The Spinster Sisters

by Ballis, Stacey

  “How much money are your people talking?” he asks, forehead wrinkling.

  “Ultimately, we’re not sure. It will require our lawyers broaching the idea of a settlement with Mallory and Brant and seeing if we can get them to name a figure that we can respond to.” Which is, in itself, a delicate thing. I have no idea if Brant even knows that Mallory has threatened us. And I’ve been advised not to have any conversation with him until the matter is settled, so I can’t even talk to him to determine if he has a hand in this or if he’s in the dark. If he doesn’t know, and suddenly our lawyers call him, he could end the whole thing and break it off with her, giving her even more reason to go after us. The problem is that there’s no turning back if we broach a settlement. We have to move forward with negotiating that settlement, because if Mallory takes to the press that we came to them, attempting to hush them up with money, and then in any way reneged, it will make us look worse in the long run. It’s a fucking mess.

  Ben reaches across the table and takes my hand. “Jodi. I’m so very sorry. I know that this is a horrible time for you, and I wish there was something I could do to make it easier.”

  I steel myself for what I’m about to say. Ben has unknowingly given me the perfect opening for the speech I have been practicing all afternoon.

  “Actually, there is something you can do, but I’m hesitant to ask you, because I don’t think it will make you happy.”

  Ben takes another bite of his chicken. “You want to stop seeing me,” he says quietly.

  “It’s not that simple,” I say. “I like you very much, and I love hanging out with you. You’re smart and funny and kind. You always have interesting ideas, you’re a good listener, and I think we’ve had a great time together. But the fact is, you and I both know that this relationship, however much fun, isn’t going to last forever. You and I want different things for our futures. I have a tremendous amount on my plate right now. Jill’s wedding is only seven weeks away. The business is always crazy, and now we have the additional stress of our current predicament. I’m feeling pulled in too many directions, and I also feel that it would be very selfish of me to continue with you.”

  Ben smiles a huge grin, which is not exactly the response that I was waiting for. “Actually, Jodi, I couldn’t be more relieved. See, the thing is, remember that girl? My friend from high school that I spent New Year’s with? Well, we’ve been hanging out kind of a lot, because she really doesn’t have too many friends here anymore, and well, a couple of weeks ago we were at my place, watching a movie, and, I don’t know, she said something, and I laughed, and she punched me in the arm, and we made eye contact, and it suddenly just hit us both that there was something more going on between us. The truth of the matter is that I had a huge crush on her when we were in high school and never had the nerve to confess. And she finally admitted that she had a crush on me, too, even though she was dating somebody else at the time. And, well, the thing is, I was actually going to tell you tonight that I think we should stop seeing each other. Because I really like this girl. And I really want to offer myself to her without any other encumbrances. So I guess we were both on the same page, and we just didn’t know it! Kind of funny when you think about it. So, anyway, you shouldn’t worry, because we’re totally in sync and no hard feelings. I’ve had a great time hanging out with you, and I hope that we will honestly stay friends.”

  I shake off my surprise. “I hope so, too, Ben. And I’m really happy for you and your girl. What a fantastic and romantic way to find somebody to be with. How cool it is that you have made this reconnection! I hope that you guys are just as happy as anything.”

  “Thanks, Jodi, that means a lot to me.”

  “Well, I think this calls for more sake.” I wave over our waiter and order us a surprisingly celebratory round.

  We finish our dinner, with only slightly stilted conversation, after which he walks me home. Promises to call soon, but not too soon, with a wink. Gives me a big hug, unlocks his bike from my front porch, and rides off into the sunset.

  For what was supposed to be an uncomfortable conversation, that went surprisingly well. Considering how many potentially uncomfortable conversations are imminent, I hope it isn’t downhill from here.

  “Hey, Boss Lady, can I talk to you for a minute?”

  I wave Paige in, and she shuts the door behind her.

  “What’s up?” I ask her.

