The Sweetest Dream

by Doris Lessing Little Dorrit

  'I was on my way down to you all,' said Julia, 'but I hear Johnny has arrived.'

  ‘I don't see how I can stop him coming,’ said Frances. She was listening downwards, to the kitchen – were they all right there, no quarrels? Upwards... was Sylvia all right?

  Julia said, ' He has a home. It seems to me that he is not often in it. '

  ‘Well,’ said Frances, ' if Phyllida is in it, who can blame him?'

  She had hoped that this might make Julia at least smile, but instead she was going on, ‘I must say this...’And Frances waited for what she was sure would be a dose of disapproval. ‘You are so weak with Johnny. He has treated you abominably. '

  Frances was thinking, Then why give him the key to the house? – though she knew the mother could hardly say to the son that he couldn't have a key to a house he thought of as his own. Besides, what about the boys? She said, trying to joke a little, ' Perhaps we could have the locks changed?'

  But Julia took it seriously with, ‘I would see to it if I did not think you would at once give him a new key. ' She got up, and Frances, who had been planning to sit down, saw another opportunity slide away.

  ' Julia, ' said Frances, ' you always criticise me, but you don't support me. ‘And what did she mean by that, except that Julia made her feel like a schoolgirl deficient in everything.

  ‘What are you saying?’ said Julia. ‘I do not understand. ' She was furious, and hurt.

  ‘I don't mean... you have been so good... you are always so generous... no, all I meant was...’

  ‘I do not believe that I have been lacking in my responsibilities to the family,’ said Julia, and Frances heard, incredulously, that Julia might easily cry. She had hurt Julia, and it was the fact that this was possible that made her stammer, ' Julia... but Julia ...

  you are wrong, I didn't mean...’And then, 'Oh, Julia,' in a different tone, which made Julia stop on her way out of the room to examine her, as if she was prepared to be touched, reached: even to reach out herself.

  But downstairs a door slammed, and Frances exclaimed, in despair, 'There he is, it's Johnny.'

  ‘Yes, it's Comrade Johnny,’ said Julia, departing upstairs.

  Frances went down into the kitchen and found Johnny in his usual position, standing back to the window, and with him was a handsome black man wearing clothes more expensive than anyone else's, smiling as Johnny introduced him, ' This is Comrade Mo, from East Africa. '

  Frances sat, pushing the novel across the table at Rose, but she was staring in admiration at Comrade Mo, and at Johnny, who resumed his lecture to impress Comrade Mo, on the history of East Africa and the Arabs.

  And now Frances was in a dilemma. She did not want to ask Johnny to sit down. She had asked him – though Julia would never believe this – not to drop in at mealtimes, and to telephone before he came. But here was this guest and ofcourse she must...

  'Would you like something to eat?’ she asked, and Comrade Mo rubbed his hands together and laughed and said he was starving, and at once sat down in the chair next to her. Johnny, invited to sit, said he would just have a glass of wine – he had brought a bottle. Where Andrew and Sylvia had sat, minutes before, now sat Comrades Mo and Johnny, and the two men put on their plates all that was left of the pie, and the vegetables.

  Frances was angry to the point where one is dispirited with it: what was the point, ever, of being angry with Johnny? It was obvious he had not eaten for days, he was cramming in bread, taking great mouthfuls of wine, refilling his glass and Comrade Mo's, in between forkfuls from his plate. The youngsters were seeing appetites even greater than their own.

  ‘I’ll serve the pudding,’ said Frances, her voice dull with rage.

  On to the table now went plates of sticky delights from the

  Cypriot shops, concoctions of honey and nuts and filo pastry, and dishes of fruit, and her chocolate pudding, made especially for 'the kids'.

  Colin, having stared at his father, and then at his mother: Why did you let him sit down? Why do you let him...? now got up, scraping back his chair, and pushing it back against the wall with a bang. He went out.

  ‘I feel this is a real home from home,’ said Comrade Mo, consuming chocolate pudding. ‘And I do not know these cakes? Are they like some cakes we have from the Arab cuisine?'

  'Cypriot,' said Johnny, 'almost certainly influenced from the East...’ and began a lecture on the cuisines of the Mediterranean.

