by Tina Martin
“So you just going to leave? You don’t even want to talk to me about this!”
“And just who am I supposed to be talking to? Sean or Cornelius?” I was heated. My blood pressure was through the roof. I could feel it. “I don’t even know who you are apparently!”
Sean dabbed his eyes with the backside of his right hand. “So your solution is to leave me? Yeah…that’s real love.”
Oh no, he didn’t. He almost caught a slap on that one. He had the nerve to imply my love for him wasn’t real after he had revealed something like that. There is no way he is going to flip this around on me.
“What would you propose I do? You’ve been lying to me this entire time! How am I supposed to react, Sean? I mean, here you are supposed to be the man that loves me and protects me, and you drop something like this on me?”
“I’m trying to deal with this, too, Monica.”
“Yeah, whatever. Just move out of my way, please.”
“No. We need to talk.”
“I can’t talk to you right now. I can’t.”
“I want you to.”
“I told you I can’t, Sean. I cannot talk to you right now!” I yelled at him.
Sean grabbed me. “Just look at me, Monica,” he said desperately. His eyes were bloodshot red, full of tears. “I don’t want to lose you.”
“Sean, let me go!” I tried pushing him away, but he was too strong.
“No.”
“Just let me go,” I cried harder than before.
“Please, Monica. Just talk to me.”
That’s when I snapped. I told him that I didn’t want to talk. I was trying to avoid shouting and saying things I didn’t mean – things I would probably regret later. But Sean wouldn’t let it go.
“Did you ever really love me, or was it just that you wanted me again like you used to have me? Is that it? Is that why you can’t keep your hands off of me? Is that why we make love almost every night…so you can play this game and feed your sick desire to be with me as two different men without my knowledge? The joke is on me, right? You know what you are, Sean? You are a selfish, heartless, pitiful excuse for a man, and I don’t want anything to do with you!”
I vigorously released myself from his clutch and made my way out of the room with bag in my hand. There was nothing else for me to say at that point. I needed some time alone to think this through.
Chapter 34 - Love Conquers All
I’m not an advocator for running away from trying situations, but I had to get out of there for my own sanity. Sean had deceived and betrayed me in the highest forms. On the way to Keisha’s house, I kept playing his confession over and over again in my mind. How could he do this to me, I asked myself. But I couldn’t come up with a logical answer. How could he wear make-up, a new identity, and take on the alias Cornelius Hill? Even worse, he adopted our baby and named him Roman. And after all this time we had spent together, come to find out that Roman is my son, my baby I gave up for adoption. I didn’t know whether to be angry, happy, or scared. Things like this don’t happen in real life. This had The X-Files stuff to me.
I told Keisha what went down, and the first thing she said was, “I knew it! I knew it was something about him!” She had mentioned to me a while ago that Sean had some similar qualities to Cornelius, but I didn’t see it. On a much lighter note, Keisha was happy to find out that Roman was my real son. So was I. It’s weird because I always dreamed about the first thing I would say to my son when I found him, or if he would accept me as his mother. So, it was a relief I didn’t have to worry about that any longer.
Everything was all starting to make sense to me. Now I understand what Sean meant when he said I should love what’s in front of me. All this time, my son had been right there in front of me and I had no clue. And all this time, Sean was the man that I fell in love with back in the day and he was right in front of me.
I don’t know which one hurt me the most – the fact that Sean didn’t tell me from jump that Roman was my real son, or that he was Cornelius and he knew me this whole time while being his true self as Sean. He knew me intimately and emotionally. He knew everything about me and pretended he didn’t know me at all.
That’s probably why he was coming on to me so strongly before we got married. Just thinking about it takes me back to last summer when I went over to his house to take that classroom portrait. He was standing in the doorway staring at me like he wanted to have me for dessert…then kept asking me to come in his house. Little did I know that he already knew me.
How could he mislead me like this? And why didn’t I connect the two? Now that I know they are the same person, I guess it doesn’t matter. But what about my conversations about Cornelius with Sean? When I told him that I loved Cornelius, I had no idea I was actually talking to Cornelius.
FIVE WEEKS PASSED since Sean broke the news to me. I had been living with Keisha during that time. It wasn’t my intent on staying there for an extended period of time. I wanted to go and talk to Sean about us. But the more I thought about the situation the angrier I became. I felt used and betrayed. A simple conversation with him wasn’t going to cure the hurt and lies I had to endure.
During my stay with Keisha, I had only seen Sean a couple of times. He would bring Roman, my son, by to spend time with me, but I never met Sean at the door. Keisha would always answer the door and let Roman in for me.
DNA testing confirmed that Sean and I were Roman’s biological parents. And once I found out that he was indeed my son, I felt even closer to him. For the first few weeks of knowing that he was mine, I must have cried every time I stared into his cute little face. I had to sit down with him to explain what happened in the simplest terms I could use. I think he finally understands that I am his real mother.
