Last Call

by David Lee

  he would lift, hold before his face

  thumb the switch

  after checking that the cord was plugged in correctly

  and listen to its perfectly engineered

  immaculately designed

  happy birthday from your son Charles E. Carr, Jr.

  impeccable German whine

  The Second Miracle

  Daryl Glen Strickland

  ten years into his current drunk

  found his way to the monument

  with a Jax beer in one hand

  the remaining three of the six pack

  papersacked in the other

  looked up at the sculpture

  the seeming spiral movement

  the face changing expression

  with the light flow, sift of breeze

  passing through the welded body

  dizzied him

  until he dropped to a knee

  where he remained for a quarter hour supine

  staring upward into the obelisk

  then rose and stumbled to the garbage barrel

  tossed in his open can

  placed the three live soldiers beside the drum

  that night at the Dew Drop Inn

  Bus Pennel mentioned

  the Monument to the South Plains

  Daryl Glen Strickland once again

  wobbled until he had to leave the bar

  go outside for fresh air

  from then on when he came

  to the Dew he drank only R.C. Cola

  he returned again and again

  to view Willy John’s first masterpiece

  sober

  saying any time he thought of drinking

  he pictured it in his mind

  and dizziness poisoned the urge

  said he was pretty sure

  he overheard himself

  praying to it a few times

  until he finally gave it up

  for good

  the men’s glee club at the Dew Drop

  said Poor devil

  he’s cursed with the genius

  caint get it out of his system

  probley rurnt forever

  they said

  That’s too bad

  he was a good old boy

  oncet upon a time

  Eloise Ann’s Story: Upon Her Daughter Finding the Shotgunned Bodies of a Sandhill Crane and her Colt in the Grainfield Stubble

  I remember when I was her age

  one of our neighbors shot my puppy

  Daddy said He will pay for that in the hereafter

  down the road from our place

  somebody had painted on a sign

  REPENT JESUS IS COMING SOON THE END IS NEAR

  and I thought then

  no it isn’t

  either it’s already come and gone

  and He went away, left for good

  or it’s too late

  we are all sunsucked dry with meanness

  where a bucket of water on cheatgrass

  wouldn’t pull enough suption

  to let a stem call up spit

  why would He want to come back to this?

  that’s what I wanted to know

  what I had to say about all of it back then

  when I was a child like her wondering

  why somebody would do something like that

  to my puppy dog, to me

  to my whole world and everything

  I’d learned to believe in

  about it all

  The Committee to Review and Revise The Board of Education Mission Statement

  This little light of mine

  —Vacation Bible School song

  You put me on that committee

  first thing I’ll do is call a vote to disband

  Is it the committee or the people on it?

  It’s about equal, I’d guess

  Is there anything today you detest more than educationists or committees?

  Probably prayer before the meeting starts

  You don’t approve of praying

  Not in public, nosir, but that’s not the point

  What is then?

  Praying before an education meeting is akin to beseeching omnipotent

  permission

  in this instance to enact revisionist precepts of the moronic and mundane

  a silly concept for which I have neither patience, respect nor time of day

  I would rather proceed without same then ask forgiveness for idiotic

  transgression

  which is a Christian, even a Baptist Christian, obligation to remit

  The people on that committee are too intellectually rigid to even

  acknowledge that

  I see what you mean

  I accept that analysis maintaining reservations

  It’s not a big deal anyway, Billy, being more figurehead than reality

  I doubt that committee even has the authority to disband itself

  Full circle, full cliché

  if nominated I will not run, if elected I will not serve

  being unwilling to lead or follow in this meaningless matter

  I move to cease discussion and approve my stance by acclamation

  that movement being neither debatable nor amendable

  I second that motion and vote yea

  That, sir, being a highly commendable votive castureation worthy of one PBR

  Which I accept with honor

  Let us go then you and I

  while the evening spreads against the sky

  like alcoholics to the School Board Meeting

  I, sir, am not an alcoholic

  I am a votive casturationist drunk

  The difference being?

  Alcoholics go to meetings

  I’m going to Adolph’s

  Perhaps you do know Jack Shit

  and in that light

  I, sir, will be your Sancho Panza

  Let’s shine, compadre

  stars aglitter in mud puddles

  let us go forth and shine

  Higher Authority

  Oh Hell! what do mine eyes with grief behold?

  —Paradise Lost IV, 360

  1

  What are you doing!

