by Tina Martin
I was busy playing Madden with Sean and Roman, holding it down with the Green Bay Packers. Sean had chosen the rival Chicago Bears to make the game a little more interesting and to piss me off at the same time. I was up by three points with less than a minute remaining in the fourth, and the Bears had to punt from my ten-yard line. Of course, it was good, tying the game. I wanted to go into overtime and go for the win, but pulled me away from the game. She was ready to go. Nikki rode with her mother and I followed them to the restaurant in my car.
VICTORIA WASTED NO time getting to the point as soon as I sat my butt down in the chair at the restaurant.
“So, Monica, you and Sean seem to be spending a lot of time together.”
“Well, yeah…sort of. We’re in the same house.”
Some defense that was. We were in the same house when Sean and I had those prior altercations and disagreements and decided to stay away from each other. Now, when you saw me, you knew Sean was somewhere close.
“Are you still planning on leaving in September?”
What…the? I never told her I was going to be leaving. She sure knew a lot about me for this to have been our first real conversation. Wonder who’s been giving her the skinny on my life.
“Ah, I don’t know for sure yet.”
“Well, I don’t want you to leave. You brought so much happiness into my baby’s life,” Victoria responded warm-heartedly. “Honestly, I don’t think he wants you to leave, although he will probably never tell you that. Sean hasn’t always been good with expressing his feelings. He got that from his father.”
“Yeah,” Nikki added, “he’s never been the type to show how he really feels, but I know that he likes you.”
Nikki reminded me of Jada Pinkett-Smith, very pretty and thin. She had green eyes, too, and her hair was a rusty brown color, cut in a bob.
“How do you know that?” I asked her. “Just because we do things together doesn’t mean we’re going to be together like a couple.”
“Sean told me that he liked you. No, wait a minute…his exact words were, ‘I love that girl’,” Nikki answered. “Maybe he said it in a joking way, though. I’m not sure.”
I smiled, thinking there’s no way Sean Beauvais said to anyone that he loved me. No way.
“Do you like him?” Victoria asked boldly. Now I see where Sean got his assertiveness. Victoria wasn’t shy about speaking her mind. And though she was in her late fifties, her appearance looked like that of a high-class, sophisticated businesswoman in her late forties.
“Yeah, as a friend, but I’m not trying to be in a relationship with him…nothing like that. I just want to be there for him. I know he needs me and so does Roman.”
“You know, Monica, ever since Sean’s father passed, he’s been different. He didn’t used to be so distant. He was just like Warren and Darren.”
“Distant? Sean isn’t distant.”
“Not anymore he’s not. I haven’t seen him as happy as he is now in a long time. I don’t think he was even this happy when Shanelle was around.”
“He wasn’t,” Nikki said, as she took a big bite out of a butter burger. “I told him that Shanelle was a money-hungry gold digger.” We all laughed. “And Mama is right. Sean has changed in the seven weeks you’ve been here.”
“Well, I’m glad that’s a good thing.”
“Me, too?” Victoria said. “I still remember the day his father died. We were all at the hospital. Sean sat there and held his father’s hand right up until his last breath.” Victoria was sad as she sat before me and talked about her husband. She didn’t cry, though. She had enough courage to keep talking. “My baby ain’t been right since. He misses his father. We all do.” Victoria took a deep breath and stopped the tear that was about to fall from her eye. “But you know what? We going to make it through. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that my husband knew how much I loved him and how much the children loved him.”
“You’re absolutely right.” I pat her on the back. “It’s gon’ be alright.”
“I know it will. He was such a good man. He was an artist, you know. You see all those pictures in Sean’s living room? His father painted those.”
“Really? That’s some amazing work.”
“Yeah. He was an amazing man.” Victoria dabbed her eyes with a napkin.
“Oh my goodness. Y’all gonna make me cry up in here,” Nikki said, while fanning her eyes with her hand.
“I’m already crying,” Victoria responded.
It was painful to see the hurt in the eyes of a woman that lost her best friend, her husband, her life partner. Victoria was still elegant and spunky. She could’ve had another man by now, but she didn’t want another man. She wanted the man that fathered her children – the man who lived up to his vow to love her until death. It was a sad reality.
“Anyway, I better be getting out of here.” Victoria stood up. Nikki joined her.
“This was really nice, ladies. I really appreciate you guys inviting me out like this. I hope we get to do this again soon.”
Victoria walked over and hugged me. “We will. Okay? I’ll call you later and maybe we can do something.”
“That sounds perfect, Victoria.”
“Don’t call me Victoria. I feel like you’re a part of this family now. You call me Mama V.”
I must have hit it off really well with Sean’s mom. She was ready to adopt me into the family.
“And I’ll call you later,” she told me, “and we’ll have our own little girls’ night.”
“Okay. That would be wonderful. See y’all later.” I waved them off, and then hopped in my car.