  “Um, I sort of wanted to talk to you without the other boss lady here, if that’s okay.”

  “Of course. Jill’s off with Hunter, tasting menu options at the caterer. She won’t be back for ages. What’s on your mind?”

  “It’s this whole thing with Brant and Mallory. I wanted to say that I’m starting to maybe reconsider my original thoughts about fighting the good fight. But I wanted to talk it through with you before telling Jill.”

  “She does get a little Norma Rae now and again. What have you been thinking?”

  “Well, I wonder if it might not be better to offer them a version of the profit sharing you offer us. That way, the company wouldn’t have to take a hit in terms of cash outlay, and in any year when the company doesn’t post a profit, they get nothing. It could even be a limited time structure. Kind of like alimony, five years of one percent profit sharing or something like that. I mean, it’s just such a weird time, and there’s the whole television thing, and I hate that I feel like I’m backing down from my principles, but I also have to think of the bottom line and the health of the company. I did some research over the weekend, and there are at least ten companies our size that went under after a public scandal in the last couple of years.”

  “What sort of scandals were they?”

  Paige pauses. Then blushes. “Okay, they were mostly embezzling, drug, or sex scandals. But those are just the ones who had to close up shop. I mean, there have got to be others who have survived but taken a big hit.”

  “I know. It’s obviously on my mind as well. So you are changing your vote to payoff, huh?”

  “I guess I’m changing my vote to let’s further explore the possibilities of a payoff that doesn’t kill us.”

  “Duly noted. You know, you’re going to have to have this discussion with Jill.” I smile at her.

  “I know. I think I just wanted to test it out on you first.”

  “You did a good job. Just explain it to her the same way you explained it to me, she’ll listen, and we’ll both take it under consideration.”

  Paige smiles, obviously relieved. “Okay, I’ll tell her when she gets back. Thanks, Jodi.”

  “My pleasure. Thank you for caring that much about the company.”

  “What’s on your docket this afternoon?” Paige asks, stealing a handful of M&M’s out of the bowl on my desk. I can’t get through the day without my dosage of vitamin M; I order them in custom colors to match the office.

  “I’m going to pick up the prototypes for the lunch kits out in the burbs, and then hopefully get back in traffic in time to meet Jill for her dress fitting at six.”

  “Well, I’ll speak with her while you’re gone, and then the two of you can talk about me later.”

  “Sounds like a plan.”

  “Okay, I’m going back to work. Thanks again, Jodi.”

  “No, thank you.”

  “No, thank you!”

  “Oy, get out of my office, you goose!”

  Paige closes the door behind her. I wonder how many others are having private little doubts about this situation. Jill’s passion is extraordinary and infectious but also difficult to argue with. I think I’d better take the temperature of the rest of the staff before having any more discussion with her about this issue. I get up from my desk and head out into the office to do a little reconnaissance.

  I tear ass into the bridal salon twenty minutes late, having slogged through an hour and ten minutes of rush-hour traffic. “Did I miss it?” I ask the aunts, who are sitting on a settee, sipping champagne.

  “Catch your breath,
sweetheart, you haven’t missed a thing,” Aunt Shirley says.

  “Here, drink this.” Aunt Ruth hands me a flute, and I swig half of it in one gulp. This makes me burp a little.

  “Such a delicate flower,” Aunt Ruth says.

  “Hey, is Jodi here yet?” Jill’s muffled voice wafts out of the dressing room.

  “I’m here,” I call out to her.

  “Okay, here I come!” The door opens, and Jill steps out. My eyes well up with tears. Aunt Ruth begins to cough. Aunt Shirley puts her handkerchief up to her eyes. My little sister is wearing the single most hideous wedding dress I have ever seen. It is a yellowish shade of ivory, shiny satin with huge puffy sleeves, a sweetheart neckline trimmed in iridescent beads, a princess waist, and eighteen miles of skirt. She is beaming at us.

