by Ivy Jordan
“I know what you mean.”
“I kinda wish you had a crazy ex, though, so I wasn’t the only one. You sure there isn’t anything you want to tell me about Alan’s dad?” I joke.
She tenses up and slides from my lap to sit beside me. I don’t understand why the mention of Alan's father always has her pulling back a little from me, and again, I want to push to learn more, to understand that part of her, but I don’t. Instead, I wait for her, to see if this will be the time she decides for herself to open up to me.
“Sorry to disappoint, but there are no crazy exes in my life. Josephine’s brand crazy is enough for both of us, anyway.”
“True, but for the record, whatever guy left you and Alan behind, that’s a whole other special kind of crazy. He’s gotta be to let a woman like you walk away and to not love Alan. If you ever decide to tell me about him, leave out his name, otherwise I might seek him out and punch him for being so stupid.”
Chapter Thirty
Serena
It’s been a couple of weeks since my encounter with Josephine at my house and, thankfully, I haven’t heard anything from her since. I suspect Cade probably called her and told her to back off, but he won’t admit it if he did.
My conversation with Cade from that night replays over and over in my head. Things have really started to become serious between us and I know I am falling deeply for him, as is Alan. I love watching Cade and Alan together, but I am also racked with guilt because I cannot find the words to tell Cade the truth, a truth he deserves more than anyone.
I’m in my office grading papers when my phone rings. I glance at the screen and seeing Ashley’s name, so I pick it up. She doesn't usually call me during the middle of the day so I’m curious.
“Hello?”
“Serena! Where are you?”
She sounds frantic. “Ash, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”
“I’m fine, just, where are you?”
“I’m in my office.”
“You need to go to XYZ right now.”
“XYZ? The gossip site? Ash, what are you doing on a site like that?”
“How else would I understand the celebrity psyche, Serena?”
I laugh lightly as I turn on my computer and click around. “What kind of psyche are you trying to unlock, sis? Is this for a new project?”
“It’s my guilty pleasure, you caught me. Now, hurry up.”
“Okay, okay, I’m going as fast as I can. You know my internet is terribly slow in here.”
“I know. You’d think a major university could spring for better Wi-Fi.”
“Okay, what am I looking at?” I ask as the page begins to load.
“You’ll see.”
“Or you could just tell me.”
“No, you have to see it for yourself.”
I sigh at my sister’s level of cryptic avoidance, but let the page load. As it does, my eyes grow wide and my jaw drops. There on the front page of the world's most popular gossip site is an incredibly grainy photo of Cade and I out to dinner last week. And in between us, thankfully hidden in the shadows is Alan.
I feel the air rush from my lungs and my heart pounds like it might beat out of my chest. The headline screams out at me in bold. “CADE THOMAS SECRET LOVE CHILD REVEALED!”
The article isn’t any better, full of speculation and innuendo, and you can’t clearly make out Alan in the photo. I’m still the unidentified woman – which I’ve never been more thankful for in my life, to be just some unknown notch in Cade’s bed post.
“Are you still there?” Ashley asks, breaking my thoughts.
“Yeah, I’m here,” my words stumble out.
“You’ve told him, right?”
“Actually, no, I haven’t.”
“Serena!” she gasps. “You haven’t told him?” she whispers.
“I don’t know how to. And why are you whispering?”
“Because this is scandalous and isn’t that what you’re supposed to do? Serena, you have to tell him.”
“I know, but-”
“No buts,” she cuts me off. “He’s Alan’s father and you have to tell him before this gets any worse.”
“How do you think he’ll react?”
“I don’t know. He adores Alan.”
“Yeah, but right now he’s just his little buddy, his girlfriend’s kid. He doesn't owe him anything right now, but when I tell him the truth, what if it changes everything?”
“I just can’t picture it changing things for him, Serena. Cade seems to be pretty solid about you, and I’ve seen him with Alan. He loves him.”
“Yeah, but most guys find out about the kid after they're out or right before and it’s why they leave. How do you suppose a guy takes the news upon re-entering your life?”
“I don’t know, but whatever you think is going to happen, I don’t think it will be that bad. You should have already done it so you weren't in this predicament, but what’s done is done.”
“I know. God, I just told him I didn’t have any skeletons in my closet. I’m the actual worst,” I lament.
“You’re not,” Ashley reassures me. “You’re trying to protect Alan...and your heart.”
“I’ve tried to protect it too much. Cade has asked about Alan’s dad, but he’s never pushed for the story. If he had, maybe I would’ve told him. Instead, he gave me an out every time, and I clammed up.”
“Well, now you have to woman up and tell him.”
“I will.”
“Where have I heard that before?”
“I mean it this time. The next time I see him, I’ll tell him. It's not something I want to do over the phone. He deserves to hear it from me in person, and I deserve whatever happens when I tell him the truth, good or bad.”
“It’ll be fine, Serena.”
“You don’t know that,” I argue.
“No, but I feel it. Just have faith in what you guys have. It’ll work out.”
“I hope so. I need to get back to grading these papers. I’ll call you later.”
