Pleasures Untold

by Lisa Sanchez

  “Stop. Just…stop. Please,” she said, holding a trembling arm up in front of her. “What happened wasn’t your fault. You didn’t ask to be stalked by a psychopathic freak who killed your family members. You couldn’t have known he was going to do what he did.” Her voice became stronger, and her trembling eased up as she eyed me fiercely, her body rigid and tense. “And dammit, would you please stop trying to find an excuse to walk away from me. Friends stick together no matter what. They don’t leave when things get tough. I mean…” Her face turned bright red as she fought to find the right words. “Gah! Shit! You want to make this right? I’ll tell you what you can do. Go find the motherfucker that’s hunting us and put a stop to his shit. Just make sure I get a front row seat when you put a stake in his undead ass!”

  Acting purely on instinct, I launched myself forward, wrapping my arms around Jessica — my true friend. I didn’t know what to say, and I was quite sure that even if I had been able to find the right words to tell my friend how grateful I was that she didn’t want to bolt, I wouldn’t have been able to get them out anyway. A huge lump the size of Texas took up residence in my throat. I’d been near tears more times than I cared to count the past few days, and I wasn’t having it anymore. I wasn’t going to be a victim anymore, and I damn sure as hell wasn’t going to let my friends suffer either. Lucian was going down.

  The sound of plates clanking together along with a low “ahem” turned my attention from Jessica to Xan. I’d never heard him leave the room.

  Standing on the opposite side of his coffee table with a mug in each hand, Xan had practically emptied the entire contents of his refrigerator and placed it before us, blood bags not included. I wondered when the subject of food would come up. It looked like I was about to get my question answered.

  I eyed the impromptu smorgasbord, eyebrows raised in question, and looked up into Xan’s eyes.

  He shrugged. “What? Hybrid, remember?” he said with a frown. “I eat, just like you.”

  “Not quite,” I said, inwardly cringing at the thought of downing a bag full of A-positive. He most certainly did not eat like me.

  He rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Jessica who still looked slightly ashen.

  “Here.” He handed Jessica one of the mugs. “Drink this. The sugar will make you feel better.”

  “Thank you.” She took the mug from his hand and emitted a loud groan after her first sip. “Mmmm…hot chocolate…so good. God…I had this awful, metallic taste in my mouth. Could that be after effects from the curse?” She took another swig of her sugary drink.

  “No,” he said, handing me the other mug, motioning for me to drink as well. “That would be my blood you’re tasting.”

  If it were possible for liquid to travel from your mouth and out through your ears, hot chocolate would have burst forth from Jessica’s like water bursting from a dam. As it was, the hot liquid shot out of her mouth and nose, covering everything in a two-foot radius in brown, liquid goo.

  “What? Blood? Yours? Oh, God! I think I’m going to be sick.” She covered her mouth with one hand as she leaned forward, her other hand holding onto her stomach.

  “Jess.” I reached out and rubbed her back, trying to soothe her. “It was the only way to save you. You needed blood to reverse the curse. We had no choice.”

  “Am I — oh, God! Am I going to turn into…one of them?” Her terror filled eyes darted from mine to Xan’s and back to mine again.

  “No,” we said in unison.

  “In order to be turned,” I continued quickly, “a vampire has to drain you first and then feed you their blood. Xan never fed from you.”

  “You have no reason to worry,” Xan said soberly. “I couldn’t change you if I wanted to. The ability to sire a vampire is not one that I possess.”

  Talk about dropping a bomb. Shocked, I shot up off the couch so fast you would have thought it was on fire. “And just how do you know that? I thought you said you’d never taken the life of a human.”

  “I haven’t,” he said through clenched teeth. “Nor do I intend to. After my mother was murdered, I was taken in and cared for by the sisters of her coven, one in particular. Katya, my mother’s closest friend and confidant, cared for me as if I were her own. We grew very close, and it was when I reached my teens that she first became sick.”

  My stomach lurched. I knew where this was headed, and my heart broke for him all over again. So much loss. He’d suffered so much loss.

  The always-present fire in his eyes waned, his expression becoming haunted. “We didn’t know back then what it was that caused her body to wither away, what caused her so much pain. Today, humans refer to it as cancer.”

