by Ashley Munoz
Then she started to cry again. “But what if you move away, and have kids, and forget me?”
I rubbed her back and responded as gently as I could. “Then you will be the best adopted older sister my kids could ever have. And if I move, then I will be back on weekends to take you to do fun stuff.”
We leaned away from each other, and I carefully wiped her eyes and face, so her makeup didn’t smudge. As we settled back down, I braided her hair around the crown of her head so that she looked like a Greek goddess. Then our time was up, so we grabbed all of her stuff and headed to the school.
I got to watch Jasmine practice her routine for about an hour before I had someone sitting next to me in one of the metal folding chairs set up for parents. I looked over my shoulder and found Jackson sitting there, in an army green jacket with a black V-neck shirt underneath and worn-in blue jeans. I hated mentally admitting that he looked good, very good, but he still wasn't Jimmy, and he still didn't have those two extra humans attached to him that I was starting to love. He wasn’t looking at me, he was staring past me at Jasmine. So, we sat and watched, until he placed his arm behind my chair.
He leaned towards my ear while still looking forward and said, “How was your girls’ day with Jasmine?”
His breath was all warm on my skin, and I kept my eyes forward as I answered him. “It was great. How was your man day?”
I have no idea what came over me; thankfully, he wasn't watching my face because it was probably red from being an idiot. Man day?!
He chuckled, which I felt all the way down to my toes. “We had a good day, except Jimmy seemed like he was all pissed off. Not sure why, but he's in a mood today.”
That made me feel like crap. Was he mad about the kiss?
I kept my face forward before I responded, “Huh, that's strange. Where is Jimmy anyway?”
He turned his head a bit, so when he spoke, his breath was on my neck. “He's still at home. I remembered you saying that you'd be here early, and figured I would sneak away and see if I could talk to you.”
I wanted to turn and look at him, to see what his face looked like, because he was being really flirty and coming on pretty strong, but I kept my eyes on Jasmine. I waited a minute to respond, then I did carefully, “Why did you want to talk to me?”
He leaned in again. “You're the new accountant, my godchildren seem to love you, my best friend seems to be… something with you. We seem to have a lot in common, and I'd like to take you to dinner tonight to explore whatever else we might have in common.”
It should definitely say something that the only thing I picked up on was the “my best friend has something with you” piece of his little offer.
I realized I hadn't responded when Jazzy ran over, all excited, and jumped onto Jackson's lap. She was more than a little hyped up. I turned to her as Jackson wrapped his arms around her and said, “Looking good out there, peanut.”
She beamed up at him. “Thanks, Uncle Jax.”
She was so cute with her lip gloss and fuschia-colored cheeks. I had already taken a million pictures of her, but I wanted a million more. He scooted Jasmine to fit in his lap a bit better, then quizzed her. “So what happens at this tryout of yours?”
She giggled. “We have a routine we follow, and get points for everything we do correctly.”
He laughed and kissed her on the forehead. “Well, I already know that you're going to get all the points and show everyone else up.”
Jasmine blushed. “Uncle Jax, I haven't won yet.”
“So what happens if you do win? Is there a team you're on… or a squad?” Jackson asked, scrunching up his face like he really couldn't understand the idea of a sport like this.
Jasmine started picking at her shirt while she answered, “Well, if we do well enough, then it means we get to advance into a higher class, plus it's just fun, Uncle Jax.”
He jostled her around, then hugged her. It was cute seeing their dynamic; I could tell that Jackson was important to them.
A woman with glossy blonde hair and blue eyes grabbed a megaphone and started yelling at people to get into position. Jasmine jumped up just as Jimmy and Sammy walked up behind us. Jimmy went straight for Jasmine, wrapped her in a big hug, then kissed the top of her head before she ran off to join her group.
Parents were directed to head into the gymnasium and find a seat.
