by Tina Martin
I laid Roman on his bed so he could take his daily nap, and while he slept, Sean and I got comfortable downstairs on the couch. We actually fell asleep in each other’s arms. It was a long day after all.
I woke up at about six o’clock. My movement made Sean open his eyes.
“Ah, man. What time is it?” he asked.
“It’s about six.”
Sean rubbed his eyes. “It’s been a long day, huh?”
“Yeah, but I enjoyed every second of it with you.”
My words made him smile. Then he leaned over and kissed me. “Do you want some dinner?”
“No. I’m still stuffed from lunch.”
“Ah’ight. So what now? The night is still young. If you want to do something, we can drop Roman off by Derrick’s house.”
“Actually, I think I’m ready to go home. I have some things I need to get done before I go to bed.”
“Oh, ah’ight.” I could see the disappointment in Sean’s face. He was ready to kick it some more. “Let me get my keys.”
I went upstairs to wake Roman so we could leave. It was a quiet ride to my apartment. Sean didn’t say a single word to me and Roman had fallen asleep in the back seat.
When we arrived in front of my apartment, he asked, “So am I going to see you tomorrow or what?” He didn’t even look at me – just kept his head straight as if he was still driving, but he had already parked.
“Sean, what is it? Are you mad because I was ready to go home?”
“I would’ve liked to spend more time with you, but it’s all good. I’ll call you later, ah’ight?”
“Yeah. Okay.” I got out of the car and didn’t kiss Sean or nothing. He drove off after I was safely in my apartment.
I went in and flopped down on my bed, tired from being out all day. I just laid there for a moment, staring out my bedroom window. It was cold out, but not colder than Sean’s attitude. He was mad at me for wanting to go home. What gives?
I walked into the kitchen to get a glass of apple juice. Just as I picked up the phone to call Keisha, the doorbell rang.
“Who is it?” I yelled.
“It’s Sean.”
I went to the door quickly. “Hey. What are you doing here?”
Sean walked in my apartment and started pacing back-and-forth in my living room like he was losing it. “This isn’t working.”
“What’s not working?”
“This. I don’t want to be dropping you off at your apartment and I’m going home like I’m single. We’re supposed to be together, right?” Sean was right up in my face talking to me.
“We are together, Sean.”
“Okay, so why do I have to go home alone tonight without you?”
“Because I live here and you live there.”
“Well, I don’t want you to live here anymore. I want you to move back in. There, I said it.”
“Sean, we just got together and…”
“And what? You don’t trust me?”
“I do trust you. I just don’t want to rush into this.”
“Into what?” Sean was getting heated. “Our relationship…our marriage.”
“Sean, don’t blow up, okay? I just want to take it slow.”
“Then we have an even bigger problem, because when I know what I want, I go for it. There’s no need to take anything slow if you love me like you say you do.”
“I do love you.”
“Then stop telling me and show me. If you want to be with me, then be with me, but I can’t handle picking you up and dropping you off like this.”
“And what if I don’t agree with you? You’re just going to leave? And then it’ll be over between us, Sean?”
“No, no, no.” Sean shook his head. “That’s not what I’m saying, baby.”
“Then exactly what are you saying?”
“I’m saying I want to wake up next to you in the morning and play silly games before we go to bed. I need that. I need you.” Sean cuffed me in his arms. “I love you, Monica. I want us to be together. That’s all I’m saying, baby.” He kissed me tenderly on my lips. “I love you.”
He did have a point. It didn’t make any sense for a husband and wife to live in separate houses, especially two people like us. So, tonight, Sean spent the night at my apartment.
Two days later, I moved back into his house.
Chapter 29 - The Wedding
It was now the beginning of February. I’d been living with Sean for a little over two months. During that time, he officially proposed to me. He said I deserved more than some contract marriage, and since we loved each other, we should make our love known to the world.
~ * ~
Monica Annviere Smith
and
Sean Cecil Beauvais
request the honor of your presence
at their marriage
on Saturday, the twenty-sixth day of February
two-thousand and five
at four o’clock in the afternoon…
~ * ~
Our invitations were light pink – so light that they could pass for white. The border was embossed with an intricate heart design and our print was in a fancy script font.
All of our family and friends were at the ceremony. Keisha was my maid of honor and Warren and Derrick were Sean’s best men. We were married inside of our home on Lake Drive with close to a hundred guests that fit comfortably inside our huge living area. Sean wanted the wedding to be at the Pfister Hotel, but Victoria said it would be more intimate if we were married in our home. I agreed.
I wore an ivory, strapless, one-piece corseted back gown with iridescent beads and sequins. My hair was in a spiral-curled ponytail, which perfectly complemented the diamond-studded tiara that gave me the look of a princess. Keisha kept my makeup intact with the help of Nikki and Victoria. I had so many people powdering my face, I felt like an overpaid movie star. Not to mention my own little paparazzi was there snapping pictures like they’ve never seen a woman in a wedding gown before. I smiled so frequently, I think I exhausted the muscles in my face.