  My stomach bottomed out the moment the “c” word left his perfect lips. Losing his mother to a monster was bad enough, but to lose his surrogate mom to a deadly, unforgiving disease was beyond heartbreaking.

  Unable to stand still, Xan paced back and forth as he spoke, his eyes focused on the floor in front of him. The room fell silent, the weight of his admission a heavy, crushing burden I wanted to bear for him.

  I heard Jessica’s quick intake of breath, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw her hand fly up to her mouth, tears welling in her tired eyes.

  “Unwilling to watch the only mother I’d ever known die, I did the only thing I could think of.” He paused for a moment, and raised his head, meeting my stare head on. “I tried to turn her.”

  My mouth went dry, like someone tried to shove a handful of cotton balls down my throat and then asked me to speak. Somehow I managed. “And — wait. I thought you said you couldn’t change anyone. What happened?”

  I wasn’t sure what I wanted to hear. I’d been raised to believe that vampires were undead killers who fed (literally) off of the pain and suffering of humans. A vampire killed my mother, my grandmother. Yet, despite everything I’d been taught, despite everything that happened to me, I found a part of myself wishing, wanting him to have saved the woman who stepped in and assumed the role of mother to him.

  He looked away, then down at the floor. “No. I didn’t turn her. It didn’t work. She is neither alive, nor dead. And my blood…it brings about other changes.”

  “Changes?” Jessica gasped and began inspecting herself thoroughly for any sign of transformation. “What kind of changes?” She looked to Xan, then to me, her fair skin growing ashen. “I swear to God, if my ass gets any bigger I’ll stake you myself!”

  Treating Jess to a harsh stare, Xan rolled his eyes and shook his head before turning to face me.

  “What do you mean she’s neither alive nor dead? What happened?” I was desperate to know what happened and to know what kind of changes his blood brought about. Was Jessica going to sprout wings? Would she turn into some kind of monster?

  “To create a vampire, you must first drain your victim and then feed them from your own vein. I did both, but the transformation never came. Katya now lies in a coma-like state, not dead, yet not really living either…and completely free of cancer. My blood — ”

  A shudder ripped through me. “Heals,” I said, cutting him off. Tiny goose bumps pebbled across my skin. “Your blood heals.” Truly, he was an angel sent from above. A vampire champion that walked in daylight, wielded magic, and possessed healing blood. He was a mythical knight in shining armor, and I was bewitched, body and soul by him.

  “Yes,” he said bitterly and closed his eyes. He stood rigid before me, his lips drawn tight, his jaw taut, and fists clenched at his sides. Waves of anger and despair poured forth from him, causing the walls to shake and anything that wasn’t nailed down to rattle.

  Visibly upset, he scrubbed at his face before letting his hands drop to his side. “But it was too late for Katya. I’d taken too much blood trying to change her and — ”

  The anguish I saw in his eyes, the pain that wracked his god-like face was almost too much for me t
o bear. Just when I was sure the floor would buckle underneath us from the sheer force of his agony, the rumbling stopped, and there was nothing but silence.

  “Xan.” I reached for him as I stepped around the coffee table, wanting nothing more than to go to him and comfort him with my arms, with my body. He’d suffered every bit as much as I had, maybe more, and every inch of my body ached for him, for his loss of the mother he never knew by Lucian’s hand, and for the loss of the only mother he ever knew by his own, unwitting hand.

  “No,” he said hoarsely, backing away from me. “Please, don’t. I just — ” He cast a fleeting glance toward his bedroom, then met my eyes again with a distant stare. “Stay as long as you like, and please, see to it that she rests and eats.” He motioned toward Jessica who sat stiff as a board on the couch, avoiding our eyes, no doubt uncomfortable. He was gone in an instant, nothing but a faint blur left in his wake as he moved with the speed of light. The quiet click of his bedroom door as it closed gave the only clue to his whereabouts.

  I stood motionless, staring at his door for what seemed like an eternity, disgusted with myself and my pathetic woe-is-me behavior. I’d done nothing but walk around with a giant chip on my shoulder for as long as I could remember. Pissed off and angry over the loss of my mother, I’d shut down, tuned out, hid away from everyone and everything.