I stopped by Keisha’s house for a while to see what she was up to. Then I headed home. When I walked in the house, Sean was asleep on the couch. I kneeled down beside him and traced his face with my index finder. He immediately opened his eyes.
“What are you doing sleeping on the couch?” I whispered into his ear.
“I was waiting for you to get home,” Sean said with a yawn.
“And since when do you wait up for me?”
“Since I started liking you.”
I smiled. “I told you I was going to stop by Keisha’s for a while, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember.” Sean yawned again. “So did you have a good time with my mom and Nikki?”
“Yes. Your mom is sweet and so is Nikki.”
“So what did y’all talk about? Me?”
“Oh and you think the only topic we have to talk about is Sean, huh?”
“Pretty much. I know my mother. Therefore, I already know you guys were talkin’ about me.”
“No, you don’t. You’re just bluffing so I can tell you more information.” I dropped my keys on the table. “Okay, so we were talking about you a little.”
“Yeah, I told you I knew that already. What did my mom say ‘bout me?”
“She just briefly mentioned different things about your marriage and the divorce, and your father…”
“What did she say about my father?” Sean quickly cut me off, jumping on the defensive like his mother would ever say anything bad about his daddy.
“She just talked about how much the family misses him.”
“That’s crazy. I was just thinking about him the other day. It’s still hard for me to believe he’s gone.”
Not knowing what else to say in the awkward situation, I replied, “I’m sorry.”
“No need to be sorry. A lot of people never get to experience having a father.”
“You’re right. I never did.”
“Really?”
“Well, yes, but me and my father weren’t close at all. He was gone all the time on business, as he put it. I spent a lot of time with my mom, but we didn’t get along either.”
“My dad was always there for me…always.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, what happened to him?”
“Cancer.” Sean hung his head. “You know, sometimes I think about how Roman might feel if he ev
er lost me. I don’t want my son to go through that. I know it sounds stupid, but that’s why I’ve been kinda just staying away from him.”
“No, that doesn’t sound stupid. A lot of people think like that, but the time you spend with Roman is valuable. He appreciates your time more so than the material things you can buy him.”
“I know. You’re absolutely right.”
I stood up and pulled Sean by the hand, trying to pull him up off of the couch. “C’mon, Sean. Let’s go to bed.”
Sean gave me a wicked smile, as if I was implying that we were going to bed together. So, I had to clarify myself.
“Wait – let me rephrase that. Let’s go to our separate bedrooms.”
“Ah’ight.”
Entry 2
I don’t even know why I’m writing in this thing tonight. I’m so tired I can’t even keep my eyes open, and every other minute, I’m yawning. Cornelius wasn’t on my mind much. I was too occupied today to even think about him. Maybe that’s the key. Maybe, just maybe, if I fill my days with activities, there will be no room in my brain to even think about him. It worked today. Who’s to say it won’t work tomorrow? Anyway, I enjoyed having lunch with Sean’s mother and sister today. For some reason, I thought they would be stuck-up and snobbish, but I was dead wrong. Victoria was a sweetheart and so was Nikki. Sean is lucky to have such a wonderful mother. It’s too bad I can’t say that about my mom, but whatever. I’m not going to waste good ink writing about her. I was surprised that Sean waited up for me tonight. And he smelled so good. It seems like every day he’s wearing a different lotion or cologne, or maybe using a new body wash. Whatever it was, it sure smelled good on him.
- - -
I got up a little early the next day to take Roman out to breakfast and then to the park, but Sean had other plans. He’d been sitting in the kitchen reading the business section of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel.
“Monica, what are your plans for today?”
He sounded like he was conducting business with me instead of being the laidback guy that I’d gotten to know over the past few weeks.
“Sean, relax. You’re not at work.”
“What are you talking about?” He had no clue he did that whole transformation thing with his voice. One minute, he was playful, and the next, he just had the persona of a hardcore businessman.
“Nevermind,” I told him. “I was thinking about taking Roman to the park today. You want to come with us?”
“Actually, I want to spend some time with you today,” he said, as he bit into a juicy green apple and then licked his lips like LL Cool J in his music video, Doin’ It. I watched the way his lips caressed the apple and the way he looked at me, like he meant business. He showed no mercy towards that poor apple.
“And where is Roman going to be?”
“I can take him over to Warren’s crib.”
“You got this all figured out, huh?”
“Yeah…so you rolling with me or what?”
“Okay.” I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go with him or not. It almost felt like he was asking me out on a date.
“Oh, come on. I won’t bite,” Sean said, as he bit hard into the apple again. Then he had the nerve to wink his eye and smile while licking his lips again.
“Alright. Just let me change clothes first.”
“Nah, you don’t need to change your clothes. You look fine.”
“Okay. Well, let me know when you’re ready to go.”
“I’m ready now. Let’s bounce.”
Chapter 14 - Kickin’ It
We dropped Roman off at Warren’s house and then we were off…me and Sean, alone.
