by Woods, Erica
Movement from behind him drew my attention, and everything in me froze.
“Jason,” I said dumbly as he finally made an appearance, stepping into the living room. I got up from my position on the floor—a position that had caused Lucien to tense and urge me to take a seat like a civilized person—and ran over.
“Hope.” Flat, toneless. Even when I threw my arms around him in a hug, his usual cocky grin was missing. He looked so much like Ruarc in the moment—the Ruarc that was a shadow of his former self—that all I wanted to do was bury my face in his neck and let my silent tears fall.
When his arms remained stiffly at his side, I awkwardly let go and took a step back. “I’m so sorry, Jason. I should have talked to you first, both you and Ruarc deserves better and—”
I was interrupted when Ruarc came barreling out of his room. “They’re here,” he growled, stopping by the front door. His broad shoulders were rigid with tension, but he remained still. Waiting.
Until another knock came and he ripped the door open with a snarl.
Blake grinned, Zakh frowned, and I ached.
Rubbing at my chest, I looked back at Jason. A familiar darkness shadowed his face, carving lines between his brows and tightened the corners of his eyes. “Stay close,” he said, and without a backward glance he joined Ruarc by the door.
Stay close?
Dumbfounded, I stared at the tense backs of the two men I’d grown to love and wondered how I’d managed to screw this up in such a short time.
Isn’t this what you do, Hope?
My eyes burned.
The thought of never being in their arms again, of never seeing them smile at me again—Ruarc with a simple baring of teeth, a grimace that looked halfway aggressive and halfway amused, and Jason with the way his whole face lit up when he graced me with one of his true smiles—made my throat close up and my heart hurt in a way it hadn’t since the day my mother abandoned me to the Hunters.
I have to fix this.
29
Ruarc
My wolf thrashed and howled. My jaw wouldn’t unclench. A roar built in my chest, the pressure like barbed whips beating at my back, urging me to go to her, claim her, force her trust.
But trust couldn’t be forced—it had to be freely given. Fucking moron that I was, I’d thought I’d had hers.
Before we’d left home, she’d been ready to share her past with us. Her secrets. And a stranger, a fucking unknown male, had somehow stolen that gift?
Claws erupted from my clenched fingers and pierced my palms. The coppery scent of blood permeated the air around us, earning me several looks from my pack brothers and the two other males in the room.
I flashed teeth, growling low under my breath.
A sharp intake of breath from the female huddled up on the couch threatened to bring me to my knees. Wanted to turn, hungry for the sight of my Hope. But didn’t trust myself around her. Not now.
Last thing I wanted was to hurt her. Scare her. And I would. Rage had fried the worn edges of my temper. Frustration had chewed through my hold on the wolf. Wanted to drown in my female’s scent, lose myself in her body, devour her screams of pleasure.
If I gave in to my instincts, if I dragged her into the bedroom in the state I was in now, I’d fucking terrify her.
The thought shriveled my dick and left me hollow.
“Which of you will take her?” Ash asked, tearing me away from dark thoughts and bringing me back to the present.
“Zakh,” Blake said. “If she is seen with me, they will know how important she is to you. But since Zakh isn’t an alpha, they might underestimate her value.”
I squashed a snarl and forced bland thoughts before I challenged the wolf who would be spending too much time with my female in the coming days. Every cell in my body longed to hunt. Fangs lengthened as I imagined tearing out a throat or two, bathing in the blood of all the males who would come sniffing around our little female.
Was no doubt in my mind they’d want her. All the wolves who saw her would be enthralled by her quiet beauty; the kindness shining in her wide, trusting eyes; by the naked vulnerability she couldn’t hide even when her core of strength awoke and tried to protect her.
Would they prey on her kindness? Offer smiles to her face and claws to her back?
“Won’t work,” I snarled, an answer to Blake and a promise to myself. “They’ll see right through it.” No one who laid eyes on Hope would fail to see her intrinsic value.