  But not Xan. He’d soldiered on like the true warrior that he was. Instead of collapsing, retreating inward into himself, he placed himself in the middle of an ongoing battle that was sure to remind him daily of all that he’d lost. Watching over me had to be agony, yet he did it without hesitation, without question. His selflessness was what set him apart, made him better than anyone I’d ever known.

  Filled with self-loathing, I turned to see Jessica on her feet and heading for the front door.

  “What the hell are you doing?”

  She cast me a sideways glance and frowned. “What’s it look like I’m doing? I’m leaving.”

  I crossed the room and got in her face. “I can see that, smartass. Why? I mean, hello…up until a few minutes ago you were lying comatose on the couch. You need to rest, to get your strength back.” Girlfriend’s trip into the netherworld had scrambled her brains.

  She scoffed. “What I need is a shower, a toothbrush, and about a gallon of mouthwash to get the god-awful taste of blood out of my mouth.” She leaned forward and speared a finger through the air. “I’m going downstairs, and I’m calling a cab to take me to my mom’s house. And let me just tell you, there’s not a damn thing you can do to stop me.”

  I opened my mouth to argue with her when she jabbed a finger through the air and glared at me with an oh-hell-no look.

  Girlfriend went diva on me. “Puhleeze! Don’t even try. Now go.” She pointed toward Xan’s bedroom as she stepped through the front door of the apartment.

  “McVampy may be sexy, magical, and able to heal people with his wonder blood, but something tells me you are the only thing that can plug up the gaping hole he’s walking around with in his heart. He needs you as much as you need him. Better get to it, girl.” And just like that, she closed the door, leaving me alone in the middle of Xan’s apartment, stunned into silence.

  I wasn’t sure if she’d been channeling Oprah or Dr. Phil, but Jessica’s little jaunt down intuitive lane was pretty much spot on. I’d been so caught up in my own life, in my own problems, that I failed to see the one person, the person that spent a huge chunk of his life watching over me, suffered just as much as I did. My heart ached for Xan and all the horrific things he’d endured. The thought of him having to go on thinking he was alone in this world, believing that I merely tolerated his presence, when in fact I was falling hard, was more than I could take.

  I didn’t allow myself time to think, time to talk myself out of what I knew I wanted to do. My heart jumped around in my chest as I made a beeline straight for Xan’s bedroom door. I didn’t care if he didn’t want me the way I wanted him. I didn’t care if the timing was all wrong. Hell, I knew I’d probably regret my actions in the morning, but it didn’t matter in the least. All that mattered was Xan. Being there for him. Holding him. Easing him with my touch. Showing him he wasn’t alone, that there was someone in the world who watched out for him, who cared for him.

  Just as I reached for the knob, the bedroom door swung open.

  Chapter 13

  My breath caught as the door to the bedroom swung open. Xan’s powerfully built body filled up every square inch of the entrance. Clad only in a pair of distressed jeans hanging impossibly low on his hips, he displayed nothing but tan skin, rippling muscles, and a very pronounced “V” that had my tongue lolling out of my mouth.

  Oh, my God, if those jeans were any lower…

  The string of dirty thoughts flooding my mind would have made a porn star proud, not that I cared. Xan was perfectly made, beautifully designed, and absolutely everything I could ever want in a man — except he wasn’t a man. He was a vampire — lethal, deadly, and incredibly hot. Honestly, I didn’t care what he was, as much as I cared about who he was, and what he meant to me.

  The intensity of his stare sent a hot flush rippling over my skin. It took every ounce of strength I had to tear my eyes from the magnificence of his body to meet his gaze. What I saw stole my last breath away.

  Xan’s eyes were afire — full of hunger, full of need. But the hunger consuming him was different. There was no bloodlust — no pale, yellow eyes looking down at me, anxious to drain me of my life-giving blood. Instead, a pair of warm, gold flecked, chocolate brown eyes pierced through me, penetrating my soul, mirroring the same passion, the same longing I felt for him. Though I’m sure it only lasted a second or two at most, the moment was incredibly intense and full of a naked vulnerability that was so pure, so honest, it nearly shattered me.

