by Tina Martin
After we pulled up in the driveway, Sean sat still in the truck after he removed the key from the ignition. I didn’t get out of the truck either.
“Did you know that Roman prays for you every night? Even before you moved in to baby-sit for me, he prayed for you every…single…night.”
“No, I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah, he does, and you’re leaving in September. Have you thought about what that might do to him?”
“He’s not that attached to me. He’ll be fine.”
“I don’t think so. I think he’ll be hurt and confused.” Sean seemed cold and distant as he tried to get his point across. I was finally getting to see what his mom was talking about.
“Sean, how did we go from eating ice cream and having a good time to this?”
“To what?”
“To you copping an attitude with me over nothing.”
“I don’t have an attitude, Monica. I’m just trying to discuss with you the ramifications of you leaving us in September.”
“And what’s that? Roman is going to miss me?”
“Yes, Roman will be hurt when you leave. That’s what I’m trying to tell you.”
“He’s a child, Sean. He’ll get over it.”
“Oh, that coming from the same woman who can admit she can’t get over an ex-boyfriend!”
That was a low blow. I never brought up anything he told me in order to use it against him. I picked my purse up from off the floor and unlocked my door so I could get out.
Sean grabbed my arm. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.”
I stayed calm. “That’s cool,” I told him, but I was boiling. I was so upset, I was beginning to feel lightheaded. When he unlocked his grip from my arm, I stepped out of the truck and told him, “And I’m sorry. It was never my intention to hurt anyone.”
It seemed like every time we had a conversation about Roman, it went sour. After going to my room, I sat on the bed trying to sort through this crazy mess in my mind. Would Roman be that bothered by my departure or is Sean just saying this because he doesn’t want me to leave?
Sean came in my room about ten minutes later.
“Monica, I wasn’t trying to make you upset.” He sat beside me and watched me for a moment. I was so irritated with him, it felt like I was on the verge of getting a migraine. “All I’m saying is that my son needs you.”
“I’m aware of that, Sean, and I thought we agreed that we will cross that bridge when we got to it.”
“We can’t wait for this one. This is very important to me. My son is all I have, and I need to know what we’re going to do about this.”
“I don’t know what we’re going to do. I haven’t even thought about this. I thought you wanted me to babysit him and that’s it. I didn’t know you were hiring for a mother.”
“I wasn’t.”
“So what’s up with this sudden urgency of yours to get me to stay here?”
“Because I see how attached Roman is to you. He loves you, Monica.”
“Well, I could still see him when I leave here. I don’t live that far from you.”
“Or you could just stay and make everything simpler.”
“I can’t stay here. This is your house. I’m just your live-in babysitter.”
“You know what – forget it. Forget I said anything, ah’ight?”
Sean stormed out of my room, slamming the door. Sean was the kind of man that wanted what he wanted, and if he didn’t get what he wanted, he would become very irate. But I can’t be a people pleaser. Don’t get me wrong, I loved little Roman Beauvais like he was my very own son, but the truth is, he isn’t my son.
Warren dropped Roman back off at home shortly after Sean left my room. He was sleep, of course, since it was pretty late. While Sean put him to bed, I snuck out back by the pool to get some fresh air. It was a beautiful warm night, with a pleasant breeze floating off of the lake. It was so relaxing that I could just sit out there all night and stare up at the stars that lined the night sky.
Twenty minutes into my alone time, I saw the kitchen light come on. I knew it wouldn’t be long before Sean discovered where I was. He opened the back door and came walking towards me.
“What are you doing out here?”
“I couldn’t sleep.
“Can I get you anything?” he asked politely. Just a few minutes ago, he was ready to go off, and now, he was calmer than the ocean before a violent storm. Who knows? Maybe he was about to blow up again.
“No, I’m alright.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure, and if you don’t mind, I would like to be alone, please.”
I had a lot of thinking to do. I had to map out what my next move would be. I explored ways to make my departure from the house as easy as possible without anyone getting hurt, especially Roman.
“I’m just trying to help you.”
“Help me? You’re the one who started all of this, Sean.”
“How did I start anything? I was just giving you something to think about while you’re so busy being selfish.”
“Oh, I’m selfish? Me? I gave up everything I have to be here.” As I talked, I could feel small tears running down my face. “I have nothing. You have everything. And I gave up my life to come here and raise your son because you can’t do it! And you have the audacity to call me selfish. I am anything but…just because I don’t jump at the chance to do everything you ask me to do does not make me selfish. It makes you selfish. But you know what…there is more to life than just what Sean Beauvais wants.”
“All I want is a mother for my son!”
“Well, I hope you find her, Sean! I hope you do, but I’m not the one.”
Sean put his hands on his head out of frustration and walked back into the house, furious. He might as well have. I wasn’t trying to hear it at that point. I went to my room and starting writing.
Entry 3
I can’t believe Sean called me selfish. And it didn’t make any sense for him to run with this conversation like this; blowing up because I said I wouldn’t date him. Did he have that big of an ego that no woman was supposed to turn him down? Or was he truly interested in dating me? He flirts with me all of the time, but that’s what good-looking men usually do. I just smiled and thought nothing of it. Now, he’s angry because it seems as if he wants me to be Roman’s mother. What exactly have I gotten myself into?