  They were all listening, fascinated: no one could say that Johnny was dull when not talking about politics, but it was too good to last. Soon he was on to Kennedy's murder, and the probable roles of the CIA and the FBI. From there he went on to the American plans to take over Africa, and in proof told them that Comrade Mo had been propositioned by the CIA offering vast sums of money. All his teeth and gums showing, Comrade Mo confirmed this, with pride. An agent of the CIA in Nairobi had approached him with offers to finance his party, in return for information. 'And how did you know he was CIA?' James wanted to know, and Comrade Mo said that ' everyone knew' the C I A roamed around Africa, like a lion seeking its prey. He laughed, delightedly, looking around for approval. ‘You should all come and visit us. Come and see for yourself and have a good time,' he said, having little idea he was describing a glorious future. 'Johnny has promised to come.'

  'Oh, I thought he was going now – at once?’ said James, and now Comrade Mo 's eyes rolled in enquiry to Johnny, while he said, ' Comrade Johnny's welcome any time. '

  ' So, you didn't tell Andrew you were going to Africa?' asked Frances, to elicit the reply, ' Keep them guessing. ‘And Johnny smiled and offered them the aphorism, ' Always keep them guessing.'

  'Who?' Rose wanted to know.

  'Obviously, Rose, the CIA,' said Frances.

  'Oh, yes, the CIA,' said James, 'of course.' He was absorbing information, as was his talent and his intention.

  ' Keep them guessing,’ said Johnny. And, in his severest manner to his willing disciple, James, ' In politics you should never let your left hand know what your right hand does. '

  ' Or perhaps,’ said Frances, ' what your left hand does. '

  Ignoring her: ‘You should always cover your tracks, Comrade James. You should never make things easy for the enemy. '

  ' Perhaps I shall come to Cuba too?’ said Mo. ' Comrade Fidel is encouraging links with the liberated African countries. '

  ‘And even the non-liberated ones,’ said Johnny, letting them all in on secrets of policy.

  ‘What are you going to Cuba for?' asked Daniel, really wanting to know, confronting Johnny across the table with his inflammatory red hair, his freckles, and eyes always strained by the knowledge that he was not worthy to lick the boots of – for instance, Geoffrey. Or Johnny.

  James said to him, ' One should not ask that kind of question, ' and looked to Johnny for approval.

  ' Exactly,’ said Johnny. He got up, and resumed his lecturer's position, back to the window, at ease, but on the alert.

  ‘I want to see a country that has known only slavery and subjection build freedom, build a new society. Fidel has done miracles in five years, but the next five years will show a real change. I am looking forward to taking Andrew and Colin, taking my sons, to see for themselves... Where are they, by the way?' For he had not noticed their absence until now.

  ' Andrew is with Sylvia,’ said Frances. ‘We are going to have to call her that now. '

  ‘Why, has she changed her name?'

  'That is her name,' said Rose, sullen: she continually said she hated her name and wanted to be called Marilyn.

  ‘I have only really known her as Tilly,’ said Johnny, with a whimsical air that momentarily recalled Andrew. 'Well, then, where's Colin?'

  'Doing homework,' said Frances. A likely story, though Johnny would not know that.

  Johnny was fidgeting. His sons were his favourite audience, and he did not know what a critical one it was.

  ' Can you go to Cuba, just like that, as a tourist?' asked James,
evidently disapproving of tourists and their frivolity.

  ' He's not going as a tourist,’ said Comrade Mo. Feeling out of place at the table, while his comrade-in-arms stood in front of them, he got up and lounged there by Johnny. ' Fidel invited him. ' This was the first Frances had heard of it. ‘And he invited you too,’ said Comrade Mo. Johnny was clearly displeased: he had not wanted this to be revealed.

  Comrade Mo said, ' A friend of Fidel's is in Kenya for the Independence celebrations, and he told me that Fidel wants to invite Johnny and Johnny's wife. ' ' He must mean Phyllida. '

  ‘No, it was you. He said Comrade Johnny and Comrade Frances.'