A slow smile captured Blake’s face.
Considered punching it off.
“Not everyone sees her as you do, mon amie,” the too-pretty male drawled.
“Idiots.”
Zakh’s lip twitched. “I’ll protect girl,” he said in a thick accent.
Considered punching the Russian bastard too. Zakh could speak perfect English, stilted and stiff, but perfect. That he didn’t now could only mean the moon still held him in her thrall.
Made him dangerous.
My lungs expanded, ready to expel a great roar of challenge, but then I caught a glimpse of my female and the sound died in my throat.
So achingly beautiful, even with sad eyes and slumped shoulders. Her pain made my throat close—like another wolf had his jaws clamped around my neck, teeth cutting off my air. I wanted to erase all that hurt. See her bright eyes shine with happiness instead of shadows.
Then make her tell me all about this other male so I could tear him apart piece by piece and make her forget all about him.
Shred his memory as I shred his flesh.
But I couldn’t.
Doesn’t trust me.
A barbed whip hurt less.
How many lashes had I endured in one session? A hundred? Two? The only favor my sire had ever done me was using barbs made of iron rather than silver. Had enough scars. Enough ugly for Hope to see past. Enough pain.
She’d hurt when I’d told her of my past. Didn’t want to weigh her down with all the gory details. And if my back had revealed the torment of the whip, my heart would rip with the tears she’d shed.
For me.
No one had ever cried for me. No one except Hope.
I glared at Zakh. “Harm comes to her and you die.”
A swift nod.
“And no touching!” I added on a rumbling growl.
Another nod, this one stoic.
“Come here, banajaanh.” Ash waved my little female over to the group.
My lip pulled up, showing my teeth in warning to the outsiders before I turned around. Watching my female’s hesitation as she shuffled closer was ribs cracking, bones tearing, the weight of a mountain crushing my chest.
But until I could control my reaction, I couldn’t go to her.
Can’t think.
I shook my head, but it wouldn’t clear. Not with another male threatening my female’s safety. Not with the fucking pain of knowing I’d failed her once again. What if I kept failing? What if I couldn’t protect her when the time came? What if I failed her the way I’d failed Aisla?
Wouldn’t survive Hope’s death. Didn’t want to. Loved her with a fierceness I’d never thought possible.
Then why the fuck couldn’t I make her feel safe?
“What’s going on?” A sweet, melodic voice asked. The tremble to her tone was unacceptable, but since I would toss her over my shoulder if I so much as caught her scent, I snarled at Lucien and jerked my chin toward her.
Fix it.
The cold bastard’s only response was a look of chilling censure. Couldn’t even fault him for it. This whole fucking mess was my fault.
I’d failed her.
“You remember Blake and Zakhar?” Ash asked and drew her to his side.
I watched out of the corner of my eye, jealousy spreading like wildfire.
I should be the one to protect her. To comfort her.
Hope murmured some meaningless words of greetings and remembrance, but I wasn’t paying attention. The sound of her voice, even small and insecur
e like it was now, soothed the ragged hole in my chest.
“Zakh will make sure you end up on his team tomorrow during the games. He will accompany you everywhere and keep an eye on you.” Ash’s voice lowered. “You will stick to him like glue, do you understand?”
“I understand.”
Ash motioned to the door. Blake and Zakh left first, Jason right on their heels. The latter brushed past Hope, face drawn, and didn’t stop when her breath hitched.
I frowned, annoyed at his dismissive treatment of our female. He was the charming one, for fuck’s sake. He should be here, cracking jokes and erasing our female’s hurt. Not making her stare after him with . . .
I did a double take.
Anguish?
A roar thundered through my skull. Lit my blood on fire.
If I did what I wanted—grabbed Jason by the throat and threw him back inside so he could grovel at our female’s feet—there’d be no stopping what came next.
Need her. Need my sweet female.
But the last thing I wanted was to traumatize her. And I would, if I gave in now.
