by Ivy Jordan
I hurried out of my own home that morning carrying Alan with a blanket thrown over him as they shouted questions at me. On the drive to Ashley’s, I was convinced we were being followed and made erratic turns to get here.
Now, I’m simply paranoid and high strung as I tiptoe to Ashley’s front door and peered out the peephole. I let out a small sigh of relief to find only Cade standing there, and I open the door for him. He rushes inside and pushes the door closed, locking it behind him.
“Did they follow you?” I ask, looking out the peephole again.
“No, but I also don’t want to take chances, which is why I parked two blocks away. Are you okay?” he asks, gathering me to him and squeezing me tightly.
“They’re at my house, Cade,” I admit quietly.
“Serena, I am so sorry. I knew once it got out about us that they’d be interested in you, but I never thought this would happen, that they would be such damn vultures. On the bright side, I met Gus. I can see why you like him. He’s a real nice guy.”
“He called me this morning to let me know what was going on, but the dean had already called.”
“He told me. Still, it was nice of him to be thinking of you like that.”
“Yeah.”
“Where’s Ashley?”
“At her studio. There’s a show this weekend, so she had last minute details to attend to. She didn’t want to go, but I told her we’d be fine here.”
Cade glanced around and led me into Ashley’s living room. We sank onto her couch together, and I let him continue to hold me. “How is Alan?”
“Thankfully, he doesn't understand any of this. He’s napping right now in Ashley’s room.”
He nods. “I can't apologize enough, Serena. You didn’t sign up for this.”
“It’s okay, Cade. It’s not your fault. I mean, it’s not like you called them up and said, ‘hey guys, here’s where I’ll be tonight.’”
He sighs and leans forward, rubbing his face in his hands. “No, but I’m pretty sure Josephine tipped them off.”
“Your ex-girlfriend Josephine? But how would she know where we were going?”
“I think maybe she hired someone to follow me.”
“Like a private detective?” I ask.
“Yeah...”
I feel the blood drain from my face and must turn white, because Cade’s eye grow wide and immediately hugs me to him, whispering soothingly. Josephine might not figure it all out, but a private investigator definitely would. Now, more than ever, I need to tell Cade the truth, but it’s getting harder and harder for me to see where anything good is going to come out of it. I am feeling backed into a corner at this point. I want to keep my secret and my happiness, but good things cannot last forever.
I take a deep calming breath and pull back from him. “Why would Josephine do that?”
Cade shrugs. “I guess no matter how many times I tell her that she and I are over and she needs to move on, she’s just not getting it. I know she can be high maintenance and high strung sometimes, but I never thought she’d get so unhinged over this. She has to accept that this is how things are now, and she has to understand that she cannot exploit Alan like that. To bring a child into it was uncalled for.”
“It’s just one picture, maybe it will blow over?”
“Maybe, but probably not. You have to know I never wanted Alan to be exposed to this, to be the subject of such gossip. I am truly sorry for that.”
“I know, Cade,” I say, squeezing his hand in what I hope is a reassuring manner.
“Maybe it’ll just blow over, and they’ll move on to the next story soon. They’re like sharks, circling for blood. Some bigger story is going to pop up, and they’ll be gone and they’ll leave us alone.”
“I don’t know that they will ever just leave us alone, Cade.”
“There is another option,” he says carefully.
I look at him with interest. “What’s that?”
“We could release a statement through my publicist, make this a non-story.”
“What do you mean? How could we make this a non-story?”
“Well, what about Alan’s dad?”
I sit up and feel myself go into defensive mode. “What about him?” I say more harshly than I mean.
Cade holds his hands up. “Whoa, pull back there, mama bear. I’m just asking, do you know where he is?”
“Yes.” For once, I am not lying to him about Alan’s father.
“Okay, well, he’s not involved; has he terminated his parental rights?”
“No, he hasn’t.”
“Do you think he would give a statement that he is Alan’s father and that you have full custody? He could even remain anonymous.”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea, Cade,” I tell him as I stand, beginning to pace Ashley’s small living room.
“Why not?” he asks, standing and blocking my path.
“It’s just not.”
“Wait. Does he even know?” he questions me point blank.
I don’t answer him.
“Serena, if he doesn't know, don’t you think he should?”
“Yes,” I whisper, staring at the floor, not able to meet his eye.
“Alan’s three so you were pregnant a little more than that ago. You’ve told me there have only been a few men in your life so the options are limited. How long ago was it?”
I turn away from him. “I found out March, three years ago,” I tell him softly.
“After we met?”
“Yes.”
I can hear the gears working with my admission. “Serena,” Cade finally says, “how many men were you with after me?”
I pull in a breath, hoping it will calm me. It doesn’t. “None,” I reply.
“And when was the last guy before me?”
“Months.”
“Serena,” he says, touching my shoulder and spinning him to face me. I look up at him slowly, feeling the tears burn my eyes. “Is Alan mine?” he whispers.
“Yes,” I murmur as the tears fall.
Chapter Thirty-Three
Cade
Yes.
