Beginning to Breathe, Again (Feral Steel MC Book 2)

by Vera Quinn

  “Oz, will you get Devil and Callie?” I look at Oz and he has shut down his computer.

  “Yeah, Devil was waiting until they finished.” Oz opens the door and leaves. I look at Tara.

  “Tara, this involves Callie, so we need to wait for her and Devil.” Tara looks confused but she doesn’t question me. I take her hand and pull her out of the chair and hug her tight. “It’ll be alright. Let’s sit on the sofa.”

  I take Tara’s hand and lead her to the sofa and we sit. The door opens and Devil and Callie walk in and I can see by Callie’s expression Devil has told her. Devil sits in his chair and pulls Callie down on his lap. I look at Devil and he gives me a nod to proceed. “Tara, Bourbon lives about a hundred miles from here. He’s Callie’s uncle.” Tara looks at Callie and Callie is smiling. Tara starts to smile but stops.

  “Do you think he would be willing to take a DNA test? I don’t want anything from him. I’d just like to know who my dad is. I don’t trust anything my mom would say about a man but I don’t know why she would lie when she is drunk, and doesn’t even remember.”

  It looks like Tara is going to cry. I thought she would be happy. The next thing she says breaks my heart and I know I will do anything in my lifetime to change her mind. “I just want the chance to meet the man that didn’t want me anymore than my mom did. I must have been an unlovable child.” I think Tara even shocks herself. She tries to smile through it. “I mean if he knew about my sister, brother, and me, and he only lives a hundred miles away, why wouldn’t he come see us? Even if he hated my mom. I just don’t understand how parents can be that way.” I hug Tara to me. I see the little girl in Tara that just wants to be loved. Callie gets up and walks over by us and sits down next to Tara.

  “Tara, I am not going to make excuses for Bourbon but I can tell you that the BlackPath MC was a different kind of motorcycle club back then. They were an outlaw club and broke every law imaginable. Uncle Bourbon and Rye are good men but they are rough around the edges and they can be intimidating. I can’t tell you what Uncle Bourbon will do or won’t do but I texted him and he knew your mom. He will be here later this week to meet you. Uncle Bourbon and Rye are my dad’s uncles.” Callie tries to be calming to Tara but it isn’t working.

  “You and I may be blood related. You would be my cousin.” Tara looks hopeful.

  “Well, we would be cousins but not blood related. I am adopted but I have three brothers and a sister. My older brother, Ty has a baby, too. They would all be your cousins. I have two sons, Kellan and Killian and soon this one will be here.” Callie rubs her hand over her baby bump. “Not soon enough.”

  “I don’t want to get my hopes up. I think I need to nap for a little while, if that is alright. I’m tired and I will need to take my medicine soon.” Devil and Callie both look worried. I am worried, too.

  “Sure, babe.” I pick up her bag. “I’ll get you settled and then I’ll run to the pharmacy to get your prescriptions filled.” I stand up and pull Tara up gently. We move toward the door. Callie moves over by Devil.

  “We’ll get this figured out for you, Tara. You’re Feral Steel now and we take care of our own.” Devil tries to reassure Tara.

  “Thank you, but I am just tired. I think I have overdone it. A nap will make it all better.” I look at Tara as she says it and I see the shine in her eyes is gone. I should have left things alone. I only hurt Tara.

  I open the door for her and then smile at Callie as I leave. Callie tried to help. I just don’t know if Tara can face another disappointment in life. I take Tara through the common area and we are almost to the hall that goes to the private rooms and Honey Girl steps in front of us. Not now.

  “Who’s your friend?” I know I need to nip this in the bud even if I sound like an asshole.

  “This is my woman, so move.” I tell the woman who is wearing on my last nerve.

  “Is she going to be one of us now?” Honey Girl tries to reach for my arm. I look at her and pull back. Honey Girl can’t be over twenty years old if that but she is used up.

  “Honey Girl, you don’t learn very fast. Tara is my ol’ lady. I have told you to not touch me and to stay away from me. You are not part of us. You are a used-up club girl. Tara is Feral Steel. Now move.” Tara looks mortified. This is not good. Honey Girl moves. I press my hand on Tara’s back so she will walk forward. I move around Tara when we get close to my door and unlock it.