Sean looked like a million bucks. He was wearing a black, long-length, four-button lapel tuxedo with an ivory vest that matched my gown. He was truly handsome. He said I took his breath away when he saw me coming down the stairs, but he took my breath away. I’ve never seen a man more beautiful and strong like my Sean. He was the sun that kissed my skin on a spring day, the mimosa that I drank after a long, stressful week, the shower that I took after a two-mile jog – you get the picture. Sean is the man that I always dreamed of, and he was all mine.
Roman wore a tuxedo identical to Sean’s. My bridesmaids, Nikki and Chandra, wore lipstick red, chiffon halter-top dresses that nearly dragged the floor. My niece, Ciara, was my pretty little flower girl. She wore a red dress with white ruffles around the collar. She was adorable.
Following the ceremony, the wedding party stood in the horseshoe driveway out front to take pictures. There was a fresh white coating of snow that fell the day before. It must have fallen just for us. Turns out it was the perfect backdrop for my dress, and the white signified the purity of our marriage.
The reception immediately followed the wedding, and we partied until dawn. It was beautiful. I was so grateful to be in the company of family that loved and cared about me and looked forward to Sean and I spending the rest of our lives together. Needless to say, Deborah wasn’t in attendance. I didn’t even send her an invitation. She didn’t deserve one. She wasn’t a part of my life. Victoria was more of a mother to me than she was and I’d only known her for about six months.
MARRIED LIFE WAS off to a good start. Sean and I were the perfect couple. We spent many nights at home since it was so cold out. It was the middle of March, and there was ten inches of snow on the ground with another six inches forecasted for the next few days. So, we made the most of our time indoors. Sean had every board game imaginable, and when we were tired of playing games, we would watch pay-per-view movies. That was mostly on the weekends.
During the week, we both were busy at work.
The snow didn’t keep us home entirely. We loved going out. One of our favorite restaurants was Bartolotta’s Lake Park Bistro. I remember the first time we dined there. It was on our one-week anniversary. Sean had called ahead and reserved our table, and when we arrived, there was a red, rectangular gift box on the table along with a few lit white-jarred candles. Sean ordered a four-hundred-dollar bottle of wine. Then he poured some of it in our glasses. He picked up his glass and swished the wine around it smoothly, taking little sips while staring at me like he couldn’t wait to get me home. At the end of the night, he told me to open the gift. It was a white gold, one and a half carat journey necklace. “That represents the moment we first met up until our marriage,” he told me. “That was our first journey and we will have many more to go.” My eyes welled up with tears.
Sean always spoiled me with jewelry, as if he needed to. My wedding ring was all the bling I needed. Sean had given me a five-carat, three-stoned platinum wedding ring when we got married. When I saw it, I was speechless. Some days, I just stare at it and think about how much he loves me. Keisha said she couldn’t look at it unless she had her shades on. For real though, the ring must have cost him a fortune. So, I really didn’t need more jewelry, but I couldn’t tell Sean that. If he wanted to buy me something, then it was going to happen no matter what I said anyway.
He spoiled me in other ways, too. Most days when he came home from work, he would pick me up, carry me to our bedroom, and just have his way with me. It didn’t matter who was there or what I was doing at the time.
We never actually made love. Even on our wedding night, we didn’t make love. That was surprising, especially since Sean was so touchy and aggressive in other ways. We’d been married for a month now and lovemaking was nonexistent. The foreplay was good, but that’s all it was. It never led to any real action. There were a few instances when he tore off my nightie because he wanted our naked bodies to touch in a hurry, but that didn’t result in any action either.
Sean also began to exhibit strange behavior. He would constantly say how lucky he was to have me in his life. And unlike before, he was clingy. He was everywhere I was. If I was downstairs lying on the couch reading a book, then he was playing with my toes. If I was washing my hair, he was standing behind me waiting to condition it for me. If I was shopping with Keisha, he was text messaging me or calling me constantly to find out when I would be home. I never complained to Sean about it. Besides, it wasn’t that big of a deal to me. I loved being close to Sean, and it was obvious that he loved being close to me. So, I concluded that his behavior wasn’t extreme, but normal.
Last night was different, though. We’d come so close to making love for the first time and suddenly, he broke out in tears like his world had just ended, as his naked body laid still on top of mine. His exact words were, “Oh, Monica, baby, I love you sooo much. Don’t ever leave me.” Then as he gasped for air, his tearful plea became sterner. “Promise me that you’ll never leave me! No matter how bad things are between us, no matter what. Promise me!”
To say that he scared me is an understatement. I’d never seen him so distraught. I never even saw him cry like that before, period. Sean wasn’t the type to just burst out in tears on a whim. He was cocky and arrogant, and though women frown upon those qualities in men, I grew to love those qualities in him. He wore them well and they suited his lifestyle.
He completely took me off guard when he demanded that I promise not to leave him. Why would he demand such a thing unless he’s done something he feels guilty about? Has he been cheating on me? He never gave me a reason to question his fidelity before. Then again, we never made love. Maybe if he wasn’t giving it to me, he was giving it to another woman.
I answered yes to his request at the time because I planned on being with him forever. Marriage was for better or worse, and if the worse came before the better, then that was just something I had to endure. I had no intentions on ever leaving Sean. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. However, I wasn’t going to tolerate a man that couldn’t be faithful to me. That’s where I drew the line.
