A Hickory Ridge Christmas

by Corbit, Dana

  Hannah wore a small smile, but she focused on her wringing hands. “I’m sorry about that.”

  “You bring out all kinds of feelings in me.”

  Her hands stilled, and slowly she looked up at him, her eyes searching for answers.

  He didn’t know how to phrase it, where to start, but he couldn’t keep it bottled up any longer, either. “You know how much you matter to me, don’t you, Hannah? You understand that I returned with this grand scheme to win you back.”

  He didn’t even pose the last as a question. If she’d been watching or listening to anything he’d done or said in the last few weeks, she had to know. “And then you told me about Rebecca.”

  Hannah lowered her gaze to her hands. “We don’t have to do this. Rehashing it isn’t going to change history.”

  “I’m not talking about history.” He paused, the sound of his heartbeat so loud that she had to hear it. “I’m talking about the future.”

  “Future?” Her head lifted slowly.

  He couldn’t decipher her tight expression, but he couldn’t stop now. She needed to know how he felt. He desperately needed her to know. What she did with that knowledge was up to her.

  “I told you once that I loved you, and then I promptly disappeared from your life.”

  “Todd, what you are trying to say?”

  “Oh, right. I said I wasn’t going to talk about the past.” He paused long enough to take her hands. “This isn’t in the past. I care so much about you. I always have. And I’m not going anywhere this time.”

  Slowly, he returned her hands to her lap.

  “I just wanted you to know that.”

  “That’s it?”

  Hannah looked as shocked as he was that she’d spoken those particular words.

  “What were you expecting? A proposal?” He couldn’t help it. A chuckle bubbled up in his throat, deflating the air of romance he’d hoped to build with all that candlelight.

  “Yes. No. I don’t know.” She turned and covered her face with her hands, but pretty soon she chuckled, too.

  It felt so surreal, the two of them sitting shoulder to shoulder with Hannah in the front pew of the darkened room, laughing until their eyes grew damp. But then he and Hannah had never been about candles, flowers or greeting cards with someone else’s flowery words on them. They’d always written their own poetry of simplicity, a natural accord that couldn’t be squeezed into a box of chocolates.

  Laughter was intrinsic to the time they’d spent together, years ago and today, so it was only right that it would echo off the walls at a moment like this. Still, the melodic sound in her throat stopped the moment he slipped his arm around her shoulders.

  “Now don’t misunderstand me. I have every intention of asking you to marry me someday soon, when the time is right. We belong together…as a family.” He tried not to notice how her shoulders tightened slightly under his touch.

  “You can think of this as fair warning. I’d like to think of it as my commitment for the new year.” He held his breath, waiting for the answer that could bolster his hope for the future or dash it before they’d really even tried.

  “Don’t you worry…that it’s too late for us?”

  The catch in her throat startled him as much as what she’d said. She hadn’t begged him to propose today and be done with it, but she hadn’t told him to forget asking, either. It was something.

  When he turned to face her, he saw something more. Tears glistened in her eyes, and one traced down her cheek. The tears were his undoing. With his thumb, he wiped her cheek, and then he cradled her face in his hands.

  “No, it’s not too late. It can’t be.”

  Two more tears escaped her stronghold, but she didn’t answer. Maybe she couldn’t. As Todd brushed the tears away with his thumbs, he couldn’t help reaching slightly farther to feather a touch across her lips. They were just as smooth as he remembered. Just as perfect.

  “I would really like to kiss you right now, but I want it to be your decision, too. May I kiss you, Hannah?”

  For several heartbeats, she said nothing, did nothing. Dread clawed at the edges of his consciousness. Would now be when she told him that it would never work between them? Would he have to continue facing her every week while he planned outings with their daughter, knowing she would never be his?

  She nodded, and his whole world shifted.