- - -
In the middle of my thoughts, there was a knock at the door. “Monica.” It sounded like Victoria. I rushed off the bed to open the door.
“Hi, Mama V.”
“Hi. You want some company?”
“Sure. Come on in.”
“I hope it’s not too late.”
“Oh, no. I couldn’t sleep anyway.”
“Is everything alright? Sean looked a little upset just now.”
I shut the door as she walked in my room with a big Prada bag on her shoulder.
“Yeah, everything is everything. We just got into an argument.”
“About what?”
“Roman. Sean doesn’t want me to leave in September.”
“Well, he has every right to want you to stay. According to him, you’ve been nothing but good to my grandbaby.”
“I try to be there as much as I can for Roman.”
Victoria placed her bag on the floor, and then she sat down on my bed. “Come here, hun.”
I walked over to her in my teal spaghetti-strap camisole and shorts and sat next to her on my bed.
“Sean means well. He just wants to provide Roman with the best life he can. You know he adopted Roman, right?”
“Really?” I had heard Roman was adopted. Now the rumor was confirmed.
“Yeah. He just wants Roman to have a mother, but don’t let that stress you out.”
“I know, Mama V, but I’m just so irritated right now.” I laid back on the bed.
Victoria took my hairbrush from off of the dresser and removed my ponytail hol
der. “This is what I used to do when Nikki would come home from school stressed out,” she said. “It relaxed her so much, it put her to sleep.”
A few strokes from the hairbrush did relax me quite a bit. Then Victoria removed a photo album from her bag and flipped it open.
“There’s my family together.”
“You guys look so beautiful together.”
“Thank you.”
“Here’s a picture of Warren, Derrick, and Sean when they were five years old.”
“Wow. They look like Roman, or should I say Roman looks like them. Are you sure he’s adopted?” We laughed together.
I kept flipping through their memories. Victoria must have had a picture for every single stage in their life, all compiled in one lovely album. Just sitting there staring into the album made me feel like I grew up with them.
“Sean told me that he had some French roots?” I told her.
“Yeah. My father was French. My mother was white, so I guess you can just say I’m white to keep it simple. I do a lot of tanning, though.”
“Yeah, I see. You look good.”
“Thanks, hun.”
“So how did you meet Sean’s father, if you don’t mind me asking?”
Victoria smiled. “Oh no…not at all. I love telling this story. One year, me and my boyfriend went to vacation in Haiti. His name was Jean-Pierre. He was French, too. We stayed at the Kaliko Beach Resort and it was beautiful. It was nice and hot. The crystal clear water was warm, and the tranquil waves could put you to sleep in a matter of seconds. The air was fresh, palm trees were plenty, and it was the most pleasurable atmosphere I’d ever been in. So there we were lying on the beach under all this perfection, when I decided to go and get a drink. I had a huge glass full of strawberry margarita, and on my way back to lie underneath my umbrella, I saw all these beautiful paintings. And that’s when I met him. So, to make a long story short, I bought one of his paintings, we exchanged numbers, and the rest is history.”
“Aw…that sounds so romantic. What was his name?”
“Ron. He was something else.”
“What happened to your boyfriend?”
“I broke up with Jean-Pierre a few days later. Somehow, I knew Ron was the one.”
“How did you know he was the one?”
“He had this incredible presence. He was sophisticated, talented, handsome, and most importantly, he knew how to treat a lady. I lost myself when he died. Sometimes, my friends ask me if I’m ready to start dating again. You know what I tell ‘em? I ain’t never going to find another man like Ron.”
“I feel that exact same way. Back in high school, I dated this guy. His name was Cornelius. I haven’t dated a man since him because I loved him so much. It’s like no other man can even compare to him. I don’t even have a desire to date.”
“You know Sean is single.” Victoria threw that in the conversation real quick. “He hasn’t dated much since the divorce.”
“So he used to date a lot before Shanelle?”
“Not really. I only met one woman that Sean dated and that was Shanelle. There was another woman that he was dating, but I never got the chance to meet her. He kept quiet about her. Sean has never been one to chase after women. A lot of women chase him, but he’s focused. He knows what he wants. Now, Derrick on the other hand is another story. I told that boy to leave all those girls alone.”
“He didn’t listen to you, huh?”
“Not at all.” Victoria put her pictures back into her bag.
After letting out a deep sigh, I asked her, “Do you think I’m wrong for leaving Roman?”
“You mean this September?”
“Yeah. Sean was really upset.”
“I think Roman will be alright. It’s Sean I’m worried about.”
“What do you mean?”
“I can’t be sure, hun, but I think Sean likes you more than you know.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Well, I have a very good relationship with all of my children, especially Sean. And lately, every time we talk, it’s always Monica this, Monica that. Every time we talk, he mentions your name.”
I smiled at her, but I had no reason to believe Sean was feeling me the way she thought he was. If so, that was something I wasn’t ready to deal with. My thoughts were interrupted by a few knocks at the door.