  “It’s quite a dress, darling,” Aunt Shirley says.

  “It’s really something,” I mumble.

  “It’s the ghastliest thing I have ever laid my eyes on,” Aunt Ruth says. “Take it off at once, young lady. Have you entirely taken leave of your senses?”

  “Ruthie!” Aunt Shirley scolds. “Really, behave yourself! She didn’t mean it, honey, she’s just trying to be funny.”

  “No I’m not. That dress is a disaster,” Ruth says.

  “Ruth! I mean it, stop that this minute!”

  I look over at Jill, who has her face buried in her hands, her shoulders shaking. I walk over and put an arm around her. “It’s okay, Jillybean, it’ll all be okay.” Jill looks up at me, which is when I realize that she hadn’t been crying at all, but rather, was laughing hysterically.

  “I. Cannot. Believe. You. Thought. I’d. Buy. This. Dress,” she stammers between giggles.

  “Well, I’ll be,” Aunt Shirley says, plopping back down on the couch.

  “You evil thing!” I say, beginning to laugh.

  “You little bitch,” Ruth says. “That is no way to treat the women who love you.”

  The four of us collapse in relieved mirth, and finally, Jill disappears to get into her real dress. When the door opens again, our three reactions are nearly identical as before, but this time for the right reasons. Jill is stunning. A vision in champagne silk. A simple scoop-neck bodice with wide straps, fitted to show off her amazing collarbone and tiny waist. The skirt is tea length, with just enough petticoats to give it some shape. A ribbon belt. The silhouette is almost a 1950s feel, and she’s wearing an ephemeral fingertip veil so gossamer sheer that it is practically invisible, and a pair of kitten-heeled pumps.

  “It’s perfect,” Aunt Shirley says, dabbing tears.

  “You’re stunning,” I say, grinning like an idiot.

  “Well, that’s more like it,” Aunt Ruth says.

  The tailor swoops in, making tiny adjustments here, little pinches there. The dress is going to fit her like a glove. After she gingerly gets back out of the dress so as not to disturb the pins and markings, she comes back into the waiting room.

  “And now, your turn, ladies!” The salon owner wheels out a rack, which has three hanging bags on it. “Who is first?”

  “What’s this?” Aunt Ruth asks.

  “A surprise,” Jill says. “I wanted you all to have the perfect outfits. Tell me if I did okay.”

  The salon owner hands each of us a parcel and directs us to dressing rooms. I unzip the bag and see the most perfect shade of green that God ever invented. Not quite a sage, not quite a mint, not quite an olive. The color of a shady meadow in Wales or something. Fairy green. I pull out the dress, a flowy satin with enough weight to give it substance. The top has sort of a crisscross effect with a V-neck, short sleeves, and a similar skirt to Jill’s but with an overlay of chiffon, giving the skirt a dreamlike quality. I put it on, and it fits like a glove, the green making my eyes really pop and my fair skin look porcelain, just the right amount of cleavage and totally camouflaging my ass and tummy. It’s perfect. I walk out into the main room. Jill is grinning like the Cheshire cat.

  “You look awesome, Butthead.”

  “Thank you for my princess dress, Moose Face. And it isn’t periwinkle!”

  A door opens, and Aunt Shirley walks out. Her Chanel-styled suit is in a perfect deep pewter, setting off her silver hair and blue eyes to perfection. She is smiling as wide as Jill.

  “Oh, honey, it’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever had.” She comes over to kiss Jill. “And aren’t you gorgeous in that green! Oh, Jodi, you’re beautiful, sweetheart.” She claps her hands delightedly.

  “And what am I, chopped liver?” Ruth says behind us. She’s in a sheath of deep eggplant purple with a duster of lighter purple chiffon over it. She looks like a queen.

  “Oh hush, Ruthie, you’re gorgeous, too, all right?” Aunt Shirley says.