  With utmost gentleness, he drew her to him and pressed his lips to hers. He remembered this—the softness of her lips, their sweet taste—but his memories paled in comparison to this moment. Kissing her here in church felt like a promise before God, a preview of the day, if she allowed him to, he would finally make her his wife.

  Todd lowered his hands to her shoulders and touched his lips to hers a second time, just a brief caress but one with which he offered his heart as a gift. “Happy New Year, Hannah.”

  “Happy New Year.”

  And it would be a happy one. He just knew it.

  The flash of the overhead lights coming on in the sanctuary caused the two of them to jump apart. Reverend Bob stood just inside the door, his hand on the switch.

  “Oh, you two are in here?” the minister asked too innocently.

  “Yeah, Dad, but we were just leaving.”

  “Oh, no hurry. I just need to put out those candles before I lock up.”

  Todd popped up from his seat. “Here, we’ll help with those.” He climbed the steps to the platform and lifted the brass snuffer to extinguish the flames in the candelabra.

  “Yeah, we can help,” Hannah said as she stood.

  “Thanks, you two, but Hannah, it would help me more if you could go out to the Family Life Center and check the locks on the rear doors.”

  She shot a nervous look at Todd, but she nodded and ascended the side aisle to the exit.

  Todd didn’t waste any time waiting for the minister to approach him. His crossed to the row of stained glass windows where Reverend Bob was working.

  “I take it you’d like to talk to me.”

  “You’d be right.” Bob turned to him and met his gaze directly.

  “I have an idea what you saw, but I can explain.”

  “Do you have something you feel guilty about?”

  Todd shook his head. “No, sir, I don’t.”

  “Good. I’m glad.”

  “You have to know that I love your daughter.” He waited for the minister’s nod before he continued. “I came here planning to win her back—even before I knew about our child.”

  Bob extinguished another candle before he turned to him. “What are your plans now?”

  “My intentions? They’re honorable, I assure you. I’d rather die than hurt her or Rebecca.”

  “You’ve done it before.”

  “I never will again.”

  “See that you don’t.”

  “See that he doesn’t do what?” Hannah called out from the door at the rear of the room.

  Both men turned to look at her guiltily, but neither answered.

  “All right then,” she said, wearing a frown that said it was anything but all right. “If you two are finished discussing me behind my back, I’m ready to leave now.”

  Todd moved up the aisle toward her. “Don’t get mad, Hannah. Your dad’s just concerned about you.”

  Still, she turned away from him to focus her frown on her father instead. The minister shrugged, unrepentant.

  “I’m not a child anymore, Dad.”

  “You’ll always be my little girl,” he said simply.

  “You think he’s bad. Your dad’s a pushover compared to what I’m going to be like the first time some teenage boy asks Rebecca out. I’ll put a little fear in him.”

  Bob chuckled. “I feel sorry for that young man.”

  “Me, too,” Hannah agreed. Her expression had finally softened. “Rebecca and I don’t need any pity, though. I think we both have pretty great dads.”

  Twenty minutes later, Hannah stood on her front porch with Todd, n
ervousness and anticipation combining with the brand-new January chill. Would he kiss her again? She hoped so. She’d never felt so safe as she had tonight in his arms. If only she’d been brave enough to tell him the feelings in her heart. But, as always, she’d been a coward.

  “This was the best New Year’s I’ve ever had,” Todd said as he shifted his position so he could block the wind from reaching her.

  The gallant gesture made her smile. Not so long ago, when he was fresh from balmy Singapore, Todd would have been suggesting that they both go inside, out of the wind.

  “I agree. It was the best.”

  “It’s going to be an even better year for us.” He drew her into his arms, holding her tightly against his thick coat.

  As she rested her head against his shoulder, Hannah closed her eyes and breathed in his musky cologne. It felt so right that it should have frightened her, but for once she just let herself enjoy the wonder of being with him.

  After a few seconds or minutes, Todd drew away from her and rested his hands on her shoulders. “I love you, Hannah. I’ve wanted to tell you that for so long.”