We found a bleacher seat about three rows up from the floor. I followed Sammy in and Jackson walked behind me, which left Jimmy at the end, far away from me. I was getting ready to say yes to Jackson's dinner offer, if only to show Jimmy that his regret over the kiss wasn't getting to me, even though it was. Music started, and kids stood in a line on large, thick blue mats. I kept my face forward, refusing to try and catch a peek at Jimmy’s face or body language.
A few seconds later, Jackson pulled a vibrating phone out of his jacket and stared down at the screen with a concerned look on his face. “Excuse me guys, I have to take this.” He walked down the bleachers, leaving a large vacant spot between Jimmy and me.
I didn’t look at the empty spot, and I didn’t look at Jimmy, but I felt him next to me a moment later. I could feel his body heat and I saw out of the corner of my eye, his dark denim jeans, his perfectly white t-shirt, and the Cubs baseball hat on his head. I was focusing so hard on keeping my head forward that my neck started to ache. Then Jimmy broke the silence between us by dipping his head towards me and gently talking in my ear. “Jasmine looks perfect. I can’t thank you enough for helping her today, I know it made a huge difference in her confidence.”
I felt heat flood my chest because his words hit my heart and no matter what I was feeling towards Jimmy, I would never ignore a comment about his kids. “It was so much fun. We had a good time today, and I hope that maybe I can do it monthly with her,” I said, a little breathy. I hated this awkward tension between us.
Jimmy didn’t say anything for a while; his face was like stone and his eyes were serious. Maybe he was just thinking again about how much he regretted kissing me? A loud shout came from below for the girls to stick their turns. I rolled my eyes, hating how immature I was being. I carefully checked Jimmy's face again; still stone-like. Maybe he was trying to figure out a complicated math problem? Great, now I was wondering how I could convince him to share it with me. I needed to stop.
I sat up taller and focused on the mats, where Jasmine was doing a routine with punches, somersaults, and cartwheels. Jasmine’s routine was almost finished, and right when I thought Jimmy was going to stay stony and silent, he spoke up. “I wanted to talk to you…”
He leaned in close, then abruptly pulled back when we heard, “Hey, sorry I had to leave, it was work. What did I miss?” Jackson squeezed back into his spot, right next to me, and Jimmy let him. I was so frustrated, I could punch something. Jimmy was going to talk to me about something, and yes, it could be to apologize for the kiss, but maybe it wasn’t.
Jasmine’s group was nearly finished. To make more room in the small gym for families, they'd requested we leave as soon as our kid’s group was done. The girls were in a large huddle and some of the parents were beginning to leave. That's when Jackson chose to ask me again about dinner.
“So, Ramsey, did you decide about us going to dinner?”
I sat forward enough so that I could see Jimmy. I glanced at him briefly while I worked through my hesitation. “Um, well. Jackson, I don’t really know you, I’m not sure…”
I kept my eyes on Jimmy, so that I would be able to tell if he wanted me to say no, but as it was, he wasn’t doing anything but looking at Jasmine.
“Just ask Jimmy, I’m a good guy, right?” he said, turning towards Jimmy.
Jimmy gave a little half-smile and then turned half his body towards us and agreed. “You should go, Ramsey. He’s a good guy.”
Okay then. If I thought that Jimmy had any romantic notions whatsoever about me, he just more than proved that he didn’t. He just suggested I go out with his best friend
. My heart physically hurt, which was so irritating because I still barely knew Jimmy, and yet that damn body part of mine felt like it had claimed him. Stupid heart.
I looked down at my shoes, trying to hide the rising heat I knew was climbing my neck. Once I felt some semblance of control over it, I looked up and smiled at Jackson.
“Okay then, if Jimmy thinks it's a good idea, then let's go. Let me just say bye to Jasmine and give her a hug, and then we can leave.”
I leaned over in the other direction to give Sammy a hug, then messed up his hair and told him I would see him later. He hugged me back. I stood up and walked past both men to wait for Jasmine.
