The Uncertainty of Death

by Y. K. Greene

  “That’s half the point.” Jules said, “it’s all pirates and ninja’s right now.”

  She looked at Jules, “you cannot be serious.”

  Jules giggled and nodded, “I am. Dead serious.”

  Which threw both of them into fits of laughter, made all the more complicated for Mitei because of that cute confining little corset. Breathing was not a problem but laughter seemed to be, it pinched and bit every time she laughed hard, making her suddenly aware of her abdomen. So she was the first to come out of it.

  “I am sorry Jules; I still do not know why you did not die.” There, better to come right out with it. “Did you wish to die?”

  That brought the other woman out of her laughter with an alacrity that surprised Mitei. “Why would I want to die?”

  “I am not sure,” Mitei said frowning. “But death is all I know. I thought perhaps if you came here –“

  “That you’d get a second chance to kill me?”

  “No,” Mitei said moving the mirror over so she could sit on the couch, but the corset was there biting into her as she sat so she started to pull it off. “I thought perhaps having you here would help me answer some of my questions as well.”

  “You have questions?”

  Mitei sighed, “I am Death”

  “Are you really the Death? I mean isn’t that Death supposed to be all skeletal and gross?”

  “That Death also is not supposed to have a multi-national company which employs thousands of humans.” Mitei said, “that image of Death also does not apply to all places, cultures and times.”

  “So – you really are Death, Death.”

  “Yes. I am Death and I seem to be having some problems.”

  “I have a bad feeling that you mean ‘me’ when you say ‘problem’.”

  “I mean,” Mitei paused taking a moment to actually look at Jules. The girl seemed to be holding up well but what she was going to say, well Leo had not taken it particularly well and he was older than Jules by a few years. She sighed; humans were unfathomable, “my inability to complete my appointment with you. I mean healing you instead. I mean the way you see me now and the reason I suddenly need a whole new wardrobe.”

  “Ok,” Jules said closing her eyes a moment and sitting back in the chair. “I can almost understand how for you, my living would be a bit of a mistake. But I don’t understand the rest. You healed me?”

  “Apparently, I am not entirely sure.” Mitei said shrugging. “Leo says I healed him and it did seem probable after – “

  “Hold up, who’s this Leo?”

  “The day I met you I had two appointments, you were the second and neither of them went well.”

  “So Leo was the first, but you’ve been meeting with him since?”

  Mitei nodded and her stomach rumbled rather loudly. She groaned and put her head in her hands. “I have seen him a few times since then, yes. I tried to convince him to come to an office, but he refused.”

  Jules made a gesture from her chair as the doors opened and Megan came in pushing a tray laden with food. Mitei’s stomach grumbled again.

  “Let’s eat first.” Jules said as Megan began arranging dinner for two. “Then you can start from the very beginning and explain all of this.”

  ***

  Not between, not Underhill or on mountain top. Not in hidden summer glad or the halls of Valhalla. The gods were nowhere that Aedan could find them. He’d searched all the usual gathering places, then broken down and started looking in all the little places some of them liked to retreat to at various times. His searching had grown more and more frantic, as the realization that he was alone in the realm of men had grown on him.

  But worse than the realization that he was the only god that currently walked the mortal plane was the realization that no matter how hard he searched he could not find the others. Not a trace, a foot print, scat or a clue seemed to be there for him to find and follow. It was almost as if, had he not been there himself, the gods had never existed.

  That was impossible of course. As he lived and breathed and flicked into woods in California and out of groves in Wyoming, Pennsylvania and Russia; so he must have powers beyond that of mortal man. The concept that he was unable to track down his own though, was unthinkable. That there was anything alive or dead, that there had ever been anything or anyone completely capable of eluding him when he wished to find them was – unthinkable.

  Yet there it was, he thought pulling out of yet another hill that had proved vast but completely empty, the gods are no where that I can find them. Gone perhaps, or dead, either way they’ve left no sign - no hint that I can follow. He leaned against the side of the hill he’d just finished searching, placing hands behind his head and basking in the warmth of the autumn sun. The sun still shines, as does the moon. The planet turns without our influence, indeed it seems to work so well without us none have noticed our lack of presence.

  From where he leaned he could still see a rocky field, were a single horse grazed and a pair of ragged children played tag in the tufts of struggling grass. The children were too far away and bedraggled to tell if they were two girls, or boys, or a mixture of both; they laughed and ran, clashed and even cried when one fell down and scrapped its knee. And they did all of this completely unaware of his presence though, as he leaned against the hill, basking in the light, he should have been clear as day.

  Even as he watched the children came closer, bent on a game of “king of the hill.” As they climbed and capered up the side of the hill on which he’d been leaning so calmly, neither noticed his presence though he was right beneath them. He even reached out a hand to steady one, definitely female this close up, keeping her from tumbling straight back down the hill she was so bent on climbing. She barely noticed his touch just used his steadying hand and moved on; Aedan was left with her muddy boot print as his only thanks or acknowledgement.