“Okay. Serena?”
“Yeah?”
“Don’t think about it too much. It’s going to be okay. I love you.”
“I love you, too, Ash. Bye.”
I hang up and set my phone aside, but instead of returning to my work, I start to re-read the article and then the comments. I know it’s a mistake, but I can’t stop myself, and soon I am down the rabbit hole of internet gossip. I feel tears burn at my eyes, and finally I turn the computer off, taking several deep breaths to try and calm my racing heart.
There is a knock at my office door, and I swipe quickly at my eyes. Before I can call out, the door cracks open and Gus peeks his head in. “Hey, I thought you might need this,” he says, opening the door and stepping inside, quickly shutting it behind him and walking to my desk. He passes me a coffee cup before he sits. “You okay?”
“You saw it?”
He nods. “Tommy saw it and texted me. Those guys are slime balls, Serena. Putting a picture of your kid on the internet like that. Just like cockroaches, you know? Just don’t read the comments.”
“Too late,” I admit.
“It’s a bunch of lame asses sitting at home passing judgement. They don’t know shit.”
“Yeah... Thank God they don’t know who we are.”
He frowns. “About that...”
“What?”
“Some kids from your class last year, the one Cade crashed? They posted pictures online and then some other students started connecting the dots and they all think it’s you in the picture. It’s all anyone is talking about on campus, and it’s starting to gain traction on social media. If your accounts aren’t already private, I’d make them that way fast.”
“Oh God,” I immediately go back to my laptop.
“Have you talked to Cade?” he asks.
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
Gus looks at the stack of papers from the intro to physics class and scoops them up. “I know you like grading t
hese, but I’m your TA; let me handle these and you go home. Or if you need to, I’ll have Tommy meet us for wine.”
“Wine sounds really awesome right now, but I think I just need to go home and hold my kid, you know?”
“I get it. I’ll finish grading these tonight. Go home and be with Alan.”
I nod. “Thanks, Gus. You’re a great TA and an even better person.”
***
I manage to get off campus without drawing any extra attention and make the drive home. Ashley picks Alan up for me at daycare, and I start dinner for us while I wait. Cade calls, but I ignore his call. He texts, but I ignore those, too. I hear Ashley in the driveway then and turn my phone off as she and Alan enter the house.
Alan heads upstairs to his room, leaving Ashley and I alone.
“How are you?” she asks.
“I’m just trying to decompress and process still.”
“They know who you are,” she informs me.
“I know. Gus told me. He stopped by shortly after I got off the phone with you.”
“Have you talked to Cade, did he call you?”
“He called. I didn’t answer.”
“Why not?”
“I’m not ready. This is a lot to take in.”
“I get that you being on a gossip site is a lot, but it’s going to be a whole lot more if you don’t talk to Cade and tell him the truth before someone else manages to find out and do it.”
“I know, Ashley. You don’t have to remind me.”
“Oh, but I think you do need reminding because you are two months into this relationship with Cade, and you have yet to tell him he’s Alan’s father. That’s not right, Serena.”
“I know it’s not right,” I hiss at her hotly. “But it’s my life, Ashley, and I can't just take a damn wrecking ball to it. What if this thing with Cade doesn't work out? What if he walks away when I tell him?”
“What if he doesn’t? What if a family is all Cade has ever wanted, and what if he could have that with you?”
I sigh because I know Ashley could be right. I could be messing up something really fantastic, and I’m letting fear get the best of me. I can’t let my own demons stand in the way of what is happening between Cade and I – and I really can’t let them stand in the way of Alan knowing his dad and giving Cade a chance to be that guy.
“Just give me some time to sort this out in my head, Ashley, and then I will tell Cade. I will tell him all of it. I promise.”
Chapter Thirty-One
Cade
It was my publicist that told me about the post on XYZ first, and then I called my lawyer to see what we could do to get the photo down. After that, I called Serena. The one thing I worried the most about was people figuring us out and her picture ending up on one of these sites. I hadn’t counted on Alan being exposed, too. When my calls went unanswered and then my texts, I couldn’t say I was surprised. I probably wouldn’t be all that happy with the person who was the reason my kid was being called a secret love child, either.
The next day, still without a word from Serena, I skip my morning workout and drive straight to the university to see her. I make my way to her office and am caught off guard by a swarm of paparazzi as I reach her building. I pick my way through them as they snap pictures and yell questions out at me, ignoring them as I go. Security guards are stationed near the door and they let me pass, but keeps the vultures at bay.
When I reach Serena’s office, I knock and the door swings open a minute later. I open my mouth to speak, but am shocked to see a young man before me.
“Who are you? Where’s Serena?” I demand.
He steps aside so I can come in the office. “You’re Cade Thomas,” he says reverently. “I can’t believe this. Amelia is never going to believe me.”
I snap my fingers in his face – rude, I know, but in the moment, I’m frustrated and really just want to know where Serena is. “Let’s focus. Serena Jacobs...do you know where I can find her?”
“Sorry, sorry. She’s not here.”
“Not here? But she has class in an hour.”