I discreetly looked back up towards Jimmy and saw a flash of hurt cross his face as he stared at Jackson. I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but Jackson looked defensive; he was holding his hands up like he was getting robbed. Jimmy’s face was red, and when Jackson looked over at me and smiled, Jimmy followed his stare. I locked eyes with Jimmy for just a few seconds before he looked down. He seemed upset, he looked hurt, and angry, but if that were true, then why the hell did he just pawn me off on his friend?
No, I was the hurt and angry one. He kissed me this morning, and now he was probably trying to get someone else to act interested in me, so that he wouldn't have to deal with the clingy girl. Well no problem there, buddy, I have no plans to cling whatsoever.
I kissed Jasmine on the head and hugged her fiercely. She wanted us all to go out for pizza, but I told her I had dinner plans with her Uncle Jax. She beamed at me for a few seconds, then slumped her shoulders and walked off. She seemed happy and sad at the same time. It was a little confusing, keeping up with her emotions.
Jackson appeared then and held out his elbow for me to grab. I somehow managed a smile and followed him out of the gym.
Jackson drove us in his brand-new jeep to an upscale burger joint. I was actually relieved since I wasn’t able to change into something date-worthy. He had looked over at me a few times with a seductive smile on his lips, and it made me want to cry. I was such a mess, and all I wanted was to tell him to turn the car around so I could go make Jimmy talk to me about what happened. I forced a weak smile for Jackson and then turned to look out the window. Once we were in the restaurant and we received our meals, Jackson took a small bite of food and wiped his hands.
“So, how did you meet Jimmy? I’ve heard bits and pieces about it, but I would love to hear your rendition.”
He smiled again and leaned forward on his fist, waiting for me to respond.
I took a drink of my lemon water and began to tell him my Jimmy story, which again struck at me because I had a story with Jimmy.
Not wanting to overshare or bore the poor man, I stopped my story right after I didn’t get the job, on that first interview. Jackson took another bite of his vegan burger, which offended me on so many levels; why did he even want to go to a burger joint? I refused to feel intimidated by his healthier lifestyle choices. Instead, I ordered a double patty burger, just to spite him and his vegan ways. Once he drank a few sips of water, he smiled at me, but it didn’t reach his eyes. It was pretty obvious that he wasn’t actually trying to charm me, which changed things a bit.
“So how on earth did you end up babysitting his kids on accident then?” he asked with obvious curiosity. It occurred to me that if, in fact, Jackson was interested in me, then he wouldn’t only be asking me questions surrounding Jimmy and his kids. Relief swept through me because this wasn’t a date, this was an interrogation for his best friend. He tricked me.
I couldn’t help the smile that came over my face. “That is a funny story,” I said, laughing a little at the memory of that night with Theo. “I was so upset about my interview with Jimmy that I went to get a drink at the local bar in my town, Sip N Sides. I met Theo, he took pity on me, heard my sad story about the jerk from Rockford, and by the end of the night, he had offered me a job. He never once mentioned that he knew Jimmy Stenson from Rockford, by the way.”
Jackson let out a hearty laugh. “Yeah, Theo can be a little troublemaker when he wants to be.”
I drank more water and continued my story about getting asked to babysit Theo’s grandkids, and then about that night, and getting fired again. Jackson finished off his meatless burger and wiped his hands.
"So, Ramsey? Where are you from?" Jackson asked sternly, like he was preparing for an argument. I drank more water.
"Chicago," was all I gave him. I didn't want to waste time, when I knew I was only here to be interrogated.
"So why here? Surely there are better paying accountant jobs in Chicago, why did you settle in Rockford?" He was being nice on the surface, but under his tone, he was accusatory.
"I didn't. I'm in Belvidere," I answered coldly. This was getting ridiculous. How long did we need to carry on like this? I wasn't about to have him pick apart my entire life.
I could sense that Jackson wanted to say something to me, but he was hesitant, I took the opportunity to put him at ease. “Look, Jackson, I like the Stenson family. They are helping me through a rough time with my mom. They're becoming my friends. Real ones. I don't know what you're looking for, but I won't hurt them.”
I was tracing a line around the top of my glass as I finished my last sentence. Jackson was staring at me, clearly mulling over everything that he had just heard. “You know what they’ve gone through then?”
