by Tina Martin
His flattering remarks left me speechless. Sean was spitting so much game, it was overwhelming.
“Can I ask you something, Monica?” Sean said, while continuously stroking my hair.
“Yeah.”
“Why do I get yelled at for caring about you? Is that what you want? Do you want me to not care at all?” He wasn’t mad when he asked me. He was mild and caring.
“No, that’s not what I want, Sean. I’m sorry I yelled at you earlier. You were right. I was wrong.”
I went ahead and apologized to him. I wasn’t up for fussing tonight. I would have apologized a thousand times over if it would save me from an argument. And since he seemed to be in a rather relaxed state of mind, I used it to my advantage.
“Can you slide over a lil’ bit?” Sean asked. When I slid over, he laid down beside me. “I’m sorry, too, Monica. I guess since you’re living in my house, I feel close to you. I mean, I feel like I’m supposed to be there for you. I worry sometimes. I don’t want anything to happen to you, and when I saw you playing ball with the boys that day and you fell and didn’t get up, it felt like my heart stopped beating and everything was moving in slow motion. I never want to feel that way again.”
I smiled at him. “So you really do care about me, don’t you?” I teased him.
“Yeah. I do. How do you feel right now?”
“I’m a little sore, but I’ll live.”
“Did you take some pain medication?”
“Yeah, I took one about an hour ago.”
“Okay. You need some water, juice, or something?”
“No, I’m fine, Sean.”
“Then why do you look so sad?”
“I’m not sad, just tired. I was asleep before you came in here, remember? You woke me up.”
“Oh, so this is your sleepy face, huh?”
“I guess you can say that.”
“It’s beautiful, too.”
“You are too much.” I smiled again.
“So do you need anything before I leave?”
“No, I’m good.”
“And you feel okay?”
“Yes, daddy,” I said just to tease him.
“Ooh. Say that again.”
“Whatever. You better get out of here.” I laughed and gently pushed him away from me.
“Ah’ight. As long as you feel okay…that’s all that matters to me.” Sean stood up beside the bed.
“You know, it’s not good for you to worry about me this much,” I told him.
“Why is that?”
“Because that means you have feelings for me that are far beyond that of a employer–employee relationship.”
“Maybe I do,” Sean said, then kissed me on the lips the same way he kissed me in the hospital. It was just a simple, sweet kiss. “Goodnight, Monica. If you need me, I’ll be right across the hall, okay?”
“Okay. Goodnight, Sean.”
Entry 5
I haven’t written in this journal in a while. I’m almost thinking that I don’t even need it anymore. All I think about now is Sean and his family. They were all there for me when I got out of the hospital, and Sean even stayed with me in the hospital. If I didn’t know any better, I would say that he loved me. If he didn’t, why would he have stayed, and why would he have flipped out on me like he did today when I told him that I was thinking about going out for a while? Maybe I’m just mistaking his charm for actual love. Maybe he tries to be there for me out of pity because he knows my family is not close like his family. Or maybe the man loves me. He did kiss me; just barely. I don’t know what to make of it yet. All I know is that I haven’t thought about Cornelius for the past few days. Now I’m starting to wonder if that’s a good or bad thing.
- - -
A week later, I was feeling better and recovering faster than the doctors had originally thought. I was still under doctor’s orders to limit physical activity, and Sean wouldn’t let me leave the house unless he was with me.
I was stretched out on the couch in the family room when Sean called. Roman was sitting on the floor playing with his toy trucks.
“Hello.”
“Hey you. How you feel?”
“I’m fine. I can’t complain.”
“Do you have any plans for today?”
“No, not really. Why? What’s up?”
“I was wondering if you wanted to have lunch with me. You can bring Roman and we could go to the park across the street. Just thought maybe you wanted to get out and get some fresh air.”
“That sounds great! I’ll pack a lunch for us and bring it with me.”
I was excited to finally leave the house. I knew Sean could hear the excitement in my voice.
“Nooo, don’t worry about that. I don’t want you to tire yourself out. I can have lunch delivered.”
“I’m sure you can, Oh Great One,” I said sarcastically, “but I can pack one. It’ll be more intimate.”
“Okay. Whatever makes you happy.”
“So what time should we meet you?”
“About noon. Just come to my office.”
“Okay. We’ll see you in a lil’ bit.”
“Ah’ight. See you soon, sweetie.”
I packed a lunch as fast as I could, which consisted of three club sandwiches, a big bag of plain potato chips, a pitcher of sweet tea with lemons, some cookies, and mixed fruit. I also packed some napkins, plates, spoons, and cups. It took me a little over an hour to get everything together. Then Roman and I were off.
I pulled up in front of the office, then went walking inside with Roman. When we stepped into the lobby, I called Sean from my cell.
“Sean, we’re here.”
“I know. I could see you walking in from my office.”
“Are you coming down?”
“Why don’t you come up for a minute? Roman has never seen my office before.”
“Okay. Where you at?”
