‘You might be coming down with something. There’s a lot of bugs around at the moment. My surgery is full of people with flu and coughs. Go back to bed for an hour or so as we’re not leaving for Devon until mid-morning. If you’re still not feeling right then, well, you’ll just have to stay here.’
I didn’t argue. I was feeling rotten. I got back into bed and managed to doze off for half an hour until I was woken by my mobile. Panic seized me. What if it was Luke? Or Nesta?
‘Hello?’ I said tentatively.
It was Izzie. ‘Hey, how’s it going?’
‘OK. Except Mum thinks I’m ill.’
‘Are you?’
‘Not really, but I don’t feel great. Have you spoken to Nesta and Lucy?’
‘Lucy . . . Sort of.’
‘What did she say?’
‘Not a lot. I’m up at Costa in Highgate, as I’d arranged to meet her and Nesta here before this whole mad thing started. I thought that they might show up, but I doubt if they were still expecting me. Anyway, Lucy was waiting for Nesta and we had a row. She accused me of taking sides. Can you believe it? Like she hasn’t with Nesta. So I accused her of taking sides. Then she said something like, what do I expect and that I should have told them what was going on, but if I had . . . well, I’d have betrayed your trust, wouldn’t I? What was I supposed to have done? I couldn’t win whatever I’d done, either way I was going to upset one of you. Anyway, I said I’d promised not to tell and you felt really bad about everything and she said, what like Nesta doesn’t, as if I didn’t care about Nesta’s feelings at all. And that if we were all real mates and all trusted each other, then you or I would have let her and Nesta in on what was happening. And then she stormed off.’
‘Oh hell, I’m so sorry Izzie. I should never have told you, then you wouldn’t be in this mess.’
‘I’m glad you did. You had to tell someone and I am your mate. And I understand why you didn’t want to talk to Lucy or Nesta at the time.’
‘God, I wish I could turn the clock back, Izzie. Just a few days. Delete. Skip back. I’m so sorry. I wish I could fix things.’
‘Seems to me that you have a choice. Luke, or Nesta and Lucy. It’s not too late to fix it with them. But if you choose Luke, then I don’t think Nesta and Lucy will stay friends with you. Least not for a while.’
‘I don’t want Luke any more, no way. No boy is worth losing your friends for. Anyway, I don’t think Luke even wants to talk to me now. I wanted to have it out with him but, when I saw him after school yesterday, he blanked me.’
‘Ah,’ said Izzie. ‘But that could mean anything. Remember when I told you that the defence of boys, who feel that they’re under attack, is to attack back?’
‘Yeah.’
‘Well the ones that don’t use that tactic do the ostrich routine, you know, stick their head in the sand. Try and ignore the whole situation and hope it goes away.’
‘So why was he coming to our school if he’s trying to ignore things? He must have known he might bump into one of us.’
‘There you’ve got me stumped. I suppose he can’t get out of the project meetings as he’s co-ordinator and the presentation is next week.’
‘So what are you going to do now?’
‘Wait for Nesta,’ said Izzie. ‘I refuse to play the we’re-not-speaking game. We’ve been mates for too long. And despite what Lucy may think, I do care about Nesta’s feelings. I think you should call her too. Don’t give up.’
After she’d hung up, I lay on my bed and stared at the ceiling. I’d been staring at it so much in the last few weeks, I knew it intimately, every crack, every lick of paint. My choice, Izzie had said. My choice. My friendship with the girls or Luke? Luke, who I wasn’t even sure of. Luke who, according to Olivia, had a cut-off date with all his girlfriends. There was no contest. We might have had an amazing night on Thursday, but it had come at too high a price and I wanted my friends back.
I took a deep breath and called Nesta’s number. I got her voice mail so left a message asking her to call me.
Half an hour later, Izzie phoned again.
‘I’m in the Ladies,’ she whispered, ‘so I can’t speak for long. Bad news I’m afraid. Nesta arrived and I talked to her and tried to tell her that none of it was your fault and . . .’
‘And?’
‘And she’s pretty cool. She’s not mad with me like Lucy is. But she saw Luke last night after school and he didn’t say anything about finishing with her. She says he still wants to see her and that she means a lot to him. Can you believe it? He’s such a rat. In fact, he’s coming to meet her here later.’
