by Ashley Munoz
“Hello?”
She was groggy and probably hungover, and most likely pissed, but I didn’t care.
“He kissed me.” I didn’t even respond with hello, I just went for it.
I was biting my thumbnail, waiting for her to respond. She coughed a few times, and then everything was muffled, like she was trying to move blankets around. “He kissed you? As in, Jimmy? As in, your boss?!” She was trying to yell, but her voice was all raspy, like she had been yelling and now she was out of steam.
“Yes, that Jimmy. He kissed me.”
“Whoa, back up, start from the beginning. How did this happen?” She sounded thoroughly confused, and I let out a sigh.
"So, I told you his daughter has a dance tryout today, right?" I waited for her to respond, so I knew she hadn't fallen back asleep. Wouldn't be the first time either, if she did.
"Yes, the reason you aren't here right now. Go on," she rasped.
"So, in order to try and cheer her up, Jimmy put together this theatre night, and the kids invited me to come watch a movie with them. It got late, and I accidentally fell asleep there." I stopped, thinking that was enough info for her.
" And? How did you end up kissing? Come on, Rams."
I bit my nail harder as I launched back into my night. "Well, I should tell you that we almost kissed before the movie. Or maybe we didn't, I don't know… he helped me with an ice pack and was really close to my face, and we had this moment where we stared at each other." Everything was coming out cluttered and chaotic.
"But he didn't kiss you?" Laney asked, fully engaged now.
"No, he broke the moment, and I thought he was going to just act like we didn't have this crazy chemistry because I turned him down when he asked me out last week."
"He asked you out last week?!" Laney yelled in my ear. Shit, forgot that I didn't tell her that.
"Not the point. Listen!" I reprimanded.
"So, everyone falls asleep and he asks me to stay. I agree, but his daughter had gotten up to pee and left the spot next to him open. So, I accidentally fell asleep next to him, and when I woke up, I was wrapped around him, like a—"
"Crazy spider monkey. Oh, Rams," Laney lamented. She knew how I slept because every time we had been in a situation where we had to share a bed for any reason, she woke up with me wrapped around her and drool leaking down her arms or in her hair. I was tall, and she never stood a chance.
"Yes, but I didn't even have a chance to see the drool before he tightly gripped my hip, gave me this dreamy, crazy sexy look—"
Laney interrupted me with a scoff because she apparently can’t keep her inner bitch in check so early before coffee.
"Anyway, dreamy look, then we kissed," I pushed on, regardless of her bitchy tactics. I told her about the gentle and perfect kiss, and then the interruption.
“So, he kissed you, then answered the door, and then you left because his best friend showed up?” She was replaying all the facts back to me now.
“Well yeah, I mean, I figured if his friend was there, then it would be awkward if I was there. So, I left… Do you think that was the wrong thing to do?” I asked, a little panicked.
She took a few seconds to respond. “Why did you really leave? What if his friend just stopped in for a few seconds and was about to leave?”
That took me a second to process. With anyone else, I might try to hide my real feelings, but not with Laney. She knew too much about me to ever pull one over on her.
“I guess I was worried that with his friend showing up, that he would apologize for the kiss and take it back." I paused, played with the strings on the pillow in my lap, and waited. When Laney didn't say anything, I continued, "I guess I felt like his friend interrupting us would pull him back to reality, and I didn’t want to be rejected.”
She made a sound of acknowledgment. “I thought so. How do you think he felt about you leaving?”
I was getting a little irritated, even though this was exactly what I needed. I was starting to feel a little guilty for taking off. I shifted on the couch.
“I don’t know, maybe relieved that he didn't have to deal with me? His best friend doesn't live around here, so I didn't think it was going to be a quick visit.”
She started in gently, “Look, Ram, you know I love you, but I think you are so afraid of getting hurt that you run from it. What are you going to do when you see him next? What if he does apologize for the kiss?”
I thought about that for a second. She was right, I didn’t want to deal with anymore heartbreak since my mom’s news, which was partly why I rejected Jimmy’s dinner invite in the first place. “I don’t know, I don’t know what to do or what I will do,” I gently said, but I lied. I knew exactly what I would do when I saw Jimmy again.