Three letters for such an impactful word.
I step back from Serena and stare at her as a confusion of thoughts pass through my head. Why didn’t I put this together sooner? I knew there have been very few men in her life; she has been open about that. I have felt this connection to Alan I couldn’t explain since the moment I met him and now, looking towards a picture that dots Ashley’s mantle, I see the similarities. He has Serena’s dark hair, but my eyes stare back at me.
“Alan is my son?” I repeat quietly.
“He is,” Serena says. She reaches for my hand, but I pull away from her. “Cade, I’ve started to tell you so many times, but I just didn’t know how.”
“You didn’t know how?” I yell, unable to keep the rage I feel in check. “How about at our second first date? How about before I met you at the mall to see Santa? How about after I bought a Christmas present so he could have known it was from his dad? You had every opportunity to tell me, but you didn’t. You lied to me, over and over.”
“I didn’t lie,” she starts, but I talk over her.
“You lied, Serena, by omitting the truth. An omission of facts is a lie, plain and simple. Were you ever going to tell me?”
“I was and then this happened, and I didn’t know what to do.”
“You open your mouth and say it. You could have just said it dozens of times.’
“I was afraid of what you would say, how you would react?”
“Was this what you imagined? Because I feel like this would have gone a whole hell of a lot better if you had told me and I hadn’t had to figure it out for myself because the paparazzi outed it.”
“Cade, you have to understand,” she pleads with me. “I was scared. At first, I needed to make sure you were the kind of person you claimed to be. Then, you made me so happy and things were so good. I know I should have told you before now, and I wa
nted to, please believe me when I say that. I just didn’t know what your motives were at first and by the time I knew they were good, I was in too deep and didn’t know how to tell you without you hating me.”
“So, you just didn’t tell me? You thought that was a good idea?”
“No, I just never felt like the time was right.”
“Is there ever a right time to tell someone that you had their baby three years ago? You should have told me when we got back together, Serena.”
“I know,” she says, hanging her head.
I try to calm myself by taking a few deep breaths. “Why didn’t you tell me when you found out you were pregnant? Why didn’t you try to find me?”
“I didn’t know right away,” she starts, “and when I did first suspect it, I didn’t know who you were. I still thought you were some bored businessman in the middle of a mid-life crisis. I didn’t think you’d care one bit about my being pregnant. And when I did learn who you were, and I saw your life splashed on every gossip site in town, I didn’t think I could compete or that you’d even be interested in being a parent.”
“Compete?”
“Cade, you are a superstar athlete and I’m a plain Jane scientist, not an A-list Hollywood starlet like Josephine or a supermodel like your in-between girls. I’m just me.”
My tone changed. “I like just you.”
“I never thought I’d see you again. And when I found out who you were, I didn’t want to find you and tell you and have you think that I was showing up simply to demand money. I wanted to remember our night for what it was, and I didn’t want to taint it by telling you and having it all blow up in my face. I thought we’d both move on, never to see each other again except in our dreams.”
“Serena, I could have helped you.”
“I know, but I had my career. I could take care of the two of us. It was my mess, not yours.”
“You should have let me had a say in whether I wanted to be a part of your mess or not.”
“Maybe you’re right, but do you really think if I had sought you out that you wouldn't have assumed I was trying to trap you, that I was just looking for a meal ticket? You’ve changed since I met you then, and so have I.”
“Then why not tell me when we reconnected and started seeing each other?”
“It was weird, Cade, and it just kept getting weirder because I didn’t tell you.” She takes a breath. “I hope you will believe me when I say that I wanted to, and that I know I should have told you sooner, but once I saw how good you were with Alan, I couldn't find the right words to say that I wish I hadn't run away from you back then, and that I wish we could have had all of the first three years together.”
“I trusted you, Serena, with everything. And you broke it.”
“Cade, I-”
“No, listen to me now. When I got to college to play football, and then when I got drafted and moved here, I made friends that ended up taking advantage of me. I never had true friends once people realized I had talent. And the more well known my name became, the more those leeches came out of the woodwork looking for anything to latch onto with me. And, women that I thought liked me for me took advantage of me, too. It was nothing like what I felt with Josephine or any of those other women. They were users who wanted a leg up in life, and I knew their game, so I guess I used them, too.
“But I haven’t wanted that in years. When I met you that night, I loved that you had no idea who I was. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like someone was getting to know me and not the Condors superstar. I felt like we connected in a way I hadn’t with anyone in years. It was real – very real. I thought you were the person I could trust my heart to, Serena. But you’ve just betrayed me like all the others.”
“Cade,” she whispers, approaching me slowly. I let her take my hand and she entwines her fingers with mine. “Betrayal was never part of this for me. Apparently, I don’t have any good reason to have not told you before now. I have reasons, but I know they aren’t good enough. I know I should have, and I wish I could go back and fix it, but I can’t, it’s too late now. I can only hope you’ll forgive me and we can move forward.”
I let her hand drop from mine and step back. “I don’t know if we have a forward, Serena.”
