living with more clarity, consciousness, openness, and freedom; where you recognize the things that aren’t working, and the tensions and anxieties in your life, and you find your F**k It ways to become free…
AND
You see that it’s all the same anyway. There’s nothing to be done and nowhere to go. F**k It to the search, you’re there already. Even when you think you’re not, you are.
F**k It was about relaxation, and the wonderful space (the F**k It State) and the life that such F**k It relaxation can create.
F**k It Therapy recognizes the value of all the stuff you thought you were moving away from, because the true F**k It State is one where everything is embraced.
The true therapy (i.e., the healing) is to realize not what you can do to heal, but that you’re already healed. That’s F**k It Therapy.
And if you don’t get it, that’s fine. It takes time. How can understanding two paradoxical ideas be easy? To the getting of it, say ‘F**k It.’ And that, my friends, is the beginning of your journey. And the end.
The End.
1 And Google informs me that the genius in question was F. Scott Fitzgerald.
AFTERWORD
From now on, I
am non-teaching.
There is something that bothers me majorly about any form of communication: as soon as you say one thing, you exclude all the others.
That is the nature of words – they define.
If I tell you that relaxation is good for you, I immediately create a judgment of all that is not relaxation. Then whenever you feel stressed, as well as feeling stressed, you now think that you are doing badly.
If I tell you that living in the moment is a great thing, then not living in the moment starts to become a bad thing, to be avoided.
If I tell you that being in qi energy is very healing and, even worse, I show you what that it is like so you learn all the lovely sensations and ways to connect to it, then when you are not there, you feel like you are in some way failing.
It is practically impossible to mention an idea without creating a tension in people.
If I talk about the beauty of not trying, then everyone sets off trying not to try.
That is beautiful and also totally unavoidable.
So from now on, I am non-teaching.
This could look like me simply cleaning my house instead of talking to you. Yes, that is a pretty successful form of non-teaching. But as I love being with people in this non-telling-them-what-to-do-to-become-a-better-person-kind-of-way (as I know that all is okay and doesn’t need fixing), then I will non-teach.
And after that I’ll offer you some non-dinner.
Easy.
Gaia
ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Gaia. I’m glad we have your words in here, too, not just your thoughts behind my words. None of this would be this without you.
Boys. You inspire me in every single moment.
Mum and Dad. For everything. This house is built on rock.
Rach, sis. You’re a perfect sister. And loving this new chapter, too.
Barefoot Stephen. Friend, brother in spirit. Thanks for existing.
Hay House. Michelle and Reid, for your vision, support, and ability to move mountains. Julie, Sandy, Steve, Jessica, Cameron, Amy, and the rest of the Hay House team for everything you’ve done and are doing for this book.
And all our friends, family, colleagues, guests, the people who e-mail us with their F**k It stories, the people who never get in touch but wish us well all the same, thanks to you all out there for allowing us to live the F**k It Life by doing what we love.
APPENDIX I
WHAT IT IS AND WHY YOU NEED IT
The appendix (or vermiform appendix) is a blind-ended, worm-like pouch connected to the cecum and attached to the large intestine, near the junction of the small intestine and the large intestine. The appendix varies in length, but usually measures about 4 inches long in most humans.
The role of the human appendix has changed over the millennia, probably in response to changes in the human diet, as most humans have exchanged a diet rich in cellulose-dense plants (e.g., tree bark) for one that favors more easily digestible foods (e.g., a Big Mac and fries).
Although the appendix houses friendly bacteria and may still play a role in the immune system in modern humans, it is generally described as a vestigial structure (meaning that it has lost all or most of its original function through the process of evolution), and can be removed (by a procedure called an appendectomy) without any ill effects. As a result, some scientists believe that one day it will just disappear.1