I wasn’t ready to face Sean. The man who was so in love with me had actually been deceiving me from the very first day we met. He lied to me and it was going to take time for me to get over that. I knew in my heart he was sorry. What he did was for the betterment of the family, but a lie is a lie. I don’t care how much sugar you throw on it.
He called me often, but I never answered my phone. I didn’t know what to say to him, and I knew avoiding him was not going to solve the problem. Still, I wasn’t ready to deal with him. I just wasn’t ready.
With all of those thoughts running through my brain, I got out of bed to the smell of eggs and bacon, and when I walked into the kitchen, I saw Keisha stirring some grits in a small pot.
“Good mornin’, sleepy head,” Keisha said with a spoon in her hand. “You’ve been sleeping an awful lot lately.”
“I know. I’m just so tired.”
“Your husband sent flowers again.”
She pointed to the bouquet of white and blue lilies by the sink. I smiled when I saw them. Sean had sent flowers to me every week since I’ve been gone. A couple of weeks ago, he sent twelve long-stemmed red roses in a water crystal vase. Last week, he sent twelve roses, four pink, four red, and the remaining four were white. Those were in a green vase. Each bouquet came with a note that read Je t’aime. And every night exactly at nine o’clock, Sean sent a text message to my cell that said I love you.
“Girl, when are you going to talk to him? My house is turning into a floral shop,” Keisha said, as she bit into a crispy piece of bacon.
“I don’t know. I still have issues with him.”
“Do you want to get back together with him or not?”
“With who? Sean or Cornelius?”
Keisha laughed. I laughed a little, too. But in light of my sarcasm was sadness. I missed Sean. I missed him so much that I cried myself to sleep most nights because I didn’t have him with me. I was lonely without my baby, yet, I was so angry with him for lying to me.
“Of course I want to get back with him. He’s my husband and I love him.”
I watched Keisha turn up a glass of orange juice to her mouth, and before she could say anything else I said, “Keisha, I think I’m pregnant.”
> Keisha spewed out the little bit of orange juice that was in her mouth. “What? You are!”
“I think so. I haven’t had a period in two months.”
“Well, we have to find out for sure, girl. Grab your purse. We’re going to Walgreens!”
“I have a pregnancy test already. I just haven’t taken it yet.”
“Why not?”
“I’m scared.”
“I thought you wanted more children.”
“I do. I’m just trippin’ over this situation with Sean.”
“Things won’t be so stressful if you sit down with Sean and talk through this.”
“I know, but you don’t understand. I’m still trying to accept the fact that Sean is Cornelius. How am I supposed to accept that?”
“I honestly don’t have an answer for you. But I will say this…do you know how many women would kill to have a man that would jump through hoops like this for them? Girl, that man loves you so much that he confessed to you what he did. He adopted his child, Monica…your child. And on top of that, he found you. He made a life with you. He married you. You’re his one true love and he wants you. You need to talk to him. You’re never going to find a love like that again out here in this world. It doesn’t get any better than that, honey.”
“I know. You’re right.”
“Okay, so the next time he calls you answer the phone. Okay?”
“Okay.”
After breakfast, I took the pregnancy test. The digital Clearblue Easy display showed ‘Pregnant’, but I already knew. The test was just to confirm it. Keisha and I celebrated my pregnancy with a hug that seemed to last forever. Then I went to bed.
I woke up around seven when I heard my cell phone ringing. I was so groggy I didn’t look at the display to see who it was.
“Hello,” I whispered. No one responded. “Hellooo.”
“Hey.”
It was Sean. The sound of his voice made me want to cry. I missed him. On top of that, I was carrying our child and he had no idea.
“Hi.”
“It’s been a while since we’ve spoken,” he told me.
“Yeah, it has.”
“How have you been?”
“I’m okay.” My voice crackled as I tried to contain my cry. I didn’t do a very good job of it, though.
“I miss you, Monica.”
“I miss you, too.”
“Would it be okay if I came over to talk?”
I sat there and cried for a few seconds. I didn’t care if he heard me or not.
“Yeah.” Now had to be the time when I talked to him. Besides, Keisha would probably flip out if I told him no.
“Okay. I’ll be over there in a few minutes, ah’ight?”
“Okay.”
I forced myself up out of bed to fix up a little before Sean came over. I heard knocking at the door right after I dabbed on a little bit of foundation. Sean must have been in the neighborhood.
“Mo…ni…ca! Sean is here!” I heard Keisha yell out of the living room.
I stepped out of the bedroom to find Sean standing there in a pink buttoned up short sleeve shirt with white vertical stripes, some rugged blue jeans, and a pair of white Nikes.
“I’m going to leave and give you guys some privacy. I’ll see you later, girl.” Keisha hugged me. “And talk to him,” she whispered in my ear. Then she took her purse and left Sean and I alone in the house.
“Hi,” I said to him. Someone had to break the ice. I was more nervous than I was the first time we made love. It was the weirdest feeling. It almost seemed like he was a stranger instead of my husband.
“Hi.”
“We can sit down if you want.”
“Ah’ight.” Sean took a deep breath before he sat down in the recliner that was adjacent to the couch where I sat. “I know you’re angry with me.”