“Cade, please,” she pleads as she move towards me.
I shake my head. “I need time to think. Just give me some space. I’ll call you.”
I hurry from the room and towards the door Serena follows without a word, but I hear her sniffle and turn back to look at her. Tears stream down her face, but it has very little effect on me. My heart feels torn in two, and I force myself to look away from her.
“I’ll call you,” I repeat before opening the door and striding down the walkway.
Serena stands in the doorway and watches as I walk away. I try to keep from looking at her, but I glance back. She’s slid into a ball on the front steps, her knees pulled to her chest crying. I watch her cry until I can no longer see her, and that’s when I break as my own tears begin to fall.
There are so many thoughts warring in my head, and I don’t know what to do with any of them. I’m hurt that she kept this from me, especially after we connected again. She had so many chances to tell me, but chose to keep it hidden. Part of me wonders if she would have ever told me; though, I know she would have. I believe her when she says she wanted to but the longer she waited to tell me, the weirder it got. I can even understand her hesitation given our two different lives. I’m still mad, though, and I really can’t be around her until I can work that out.
I drive for over an hour and find myself pulling into Tyler’s driveway and grab my phone as I sit there to call him.
“What’s up, Cade?” he asks when he answers.
“Not much. You home?”
“Yep, just hanging out.”
“Do you have a few minutes to talk?”
“Yeah, man, of course.”
“I’m in your driveway; can I come in?”
“You're in my driveway?” he questions.
“I’ve just been driving around for the last hour and I need to talk to someone I trust.”
“Cade, is everything okay?”
“Yes. No. Maybe. I don’t know,” I sigh. “I’m walking to your door now,” I tell him as I hang up.
Tyler meets me at the door with a beer in hand. “Dude, you look like shit. What happened? Were you crying?” He leads me downstairs to his basement, which Tamara had made over after he retired as his office/trophy room/man cave. We take seats opposite each other, and I take a long pull from my beer before Tyler clears his throat. “So... You wanna talk about it?”
“Alan is my son.”
Tyler nearly chokes on the beer he is trying to swallow, and he coughs and sputters. “I’m sorry, what? Because it sounded like you just said-”
“Yeah, that’s what I said.”
“Your girlfriend's son is yours?”
I nod and take another drink. “Apparently, our one-night stand, the one that she ran out on, yielded a son.”
“How did you find out?”
“I figured out for myself, to be honest.”
“She didn’t tell you?”
“No. She answered my questions, but she didn’t tell me.”
“Did she say why she didn’t tell you?”
“She said she didn’t know how to, and then we kept seeing each other, and it just got weirder and weirder to tell me.”
“Yeah, I could see that. Well, what about before this thing started between you? Why didn’t she ever try to tell you while she was pregnant, or even after Alan was born?”
“She thought we’d just move on with our lives, but I think she was too proud to tell me. She didn't want to tell me and be seen as a gold digger, and she didn't want my help when she’s a strong, independent person. And, we were two really different people then.”
“Aren't you still two different people?”
“I guess.”
“But you l
ove her, and it works, yeah?”
I look at him, let his words sink in. “Yeah,” I admit.
“So, keep making it work then.”
“But she kept it from me, Ty. We’ve been seeing each other since December. Almost three months she hasn’t told me. I’m supposed to be okay with that?”
“No, but you can talk about it with her. You like Alan, right?”
“He’s a fantastic kid. I’ve been so drawn to him since the first time I met him. At least now I know why.”
“I bet she was just scared, Cade. Wouldn't you be if the roles were reversed? Here she is, raising a kid, and you just reappear in her life. It’s not something you just blurt out in casual conversation. ‘Oh hey, this is my son, Alan, and by the way, he’s your son, too.’ It couldn’t have been easy for her.
“And before you misunderstand, I’m not saying what she did was right because it wasn’t. A few weeks or a month I could understand, give her a little time to figure out what exactly was going on between you, but this long? No, it’s not cool; but I do get where she might be coming from. You’re Cade Thomas, man. Don’t you think that maybe that was a little overwhelming for her?”
“So how do I get over it, then?”
“You gotta figure that out for yourself. No one can tell you what to do next, it’s your call. I hope you make the right decision. Now, I’m betting you want to talk about anything else but this, so how about I tell you about this family vacation Tamara wants to take the kids on.”
I smile, grateful to have Tyler as a friend. “Yeah, tell me about it.”
I end up staying for dinner with Tyler and his family, and when I finally get home, I head straight to my bedroom. I take a long shower and try to force my thoughts to anything but Serena and Alan. I think I’ve succeeded until I get out of the shower and see a text message from Serena.
I’m sure I’m the last person you want to hear from or even talk to, but I couldn't go to bed without saying again how sorry I am for keeping the truth from you. I hope we can move on from this, but if you can’t, I understand. If you want to be a part of Alan’s life and not mine, I get it. If you never want anything to do with either of us again, I’ll accept it. I hope you choose us, though. You deserved better from me, Cade, and for that I will always be truly sorry.