  Johnny was furious. ' Comrade Fidel is clearly unaware of Frances's indifference to world affairs. '

  ‘No,’ said Comrade Mo, not noticing apparently that Johnny was about to explode, just at his elbow. ' He said he had heard she is a famous actress, and she is welcome to start a theatre group in Havana. And I'll add our invitation to that. You could start a revolutionary theatre in Nairobi. '

  ‘Oh, Frances, ' breathed Sophie, clasping her hands together, her eyes melting with pleasure, ' how wonderful, how absolutely wonderful.'

  ' Frances's line seems rather more to be advice on family problems,’ said Johnny, and, firmly putting an end to this nonsense, raised his voice, addressing the young ones, ‘You are a fortunate generation,' he told them. 'You will be building a new world, you young comrades. You have the capacity to see through all the old shams, the lies, the delusions – you can overturn the past, destroy it, build anew... this country has two main aspects. On the one hand it is rich, with a solid and established infrastructure, while on the other, it is full of old-fashioned and stultifying attitudes. That will be the problem. Your problem. I can see the Britain of the future, free, rich, poverty gone, injustice a memory...'

  He went on like this for some time, repeating the exhortations that sounded like promises. You will transform the world ... it is your generation on whose shoulders the responsibility will fall... the future is in your hands... you will live to see the world a better place, a glorious place, and know that it was your efforts... what a wonderful thing to be your age, now, with everything in your hands...

  Young faces, young eyes, shone, adored him and what he was saying. Johnny was in his element, absorbing admiration. He was standing like Lenin, one hand pointing forward into the future, while the other was clenched on his heart.

  'He is a great man,' he concluded in a soft, reverential voice, gazing severely at them. 'Fidel is a genuinely great man. He is pointing us all the way into the future. '

  One face there showed an incorrect alignment to Johnny: James, who admired Johnny as much as Johnny could possibly wish, was in the grip of a need for instruction.

  'But, Comrade Johnny...' he said, raising his hand as if in class.

  ‘And now goodnight,’ said Johnny. ‘I have a meeting. And so has Comrade Mo here. '

  His unsmiling but comradely nod excluded Frances, to whom he directed a cold glance. Out he went, followed by Comrade Mo, who said to Frances, ' Thanks, Comrade. You've saved my life. I was really hungry. And now it seems I have a meeting. '

  They sat silent, listening to Johnny's Beetle start up, and leave.

  ' Perhaps you could all do the washing-up,’ said Frances. ' I've got to work. Goodnight. '

  She lingered to see who would take up this invitation. Geoffrey of course, the good little boy; Jill, who was clearly in love with handsome Geoffrey; Daniel because he was in love with Geoffrey but probably didn't know it; Lucy... well, all of them, really. Rose?

  Rose sat on: she was fucked if she was going to be made use of.

  The influences of Christmas Day, that contumacious festival, were spreading dismay as early as the evening of the 12th of December when, to Frances's surprise, she found she was drinking to the independence of Kenya. James lifted his glass, brimming with Rioja, and said, 'To Kenyatta, to Kenya, to Freedom.' As always, his warm friendly, if public, face under the tumbling locks of black hair, sent messages all around of unlimited reservoirs of largesse of feeling. Excited eyes, fervent faces: Johnny's recent harangues were still reverberating in them.

  A vast meal had been consumed, a little of it by Sylvia, who was as always by Frances's left elbow. In her glass was a stain of red: Andrew had said she must drink a little, it was good for her, and Julia had supported him. The cigarette smoke was denser than usual; it seemed that everyone was smoking tonight, because of the liberation of Kenya. Not Colin, he was batting away waves of smoke as they reached his face. 'Your lungs will rot,' he said. ‘Well, it's just tonight,’ said Andrew.

  ‘I’m going to Nairobi for Christmas, ' James announced, looking around, proud but uneasy.

  ‘Oh, are your parents going?' Frances unthinkingly asked, and a silence rebuked her.

  ‘Is it likely?’ sneered Rose, stubbing out her cigarette and furiously lighting another.

  James rebuked her with, 'My father was fighting in Kenya. He was a soldier. He says it's a good place. '

  'Oh, so your parents are living there? Or planning to? Are you visiting them?'

  'No, they aren't living there,' said Rose. 'His father is an income tax inspector in Leeds.'

  'So, is that a crime?' enquired Geoffrey.

  ' They are such squares,’ said Rose. ‘You wouldn't believe it.'