“I’m teaching that class for her today.”
“And you are?”
“Oh, I’m Gus, her TA.”
“You’re Gus?” I ask, calming my tone.
“Yes. She’s mentioned me?”
“She said you’re one of the best students in the department. She went out with you and your boyfriend a couple weeks ago.”
“To the wine bar, yeah.”
“Have you talked to her?”
“This morning. I called to let her know there were paparazzi hanging around out there, but she already knew. The dean called her. She’s taking the rest of the week off, hoping these guys find some other story to follow before then and forget about her.”
“So, she’s at home?”
“I assume so. Hey, I know this is definitely not the best time, but would you mind a picture? My sister is a huge Condors fan. Actually, she got me into football when we were younger, and she’ll never believe you were here today.”
I want to be mad at him for asking at a time like this, but the kid smiles at me earnestly and I remember how much Serena likes him, so I oblige him.
“Thanks,” Gus says. “There’s this little bakery a block or two away that I sometimes grab Dr. Jacobs a chocolate croissant from before class. She could probably use one or two of those right about now,” he offers. “Maybe a dozen.”
My smile grows. “Thanks, Gus. I’ll check that out.”
“Yeah, no problem. Also, you might want to take the side exit to the parking lot to avoid the cameras. Just take a left when you leave the office instead of a right. And you know, flowers never hurt when you want to say ‘I’m sorry the paparazzi is stalking you.’”
I chuckle. “Good point and thank you so much. I’m sure I’ll see you around, Gus. Maybe I can get you and your sister tickets to a Condors game next season.”
His jaw drops. “Seriously? Wow, that would be so amazing.”
“Consider it done. See ya.” I wave as I retreat from the office and head left as Gus suggested.
I make my way back across campus to my car and pull my phone out, dialing Serena. It goes to voicemail again, and I let out a noise of frustration. I just want to talk to her, make sure she is okay, but she is avoiding me at all costs. I have to make it up to her.
Taking Gus’s advice, I find the little bakery and go in, grabbing an assortment of pastries before getting back into my car and trying Serena again. This time she answers.
“Serena? How are you?” I ask.
“I’m fine, Cade.” Her voice sounds weary like she’s about to cry.
“Are you at home?” She doesn't answer. “Serena, please, I just want to see you, talk to you in person. Are there paparazzi at your house? They’re at the school.”
“I know, Gus told me,” she replies.
“I met Gus.”
“You met Gus? When?”
“About ten minutes ago when I went to your office looking for you. You were right by the way, he’s a nice kid. Now, are there paparazzi at your house?”
“Yes,” she tells me quietly.
“You’re not at home, are you?” I guess. “Are you at Ashley’s?”
“I am.”
“Can I come over?”
“I don’t know...” She pauses.
“Please, Serena. Let me apologize to you in person. I never meant for any of this to happen.”
“It’s not your fault, Cade.”
“I feel like it’s my fault. What’s the address, Serena?”
There is another pause and silence for a long beat and I know she must hate me for all this attention being focused on her and Alan, but finally she tells me. “I’m on my way right now,” I tell her before getting off the phone. Almost immediately, it rings and I answer it without looking.
“Serena, baby, it’s going to be okay. We’ll talk about it when I get there okay?”
Josephine's shrill laug
h fills my ears and I cringe. “Will it all be okay, Cade? Will it?” she says snidely.
“What do you want?” I bark at her.
“I was just calling as a friend to check on you. Isn’t that what friends do?”
“We are not friends, Josephine.”
“Of course, we are,” she says sweetly. “Only a friend would look out for you like I have.”
“You planted that bullshit story?”
She laughs. “I’m trying to save you, Cade.”
“From what? The best thing to ever come into my life? Screw you, Jo.”
“Now, Cade, is that any way to speak to me? You forget that I know people.”
“And you forget that I know the same people, and they like me a whole hell of a lot more than they do you. We are over and we’ve been over for a while now. I won’t tell you this again. Next time, I will call up some of those producer friends I've made, and I will ensure that your name is blackballed in this city. Do you understand me?
“If you think you’ll make my life miserable and I’ll come crawling back, you are sorely mistaken. I can make your life more miserable by tenfold if you ever mess with Serena again. Just fucking try me. This is over. It ends now.”
“Fine, it's over,” she mutters. “But you really should follow up with her on that love child before you get burned, Cade. I’m only trying to look out for you.”
“I don’t need you looking out for me.”
“You’ll see how wrong you are one day, Cade.”
“No, I’ll see I’ve been right all along. Do me a favor and lose my number. Goodbye, Josephine.”
I hang up on her before she can get in another word, and I toss my phone aside. I change lanes to get on the highway and push the pedal down, speeding off to pour out my heart to a woman I probably don't deserve, but one I can’t imagine my life without.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Serena
When there is a knock at Ashley’s door forty-five minutes after my call with Cade, I jump. Since his call, my cell has rung six times, all calls from unknown numbers that I send directly to voicemail. Paparazzi were already camped out at my home when I got the call from the dean, as well as Gus, that they were on campus.