I looked down and nodded. “Jimmy told me about his ex-leaving, about how old the kids were, how alone he was, how heartbroken.”
“Yes. He was completely shattered, and Jasmine didn’t stop crying for a month. She didn’t understand, and she didn’t know what she did wrong. The second month, she refused to acknowledge her baby brother because she thought he was the reason that her mom left. By the third month, she just didn’t talk at all. Months, Ramsey. It took months to put her back together, and Jimmy took years.”
Jackson explained, while trying to be quiet, so not everyone heard, but I could hear the intensity in his tone.
“I see the way he looks at you, and I haven’t seen him look that way at any woman ever, and that includes Lisa. You're dangerous, and I know that you've figured out why I really brought you to dinner, which is good. That means we're on the same page.
“I can’t allow another person to tear that family apart. Because even though I don’t live here, that is my family and I would do anything to protect them. You seem nice, but you also seem unsure of what you want, which is a big red flag to me.”
He was staring down at me, like I had just stolen his wallet or something. It made me want to squirm and leave, and never make him angry again. I pushed my empty plate forward and folded my hands in front of me.
“I know. I may not have lived through that hell, but I can still feel remnants of it in each of them. If I seem unsure, it's because I am. My mom has less than a year to live, she is my priority right now, she has to be. Otherwise, I would have accepted Jimmy’s dinner request last week, but I turned him down because I am a wreck right now. I am barely keeping it together enough to bring in a paycheck.
“When I get home every night from work, I am broken. I cry myself to sleep because I have to watch my mom wither away, and once she’s gone, I am all alone. I have no one. My best friend lives in Chicago, and I have Jimmy, Theo, and the kids. That’s it. Of course, I'm unsure, but I would never ditch those kids. I have already promised Jasmine that she’s stuck with me, one way or another.” I let it all out, feeling lighter and more confident now.
Jackson leaned forward. “I don’t blame you, Ramsey, for being unsure, and you seem honest. I feel in my gut that you are good for him. Just promise me that you will be kind to him, and that you will protect him from himself. He still has demons that come out to play every now and then. Jimmy doesn't believe that he deserves the whole package deal—a wife that loves him and his kids, one that accepts his past. He'll push you away if he gets the chance because he's afraid.” He squeezed my hand, then pulled away and went to
stand up.
He pulled his jacket on as I stood up as well. We walked together to the checkout counter and paid the bill. Jackson dropped me off at my car that was still in the parking lot at the school.
Once I hopped out of his jeep, he leaned towards me and said, “Ramsey, I was glad to meet you. I am headed back to Jimmy’s, but I will be gone by morning. Give him time, he will explain himself.”
Jackson drove off, and while my car warmed up, I thought about what he said; that Jimmy would explain himself, and I knew eventually he would have to, we worked too closely together for there to be any awkwardness between us. I thought about that all the way home, but I couldn't help pulling into my mom's driveway and feel lonely with the dark house looming in front of me.
I wanted laughter and life, I wanted the pitter patter of little feet, I wanted warm fires and the sound of the dishwasher running; I wanted a family. If I was purely honest, I wanted Jimmy’s family. The space between my chest ached for what I didn’t have, it was at war with the feelings of selfishness over wanting all that when my mom was dying. I hated how conflicted I felt about it. Why couldn’t I just fall in love and my mom have a promised future ahead of her, so that she could plan with me, dream with me, and hope with me? Life was so often not fair and at this precise moment, I hated it.
I dragged myself out of the car because the exhaustion from the day was finally hitting me. I walked up the driveway until I was safe in the warm, empty house, then headed straight for the hot shower, where I stayed until the water ran cold. I changed into sweats and a tank top, and then went back into the living room to watch something funny and hopefully pass out. I didn’t want to come to terms with how pathetic I was, or how sad. I face planted on the cushions and wrapped the massive blanket around my body. I was about to officially call this Saturday night to an end when I heard a knock at the front door.