  Disgusted, he pushed off from the hill; heading to a small grove of trees a few strides away. Completely forgotten, it seemed by those they had once spent such great energy to influence and protect. He stepped into the grove and out into the woods where he’d first heard the chanting. They seemed the closest to home at the moment, the only woods on the planet that seemed truly alive to his presence, for even as he picked out a likely spot to sit, did the ground mold itself into a more comfortable seat and moss add cushion to it.

  It was dark in those woods a moonless night. Aedan sat a moment listening to the night sounds of this forest. There was deer in abundance here, foxes and a few owls. But the sounds of the larger predators seemed absent. No cat’s yowl or the howl of wolves greeted his talented ears. It was a strange world to be so lush and so barren all at once; he closed his eyes on it, letting the forest cradle him as was its want.

  ***

  When he awoke some time later, he found the sun had risen and a new day long since dawned. Aedan stretched. His limbs popped, old injuries protested the strain, he sighed still tired despite having just woken. He’d slept often on the hunt but this sleep lacked the ability to renew him as the end of summer ceremonies usually did. Except this time the ceremony had been broken, it hadn’t worked, hadn’t healed. There would be no complete rejuvenation this year, or the next. It was probably a wonder that he had so few aches and pains as he did considering how long his last hunt had probably been.

  He rubbed a shoulder where a particularly knobby root had been digging into it all night and sighed, perhaps he would heal in time. Heal as mortals did, slowly over long stretches of time spent most definitely not doing what had injured them in the first place. Except he had no idea if that was truly possible for him to do. It was probable that he would heal, eventually, he was a god after all he’d survived worse – ok, so he hadn’t actually survived any of it but…

  Aedan hopped up so suddenly that the whole woods fell silent around him, waiting with hushed and expectant breath for the hunt to begin or end he wasn’t sure which, there was only one way to heal himself of a d
rastic wound. The only way to do that was for him to die. He began dusting leaves and bits of bruised moss from his clothing, pulling twigs and leaves from his hair.

  Normally to heal, he first had to die. Preferably after one last great hunt. Die and be reborn with the careful tending of the goddess all winter long. Sometimes she even killed him, though those weren’t exactly his favorite years. Or his favorite version of the goddess for that matter, nothing like having your entrails ripped out by your girlfriend on occasion to really sour the entire relationship, he thought. So what he needed was to die. One good death would fix him right up – probably.

  There was always the pesky possibility that dying wouldn’t fix any of his, admittedly, minor physical ails. A chance that by dying without the careful attendance of the goddess he’d find himself unable to be renewed and would really – die. Die a death more final than anything that the mortals he watched over could ever imagine. Wink out of existence as if he’d never been. Have all he’d ever done undone and be forgotten by all, even those last few confused or insane worshipers he still had.

  All of that was, of course, dependent on him finding someone or something capable of killing him at his peak first. He’d decide whether or not he was willing to risk a true death once he’d found it, or if he was willing to go about his existence almost like a mortal.

  Could he get a mortgage? Did he want one? Did he want a tiny house that supposedly belonged to him when before he’d walked all the world and known every part of it as his own. Of his flesh and the flesh of the goddess. Could he ever be happy living like a mite on the back of this great beast he’d helped create, Aedan didn’t really think he could.

  Though the prospect of living as a mortal for a time did have some minor entertainment factors, after all other gods had done it time and again. He’d never really had the time to be worried about entertaining himself, there had always been the hunt and always the rebirth. Always some other step or something exciting to do, he’d never had the time to be bored. But as he brushed himself off and checked his gear and clothes over, changing his pants into the jeans he’d seen many of the mortals wearing and pulling a nondescript black tee-shirt out of his pouch, to cover his chest with before shoving his arrows and bow into it; as he changed to go a hunting in the mortal realms he wondered if he could live without the hunt or if the hunt would call him forever.

  Aedan had been called in these woods. Already around him the woods were awaking to his influence, they grew flush with his magic, the trees more limber and their voices almost loud enough to be heard by mortal ears. Already he could feel the presence of guardians and watchers, small beasties of magic that had long been dormant awakening and tending to the wood. They would be lusher and more potent come spring then they had ever been before, children visiting with their parents would swear they had seen fairies and nymphs dancing in its shade. One might even see a unicorn; none of these were gone, just lost, betwixt and between. His presence would call them all here, as if he’d opened the gates and set a beacon. And by the next summer these woods would be flush with game.

  A few years of his continued influence and a beast truly worthy of the hunt would probably appear here. A beast that could kill him, though it would likely die in the attempting, when that happened Aedan knew he would be called back. Whether he’d found a death elsewhere or not by then, there would be a death waiting for him here. Perhaps it was even a good death. A death from which he could rise again, one that would help fuel these woods and keep their magic strong for a while. Aedan didn’t think it would last that way though; probably he’d just condemn these woods to a brief taste of life and a slow death. While he – lost what remained of his mind.

  ***

  Mitei reclined in the sun in Leo’s backyard. It was an unusually warm day and he had insisted on enjoying some of the warmth and sun so she had taken off robe and shoes as he had suggested when the Path dropped her into his backyard, and gotten as comfortable as she was able in the short pleated skirt that Jules had picked out for her.