‘Did she say anything about me?’
Izzie was quiet at her end of the phone.
‘Please Izzie, even if it’s bad. I need to know.’
‘She said something about Luke saying that you got him when his guard was down and you sort of threw yourself at him.’
‘What?’ I felt my stomach churn. ‘That’s what he told me when I confronted him about Sian. Said she’d kissed him and he hadn’t really wanted to kiss her back, but she threw herself at him. And Nesta believed him about me, huh?’
‘Think so. I am sorry, TJ. I know you really thought he was The One.’
‘Yeah, me and a long list of idiots by the sound of it,’ I said. ‘Does Nesta hate me?’
‘Er . . . well let’s just say that you’re not up there with her favourite people right now.’
‘Someone’s got to tell her what Luke is really like, Izzie. I tried to call her but got her voice mail.’
‘Do you want me to have another go?’
‘You can try, but I think it’s best if it comes from me. Are you going to stay and see Luke?’
‘No way. I’d punch him if I saw him. I think he’s a creep. He’s playing both of you along in my opinion.’
After she’d hung up, I went and took a bath. It was like I wanted to wash the whole thing away. While I was lying there soaking, I could hear one of Dad’s favourite CDs playing downstairs. It’s the soundtrack to the film, South Pacific. There’s a track that goes, ‘I’m going to wash that man right out of my hair’. Too right, I thought as I reached for the shampoo.
The journey down to Devon took just under four hours and Mum tucked me up in the back under a blanket, so I managed to doze off for a while. The rest of the time I just watched the fields flash by. I thought about what Izzie had told me and I felt myself getting angrier and angrier. How could Luke have lied about me to Nesta? I wondered if he had a clue about the pain and confusion he was causing. I knew it was going to be hard, but I had to talk to Nesta and somehow get through to her that her boyfriend was a liar.
We arrived late afternoon and went straight to the cottage that Marie and Stuart had bought. It was a quaint little place, but in a mess as they’d only recently moved in and loads of stuff was still in boxes. Mum got busy straight away, putting the rubber gloves on and starting to clean out cupboards in the kitchen, while Dad went to check out the garden and a dilapidated old greenhouse, which was great because it gave me some time alone with Marie. Even though she’s a lot older than me, I’ve always found her easy to talk to.
‘How you feeling?’ she asked as we took mugs of tea into her bedroom. ‘Mum said you’ve been under the weather.’
‘Sort of.’
‘Flu bug?’
‘Not really.’
‘Boy trouble?’
‘How did you guess?’
Marie smiled. ‘I know the symptoms. Listless. Sad bloodshot eyes. Look like the weight of the whole world is on your shoulders. Going to tell me about it?’
‘Not much to tell. Only that I’ve ruined my life, lost my friends, hurt a really nice boy and been let down by the only boy I ever loved, or thought I loved.’
‘Oh. So nothing major then?’ she joked.
I gave her a weak smile. ‘How did you know that Stuart was The One, Marie?’
She sat on the bed and took a sip of her tea. ‘Oh God. Loads
of reasons. He makes me laugh. I love being with him. I can’t imagine life without him.’
‘Yeah, but how do you really know that he’s The One?’
‘He just is. It feels right. It’s different to being with anyone else. I know that he’s there for me. He’d do anything for me and I feel the same about him. Already he’s like family in that I know he’s a hundred percent on my side. I trust him completely.’
When she said the bit about trust, I felt my eyes watering.
‘Hey,’ said Marie. ‘It can’t be that bad. Are you going to tell me about it?’
‘Promise you won’t hate me?’ I asked.
‘Never,’ she said, taking my hand and holding it as I filled her in on the whole story. When I’d finished she looked at me kindly. ‘My poor TJ. Sounds like you need to talk to this boy. And to Nesta. Get a few things straight.’
I shook my head. ‘Can’t. Everybody hates me except Izzie. Nesta’s not speaking to me and Izzie thinks that Luke is doing the ostrich routine. You know, head in the sand.’