  We all admire ourselves and each other, as the tailor makes his adjustments on us as well. When we are done, we get back into our street clothes and head home, Jill riding with me, and Ruth driving Shirley.

  “One helluva day, huh?” I ask Jill in the car.

  “I know. Especially with all the muckraking around the office.”

  “Muckraking?”

  “You know perfectly well that everyone is talking about us caving in to Malcontent and your ex-idiot. Little Paige is even devising payment plans, the sneak.”

  “Jill, people are worried about the business. They’re entitled to be concerned.”

  “Concerned yes, unprincipled, no.”

  “That’s a little harsh.”

  “I don’t think so. I mean, we explained to them all what was going on. I can’t believe they want to cave to extortion! Just to prevent a little negative publicity.”

  “Jill, look at it from their perspective. They want to protect us and protect the company. There is a lot at stake right now, and we are already open to plenty of public scrutiny as it is.”

  “What do you mean?”

  I take a deep breath. I’ve already had one difficult conversation this week; time for another. “I mean that with you getting married, people obviously have an opportunity to speculate that the company may not be as viable as it once was, as we have seen these past weeks. Maybe they’re not wrong to question us.”

  Jill looks over at me as I drive. “Are you still on about that crap? Not enough spinsters at Spinster Inc.?”

  “I’m not on about anything. But you have to admit, it will change the dynamic, and if our detractors continue to latch on to it, it will be something of an ongoing challenge. Adding this crap with Brant and Mallory on top of it just might not be the smartest thing right now, that’s all.”

  “I see,” Jill says curtly. “And this isn’t about you at all.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “Nothing.”

  I stop at a stoplight and turn to look at her. Her jaw is clenching and unclenching. “What does that mean?” I ask again.

  “It means that it seems very interesting that in a time of crisis brought on by your ex, and in the middle of your own existential angst about relationships, suddenly my marriage is the thing mucking up the works. I can’t stay single for you. I won’t stay single for you or anyone else. Not for the aunts, not for our fans, not for anyone. I can’t be your playmate twenty-four hours a day. You’re thirty-five years old, and you need to figure out your own shit.”

  This makes tears sting my eyes. “You think I would want you to stay single to keep me company? You really believe that?”

  “I don’t know what I believe, except that we weren’t raised to walk away from something because it was hard. And just because you won’t face the things that are hard about relationships in your personal life doesn’t mean I’m going to let you do that in our business.”

  “And why should I let you throw our business under the bus so that you can retain your sense of moral superiority? We have people counting on us!”

  “I count on us,” Jill says quietly.

  “Well, I do, too.”

  We ride in silence all the way back home.

  Before J
ill can get out of the car, I reach over and grab her arm. “I love you, Moose Face.”

  She looks at me with deep disappointment. “I love you, too, Butthead. But you’re really making me angry right now. Let’s talk about it later when we both cool off.”

  “Okay. Should we get the aunts in on it?” Frequently we force them to moderate our disagreements.

  “I think this time, it had better be just us.”

  “Fine. Let me know when you’re ready.”

  We walk into the house, and I hope the foundation is strong enough for the storm that’s approaching.

  Taking Care of Business

  Business relationships are in many ways very similar to familial relationships. And they should be handled with the same care, thoughtfulness, and sensitivity. If you manage other people in your line of work, it is important that they see you as an authority figure but also as someone who is aware of their own professional practice and willing to admit to mistakes and be a team player. Making the people who work for you feel as if they work with you is the surest way to have success in business. And while we can’t please everybody, we can ensure that everybody respects the fact that we have listened to all possible ideas and made decisions that we feel are best for our business.

  —From a speech to the Chicago Chamber of Commerce, Jodi Spingold, May 2004

  Jill looks up at me from her desk. “You ready?”

  I smile over at her. “You bet.”

  “Well, then. Let’s go get ’em.”

  We both rise from our desks and cross the room. I hold the office door open for Jill. “After you, Moose Face.”