  “That girl likes you.” Tara says as we move inside my room. I look at my room and it must look bare to Tara. I should have thought of this.

  “Do you remember how I told you your sister comes here to party sometimes?” I look at Tara to see if she too upset. I set her bag on my dresser. “Honey Girl is here for the brothers to fuck. I don’t want to lie to you, so this is the only way I know to tell you. She has been trying to get me to fuck her ever since she first came here. I don’t fuck club girls. Every brother here has fucked her except Devil, Slick, and myself. Devil does not cheat on Callie and Slick does not cheat on Gertie, as far as I know. You’ll meet Gertie when you are feeling better. She’s the only other ol’ lady besides you and Callie. I need to be rude to Honey Girl because even that doesn’t stop her.”

  “How many club girls are there?” Tara asks me.

  “Right now, two. Right before I joined the club there was a bit of trouble and one of the club girls was after Devil and she got some help from a couple others. They caused Callie to go into premature labor with Killian. They were dealt with and the only one left was Terrance and she is a nice enough girl. She knows her place and she doesn’t step over any lines and follows the rules. Honey Girl has been trouble since she arrived but the single brothers like her.” I give it to Tara straight.

  “What do the club girls get out of this deal?” I grin at Tara.

  “All the cock they can handle and our protection. They can live here if they want but there are new rules to that since the shit went down with Callie. They don’t follow the rules they are out, permanently. Devil has given Honey Girl time to adjust but if she doesn’t learn to follow the rules she will be out. There are also hang arounds that come in during parties. They only get what they come for, a good time. All consensual, like Sheila.” Tara sits down on my bed.

  “What is expected of me as an ol’ lady again? For the record, I am not really happy with that title.” Tara does give me a small smile.

  “You are mine so I am responsible for you in every way. Respect the brothers of the club and try not to bring trouble to the clubhouse. Loyalty to me and the club. We are a family. Do not talk about club business with outsiders or where anyone can hear it. I will never cheat on you. I swear to you, but if you see a brother cheat on their spouse or ol’ lady you cannot speak of it. We mind our own business and anything that happens in this clubhouse is club business. You do not ride on the back of any other man’s bike. Only with me. The exceptions to this rule is your blood family or if I give my permission or in case of an emergency. Saying that also means I will have no other woman on the back of my bike. I will get you a leather vest with property of Rome on it. It is the sign that you belong to me and no man is to fuck with you. It’ll also have the Feral Steel MC on it and your name. I heard your brother and Oz call you Little Bit. I like it and would like that name on there instead of Tara. Callie’s has Baby Girl, her nickname. Gertie has Gert on it. It’s my choice but I would like to give you the choice, instead. I don’t want a name on there you hate.” I pause a minute and look at Tara. She looks a little overwhelmed, again. “You also need to get a tattoo with property of Rome on it but you can have any picture you want with it. I would like it here on your shoulder so I can see it when you wear a tank top or summer shirt. There’s more but this is all that is important right now. It’s a lot to take in. One more thing, do not argue with me in front of the club. You can scream and yell at me in private but in front of the club, never.”

  “That is a lot to remember but I will try. I have a few questions. Can I lay down an
d then ask?” I pull her up by her hands and she comes with ease. I pull my blanket back and she sits down. I walk over to my dresser and take out one of my t-shirts. I go back over to Tara and pull her back up.

  “Lift your arms.” Tara has started breathing harder and she is looking me in the eye, as I am her. She lifts her arms. I pull the t-shirt off over her head, being gentle not to hit her staples. I look in her eyes again and then down to her breasts. I want to taste her nipples so badly. My cock is at full attention. I reach around behind Tara and unfasten her bra and pull it off. I let it hit the floor with the t-shirt. Her nipples are hard and I can almost taste them in my mouth. I put the t-shirt in my hand on her and give Tara a kiss full of promise of things to come when she is not so tired. “Get into bed, Tara.” She does. I start to cover her up but she stops me.