  She had protested the outfit vehemently at first. Just like the corset it had seemed ridiculous for her station. Not to mention all of these things that Jules and Megan had been picking for her lately fell completely off of her usual color scale. Nothing was all black or white; though they had not picked out anything neon or even pastel, sticking with grays and the occasional splash of white. Still the skit was so short, the blouse too loose and the vest too tight. But as with the corset all together the outfit had helped to soften her much more imposing form, drawing eyes to the long stretch of leg and the suggestion of an ample chest rather than the sometimes disturbing quality of her pale skin and snow white hair.

  Now with the sleeves rolled up, the top unbuttoned slightly and her legs already catching the breeze, though she kept remind herself to keep her legs closed; she had to admit that the outfit was really a rousing success. At least here, on a particularly warm fall day, she was not entirely sure she would give it the same verdict in Philly. Or any place colder still at this time of year. One more mental note to make, she thought as she adjusted a bit to catch another faint breeze.

  “Here,” she opened her eyes to see Leo standing over her with a tall glass of lemonade. She smiled up at him and accepted the cold glass; the cool lemonade seemed the perfect drink on a warm sticky day.

  “Thank you,” she said between sips.

  “Drink that too fast and you might get a brain freeze.”

  Mitei was not entirely sure what that was but she slowed down, finally putting the glass down on the table at her elbow. Leo’s yard was not terribly big and the whole thing was surrounded with a high wooden fence. She had been lucky to come when she had because there had been a nice sunny patch for her to recline in and she had still been suffering from a chill she had picked up from a spot somewhere in Canada earlier in the day. Now half the yard was shadowed as the sun moved away from its zenith. Still, she leaned back; arching her back and feeling her skin seem to soak up the warm light.

  “You’d best be careful, or you’ll burn.”

  Mitei looked around, there did not appear to be a fire nearby.

  “Sunburn, it’s something that happens when someone gets too much sun and doesn’t have any sun block on. Or if you’ve got really pale skin.” Leo pointed at her legs, “like yours.”

  “Oh,” she wondered for a moment whether or not this wonderful feeling was worth risking this burn, then she just closed her eyes for a moment and basked in it. Leo laughed and sat in the other chair. “Leo, will you come to Pennsylvania with me?”

  “Hmm?” He said, “can you take people on your path then”

  “I do not know”

  “Well,” he took a sip. “I’d rather not fly all the way to the other side of the country. Not even if I’ve heard that the foliage is beautiful this time of year.”

  Mitei sat up, swinging her legs over the edge of the chair and grasping her robe tight to her belly. Ever since the earthquake she had taken to carrying the robe with her everywhere she went, she did not want to end up at some locations without some form of clothing and she hated appearing to the dying all in rags.

  Leo was not looking at her. Those purple eyes were closed much the same way hers had been a moment ago, she sighed. “Remember when I told you there were two appointments the day I met you?”

  Leo nodded, how could he tell that she was watching him now?

  “The other one is in Pennsylvania, she wants to meet with you.”

  “That’s nice for her and all, but why would I want to do that? For that matter why are you meeting with her?”

  “I am trying to get some answers here Leo.” She gritted her teeth, if he would just look at her – watching him in repose was too distracting, her eyes tended not to focus on his face but trace the lines of his body over and over again. He looked both good and faintly ridiculous in shorts, legs all knobby and hairy. “I think that the only way I can know what is going on is by talking with bo
th of you.”

  “And what will you do if you find out what’s going on? Will you kill us both then?” He said and finally opened his eyes, unfortunately hers weren’t anywhere near his face when he did, she felt the telltale heat of a blush growing in her cheeks.

  “You are my friend Leo. I do not wish for you to die, but this is my purpose. It is all that I am. I must be able to keep doing it for the sake of others as well as your own.”

  “Which nicely doesn’t answer my question.”

  She sighed; somehow she seemed to have done something wrong again. This was a very odd friendship; they always seemed to be butting heads with each other and rarely seemed to enjoy themselves - except when they were eating.

  “I am not a killer Leo,” she said. “You have both been healed. The injuries that should have killed you are gone. I do not think I can kill you if I figure out what is wrong with me.”

  Leo looked at her a moment, his eyes sparkled clear and amethyst in the sun and Mitei found herself content to meet his eyes while he searched for something she had not yet learned to find in his. Finally he broke the stare and reached up tousling his blond curls with one hand.

  “I’m not going to go to Pennsylvania with you or on a plane, Mitei,” he said getting up and grabbing his glass and hers. “I’m going to be going back to work soon. I won’t be able to make these kinds of long trips for a while.”

  She sighed, “all the more reason you should consent to being on my payroll.”

  “I will be no woman’s secretary!” He said and marched back into his kitchen, leaving her to notice that the sun had reached even her sunny corner of the yard. If she had not moved her legs the shadow of the fence would already have fallen on them. As it was she debated getting up and following Leo or waiting for him to come get her.

  Not for long though, Leo was back in a moment and scooped her up easily from the chair though he left her shoes behind, and carried her through his back door and into the kitchen. His body seemed harder than the women she was most familiar with touching, though his skin seemed just as soft. He did not stop in the kitchen though, bringing her all the way through and into the living room, before dropping her unceremoniously on the couch.