‘Then get him to take his head out of the sand. Talk to him. Ask him what the hell he thinks he’s playing at.’
‘I tried after school last night and he blanked me. It was awful. Anyway, what is there to say? When I tried to talk to him before, he told me not to get heavy and said that I was being demanding.’
‘Well if he already thinks you are and, knowing you as I do, I can’t imagine it as you’re not a demanding kind of person, but if he thinks you are, then you’ve got nothing to lose. You want your mates back, so sort it with him. Be demanding. Ask him what his game is. If a boy has any respect for your feelings, he will give you the time, listen to how you are. Your feelings are as important as everyone else’s in all of this and you’ve had a rough ride by the sound of it. I know people have got hurt, but so have you and you matter as well. Call Nesta. And call him.’ She pointed to the phone by the bed, then got up to go. ‘No time like the present. I’ll keep the wrinklies busy and make sure no one comes in.’
I suppose I didn’t look convinced as Marie turned back to me when she got to the door. ‘Do it,’ she urged. ‘You can’t spend all weekend not knowing what’s going on. Phone them.’
After she’d gone, I sat and stared at the phone for a few moments, then I picked up the receiver and dialled Nesta’s number.
It was still switched off so, once again, I left a message.
Next I dialled Luke’s number. He answered immediately.
‘Hey Watts,’ he said. ‘I was just thinking about you. We got your letter about not coming to the meeting. What’s that all about?’
He sounded so cheerful it took me by surprise. How could he sound so happy when I was in torment? I asked myself.
‘Why did you blank me yesterday?’
‘Oh that? I wanted to talk to you, but Nesta was about ten yards behind you. You had your back to her so you couldn’t see her. I didn’t want her to see us together. I didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary . . .’
But it’s OK to hurt me, I thought. ‘So you did a runner?’
‘No. Not exactly. In fact, when you’d got on the bus, I went and spoke to her. She was pretty mad with me.’
I decided to confront him about everything. Marie was right, I had nothing to lose. ‘Yeah, so you told her that I threw myself at you. You know it wasn’t like that.’
‘I most certainly do,’ said Luke in a low voice. ‘It was fantastic.’
‘So why did you lie?’
Luke sighed into the phone. ‘Oh come on, TJ. Do we have to do this?’
‘Yes. We do. I need to know what’s going on. Izzie told me that you and Nesta are still an item. I thought you said that you were going to finish with her?’
‘I am. I will, but I need to do it in my own time. I like Nesta and, as I said, I don’t want to hurt her. Everything was happening a bit fast, so I thought I’d carry on seeing her for a while and let her down slowly.’
I couldn’t believe that he was still keeping it up and, for a moment, was lost for words.
‘TJ, you still there?’ asked Luke.
‘Yes.’
‘Let’s meet up next week. I really want to see you,’ he said, making his voice go husky again. ‘I’ve been thinking about you and Thursday night a lot. I can’t wait . . .’
I could hear footsteps outside the door. ‘Look, got to go. Bye Luke.’
It was Marie. She put her head round the door. ‘I’ve brought you something to soothe your eyes,’ she said, holding two slices of cucumber out to me. ‘Everything OK?’
I wanted to scream. ‘Nooooooo. Not all right. I can’t believe it. He still wants to see me. Says he’s been thinking about me. Says he wants to let Nesta down slowly and he’ll finish with her in his own time.’
Marie came and sat by me on the bed. ‘Hhmmm. That’s a familiar story. Do you really, really care for this boy?’
‘I . . . I don’t think so. No, I can’t. It’s a mess. It all feels way too complicated and I don’t want to lose my friends over him.’
‘Then tell him,’ said Marie, ‘and them.’
‘What did you mean just now, it’s a familiar story?’
Marie got up and made sure that the door was firmly closed. ‘Promise you won’t tell Mum or Dad?’
‘Promise.’
Marie sat on the bed. ‘When you asked me before how I knew Stuart was The One and I said trust, well, that’s a lesson I had to learn the hard way.’
‘How come?’
‘Remember I was seeing a guy called Matthew for a while?’
I nodded. ‘Vaguely. A couple of years ago? Doctor at the hospital where you worked in Bristol? I never met him though because you never brought him home.’