“Just take the elevator to the fourth floor, make a right, and I’m the last office on the left.”
“Okay. See you in a minute.”
I went up to the fourth floor, made a right like Sean told me, and tapped on the office door that was partially opened.
“Hi,” I said, while Roman darted in the room to give his father a hug.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hey, son. You like my office?”
“Yes.”
“Go over to the window and take a look.”
Roman ran over to the window. “Cool. Mommy, come wook.”
I went over to look out the window with Roman. “That’s a nice view of the lake you have.”
“Yeah, it is, isn’t it?”
I turned my attention back to Sean. “I got lunch.”
“Cool. So I guess we’re ready. Come on, son.”
After we walked over to the park across the street, I spread a thick blanket on the healthy blades of grass and we all sat down to eat. I bit into my sandwich and looked at Sean and smiled.
“What?” Sean asked.
“Nothing.”
“Why are you smiling?”
“Just never pictured you sitting on the ground, especially with a suit on.”
“What? You think I’m too good to sit on the ground?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, but that’s what you wanted to say, right?”
“It’s just that you seem too high-class for this kinda thing. And that suit must’ve set you back at least a thousand dollars.”
“Two thousand, but don’t let the suits fool you. I’m a real cool brotha. You just don’t know me well enough yet.” Sean took another bite of his sandwich. “This is really good, by the way.”
“Glad you like it. You want some tea?”
“Sure.” Sean watched closely as I poured the tea in the cup.
“Roman, do you want some tea?”
“Yes, Mommy.” I poured some tea for him, as well.
“This is nice,” Sean said. “I’ve never done anything like this before.”<
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“Well, there’s a first time for everything, right?”
“Yep. That’s what they say.”
“So how long do you have for lunch?”
“I can take however long I want.”
“Oh yeah, that’s right. You’re the boss.”
Roman interrupted our flow. “Mommy, can I get on the swing?”
I looked at Sean with raised eyebrows, as if to ask him if it was okay. He didn’t say anything. “Ah, yeah, sure. Just be careful, hun.”
“Why did you look at me like that?” Sean asked after Roman ran off.
“Because Roman is always asking me for permission to do stuff when you’re his father.”
“And you’re his mother,” Sean responded.
I chose not to go any further with Sean’s comment. The whole “mother” thing was getting out of hand.
I took a deep breath and looked around at the park filled with kids. Parents were trying their hardest to keep up with their little daredevils. Every park bench was occupied. Laughter filled the air along with the squawking of the birds flying near the full trees. There was a little breeze pushing off of the lake, but the sun was so dominant that it warmed my body the very instant I thought I was getting a chill. I reflected on how much I love days like this in Milwaukee. Today was one of those days that made me forget about our sometimes harsh winters. Summer was Milwaukee’s light at the end of a long winter tunnel. It was our reward for making it through winter.
Before Sean could say anything else about me and my role as a mother for Roman, I changed the subject. “It is such a wonderful day, isn’t it?”
“Yeah, it’s perfect. Before I met you, I would’ve never done anything like this.”
“Why not?”
“Not my thing.”
“But you’re the one who came up with this idea.”
“I know…only because I know you like stuff like this.”
“And what do you like?” I asked.
“I like nice restaurants, theater, art, museums. I love all the festivals and Jazz in the Park at Cathedral Square.”
“Oh, okay. I’ve been to Jazz in the Park a few times myself.”
“Nice out there, isn’t it?”
“Mmm hmm.”
“So what do you like to do in the city?”
“I like RiverSplash, Summerfest, of course, and the state fair. Those are my favorites. I just like having fun period and having a simple life.”
“Oh, so my lifestyle is too upscale, huh?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Yeah, you did. You think I’m a show off, don’t you?”
I grinned. I know he assumed my answer would be yes anyway.
“No, I don’t think you’re a show off. I just think sometimes people try to live this glamorous lifestyle to show other people that they’ve so-called made it or something.”
“I don’t put on a show for anyone. But, at the same time, I don’t hide my success either. If I see something I want, I’ma go get it. It’s just that simple.”
“See, that’s what I’m talking about. Rich guys like you think it’s a normal part of life to get everything they want.”
“No, I don’t. I just think if I have enough money to get what I want, then I’ma get it, like I said.”
“So you’re saying you bought that house on Lake Drive because you wanted it and that’s all. It had nothing to do with image.”
“I wanted a big house, so I bought a big house.”
“There are plenty of big houses in Milwaukee.”
“Yeah, that’s right, but I wanted the big house on the lake. Is there anything wrong with that?”
“Not at all.” I bit into a cookie and noticed the firm look on Sean’s face. He was thinking hard.
“You don’t have much respect for a brother like me, do you?”
“Oh, come on, Sean. Don’t take anything out of this conversation that’s not there. I know you’re a decent man.”
Sean took deep breaths of summer. He sat there quiet for a few seconds, probably steaming inside. Then he said, “You don’t like me because I have money?”
