The Mammoth Book of Paranormal Romance 2

by Trisha Telep

  Alec arched his eyebrows. “What were you expecting, pink leopard print couch covers and a gilded floor lamp?”

  Marvin grinned. “She has weird ideas about you land people. You’ll have to excuse her assumptions on the grounds of ignorance. It’s only us mermen who get sent in to attend dry schools. Our females cause too many problems. Especially with teenagers.”

  Alec watched Giselle sway about his living room, long thick blond hair just touching her undulating hips. “I can’t imagine why.”

  “Hey!” A pair of cool fingers pulled Alec’s chin around to look into Marvin’s face.

  Alec smiled, swooped in and gave Marvin a full-on kiss. There it was again, that addictive taste, delicious. It would have been all too easy to continue, so Alec pulled back. The merman was left looking agreeably speechless. “Purely an aesthetic observation I assure you. So, where are you two staying?”

  Giselle returned from her perusal. “Little place down by the docks, of course.”

  Ask a silly question, reflected Alec. He went to pour himself some coffee. Caffeine didn’t do much for the werewolf constitution but he enjoyed the ritual of it and the lab insisted on a near constant supply. He waggled the pot at his guests but both shook their heads.

  “Got any clam juice?” Marvin asked.

  “Should I open these sardines?”

  Marvin looked hurt. “Those are a gift, special just for you, don’t be crass.”

  Alec smiled, and put the sardines carefully on to the counter near his toaster. “Very thoughtful.”

  Giselle seemed to think it was time to stop the flirting and get on to business. “So we’re thinking the best way to hide the money would be to feed it into some kind of local business.” Giselle pulled out a sheet of paper. “Here’s a list of businesses started over the last few months. I’ll try all the clothing stores. You two try the restaurants.”

  “You sure you’ll be okay on your own?”

  The merwoman gave Alec a look that should have turned him to stone on the spot.

  In fact it did.

  Alec felt his body involuntarily seize-up. His feet felt like they’d been super-glued to the floor. The merwoman continued to stare at him, something deadly in her big turquoise eyes, and Alec couldn’t for the life of him move a single muscle.

  Finally she turned that aquamarine gaze away and Alec felt his body come once more under his control.

  “Wow, impressive.”

  Marvin looked mildly amused. “Natural defensive mechanism,” he explained. “Ever heard the myth of Medusa, turning people to stone? That’s where it comes from.”

  “Can you do it too?” That’d make for an interesting relationship.

  “Nope.”

  “What about the whole siren song thing?”

  Giselle grinned. “Oh, we can both do that.”

  Marvin added, “But not around werewolves. What’s alluring to monkeys causes you guys to bleed out of the ears.”

  “Sensitive supernatural hearing?”

  “Exactly.”

  “Okay then.”

  They left Alec’s apartment and set off on a strange kind of tour of new businesses about the city. Alec found Marvin an amiable companion. The merman was a horrible flirt, but mostly harmless about it. They made an effective pairing, what with Marvin’s open and engaging ways and Alec’s natural reticence. But they had no success, and met with a sulky Giselle later that night to find that she too had had no luck. She waved them off to the sushi restaurant without her, insisting that all she needed was a long bath and a can of clam chowder.

  Back at Alec’s favourite sushi place, the dark-eyed waitress took their orders and then vanished, wearing a skeptical look.

  “She doesn’t like me,” commented Marvin, idly watching the girl’s retreating back.

  “And why should she have an opinion?” Alec hadn’t really noticed.

  “’Cause she likes you.”

  Alec was genuinely surprised. “She does? That was unintentional.”

  “It’s one of your more endearing qualities.”

  “Unintentionality?”

  “Mmm. I remember you in high school, cutting a swathe through all those cheerleaders – no idea how much arguing there was over the presence or absence of your interest.”

  “Oh yes, of course. Scrawny old me. The ladykiller.”

  Marvin brushed aside Alec’s sarcasm. “You had this incredible attractiveness and you never even realized it.”

  “I did?”

  “You do.”

  “Flatterer.” Alec could feel himself blushing. He sipped tea to hide his self-consciousness.