  Hannah’s chest squeezed, and her eyes burned. Until that moment, she didn’t realize how much she’d longed to hear him say those words, as well. It wasn’t the first time he’d spoken them, but this time meant so much more.

  He smiled at her and traced his gloved thumb along her jawline. Placing his fingers beneath her chin, he lifted her mouth toward his, but he paused as if again asking her permission. She nodded and closed her eyes, waiting.

  His kiss was soft and unhurried. Hannah had never felt so cherished as she did at that moment in the shelter of his arms. When he finally pulled away, he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his forehead against hers.

  “Why do all my purest intentions flee the moment you’re in my arms?” he said with a chuckle. “Sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry? You only kissed me.”

  He took a deep breath and shook his head as he took a step back from her. “I can’t ever imagine kissing you and not wishing for more.”

  Hannah stared at the ground. Even in the wind, her cheeks felt warm. But somehow his confession made her feel more treasured. “I guess I shouldn’t invite you in then.”

  “Probably not a good idea.” He smiled. “I want to do this right this time. I can wait.”

  They stood there in silence as the chill seeped through their outerwear. Hannah tightened her jaw to keep her teeth from chattering.

  “You know, I loved you even then,” he said quietly, drawing her attention back to his face. “Even when I wasn’t mature enough to know what to do with all those feelings.”

  “I knew, even then.” The time had come; she could feel it. Could she finally confess aloud what had been in her heart all along? Clearing her throat, she whispered, “I love you, too. Then and now.”

  Hannah waited, expecting the panic inspired by the words to settle in, heavy and immovable. Instead, her heart felt light, as if a weight she hadn’t even known was there had been lifted.

  On a sharp intake of air, Todd drew her into his arms again, cradling her head against his shoulder. “I’ve waited so long to hear you say that. I thought you would never forgive me. I thought—”

  He stopped himself, but Hannah heard the thick emotion in his voice. “You do forgive me, don’t you?”

  “Of course, I do,” she heard herself assuring him. And she had, really. She couldn’t continue to hold him accountable for leaving her when it wasn’t his decision. Todd so clearly trusted her with his heart. Maybe one day she could learn to trust that way, too. Completely. For now, loving him would have to be enough because it was all she had to give.

  Chapter Thirteen

  “Happy New Year!”

  “Happy New Year to you, too, Mom.” Todd pressed the portable phone to his ear and peeled open his eyes one by one. The only light filtering into the room came from a streetlamp outside his apartment, and his bedside clock read six forty-five.

  “You didn’t happen to check the time before you called, did you?”

  “Of course,” Sharon McBride said. “It’s nearly eight. I just cleaned up the dinner dishes. We had pot roast with red-skin potatoes.”

  “Sounds delicious,” he said, though he doubted he could have eaten even that at this hour. “There’s a thirteen-hour time difference, remember?”

  “I never can remember how many hours it is.” Her chuckle filtered through the phone line along with some intercontinental static. “But you need to get up for church soon, anyway.”

  He could have slept two hours longer, and he’d been too keyed up to close his eyes before three o’clock that morning, but he kept that information to himself. Flipping the light on, he climbed out of bed and padded into the kitchen. He wouldn’t be able to go back to sleep after this conversation anyway.

  Sharon cleared her throat audibly. “Todd William McBride, are you going to tell me or not?”

  “Tell you what?” Todd couldn’t help smiling because he knew exactly what. Finally he took pity on her. “No, I didn’t propose to Hannah yet.”

  “Why not?”

  “It was too soon.”

  When she didn’t say anything Todd knew from experience that his mother expected him to explain. “I don’t know. I’d even bought the ring and had it with me, but I felt like God was telling me to wait.”

  “Can’t argue with that.” Though her tone made it sound as if she wished she could. “You did send Hannah our love, didn’t you?”

  “Yes, I did. Don’t worry, Mom. I’m going to ask her.” He poured himself a bowl of cereal and opened the refrigerator for the milk.