“I didn’t say that.”
“First, you said something about my suit and then my house. What’s next?”
“I was just noticing how you like expensive things…just making an observation.”
“Nah, it wasn’t just an observation. It seems like you hatin’ on me or something. I mean, what’s the harm in wanting to provide the best for my family. I never got to have a life like this growing up. It was hard for us.” Sean looked over at Roman, then looked at me again. “I want Roman to have all the things I never had.”
“Nothing’s wrong with that.” I wasn’t going to add any more wood to that fire, so I just put an end to it. “So are you going back to work?”
“Nah, I think I’ll just spend the rest of the day with my son and his mother.”
I frowned as I thought to myself, will this ever end?
“Oh, okay,” I said lightly.
“It’s such a nice day. Why spend it at work?” Sean said proudly.
I glanced over at Roman on the swing, while Sean continued talking. “I’ve been meaning to ask you about that dream you had. What was it about?”
I didn’t want to discuss the dream with Sean, but I was so happy he changed the subject, so I just went with it. “It was about my ex. It’s always about him.”
“You’re hanging on to him.”
“Are you asking me or telling me?”
“I was sort of asking.”
“Well, I guess you can say that. I am hanging on to him.”
“Even after all those years, you can’t let him go?”
“Apparently not.”
“You’re in love with this guy?”
Sean asked the question as if he could not believe I was still in love with Cornelius after so long. I couldn’t believe it either.
“You do realize we had this conversation before, right?”
“Uh huh, I remember. Just checking to see if you changed your mind about being in love with a guy that you haven’t seen in years.”
“I don’t think I’m in love with him, but I do love him.”
Sean stopped the interrogation to take a sip of tea, and I’m glad he did. It gave me a chance to rest my voice for a moment. It felt like I’d just been arrested or something.
“Monica, I have something to tell you,” he said after a couple refreshing swallows of tea.
“Okayyy…what is it?”
“Do you remember that contract you signed when you agreed to take this job?”
“Yeah. What about it?”
“There was a clause in there that I didn’t see. It stated that for the duration of the job, you will be considered a spouse and be granted rights and privileges henceforth.”
“And what does that mean?” I took a drink while waiting for his answer.
“That means we are legally married.”
I coughed hard. “What?” I said, grinning a little. I was sure this was a joke, but when I looked at Sean, he was dead serious. “You’re kidding me, right?”
“Nope. I got a copy of the marriage license in my bedroom.”
I laughed out of disbelief. “I know you’re playing a joke on me or something.”
“Nah, I’m serious. I talked to my lawyer and he said that until your departure from the job, you are considered my wife.”
“But how could that be?”
“Well, it’s obviously a mistake.”
“But we can fix it, right?”
Sean smiled while staring me square in the eyes. “You’re really upset about this, huh?”
“Not so much upset, but this is not normal. I mean, you’re telling me that I’m your wife? How am I supposed to react?”
“I don’t know, but I didn’t think it would be like this.”
“Well, since this was just a mistake, fix it. Change the contract and I’ll resign it.”
“Why? It’
s already July. You’ll be gone in September. Once you leave, the contract is null.”
I glanced over at Roman again to make sure he was okay. Then I asked Sean, “How long have you known this?”
“Since about the third week you were living with me.”
“And you didn’t bother to tell me? You just decided you would keep this a secret from me?”
“Well, we weren’t talking much back then if you recall. When was I going to tell you? In the middle of a shouting match?”
“No. You could’ve picked a more appropriate time.”
“Well, I’m telling you now, Monica.”
“Why? Why are you telling me now? I could’ve walked out the door not knowing any of this.”
“I just wanted to let you know, ah’ight? Thought it would be the right thing to do, but now, you’re making me wish I would’ve kept my mouth shut.”
And on that note, I thought it was time for me to keep my mouth shut. To be as fine as he was, he sure didn’t have the people skills to go along with the face. I couldn’t hold a decent discussion with Sean without it nearing an argument.
“I’m ready to go.” I started gathering our things.
“Ah’ight. Let’s go then.”
We left the park and went home. Roman fell asleep in the car. Sean carried him to his room, laying him on the bed so as not to wake him. Then he joined me in the family room.
“So, Sean, did you tell anyone about this marriage thing?”
“I told my brothers…and my sister. They probably told my mother.” Sean propped his feet up on the table. “You’re bothered by this, aren’t you? You don’t want to be my wifey?” he asked, while laughing like something was funny.
Sean was treating this thing like a joke. It wasn’t a joke to me. I always thought of marriage as something blissful, shared between two people who loved each other unconditionally. It was something beautiful, meant to last forever. Not some contract marriage.
“It’s just that I’ve never been married before, and now, when I do meet my future husband, the man of my dreams, I’ll have to tell him about this bogus marriage.”
“Look, I’ll just redo the contract. Ah’ight? Will that make you happy?”
I was starting to think he wanted this. He was upset and it was written all over his face.