‘Well, there was a reason for that, said Marie. ‘See, what I didn’t ever tell any of you is that he was married. That’s why I said familiar story. I was such an idiot, TJ, talk about naive. He told me that he and his wife were unhappily married and that they were going to split up and they had no relationship to speak of any more and me, like a total fool, believed every word of it. He was always telling me that I was the great love of his life and that he would leave her in his own time as he didn’t want to hurt her more than necessary etc, etc . . .’
‘I never knew.’
Marie looked at the door. ‘Nobody did. But at the time, it felt so right, I thought I really loved him, it was the real thing and he would leave his wife for me . . .’
‘So what happened?’
‘One day, I was asked to stand in for a colleague on the prenatal clinic and guess who was in the class? His wife. His five-months-pregnant, very sweet wife. So much for their relationship being over. When I asked him about it, he said it was just one night and he still intended to leave her after the baby was born. I could tell from meeting her that she didn’t have a clue and she was looking forward to the birth of her child.’
‘I’m so sorry Marie, you must have been gutted.’
‘I was. Heartbroken and I felt like such a cow. I wouldn’t have got involved if I hadn’t thought his marriage was as good as over. He made his wife out to be this unfeeling monster, but she was a lovely woman. But he made me realise that if he was stringing his wife along, at a time when she needed him most and telling lies behind her back, then he might do the same thing to me. It made me realise that the most important thing in any relationship is trust. Oh I know it’s different with you, TJ. You’re much younger and I’m sure that this Luke is nothing like Matthew, but I just wanted to warn you that there are men out there like that and, what Luke is doing to Nesta, he may well do to you. It sounds to me like Luke doesn’t know what he wants, either that or he’s a coward like Matthew was.’
‘So what happened to Matthew?’
‘Still with his wife last I heard. I finished with him as soon as I realised that he was lying to me, but it took me a long time to get over it. I felt awful. Evil. I kept seeing his wife in my mind and I felt so mean.’
; ‘I know. That’s how I felt when I saw how upset Nesta was, when she realised that Luke had cheated on her with me. But now he’s talked her round again and instead of being mad with him, she thinks I threw myself at him and she’s mad with me.’
‘Is he worth it, TJ?’
I shook my head. ‘Absolutely not. No way am I going to give up two of my best friends for someone who, a few months down the line, might decide that some other unsuspecting victim is the love of his life and I’ll find myself on the scrap heap.’
‘Exactly,’ said Marie. ‘But the bottom line is, do you trust him?’
I shook my head. ‘Not any more.’
‘Do you trust Nesta?’
I nodded. ‘One hundred percent. She couldn’t lie or keep a secret if she tried.’
‘Then there’s your answer,’ said Marie getting up, going to the wardrobe and pulling out two stunning dove-grey dresses with tiny white snowflakes embroidered round the hem. ‘But, in the meantime, we’ve got a wedding coming up, so let’s forget about Luke for a while and try these dresses on!’
Aids for Bloodshot or Tired Eyes
1) Soak two camomile tea bags in hot water. When the water has cooled, squeeze the tea bags out, lie back and apply the bags to your eyes.
2) Cut two thin slices of cucumber. Lie back and apply to the eyes.
Chapter 19
‘Hi, can I speak to Nesta?’ I asked.
It was Saturday night and Mum and Dad were finishing supper with Marie and Stuart in the kitchen. I hadn’t much appetite, so I’d excused myself and made a beeline for the phone in Marie’s bedroom. All I wanted to do was get on the phone and get my friends back.
‘Hold on, I’ll just go and call her,’ said Tony, who had picked up the phone. He came back a few minutes later. ‘She says she’s not in.’
Next I tried Lucy. Her mobile was on voice mail, so I left a quick message saying that I needed to talk to her. Then I called Izzie. Luckily she was there, so I filled her in on my latest phone call with Luke.
‘I told you so,’ she said. ‘He’s telling you one thing and Nesta another.’
‘I’m going to tell Nesta,’ I said. ‘That is if I can get to speak to her.’
Mates, Dates and Tempting Trouble Page 13
