Cards of Identity
Page 36
‘Your car?’
‘My car is outside. My bag, I brought in.’
‘I see. May I ask you other ladies and gentlemen for your cards of identity?’
They look confused. ‘Well,’ says the policeman, ‘ration-books, licences – anything like that.’
They fumble in their robes, but nothing comes out except the stub of a ticket for the Old Vic dated April 15, 1934.
‘I can identify my car, officer,’ says the doctor.
‘Except it’s not there,’ says the policeman.
‘My partners will identify me. Though, for the moment, I cannot remember their names.’
Now the policeman springs his surprise. ‘What do any of you know about the three hundred eggs I saw in the larder? … Nothing? And nothing, I suppose, about the two hundred-pound sacks of sugar?’
Suddenly the supposed doctor points to the young duchess and says:
‘She’s my nurse.’
The young duchess turns white as a sheet. Now, it is her turn to cry. ‘Oh, oh, what have I done?’ she wails. ‘Something too awful!’
The policeman thinks so too. ‘You had better all come with me,’ he says.
He opens the door and they all rise and slowly follow him out. At the foot of the grand stair they run into the loony countess, still dusting madly. ‘And you, too, please,’ says the policeman.
‘It’s only poor Miss Finch,’ says the older duchess.
‘Only poor Mrs Chirk,’ says the younger duchess.
They start off down the drive – a long, dusty walk. It is the policeman’s hope that he will be able to get them to the nearest telephone without their costumes attracting too much attention. For the same reason he wishes that he himself were in plain clothes – which, in the long run, always prove to be the best.
Copyright
This ebook edition first published in 2014
by Faber and Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
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London WC1B 3DA
All rights reserved
© Nigel Dennis, 1955
The right of Nigel Dennis to be identified as author of this work has been asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced, transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–32096–7