  My gaze traveled down to his lips. They were parted, and it was then that I noticed the rapid rise and fall of his sculpted chest. My presence affected him as well.

  I heard my own heart thundering away in my ears, felt the warmth of my blood reddening my cheeks and flooding my center, sending tingling sensations riveting up and down my spine. One look from him was all it took. My body jumped heart first into overdrive, flooding, overflowing, bursting with desire and longing.

  I raised my hand slowly, tentatively, and placed it on his chest. Did I affect him the same way he affected me? Holy — A small gasp escaped my lips. Exhilaration flooded my heart along with pure, unbridled joy when I felt his ancient heart thumping rapidly against the palm of my hand.

  A picture, a thousand words, neither of those things would ever come close to describing the wanton look in Xan’s eyes as he stared down at me. This man, this vampire, wanted me with the same unyielding, burning, all-encompassing passion that I wanted him. Raw, carnal need smoldered behind his eyes and radiated into the space around us with the promise of pleasures untold. Placing one hand over mine, Xan reached out, his eyes never leaving mine, and pulled me forward until finally, our lips met.

  The feeling of his soft lips caressing my own was better than anything I could have imagined. His strong hand gently caressed a trail up the length of my spine, sending a ripple effect of delicious, fluttery goose bumps over my skin. My knees nearly gave way when his fingers fisted the hair at the base of my neck, gently tugging. The tenderness of the moment vanished and was replaced with a fierce, demanding need. He turned us around, slamming my back against the nearby wall. He pressed his body against mine, impossibly close, but not close enough.

  So this was what I’d been missing out on. The desperate, heady feeling, the mounting hunger, and absolute need to possess someone body and soul. Every inch of my body burned with desire and smoldering heat, and God, it was so good. Jess had told me when I found the right guy there’d be an explosion of feeling, fireworks. Girlfriend spoke the truth. Except, I was no Roman candle, I was a loaded gun ready to fire, and Xa
n — yeah, well, his capable finger was caressing my itchy trigger.

  Reality crashed down on me in a swift, eye-opening wave. I’d lived a half-life, a sham. I’d been alive, but hadn’t really been living until the moment he kissed me. When Xan’s lips caressed mine, my dormant desire came alive with the power and heat of a thousand suns. The force ripped and burned through me until I was sure we’d both end up nothing but ash. Completely undone, I moaned from deep within my throat.

  His fresh, woodsy scent along with the sweet taste of his lips flooded my senses, making me dizzy. My breath caught as he gently sucked my lower lip into his mouth, running his tongue ever so gently across its fleshy contour, seeking entrance. And oh yeah, I totally let him in. Our tongues danced together, plunging and seeking, mimicking the act of love as our hands tugged and pulled, roaming the contours of each others’ bodies, feeling, memorizing, wanting.

  “Cristo, mi amor.” He gave a low groan that sent my thighs up in flames. “I’ve wanted this for — fuck! For so long.” Blood rushed to my most intimate places at hearing his guttural cursing. F-bombs never sounded so hot.

  Xan’s lips left mine, blazing a trail of feather-light kisses along my jaw line and down my neck. His tongue darted in and out sensually, sending shockwaves of pleasure bursting throughout my body. His mouth, his hands, they were everywhere all at once, and yet it wasn’t enough. It would never be enough. Closer. I needed to be closer.

  The fact I’d never kissed anyone before didn’t seem to hamper the moment. Instinct took over, and I kissed him slow and easy. I slid my palms up the length of his arms, relishing the feel of his smooth, warm skin. Yeah, I totally understood people wanting to mack on their honeys in public. Having had a taste of Xan, I was damn sure I wanted to do nothing but kiss him from now on.

  Needing to touch him, I let my fingers trail up the back of his neck, burying them in his gloriously messy fall of hair. So soft. His skin was so incredibly warm it made every inch of my flesh that wasn’t touching his cry out in despair. Closer. I wanted him all over me, in me. Wrapping my legs around the back of his thighs, I ground my aching core against him, savoring the glorious friction of his large and very hard erection that strained against the seam of his pants.