“It’s not angry, Sean. I’m more confused than anything else.”
“Well, say everything that’s been building up inside of you these past few weeks.”
I licked my lips, trying to buy myself some time to decide what to say first. I was also checking him out, trying to see the similarities between him and Cornelius.
“I…ah…I just want to know why. Why would you pretend to be someone that you’re not?”
“I wanted to find love and I couldn’t as my normal self. So, I became someone else.”
“You couldn’t find love? Somehow I find that hard to believe.”
And it was hard to believe. Sean’s looks were off the charts. He was stunning. In my eyes, a brother like him would have no problems finding a woman and settling down.
“I spent years looking for love. I had all these fly women throwing themselves at me, but all they wanted was a good-looking man with a lot of money. Then, on the other hand, there were the women who had it together, some respectful, legitimate, ready-to-settle-down sisters, but most of them already had the preconceived misconception that I was a dog because I’m light-skinned with curly hair. So, none of them were trying to get at me. I got tired and thought that maybe if I changed who I was and met a woman that showed interest in a dork with glasses, then it had to be sincere. This might sound stupid to you, but growing up in Haiti, we used to have these huge carnivals where people danced and partied in the streets. My mom used to let us wear masks and I found that to be amazing….how I could change who I was only for a brief time just by wearing a mask. That’s what gave me the idea to do it. I wanted to become someone else. I needed to become someone else to find the right woman for me. So, I became Cornelius, and the very next day I met you.”
“So the day after you changed yourself to become Cornelius, you met me?”
“Yes, and it was too late to reveal who I was. You were already feeling me, so I just went with it.”
“So what would’ve happened if we worked out back then? What would’ve happened if I talked my parents into letting me keep our baby? How long did you think the charade was going to last?”
“I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking that far out.”
“And was I one of your targets because of my age?”
“No. You weren’t a target at all.”
“Then what was I?”
“You were a woman that I took an interest in. I knew you were young. But there was just something about you and I wanted to know more. I didn’t know I would fall in love with you. You don’t know how much I wish I had met you as my real self instead of some made-up character. Then again, if I was my real self, you probably would not have given me the time of day.”
“And why do you think that?”
“Because of my age maybe or because society says black men with money are players and ballers that are up to no good. That is what you thought of me when I came out to the school for the first time, remember?”
“That’s only because that’s what everyone else was saying about you.”
“Exactly my point. I’m not like that.”
I rubbed my tired eyes. “I know you’re not like that, Sean. But still, why change your identity? I was in love with Cornelius…I mean, you. You broke my heart when you left me. You know that? I begged you not to leave me.”
“I was hurt, too. You had just told me that you were giving my baby up for adoption. What was I supposed to do? Just sit there and accept it?”
“No! You could’ve helped me! You could’ve talked to my crazy parents.”
“And you could have stood up for what you knew was right, Monica!”
“Oh…so now it’s my fault?”
“Ah’ight…we’re getting off track here,” Sean said, trying to keep our conversation positive so we could work through this bump in our marriage.
I had a lot of frustration to release. “You set this whole thing up, didn’t you? Somehow you found out I was a teacher, then you made sure Roman was in my class, right? Is that how your little plan worked?”
“No.”
“Then how did you know I was a teacher?”
“I was put
ting Roman to bed one night and I saw a necklace with a ring on it near his pillow. When I picked it up and looked at it, I realized it was the same ring I proposed to you with back then. That’s how I knew it was you. That’s how I knew you were Roman’s teacher.”
“So when you found out I was his teacher, you started having him picked up late?”
“Yeah. I wanted him to spend all the time with you that he possibly could.”
“And all of the arguing and disagreements between us…was that all a game to you?”
“No, it wasn’t a game. Honestly, when I came into your classroom that night for the conference, I thought for sure you would recognize me.”
“You thought I would recognize you as Cornelius?”
“Yeah.”
“Sean, do you know how stupid that sounds? Cornelius was brown-skinned and thin with brown eyes. You’re light-skinned and built with green eyes. How on earth was I supposed to know you were him? How?”
I could tell Sean was getting frustrated with all my questions. But if he was really sorry and wanted to work through this, then there should be no problems with him showing a little patience to get through all the confusion.
“By my mannerisms, the way I talk, the way I look, the way my eyes say I want to make love to you – I don’t know. Just pick one.”
“This whole thing is a joke to you, isn’t it?”
“It’s not a joke, Monica. Is our son a joke?”
“You mean the son that I’ve been spending all of this time with, not even knowing that he was actually the child that I gave birth to? The son that I’ve been so depressed over because I couldn’t find him? And all this time he’s been right here in front of my face!”
Sean wiped his eyes. “I’m sorry, ah’ight? I wanted to tell you. I really did. And I didn’t want our son to end up in foster homes.”
“I didn’t want him to end up in foster homes either. I wanted my baby! And I wanted you.” My face was wet with tears.
“I tried to keep us together. I proposed to you. You turned me down.”