Every muscle in my body strained in furious denial as I forced my body to move toward the door. The farther I got, the fainter her pleasing scent grew.
Worthless males, all of us.
Soon, she’d be surrounded by other lycans, other males. Would she find someone she’d trust? Someone deserving?
Heat rushed down my throat and savaged my insides with burning claws.
I already knew I’d never be good enough for her. Never be what she needed. But fuck, I’d never stop trying. Never stop caring. Never stop needing her with every breath of my useless, overgrown, scarred body.
A tiny, pained moan.
I froze. Bristled.
Had I been wolf, fur would have risen along my neck, my tail going stiff.
Another sound—so low a human would have missed it. It was a sluggish beat of a heart, a breath that stopped midway, a cry that never made it past a tight chest.
My control snapped.
I spun, snarled, moved. My strides ate the distance between us, and then she was in my arms.
Finally.
“Ruarc,” she whimpered, arms winding around my neck, face pressed into the base of my throat. “Ruarc.”
“My Hope.” My limbs shook, my chest struggled to get enough air. I buried my nose in her neck and inhaled, fighting the overwhelming urge to throw her onto the nearest bed and taste her until she forgot her own name.
Forgot him.
But I was acutely aware of my size. My strength. Her all-too-breakable bones. So I tempered my embrace, spat voiceless curses, and hugged her as close as I dared.
When she pulled away and stared up at me through huge, glistening eyes, the raw vulnerability made me turn my head and snarl where I’d last seen Lucien and Ash. This moment was not for them. They were not allowed to see our female like this.
Not yet.
“What . . . what are you doing?”
It wasn’t until Hope’s hesitant question that I realized the others were gone. “Nothing, mo chridhe,” I said and turned back to her. But when her expression crumpled and huge tears began falling from her eyes, I flinched. “Stop that.”
At my command, they fell faster, each tear a silver dagger to my heart. They kept trailing down her pale cheeks, and panic warred with the need to annihilate whatever had triggered her sadness. “A chuisle, pulse of my heart . . . please, please stop crying.” Was unused to begging, but I’d do anything to make her pain stop.
For reasons known only to the females of this world, my words made her tears fall faster.
My wolf threw back his head and howled, the noise rattling my skull. Fangs erupted from my gums. Rage. Hot, burning, all-consuming rage branded my heart. Whoever was responsible for these tears would die.
A sob, deep and wrenching and so fucking painful to hear.
The brand throbbed.
In a panic, I looked around for something, anything, that would soothe her.
Nothing.
By now, her face was buried in my chest and her arms were locked around my neck so tight breathing would’ve been impossible had I been human.
Hugged her back with equal fervor, listening intently for any sounds of pain.
I’d never before wished to be human, but I did now. Wished for a human body that couldn’t hurt the female I valued above all else. For a silver tongue that always knew what to say, how to combat the despair clinging to her and tease out a laugh. But just as she was stuck with me, I was stuck in the body of a warrior, and when the time came, this was the body that would fight to the death to keep her breathing.
Hissing every foul curse I knew, I followed my instincts and sat down in the nearest chair, locking my arms around her, my chin resting the top of her head, my gaze sweeping across the room while deep, challenging rumbles thundered in my chest.
My jaw clenched in tune with her sobs. Fangs had long since ripped open my lips, and the taste of blood only heightened the aggression roaring through my veins.
“Who did this to you?” I growled while stroking her back.
A stifled sob.
“Who?” I demanded.
When she still didn’t reply, I used the hand buried in her hair to tilt her face up. Red rimmed eyes. Wet cheeks. Trembling lips . . .
The proof of her sorrow struck me right in the ribs. Wasn’t enough room in my body for the horror, the sense of powerlessness that clawed at my hollow insides. “I’ll kill them.”
Her eyes widened, then she shook her head. “It’s not . . . there wasn’t anyone . . . it’s me!” she finally cried and buried her face back in my chest.