“So what do you want to do first?” Sean asked, as he leaned over near the window looking sharp and gripped the steering wheel of the Escalade with his right hand, showing off the Rolex. He was wearing a short-sleeved, white Polo tee and some True Religion jeans.
“It doesn’t matter to me.” I sat on the passenger side nervous, with both hands wrapped around the strap of my oversized XOXO purse. I didn’t know why I was so nervous. I mean, I had spent time with Sean before at home, but not openly in public like this.
“Are you alright, Monica?”
Sean must have noticed I was nervous, but I couldn’t help it. He made me that way.
“Yeah, I’m fine.”
Not! Every time I looked at Sean, I couldn’t help but think to myself how fine he was. Every time. And besides the smell of the pineapple coconut air freshener swinging from his rearview mirror, Sean smelled sensational. I don’t know what he was wearing, but his cologne alone was enough to catch any woman’s attention.
“I was thinking we could stop and get some ice cream or something. It’s pretty hot out here.”
“Okay. That sounds good.”
We drove about fifteen more minutes to Kopp’s Frozen Custard on Port Washington Road in Glendale. Sean opened the door to let me out of his truck, and then he put his arm around me as we walked up to the entrance. I ordered the cookie, caramel and cream flavor. Sean ordered plain vanilla.
We sat outside on the hot, eighty-five degree day. Sean kept looking at me as if he wanted to say something at times, but he just stared, watching every spoonful of ice cream go into my mouth.
“Yes?” I said in an effort to get him to stop looking at me. I hated when people stared.
“Why are you so quiet?”
I knew it was only a matter of time before he would notice I was a little uncomfortable being alone with him.
“I don’t know.”
“Are you intimidated by me?”
I smiled. “A little.”
Hey, I told the truth. He did make me a little nervous. I was scrutinizing myself to determine if I was actually good enough to be out kickin’ it with such a perfect individual.
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“There’s no reason to be. I’m not going to hurt you or nothin’.” Sean dipped his spoon in my ice cream cup to taste my flavor.
“You like it?”
“It’s ah’ight. I’m not adventurous enough to eat their flavor-of-the-day ice cream. I just stick with vanilla, my favorite. You want to taste mine?”
“No, thanks. I know how plain vanilla taste already.”
Sean finished his ice cream before I finished mine, and then sat there for a minute and continued watching me. Then he said, “There’s something different about you.”
“Compared to who?”
“To other women I’ve met.”
“What’s so different about me?”
“Your personality…your demeanor is different.”
“Really? I would think you would’ve met all sorts of people in your entourage, women especially.”
“I have met a lot of women…”
I interrupted. “Yeah, I know that.”
“What is that supposed to mean, Monica?”
“Nothing.” And it didn’t mean anything. In a way, I was giving him a compliment, but he took it the wrong way.
“Nah, tell me what that meant.”
“I know you’ve met a lot of women because of your profession and your looks.”
Sean sighed. “I don’t know why you seem to think I’m some good-for-nothing dog who jumps from woman to woman because I’m not like that at all.”
“I don’t think that about you. I used to because that’s what everybody was saying, but not anymore.”
“So would you date me?”
I took a few seconds to analyze the question. Was he speaking hypothetically or did he really want to date me?
I asked, “Where did that come from?”
“Just curious. No hidden agenda.”
“The answer is no. I wouldn’t.”
“Why not?”
“Don’t get me wrong, I think you’re a great guy and all, but…”
“Just not great enough for you,” Sean said, finishing my sentence.
I gathered he was upset by the tone of his voice. And here I
am thinking we were having a good time enjoying each other’s company and having casual conversation.
“No, Sean, that’s not it at all.”
“Then what?”
“Why are you getting upset? I thought we were supposed to be having fun?”
“Because you act like everything has to conform to your perfect little world.”
“That’s not true. The reason I said no is because we are two completely different people, Sean, and we have nothing in common. You’re like thirty-five…”
“Thirty-two,” he quickly corrected.
“Okay, you’re thirty-two and I’m twenty-four. We couldn’t possibly have anything in common. You’re way more experienced in life than I am. We’re not even on the same page. No skip that, we’re not even in the same chapter. And why do I need to explain my answer if there’s no hidden agenda like you said?”
Sean left my question unanswered. I assumed he felt rejected. I don’t know why, though. He knew he could have any woman that he wanted. There was no reason to get ill because I said no. Truth be told, I wasn’t on Sean’s level.
Let’s compare. Sean resides on Lake Drive, while I used to live in a one-bedroom apartment. He owns a business; I’ve been a teacher for less than a year and already thinking about quitting. He looks like he just walked out of GQ Magazine. I…well, I suppose I could grace the cover of Essence, but I was no dime piece. At least I didn’t consider myself to be. Maybe an eight on a scale from one to ten.
“Are you ready to go?” Sean asked, breaking the silence.
“Yeah, sure.”
At that point, I knew the day was ruined, and I was ready to get away from him before another bad discussion erupted. Just to think we’d been getting along so well.