  “Will you lay with me while we talk?” This woman is trying to kill me.

  “I’m not sure that is a good idea.” I see the disappointment in her eyes. I don’t want her to misunderstand. “Tara, right now my cock is so hard it is painful and I don’t trust myself to let you rest.” Tara smiles.

  “What if I don’t want to rest?” I smile at Tara. She doesn’t know what she does to me.

  “It is my job to protect you even from me. You are supposed to be resting and I think you have had enough excitement for one day. I’ll compromise. Cover up.” Tara does it. I lie down next to her but on top of the covers. I pull her into my arms, being careful of her head. I am home. I feel it. It feels so damn good. I hear Tara sigh. She feels it, too.

  “This feels great. I feel so relaxed.” She kisses my chest. My cock is pulsing. I try to calm myself down before I turn Tara over and fuck her until we are both sated. Tara finally starts talking. Thank goodness.

  “The name Little Bit is the name Joey gave me when he grew taller than me which was when he was ten years old. I like it okay, so if you like it, then it is alright with me. The tattoo, I would like to look around to find the right picture or design to go with it. I never thought I would have a tattoo so I want to make sure I like it. It is permanent. The rest I can do. I don’t like the cheating part but I have seen it since I was old enough to know what it means. Mom and Sheila’s boyfriends have just as much chance being married as not. I know how to keep my mouth shut. I’ve had to most of my life. If the club means as much to you as family, then I will follow your lead. I’ll learn to care for them, too. I will respect you as you respect me and I will not embarrass you in front of your family, ever.” Tara tells me in a hushed voice.

  “Are you alright about the Bourbon thing? I was only trying to connect you with your brother. I didn’t know life changing secrets were going to come out. I thought you might feel better if you could see Joey’s face since you had the falling out with your Mom and Sheila.” I was only trying to help.

  “Of course, I wanted to see Joey, and thank you so much. I forgot my manners and to tell you. Thank you, so much. I have missed Joey something fierce. I think it is about time that I meet my dad, don’t you?” Tara kisses my chest again. “If Bourbon is my dad, so be it. I can’t pay for the DNA test. I don’t have the funds so you might as well call him and cancel.”

  “Do you want to meet Bourbon?” I ask Tara. “Do you want to know?” Tara hesitates only a minute.

  “I would like to know.” I can tell Tara is fighting her sleep. She’s yawning.

  “We’ll make it happen. I am going to get your medicine. Go to sleep.” I feel her nod yes. I get up and kiss her head. She is in the middle of my bed curled up around my pillow. I don’t want to leave but I know I need to. I lock the door as I go out the door. Tara and I can make this work.

  Chapter 25

  Tara

  I wake up and my head is pounding. The room is dark except for a light coming in from under a door. I’m guessing it is the bathroom door. I hope so, because since I thought about it I need to go. I sit up slowly so I don’t hurt my head. I push the covers off and my twist around so my feet hit the floor. I get up faster because I can’t wait now. I walk over and push the door open. I don’t even close the door. I rush to the toilet and lift the seat and take care of my business. I wash my hands and wipe them on the towel on the counter. I leave the door open so I can find the light switch in the bedroom.

  I find it and switch it on. I look around. I see a note on the night stand with bottles of medicine on top of it. I pick the note up and read it. Rome is in church with his brothers. I see the bottle of water beside my medicine but I think I need to eat before I try taking it. Rome tells me his spare key is in the top drawer of his dresser to use to get out and lock up when I leave. He said someone named Gertie would help me if I am hungry. I don’t really want to go out alone but if I am going to get live here, I might as well get used to it. I go to the dresser and get the keys out. I will take my medicine when I get back. I look down at myself and know I need to dress. I get the sweats I took off and put them back on. Then I pick my bra up and maneuver it back on under my shirt and fasten it. It takes me a few minutes because I am not good at it one handed.

  I switch the light out and step out into the hall. I look up and down it and I don’t see anyone. I lock the door. I didn’t take the time to put my shoes on so I hope the floors are clean. I don’t think I even noticed earlier. I walk back the way we came and find the room were the bar is. I see a woman behind the bar. I walk up to her.