  “Not at all. So, why are we dodging around this thing between us?” Marvin slid his hand under the table and rested it casually on Alec’s knee.

  “You’re a merman who’s out and lives on the other side of the country?” Alec didn’t react to the hand on his knee, but he didn’t remove it either.

  “Pah, insignificant details.” The hand squeezed and then began a gentle exploration.

  “Because I have this feeling you’re just trying to satisfy some left-over adolescent curiosity?” The hand stilled its wandering and was removed.

  Marvin pouted. “Why must you be so serious? Okay, fine. And what? You’re looking for a lifelong commitment, when you can’t even tell your family you’re gay?”

  “Touché.”

  The hand returned. “So our relationship has a few minor difficulties. What true love experiences smooth swimming from the start?”

  Alec couldn’t help but smile at that.

  The waitress and her frown returned with their order.

  “I hardly see that she should feel so strongly,” said Alec, this time noticing the girl’s gloomy expression. “It’s not like I’m a regular or anything. This place hasn’t really been open long enough to have regulars.”

  Marvin blinked at that. “New business? How new?”

  Alec bit into a piece of sashimi. “Couple of months ago. And you know I wasn’t going to try it, because I heard the owner wasn’t even Japanese, but then . . .” Alec trailed off, following where Marvin’s question had led. “Right time frame?”

  The merman nodded. “And that waitress does have very large and dark eyes.”

  Alec really looked at the woman for the first time. “Fetching girl.”

  “What does she smell like?”

  Alec shrugged. “Fish, but then, Marvin, this is a sushi restaurant. Everyone smells like fish.”

  “Let’s finish up, shall we? I have a sudden need to investigate the kitchen of this establishment.”

  The waitress returned, looking hard and determined. “How’s your meal, boys?”

  “Delicious. But I’m afraid I must ask to see your kitchen.” Marvin pulled out his wallet and flashed some sort of badge at the young woman. “Health inspectors.”

  The dark eyes widened and then narrowed. “Of course, sir. Right this way.”

  Marvin stood, grabbed his jacket, and followed. Alec, rather clumsily, glommed on to the merman’s scheme and trailed after.

  The kitchen was everything that a health inspector might wish, very clean and very modern, all the appliances shiny and new. It was also equipped with some very large and solid frying pans, which Alec’s head discovered much to his surprise. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Marvin receive the same frying pan treatment, then there was nothing but blackness.

  Alec was the first to awaken. Werewolf healing apparently beat out merman abilities in that arena. It didn’t stop his head from hurting like the devil. There was a throbbing pain coming from the back of his skull. What the hell?

  His sensitive werewolf hearing went into immediate overdrive. Not that he needed it – whoever was speaking was mighty close.

  “Health inspectors, health inspectors indeed. I think not!” That was an unknown voice, deep and masculine and heavily tinged with Irish.

  The sushi restaurant owner, I presume.

  “Now, Da,” that was the vo
ice of the pretty dark-eyed waitress. “How can you be certain? Pure certain they aren’t health inspectors?”

  “Well, that one there’s a web-handed tail-ended nark. Can’t you tell from the hair and the cheekbones? Humans just don’t grow that beautiful. Not outside of Denmark, anyway. Can’t rightly place the pretty boy, but you can bet he’s something we don’t want reporting on our whereabouts.”

  “Shame really, he’s been coming in to my section for weeks now. I kinda thought, you know . . .”

  A snort met that comment. “Just goes to show where thinking will get you.”

  “He’s also awake,” said Alec, sitting up and testing the strength of the rope that bound his hands tight behind his back. The rope eased against his flesh. Not strong enough for a were of any breed, let alone a wolf. He cocked his head at his two captors. They really didn’t know what he was. Silly selkies. Alec supposed he couldn’t really blame them all that much, after all, he didn’t look like a werewolf, not even slightly. For once his appearance was standing him in good stead.