In the morning, Sean called my cell. Normally, he wouldn’t call me in the mornings on weekdays since I was usually at school. But I had gotten up early, dropped off Roman, and went back home. Warren or Derrick must have driven by the house and spotted my car in the yard. Somebody told him that I was home. Either way it goes, I didn’t answer Sean’s call. I was too much of a wreck to talk to him.
When he came home twenty minutes later, I was sitting on the couch in the family room with tears streaming down my face. He walked over to me and kneeled down beside the couch.
“Monica, I’m sorry about last night.”
“What was last night, Sean? What happened to you?”
“I don’t know what came over me.”
“What do you mean you don’t know? You know! Why were you crying? Why are you making me promise to never leave you? I have never given you a reason to think that I would leave you.”
“I know you haven’t, baby.”
“Then tell me what that was about.”
I sat there crying my eyes out while he suddenly grew quiet, which made me angrier.
“You don’t have anything to say now?” I asked him. I couldn’t believe how settled he was. To add insult to injury, he got up and walked out of the front door. What did that mean? Was that an admission of some sort of guilt?
Sean got in his truck and took off. He just left me sitting there. So, I pulled myself together and went to the Grand Avenue Mall, trying to keep myself busy so I wouldn’t entertain the thought that my husband might be loving someone else.
I LEFT MY shopping venture in just enough time to pick up Roman from school. When we arrived home, Roman got started on his homework while I sat at the kitchen table and dialed Keisha. If anyone could give me some advice, it was her. She was still at school, but I knew she would answer her phone since all the kids had already left for the day.
“Hey, Monica”, she answered cheerful. I was jealous of her mood. “I heard you called in sick today. What’s the deal?”
“I’m okay. It’s just Sean. He’s been acting weird lately.”
“What has he been doing?”
“Last night, he cried hard, like he was hurt to his heart or something. I’ve never seen him do anything like that before.”
“So what do you think it is?”
“I don’t know. He said something about not wanting to lose me.”
“Is everything cool between y’all otherwise?”
“Yeah, everything is pretty much normal…well almost normal.”
“What you mean?”
“Ah…uhm…”
“Come on, girlfriend. Spit it out.”
“Well, we never made love.”
“You’re kidding me!”
“I wish I was.”
“Not even once?”
“Nope.”
“Never came close?”
“Oh, we’ve come close plenty of times.”
“You mean to tell me you bought the cow and you’re still not getting any milk?”
I heard Keisha chuckle in the background amidst shuffling papers. I forced myself to smile.
“Well, there are times when we’ve come very close to it. The foreplay is incredible, but we’ve just never gone all the way.”
“I hate to say this, but you don’t think there could be someone else, do you?”
“The thought had crossed my mind, but Sean would never do that to me. He loves me too much.”
“Well, if he loves you so much, then why hasn’t he shown you?”
“He does show me. He treats me like a lady, he buys me things, he cooks, rubs my feet, gives me massages, caters to me. He even washes my hair.”
“Girl, I’m talking about the sex. You need that in your marriage.”
“I know that.”
“So what’s the problem?”
&nb
sp; “Well, I can’t make him make love to me.”
“True…but you can make him want to. You need to wear something sexy to bed instead of those big ol’ raggedy t-shirts you have.”
“Hey, those shirts are comfortable and I don’t wear them to bed…anymore.”
“Unh huh.” Keisha didn’t believe me. “Girl, when was the last time you went to Victoria’s Secret?”
“Sean buys me lingerie all the time.”
“Okay. So show him how to take it off.”
I laughed at Keisha and her crazy suggestions.
She continued. “Seriously, though. Are you sure there’s no one else?”
Keisha had me doubting myself. I was sure Sean was faithful, but I had to consider Keisha’s suggestion as a true reality.
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I replied, but I wasn’t sure.
“Well, I don’t know what it could be. Maybe it’s baggage from a past relationship.”
“Yeah, maybe. He was married once before, and come to think about it, he told me that he never made love to his ex-wife.”
“Girl, I know what it is,” Keisha whispered, like she didn’t want someone walking pass her classroom door to hear her. “Maybe your man needs some Viagra.”
“No, he doesn’t.”
“How you know?”
“Because I’ve seen it, and trust me, he doesn’t need nooooo Viagra.”
“Well, I don’t know what his problem is then. Maybe he has a fear of being intimate. I’m sure there’s some medical term for that. You should go on the internet and look it up.”
“Keisha, you’re crazy!”
“And that’s why you love me.”
She was right. Anytime I had a problem, Keisha would offer up some advice no matter how weird it sounded. That’s what made her my best friend. She always had something to offer.
“Well, Monica, I’m going to wrap up here so I can go home. Those kids drove me crazy today. But just talk to him and let me know how it goes.”
“Okay, Keisha. Later.”
After I got off the phone, I started on dinner. I made some spaghetti with a chunky mushroom sauce, and then threw some cheesy bread in the oven. I was not sure what time Sean was going to be home. His hours varied. He went to work when he wanted and came home when he wanted.