  “Well, don’t wait too long. Your dad and I are looking forward to coming back for the wedding. And I can’t wait to get my hands on my grandbaby.”

  “Remember, Mom, Rebecca’s not a baby anymore.”

  “Then you’d better marry her mother and give her your name before my granddaughter is a teenager who doesn’t want to be spoiled by her Nana McBride.”

  It was such a relief to hear his mother talk that way, showing that she was ready to accept her grandchild with open arms.

  “Rebecca will let you spoil her even before we get married. She’s very generous that way.”

  “I’m sure she is.” She chuckled for a few seconds and then became serious again. “Still, don’t you think it’s time for you to bring your family together? Past time?”

  Todd nodded though she couldn’t see him. “That’s what I plan to do, and it’s going to be perfect.”

  “Remember, honey, perfect is an awful lot to expect from anyone. We’re imperfect people. We’re just loved by a perfect God.”

  “She forgave me, Mom. For leaving her behind. For…everything.”

  “That’s wonderful, honey. Now don’t you think it’s time you forgave yourself?”

  His mother ended the conversation soon after, but her question followed him while he finished breakfast and showered for church. Why had it been so easy to forgive Hannah, even for keeping Rebecca from him, when it was so hard to forgive himself for the sins of his past?

  What if God was so selective with His forgiveness? Todd shook his head over the ludicrous idea. God always forgave, and Todd knew he’d been forgiven from the moment he’d first repented his sin with Hannah. And yet he couldn’t let it go. Even when he’d opened his life to God, he’d clung to this tiny part of him, holding on to his guilt so tightly that he’d denied himself the intimacy that he craved with the Father.

  He didn’t want that distance anymore. “Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” He’d understood that much from the Scripture in the Book of Luke. But now he finally understood that to have the kind of relationship he longed for with God first and then with the woman he loved, he had to finally forgive himself.

  Half of January had already ticked away and tax season was in full force by the Monday morning when Hannah received a strange summons for a meeting at Hickory Ridge. It had to have someth
ing to do with Deacon Littleton’s question before the holidays, she surmised. Otherwise, they never would have called on her.

  Still, she’d been unsettled by the odd sound in her father’s voice when he’d phoned, asking her to join the meeting. Was the discrepancy more serious than the head deacon had let on?

  Unbidden, her thoughts flashed to another time and a different meeting in the church conference room. Andrew and Serena had been there, facing down the Deacons’ Board and accusations of sexual impropriety, all to protect Hannah’s secret a few days longer. Though she had no sin to confess this time, a sense of foreboding tripped up her spine.

  Nothing appeared too out of the ordinary at first, even the Michigan State Police patrol car that sat in the parking lot alongside several other cars. Trooper Brett Lancaster occasionally stopped through while he was patrolling the perimeter of GM Proving Grounds where they connected Livingston and Oakland Counties.

  But the second police car, this one from the Milford Police Department, gave her pause. Something was very wrong, and from the tone of her father’s voice, it had something to do with him.

  Call Todd, a voice inside her immediately suggested, but she pushed aside the thought. She didn’t know anything yet, and even if she did, her only reason to phone him would have been to lean on him, and she had to believe she was stronger than that. She was probably just being silly to consider calling him.

  A rumble of voices emerged from the conference room as soon as she passed through the church entrance. She knocked on the door before pulling it open. A sense of déjà vu struck her like a sudden wave of nausea.

  The painting of Jesus surrounded by children still hung above the fireplace in the room where, to describe the lighting as poor would be considered an understatement. All nine deacons were in their regular places along the long dark wood conference table. Reverend Bob and Andrew were seated at the end of the table on metal folding chairs.

  The cast would have been the same as from that play five years before except for the addition of building contractor Rick McKinley, who’d recently filled the vacancy on the Deacons’ Board, and two uniformed officers, representing different police agencies.