“Come in,” I said as I sat up on the bed.
Sean’s eyes were locked on me hard like he hadn’t seen me all day. Maybe it was seeing me with my hair down that made him look at me like that. I remembered how much he liked it down.
“Ah…hey, Mom.”
“Hey, son. What’s going on?”
“I just wanted to see Monica for a minute.”
“Oh, okay. It’s time for me to go anyway.” Victoria got her bag, then gave me a hug. “I’ll see you later.”
“Okay. Take care, Mama V. Bye.”
“I’ll walk you to your car,” Sean told his mother.
Great. Now I have to sit here and wait until he gets back. What does he want to see me for anyway? We had our argument for the night.
He came back about five minutes later, while I was standing at my dresser looking for my vanilla lotion.
“I’m sorry,” he said, as he stood in the doorway.
“Sorry for what?” I kept my back towards him while reaching in the top drawer, looking under my panties and socks for the lotion bottle.
“Can you look at me?” Sean slowly walked towards me until he was standing right in front of me in my personal space. For the sake of keeping the peace and my sanity, I looked at him. “I’m sorry for calling you selfish. I was upset.”
“Don’t worry about it.”
“I just want you to know that I’m sorry, Monica.”
“Okay,” I replied, but I really wasn’t trying to hear it.
After finally finding my lotion, I walked over to the bed and began applying it to my legs. Sean watched for a minute without saying a word. I didn’t say anything to him either. Then he walked out.
Chapter 15 - More Drama
The next morning was the same ‘ol same ‘ol. I fixed a bowl of Fruit Loops for Roman and sat in the family room with him watching cartoons. Warren walked in with Nikki.
“Yo…what’s up, Monica?” Warren asked.
“Nothing much.” That’s what I said, but my eyes were puffy, evidence of crying. I’d been crying on and off for most of the night. Sean had me second-guessing my decision to leave in September, making me feel guilty about leaving Roman behind. Warren noticed my swollen eyelids right away.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah, I’m alright.”
“Monica, come here and let me talk to you outside for a minute,” Nikki said. We went to the deck at the back. “What did Sean do? Because I know he did something.”
My eyes watered but I didn’t cry. “We just got into an argument about him finding a mother for his son or something like that. It’s like he was trying to insinuate that he wanted me for the job…said he doesn’t know what he’s going to do when I leave in September and how Roman adores me and…”
“Well, Roman does adore you, Monica. He loves you. We all know that.”
“I know, Nikki, and I don’t want to hurt him when I leave. It’s almost August and I’m afraid now that if I stay, I’m only going to cause more problems.”
“I know Sean wouldn’t want you to leave right now…I don’t want you to leave now. Besides, I only have brothers. Who am I going to talk to about female stuff if you leave, girl?” Nikki tapped me on the shoulder.
I sniffed. “Guess you have a point.”
Nikki smiled. “You know, Roman isn’t the only reason why Sean doesn’t want you to go.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, my brother is crazy about you, girl.”
In all honestly, I knew Sean was feelin’ me. I was feelin’ him, too, but I wasn’t too thrilled about my circumstances. When I met a man that I considered to be date wo
rthy, I wanted to be sure I was successful in my own life. At this stage, I wasn’t quite there yet.
Nikki continued talking. “He can be a little big-headed at times, but he’s my brother, the one who taught me how to ride my bike and the one who told me that everything would be all right after my first break-up. He’s a sweetheart, Monica. He’s just had some bad things happen to him along the way.”
“I know that, Nikki, but…”
“So, if you know that, don’t give up on him now. Okay?”
“Yeah, alright.”
I left the house to spend some time alone, doing something that made every woman feel good…shop. I found some fruity body sprays from Victoria’s Secret and some sugar body scrubs and lip-gloss. I took my time at the mall. It’s not like I wanted to go back home anyway. I desperately needed some time alone to clear my head.
I didn’t get back until around noon and found Sean’s family and friends there, about thirty people. He was cooking on the deck and Roman was playing with his cousins in the backyard.
When I slid the glass patio sliding door open, Nikki saw me right away.
“Hey, Monica!” she yelled. “Come here. I want to introduce you.”
I turned around and walked back in the house, leaving Nikki’s request unanswered. Hope she didn’t think that was rude of me, but I wasn’t in the mood to meet more people and I didn’t feel good. I went to my room and took two Tylenols. As soon as my booty touched the bed, I heard a knock at the door.”
“Come in,” I yelled.
“Hey girl, why don’t you come outside with us?” Nikki summoned. “I want you to meet my cousins and friends…and Sean cooks a good bratwurst.”
“Nah, that’s okay. That’s your family, not mine. I’ll just stay here.”
“Oh, come on, Monica,” Nikki said in a last effort to get me to come outside.
“No, that’s okay. I’m not trying to be difficult or anything, so I hope you don’t take it that way.”
“Okay, girl. I’ll see you a little later on then.”
“Ah’ight. Have fun.”
Nikki went back to join the family, while I went back to channel surfing. Then I took out my journal. Writing in that thing was becoming an addiction.