Her confession complicated my murder-plan. “What’s you?”
Another shake of her head.
“Hope . . .” Anger born from desperation—a consuming need to stop her pain—had hardened my voice and Hope’s cries grew ragged. “Please, no more,” I groaned, my own chest aching so bad I thought it might split open.
I’d rather take a thousand lashes than be responsible for a single one of her tears.
A short pause, a deep breath, and then she looked back up at me. “I’m so sorry.”
“What are you sorry about, mo chridhe?”
More tears to rend my heart.
“I never thought you’d call me that again.”
Why the fuck not? Swallowing the burst of rage, not comprehending a world where Hope’s name was not tattooed across my soul, I pushed out a clipped, “Why?”
“I thought I’d ruined this.”
“Ruined what?”
“You and me. Us.” She waved a hand between us, lips pulling down at the corners.
I jerked back, arms tightening automatically. “Never!”
“Omph—”
Frowning, I looked down. My female’s face was squished into my chest, the left side of her lip the only part of her mouth that could move. “Sorry.” Not ready to let her go, I only loosened my grip enough that she could turn her head. My hands couldn’t stop moving. They were roaming over every part of her, getting reacquainted and making sure she was unharmed.
So what if she didn’t trust me?
A stab of pain tightened my chest.
I ignored it.
In time, she’d reveal all her secrets, and until then, I’d make sure she was constantly under guard. She’d be the most well-protected female in the world. No male would ever speak to her again.
Ever.
Except my pack brothers. And Zakh. But if the bastard tried to seduce her, I’d kill him.
Kill him if he so much as looks at her too long. Or sniffs her. Or touches her.
My wolf snarled in agreement.
“Are you okay?” A small hand came to rest at my chest, tugging on the brand that had slowly changed to shape the letters of her name. “Your heart . . . It’s beating too fast.”
Banking the hot fury coursing through veins tight with adrenaline was not easy. “Fine,” I growled
and drew my female closer. Once my face was surrounded by silky, dark tresses and I could inhale her sweet scent, it got easier. “I’m fine. Tell me why you’re crying.”
She quickly wiped her face. “I’m not. Not anymore,” she added with a tremulous smile.
My thumb swiped across trembling lips, followed by a quick brush of a kiss. “You taste like heaven.”
Another tremble. Beautiful, brown eyes darkened, and her lip disappeared between her teeth.
“Stop that,” I growled and popped the flesh free before she could chew it.
“Ruarc . . .”
“Not allowed to hurt yourself.” I grabbed the back of her neck, glared down at my precious female. Knew I was unworthy of her. Had always known. She needed someone gentle, someone good with words. Someone who knew what to say to make her feel safe and cared for.
Wasn’t good at talking. Thought I could show her how I felt by action alone, but sweet, gentle females deserved more.
She deserved more.
But hell if I’d allow her to chew her lip bloody.
“Ruarc,” she whispered, and something in her voice made my gaze snap to hers.
Pulse roaring in my ears, I watched the light of her soul fill her eyes to the brim. Watched the hidden steel of her core mix with the fire of her passion, softened by the deep well of kindness that never ran dry.
My female had no equal. None as bright. None as beautiful.
I chuffed and stroked a finger down her cute, little nose.
She swallowed hard. Looked like she was struggling.
Was she choking?
Her breath hitched.
She’s choking!
I grabbed her shoulders, throat dry, panic a furious beat hammering at my skull, but then she opened her mouth and blurted out the most ridiculous, unbelievable, undeserving words I’d ever been gifted.
“I love you.”
My mind went blank and I drew back so quickly I startled a yelp out of my female. “What did you say?”
She bit her lower lip. “I . . . I love you, Ruarc.”
“You love me?”
“Y-yes,” she whispered, beautiful eyes no longer on me but staring down into her lap.
Ribs felt tight. Crushing a rapidly expanding heart.
She loves me.