  ' They aren't so bad,’ said James, not liking this. ‘But we have to make allowances for people who are not yet politically conscious. '

  ‘Oh, so you are going to make your parents politically conscious – don't make me laugh,' said Rose.

  ‘I didn't say so,’ said James, turning away from his cousin, and towards Frances. ' I've seen Dad's photographs of Nairobi. It's groovy. That's why I'm going. '

  Frances understood that there was no need to say anything as crass as, Have you got a passport? A visa? How are you going to pay for it? And you are only seventeen.

  James was floating in the arms of a teenage dream, which was not underpinned by boring realities. He would find himself as if by magic in Nairobi's main street... there he would run into Comrade Mo... be one of a group of loving comrades where he would soon be a leader, making fiery speeches. And, since he was seventeen, there would be a girl. How did he imagine this girl? Black? White? She had no idea. James went on talking about his father's memories of Kenya. The grim truths of war had been erased, and all that remained were high blue skies, and all that space and a good chap (corrected to a good type) who had saved his father's life. A black man. An Askari, risking his life for the British soldier.

  What had been Frances's equivalent dream at, not sixteen, she had been a busy schoolgirl; but nineteen? Yes, she was pretty sure she had had fantasies, because of Johnny's immersion in the Spanish Civil War, of nursing soldiers. Where? In a rocky landscape, with wine, and olives. But where? Teenage dreams do not need map points.

  'You can't go to Kenya,' said Rose. 'Your parents will stop you.'

  Brought down, James reached for his glass and emptied it.

  'Since the subject has come up,' said Frances, 'I want to talk about Christmas?' Faced with already apprehensive faces, Frances found herself unable to go on. They knew what they were going to hear, because Andrew had already warned them.

  Now he said, ‘You see, there isn't going to be a Christmas here this year. I am going to Phyllida for Christmas lunch. She rang me and said she hasn't heard from my... from Johnny, and she says she dreads Christmas. '

  ‘Who doesn't?’ said Colin.

  ‘Oh, Colin,’ said Sophie, ' don't be like that. '

  Colin said, not looking at anyone, ‘I am going to Sophie's because of her mother. She can't be alone on Christmas Day. '

  ‘But I thought you were Jewish,’ said Rose to Sophie.

  ‘We have always done Christmas,’ said Sophie. ‘When Daddy was alive...’ She went silent, biting her lips, her eyes filling.

  ‘And Sylvia here is going with Julia to Julia's friend,’ said An
drew.

  ‘And I,’ said Frances, ' propose to ignore Christmas altogether. '

  ‘But, Frances,’ said Sophie, ' that's awful, you can't. '

  ‘Not awful. Wonderful,’ said Frances. ‘And now, Geoffrey, don't you think you should go home for Christmas? You really should, you know. '

  Geoffrey's polite face, ever attentive to what might be expected of him, smiled agreement. 'Yes, Frances. I know. You are right. I will go home. And my grandmother is dying, ' he added, in the same tone.

  'Then, I'll go home too,' said Daniel. His red hair flamed, and his face went even redder, as he said, ‘I’ll come and visit you, then.'

  ' As you like,’ said Geoffrey revealing by this ungraciousness that perhaps he had been looking forward to a Daniel-free hols.

  'James,' said Frances, 'please go home.'

  'Are you throwing me out?' he said, good-humouredly. 'I don't blame you. Have I outstayed my welcome?'

  ' For now, yes,’ said Frances, who was by nature unable to throw anyone out permanently. ‘But what about school, James? Aren't you going to finish school?'

  ‘Of course he is,’ said Andrew, revealing that admonitions must have occurred. His four years seniority gave him the right. ' It's ridiculous, James, ' he went on, talking direct to James. ‘You've only got a year to go to A-levels. It won't kill you. '

  ‘You don't know my school,’ said James, but desperation had entered the equation. ' Ifyou did...’

  ' Anyone can suffer for a year,’ said Andrew. ' Or even three. Or four, ' he said, glancing guiltily at his mother: he was making revelations.

  ' Okay,’ said James. ‘I will. But...’ and here he looked at Frances, ' without the liberating airs of Frances's house I don't think I could survive. '