1 This introduction to the appendix was compiled with a little help from Wikipedia.
APPENDIX II
OUR TOP FIVE STUFF
BOOKS
BEDSIDE
When You’re Falling, Dive, Mark Matousek
Complete Prose, Woody Allen
You Can Create an Exceptional Life, Louise L. Hay and Cheryl Richardson
Revolution in the Head, Ian MacDonald
Mystery Experience, Timothy Freke
THERAPY
Unstuck, Dr. James S. Gordon
The Essential Jung: Selected Writings, Anthony Storr
Liberation, Barefoot Doctor
Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl
Flow: The Psychology of Happiness, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi
SPIRITUALITY MEETS SCIENCE
The Field, Lynn McTaggart
How Your Mind Can Heal Your Body, Dr. David Hamilton
The Divine Matrix, Gregg Braden
The Biology of Belief, Bruce Lipton
The Tao of Physics, Fritjof Capra
QIGONG
The Healing Promise of Qi, Roger Jahnke
The Way of Energy, Master Lam Kam Chuen
Chi Kung for Health and Vitality, Wong Kiew Kit
Listen to Your Body, Master Bisong Guo and Andrew Powell
Anything written by Mantak Chia
READ AGAIN AND AGAIN
Sum: Forty Tales from the Afterlives, David Eagleman
Be Here Now, Ram Dass
Barefoot Doctor’s Handbook for the Urban Warrior, Barefoot Doctor
You Can Heal Your Life, Louise L. Hay
The Open Secret, Tony Parsons
PLACES
Home, Urbino, Italy
London, UK
Stromboli Volcano, Italy
New York, USA
Wuyi Mountains, China
FOODS
GAIA
Pizza from Trianon, Naples
Lobster with ginger and spring onion on crispy fried noodles
Mozzarella from Puglia
Grandmother’s homemade gnocchi
Tiramisu
JOHN
Tagliatelle al ragu
Crispy duck with pancakes
Formaggio di Fossa con Miele
Pizza from Trianon, Naples
Crème brûlée
PRISON MOVIES
The Shawshank Redemption (1994)
Escape from Alcatraz (1979)
Escape to Victory (1981)
The Green Mile (1999)
The Colditz Story (1955)
APPENDIX III
THE F**K IT STATE QUIZ SCORING SYSTEM
Remember, we’ve also created an online version of this quiz that calculates your score automatically, at www.thefuckitlife.com/extras.
For questions 1, 3, 4, 9, 10, score as follows:
10 for A. Not at all
8 for B. A bit
6 for C. Yes and no
4 for D. Mostly
2 for E. Completely
For questions 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, score as follows:
2 for A. Not at all
4 for B. A bit
6 for C. Yes and no
8 for D. Mostly
10 for E. Completely
There are ten questions, and each question receives a score out of ten, so you will end up with a total score out of 1001.
So you will know your F**k It State as a percentage. For example, you might be 78 percent F**k It. If you’re 100 percent F**k It, you probably won’t care anyway.
If you do care, here’s a quick guide to what those percentages could mean:
0–20%: Please continue to read this book until your score improves. This is an urgent matter and MUST NOT BE IGNORED.
20–40%: Well, to look on the bright side: you’re going to notice some amazing changes in your life if you start to say F**k It. Enjoy the ride.
40–60%: We’re getting there: this all rings a bell doesn’t it, but you’re still feeling stuck. Keep reading and keep saying the magic words until your score improves.
60–80%: Well done, you’re pretty close. Just some tweaking required: caring less a little here, going for it a little more there, and the F**k It jackpot will soon be yours.
80–100%: You’ve been on a F**k It Retreat, haven’t you? Continuing to read this book will give you a lovely smug feeling as you realize that you’re already there.
1 This quiz was developed by John C. Parkin and Mark Seabright of In The Moment Consultancy.
APPENDIX IV
THE ENDING OF THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION
The protagonist, Andy Dufresne (Ti
m Robbins) escapes from Shawshank prison. He withdraws the money he made through corrupt schemes he ran on behalf of Norton, the prison governor. He sends evidence of the corruption and murders at the prison to a local newspaper. The police go to apprehend Norton, who shoots himself to avoid arrest. Red, Andy’s friend, gains parole, after serving 40 years inside, but violates it by crossing the border into Mexico. On the beach of Zihuatanejo, the two friends are reunited. Happy ending.
GAIA’S FINAL MAGIC WORDS
The problem with words (even ‘Magic’ ones)
I was doing a one-to-one session, where the person was exploring the energy of openness.
As we stepped outside, she looked around. On the left, in the distance, there was lots of smoke coming from a farm on the hills. After a while the woman said to me that she had seen the smoke. But she was just curious, like a child, about the smoke. As if she had no word for fire, she made no ‘assumptions’ or connections in her head about there being a fire. She was just looking at the smoke.