  Oh god

  Oh shit

  Jimmy Don who is that in my

  Kim Pierce! What are you

  I can explain Mrs Strachioner

  No you can’t

  Oh god

  Young lady you get out of my bedroom

  Baby, I can

  Don’t you Baby me Get out of my bed

  that piece of flesh you’re with is a high school student, a minor

  you should be really Really ashamed of yourself

  you concubine chasing scum sucker child molesting snotty nosed Poland

  China boar hog

  I don’t want to ever see you again

  Really, I can

  Don’t you say another word, Miss Pierce

  you get your clothes on

  and yourself out of my house

  Oh shit

  And I can tell you one more thing, young lady

  you are getting an unexcused absence

  for this

  Oh Hell! There goes my reputation

  Baby, we can work this out

  No we can’t, we won’t

  get your clothes on

  both of you get out of this house

  If this gets around I’m dead

  Jerry Tey will ask

  for his class ring back, I know it

  Get out of this house Now

  Baby, you need to set down

  and think this over

  Jimmy Don, you have one minute

  to be out of this house

  I’m getting the shotgun

  and I won’t be particular

  about where I’m aiming

  Oh god

  You have 54 seconds left

  Oh shit, I think she means it

  Oh god

  50 se
conds

  I know where it is and it’s loaded

  I’m leaving, I’m leaving

  You don’t have any clothes on, Kimmie

  You can go fuck yourself, Mister Strachioner

  I’m not getting shot over this

  44

  Baby

  42

  I’m out

  I’m out

  just settle down

  38

  2

  Elder Ezell when I was a little girl

  back when you were only a Deacon

  Mama always told me you were our friend

  the one person I could come to and trust if I had a bad problem

  to listen and help me through it

  if they were gone or if I thought they couldn’t help

  besides going to the preacher

  I don’t know Brother Ronnie Parker

  that well yet he’s too new to the church

  I wouldn’t feel comfortable

  going to him even if he is our Minister

  will you hear me as my Elder and my friend

  and offer any advice you have on what to do next?

  Your mama was Maypearl Fleming wasn’t she?

  married to Floyd Fleming before he died

  when? back in ’54 I think?

  wasn’t it a heart attackt back then?

  Yes sir

  You’re Lucy Beth Strachioner now aren’t you?

  married to Jimmy Don Strachioner who works

  up to Brown Brothers as a oiler, don’t he?

  secretary to the Principal down to the high school I believe?

  do I got that right?

  Jimmy Don he’s not a member of the Church is he?

  Yes sir and no sir, he’s a Baptist

  that’s exactly right

  Well what is it I can do for you today Miss Lucy Beth?

  Elder Ezell

  this is the hardest story of my life so far to tell

  and I don’t know rightly how to do it

  so I’ll just start before the beginning actually was

  It was dinnertime yesterday

  all the kids out to eat and drag main

  I had some time before the afternoon bell rang

  thought I’d run some errands go to the Post Office maybe the bank

  I went out to the parking lot to get in my car and do them

  but it wouldn’t start

  It wouldn’t run at all

  I went back to see if anybody could help

  but the whole building was empty and the phone system down

  the only thing I could do was walk home to see if Jimmy Don

  could come help me get it running if he was there

  that’s over half a mile

  when I got home it looked like nobody else was

  then I heard this noise from the back

  when I went to see he was there Jimmy Don

  and this high school girl with a terrible terrible reputation

  in our bed naked as the day they were born

  coupleating right in front of me

  I was so shocked I didn’t know what to do

  I have no idea what I said or did but I threw them both out

  and told Jimmy Don he shouldn’t never come back again

  but he finally did that night anyway

  he tried to explain it all away

  I didn’t let him

  I got the facts and the matter of it is

  he and that Kim Pierce child

  Walter and Mary Dell Pierce’s girl

  Yes sir, that one

  they’ve been carrying on that way

  ever since Charles Huffman’s homemade Halloween

  Horror Show back in October in our house right in my bed

  I seen her there that night selling tickets said Johnny Bert Ezell

  He said he was sorry and would try to make it up to me

  I told him to pack up his clothes go find somewhere else to live

  with his little high school extracurricular activity

  whose tardys I’d changed every one to unexcused absences

  now that I knew what she’d been doing all these months

  during 5th period Homemaking Class

  he said he didn’t have anywhere to go

  besides she’d already told him it was over between them

  she’d even got her boyfriend to understand

  and forgive her concubinal behavior

  so why wouldn’t I do the same thing for him

  as my Christian duty to be a subservient wife

  he slept on the couch by himself last night

  I know divorce is not appreciated by the Church of Christ

  but what am I supposed to do?