  Alec let them think they had the upper hand – or was it flipper? – at least while Marvin was still out of it. He looked sideways, down at his companion. The beautiful blond lay flopped, eyes closed, face abnormally pale. Alec frowned in concern. What if they really have damaged him? Perhaps mermen can’t recover from frying pans to the head. Alec could feel his canines beginning to show in anger and agitation. What the hell? He wasn’t in any immediate danger. Usually, his wolf side didn’t take any kind of protective interest in others, not even in his friends, only in his own worthless skin. Alec heard Jack’s voice in his head, Yoga breaths, darling.

  Alec took several deep breaths while Marvin lay there, quiet and still. Alec’s inner wolf remained unhappy about this and felt very protective despite the yoga. Well, crap, thought Alec, finally understanding his own feelings, this is mating behaviour. Fantastic. I always knew I had this abnormal affection for fish, but really, Body, this is a ridiculous. Stop it.

  The teeth retracted slightly and Alec decided it would be best to look away from Marvin’s comatose form.

  So he glanced about his surroundings, to find that they were in some kind of storage room, possibly a cellar. The waitress sat over to one side, on top of an overturned plastic tub, and next to her stood a very fat, very fierce-looking man, with the most impressive moustache Alec had ever clapped eyes on. And Alec had hung out with the Hell’s Angels on more than one occasion, so he was tough to impress.

  “You didn’t hit him hard enough, pup,” said the man with the moustache to the waitress.

  “Sure I did, Da!”

  “Then why’s he up and talking so soon?”

  “Don’t know, Da.”

  Alec saw Marvin twitch slightly out of the corner of his eye. Awake and playing possum? He had a moment of profound relief.

  “So,” said Alec casually, “Used the money to set up a Sushi restaurant, did you? I commend you, you have really good sushi.”

  “Well, what else were we to do?”

  “Still, setting up this place can’t have taken all of it.”

  “No, it didn’t.”

  “So,” Alec gave the moustache an opening.

  “So?” The fat man was not so much of an evil Bond villain to fall for that trap.

  “So where’s the rest?”

  The massive moustache twisted in annoyance. “Wouldn’t you just love to know?”

  Alec sighed. Marvin twitched again. The merman was shamming. Hoping Marvin would follow his lead, Alec decided to take a chance.

  He shifted forms, the rope bonds dropping easily off of his now reconfigured body. His pants also fell away. Sadly, his shirt was not so accommodating. It got all tangled about his neck and forelegs and he ended up having to rip it off with an undignified wiggle. Darn it, that was Armani. Of course, Alec could have simply broken the rope bonds but he didn’t feel the need to prove himself with any of that masculine tripe – that was more his father’s speed. Shifting out of them was easy enough, and it put him in wolf form, which was far more practical for fighting.

  He charged at the man with the moustache.

  The man let out the most remarkable barking bellow but didn’t run, instead moving forward to meet Alec’s flying furry leap with a crash.

  The man was a hell of a lot stronger and more nimble then he looked, and he seemed to know a thing or two about fighting against a wolf. He went for the muzzle, wrapping one beefy arm about Alec’s nose, clamping Alec’s jaw shut, and jabbing at Alec’s eyes with his other hand. Meanwhile the waitress leaped for Alec as well, grappling with his legs. She, too, was unexpectedly strong. Crap, no one warned me selkies had superhuman strength.

  Alec scrabbled, sharp and fast, his back legs raking down the woman’s face and neck. She let go with a cry of pain. Then he turned his attention towards the man. Alec scraped forward with his front legs, claws out and wickedly sharp, and at the same time he twisted and jerked back, managing to free his head. He whipped it around and clamped down with big sharp white teeth on the man’s upper arm. He then put a concerted effort into tearing that arm right off. Alec didn’t normally consider himself a violent man, but sometimes, arms simply needed to be removed.

  While he was busy gnawing, he noticed two things. First, that Marvin was up and running frantically around the cellar, clearly looking for something. Second, that the moustached man’s arm tasted rather odd. The normal bloody red meat taste of human flesh was absent. Instead the man tasted like salt-cream mixed with hazelnuts. It was quite pleasant, actually. Alec bit down harder. However, he didn’t seem to be getting anywhere with the amputation agenda.