  “Hello.” She says to me.

  “Hi. I’m looking for Gertie. I’m Rome’s friend.” The woman laughs loud.

  “You must be Tara. I’m Gertie. I’m Slick’s woman and you are Rome’s woman. I don’t think friend fits your situation.” The woman is bigger than life and I like her even if she did laugh at me.

  “I didn’t know how to introduce myself. Rome left me a note and said if I needed anything to find you. I need to eat so I can take my medicine. Do you think you could show me where I could find something?” I don’t want to sound presumptuous. “Anything will do, maybe chips.”

  “Follow me and I will show you the kitchen. I’ll fix you a sandwich.” Gertie starts walking down a hall and I follow.

  “Don’t go to any trouble. Just point me in the right direction and I can wait on myself. I don’t want to be a bother.” I tell the woman while following her. We make it to the kitchen and I smell pizza before I get there.

  “No worries, sweetheart. I am like a mom to all these boys. Someone needs to wipe their noses and tell them when to wipe their asses. Since Callie has arrived I have taken a step back. My ol’ man is in retirement but we are usually here two or three days a week. Bikers don’t know how to retire.

  “Looks like you are in luck. The boys left some pizza, help yourself. The plates are over there and drinks are in the refrigerator.” Gertie keeps going on. I get a plate out and put a couple of pieces of pizza on it. I go to the refrigerator and get a bottle of cold water. “I’ll sit with you while you eat and we can get to know each other. Your ol’ man, Rome, I don’t know as well as others. He keeps to himself and is kind of quiet.” I sit at the table and start to eat. I chew the first bite and then open my water and drink some water.

  “What is church? Rome has mentioned it a couple of times.” I ask Gertie. If I am going to learn, now is the time.

  “It’s what our men call a meeting. No nonmembers are to enter unless invited. They say very little about what it is going on in there and if Rome does mention anything then keep it to yourself. What your man shares with you is between the two of you, only.” Gertie is trying to help. I just hope I don’t forget anything.

  “Terrance told me that Honey Girl was giving you shit earlier. She is one of the low people in the line of people in this club. Terrance will not give you shit but Honey Girl will. Put her in her place. If you don’t, she will run over you. The brothers with ol’ ladies are out-numbered in this club. There’s three of us now. The other brothers bring the club girls in and they serve their purpose. It isn’t pretty. It is what it is. There’s
no reason to disrespect the girls just don’t let them run over you. Rome is your man and just like he claimed you, so no man touches you, you need to do the same. Right now, there are only the two. We had some trouble a couple of years ago and out of respect for Callie the brothers have only brought Honey Girl in but they have hang arounds. They’ll bring more in as we grow. You are an ol’ lady and you stand your ground or some of those girls will eat you up and spit you out. I have seen Rome around Honey Girl and he is firm with her. I’ve never seen him with a club girl.” I have been eating while Gertie has gone on.

  “Rome told me. I trust him until he proves I can’t. Rome said not to bring trouble to the club so how can I stand up to the club girls?” I ask Gertie.

  “When another woman has her hands on your man that is not bringing trouble to the club. The other woman is bringing the trouble. You stand your ground and I don’t mean a slapping cat fight. You whoop their ass with your fist. The brothers will respect you for it and the club girls will learn to respect your territory.” Gertie is very serious. “The way you treat Rome and the rest of the brothers will get you respect from the club.” I finish the last of my pizza. I was starving. “You want more?”

  “No, thank you. I am full. Thank you for helping me and the advice.” I tell Gertie “How long do these meeting usually take?”

  “There’s no telling. They have some important business to take care of. They’ve been in there a couple of hours now.” I look for a clock and I see it is after nine. I am not tired but I would like some alone time. I get up and go to the sink and rinse my plate, then put it in the dishwasher. I dry my hands and walk back to the table.

  “I am going back to Rome’s room to take my medicine and try to get some more rest.” I tell Gertie.

  “Alright, sweetie. It was good talking to you for a bit. I will be around and if you need any help adjusting, you just come find old Gert.” Gertie stands up and walks to me and scoops me up in a big motherly hug. I hug her back.