  I feel wronged

  dirty

  forsaken

  cheated upon

  adultered

  and mocked in the eyes of my community

  he won’t agree to go before his church or mine

  and beg forgiveness

  he says it is none of anybody’s business

  it is my duty as his wife to get over it and get on with our lives

  just the way it used to be

  I do not believe I can do this, Elder Ezell

  I believe I have to end either my marriage

  or my life

  I am so ashamed and embarrassed

  filled with anger and even hatred

  I don’t know what to do

  I don’t even know if I can go back to work

  I don’t know if I can attend church services

  I am so ashamed of it all

  that’s why I came to you

  Do you think you can kindly help me any?

  3

  Lucy Beth

  when a car won’t start

  the first thing I’d do was check the fuel gauge

  turn on the key and if the line don’t come up

  it’s probley out of gas and that’s your problem

  if there’s gas I’d raise the hood

  and look over the front down to the fuel filter

  if the glass bowl is empty it’s probley a clogged intake line

  if it isn’t see if it’s cloudy or has foreign matter globules

  yougn unhook the bottom line and drain it off

  air bubbles is more for vapor lock than starting

  but you can tap them away most times with your pocket knife

  if that’s not it I’d say it will be a matter of ignition or combustion

  I’d start with the battry

  check the poles and connections first then take off the caps

  see if any cells is dry and fill them with clean water if it is

  then jump start or charge

  I’d recommend 2 amp 72 hours for complete build up

  was the red light shining on the dash controls?

  it could be the generator, check the belts

  if it’s the brushes yougn get a set at Bill Edwards Hardware and Appliance

  just take the old ones out the new ones will go right in the clips

  it’s real simple if you know how to do it

  when you tried to start it did it turn over or was it flat line

  or went Clunk? that could be the solenoid

  you should of turned the key over and over oncet at a time

  to see if the forks might come down and engage

  but you may need to crawl under and get it off

  the top of the starter where it sets

  might pay you to take the starter off while you’re at it

  get it tested out yougn get a rebuilt one at Bill Edwards

  or a junker out to Charley Baker’s wrecked car lot

  be careful of him selling you trash he knows won’t work

  now if it’s a matter of combustion

  I’d start the easiest with the sparkplugs

  pull any one out with your socket-ranch

  give it a look to see if it’s foult

  you’ll know it in a instan
t when you look

  some file and sandpaper then airblow them

  I’d just get a new set down to Bill Edwards

  don’t get no dadgum Champions get AC’s

  they’re worth the extra money

  gap them at 32 yougn eyeball it oncet you know what it is

  now don’t pucker up on me

  we’re making some headway here

  it’s just a couple more things to do

  go up to the distributor

  look over and feel the wores for connection

  then take the cap off by pulling out the clips

  look over the inside at the rotor and see if its cracked

  now bend down over the fender for a sightline

  and click the ignition one bump at a time

  till the points come all the way open

  see if they’re flat or ragged

  sometimes yougn file that down but if it’s burnt

  get a new set and put it in just like you took the old ones out

  gap it at 17 one thousandths

  if that was it that car will start up

  and purr like a Siamese kitty cat

  I’d still if it was me climb up and screw off

  the top of the filter housing and eyeball the air filter

  if it’s greasey pick it up and feel if it weights heavy

  then take and throw it on the ground get anothern and put it in

  you’ll feel the different right off

  Yougn lean over and examine the carburetor when the housing lid’s off

  I don’t recommend you take it off or rebuild it

  that’s getting a little complicated for a amateur

  mebbe take a clean rag if it’s hard varnish build up and some solvent

  or even turpentine I’ve heard twicet to get some of it off

  you could check the floats and valves and wings and the choke

  I don’t think it’d pay you to do any more

  unless you know what you’re doing

  you do that and I’ll just bet you you’ve solved your problem

  that car will start up and hum like a Esso Bee

  but let me tell you this Lucy Beth if it dudn’t

  yougn bring it right down to the station I’ll have a looksee

  I’ll bet two dollars to a doughnut

  wegn get her done one way or anothern

  now you cheer up and make a happy face

  everything’s gone be just all right

  that car’s gone start up and run real good for you

  oncet we get her fixed

  4

  Earlean!

  Yes dear?

  Mama, would you come in here

  Lucy Beth Strachioner

  Maypearl and Floyd Flemingses’ daughter

  is abawling hysterical and unmerciful

  I’m afraid she thinks she’s done broke

  and rurnt her car

  because it wouldn’t start up for her

  yesterday out to the high school