  Marvin reappeared in his line of vision, carrying what looked like two scruffy fur coats. The waitress screamed in horror upon seeing them, and this diverted the moustached man’s attention away from Alec.

  “No!” he cried, as though that would stop the merman.

  “Oh, yes,” replied Marvin. And then he threw one of the ratty fur coats over the man’s head and the other over the waitress’s.

  Alec had seen many shape changes in his day. Werewolves, after all, were all over that shit. But he’d never seen any quite so fast, involuntary, and undignified as the two that resulted from Marvin chucking those fur coats.

  The arm he’d been chewing away at vanished as the fat man collapsed back on to the floor in a yelling, shivering, convulsing blob. This quickly resolved itself into a barking shivering convulsing brown blob with outrageously long tusks. It still sported a large and impressive moustache. A walrus selkie? Huh, who knew.

  While Alec’s animal form served him well on land, the selkie were handicapped by their alternative duds. The waitress (who seemed to be some kind of harbour seal) and the walrus could do nothing more effectual than a sort of awkward worming in Alec’s direction, which was more ridiculous than threatening.

  Alec converted back into his human shape. Being wolf seemed a little much given the enemy’s current state. He poked about, looking for his discarded jeans. Despite the fact that most of Marvin’s attention was on their undulating opponents, the merman still seemed to have plenty to spare for Alec’s naked form. Unfortunately, the walrus flopped over and tried to tusk at Alec’s ankle before he could get hold of his jeans, so Alec took refuge up a little stepladder. Marvin, with a decided twinkle in his eye, joined him. The diminutive nature of the stepladder made for an agreeably intimate relationship. Marvin was quite as thrilled by the lack of jeans as Alec was troubled.

  “Their skins?” Alec asked, over the barking sounds as the two blubbery beasts wiggled viciously against the base of the stepladder.

  “Yes.”

  “How long do they have to stay – uh – floppy?”

  “Once they are in seal form they must visit the ocean, only then can they remove their skins and return to dry land as humans.”

  “Bummer.”

  “And you thought you werewolves had it tough.”

  Alec shrugged.

&
nbsp; “You make a very handsome wolf, by the way. Though I’m thinking I like this form best of all.” One of the merman’s webbed hands formed a newly intimate relationship with Alec’s posterior.

  Alec blushed. He’d always thought his wolf form a little bony. Speed was his best trait, not brawn. “Thanks.”

  “Beautiful, even.” Marvin shifted against him and tilted in, going for a kiss.

  Alec obliged him, though it was not the most romantic of moments – atop an unstable stepladder with two angry seal-type creatures barking up at them.

  Marvin seemed interested in pressing matters further, and a tentative tongue tip touched Alec’s lip.

  Well, fuck it, I might as well show him everything. Which was when a different part of Alec’s wolf side came to the fore, and Marvin learned a thing or two about what kind of wolf he was attempting to court.

  Alec modified the kiss, rising up on his toes and pressing bodily downwards against the merman, slanting his head and diving his tongue aggressively into the other man’s mouth.

  Marvin gave a little squeak of surprise, but acquiesced willingly enough, melting easily against Alec’s aggression. Alec gave a little growl of approval and grabbed that tempting long blond hair with one hand, and yanked the merman’s head around to exactly the right angle. Now, that’s a kiss.

  Then he stopped.

  Marvin, for once, seemed to have nothing to say. His mouth went open and then closed for a little while in shock. He looked like – well – like a fish. Finally he said, eyes wide, “So that’s how it is?”

  Alec, blushing a little at his own temerity, pretended a casual shrug. “You thought I was submissive?”

  Marvin nodded, but recovered from his surprise enough to snuggle up against him.

  Alec explained. “You thought I was in the closet just because I was gay? Not me, I got far more problems. I’m a closet alpha too. I just act the gamma around the pack, makes things easier. I’m a non-confrontational kinda guy.” The stepladder tilted dangerously at a particularly hard whack from the walrus. They would have to deal with the selkie situation soon.

  But Marvin was more interested in the implication of Alec’s kiss. “You telling me you’re an alpha in everything?”