No surprise, though; she guessed it.
“Just don’t jump the gun and apologize for the kiss before he does, just to avoid rejection, because it sounds like you have already rejected him once.”
I stayed quiet. I was going to apologize for the kiss until I realized I couldn't because I didn’t kiss him. My lips were only on his for a second before his friend knocked, so he held all the power, the ball was totally in his court.
She spoke up again through my silence. “Look honey, I think you leaving right away may have sent him the wrong message, so just roll with it when you see him. Don’t be weird or freak out. But I think, if he wants to push it or talk about it, you should let him be honest with you.”
She was right, and I knew that she was, it just terrified me. I smiled and agreed with her. “You’re right, I will just let it play out and not overreact. Thank you, Laney, I love you. How did you end up spending your night? Ready to dish about that guy? Or are you hungover?”
She laughed. “No, I’m not, I wish I was, though. I actually had a weird night. A weird week, really. We got a new client. I've been working with him, and he’s a freaking nightmare, Rams. I don’t like the term hate, you know that I don’t, but this guy is seriously making me think about using it. We were doing fine until yesterday. The other two members of the team took off early, and it just left him and me working on this project. All of our mutual dislike for each other hit an all-time high, and I lost it.” She went quiet, like she was afraid to tell me anything more. Probably because her saying she lost it was a big deal. Laney was a lethal weapon in more ways than one. She was about five-three, one hundred and ten pounds, and a half-lit stick of dynamite on a good day. But that competitive streak nearly always got the better of her.
I waited, not sure what to even say or where to begin with her. She hated losing it.
“What did he do?” I hesitantly asked.
“He just kept questioning everything I said and changed three things behind my back without talking to me. Then he asked if maybe we should bring in another team member because I seemed to be having a hard time handling the workload. He asked for someone more experienced,” she said, sounding exasperated, which I knew she was. That would be the one thing to say to her to piss her off.
She let out a long sigh. “And I don't know, Rams. Originally I thought he and I had this connection or something, he has these moments where he's sweet and God, he's gorgeous, but yesterday, it all just went to hell, and I felt so stupid for thinking he might like me or might ask me to dinner,” she said, sounding defeated.
This was worse than I thought. Laney pissed was one thing; Laney pissed and embarrassed was a totally different thing. She had a big heart, but she defended it like a gladiator, so I actually kind of felt for the guy and the earful he must have gotten.
“Laney, he's an idiot. I'm sorry he hurt you, but I know you probably more than got him back,” I tried to encourage her, even though I knew it was kind of futile at this point.
“I know, and thanks. I love you, girl. I'm going back to sleep, call me after the tryout thing, I want to know how the aftershock goes.”
I felt better after processing with her, but now I was nervous about seeing Jimmy. I glanced
at the time. It was only seven, and since I was going crazy over the what-if scenarios with Jimmy, I decided I should pass the time by cleaning.
I cleaned as much as I could until nine, and then I hopped in the shower. This time, I would be taking my time, and making myself look cute because it mattered to me, and because I wanted that kiss to mean something.
It was ten minutes until ten when I pulled up in front of Jimmy's house. I had everything planned out. I would be flirty, but not overly flirty with Jimmy as I picked up Jazzy, and then she and I would leave to get pampered. Then, at her tryouts, during all the excitement, I would kiss Jimmy again, in that way words would not be necessary to show him how I felt. And although I still wanted and needed my mother to be my first priority, I realized that I needed to reconsider the idea of dating. Maybe, if I was with the right person, I could enjoy my mother's life and my own, so that she could see me happy.
I stepped up to the door and knocked. I felt pretty, my hair was down and curled, with a few tight braids on the side of my head. I wore my skinny, distressed jeans with boots and an off-the-shoulder sweater. Jasmine opened the door; she was grinning so much I thought her cute face might break. She hugged me as I stumbled forward into the house, then we straightened out and walked in further, towards the manly laughter that was coming from the kitchen. My stomach was dipping and flipping at the sight of Jimmy again. He stood in the kitchen with his legs crossed while eating a banana. His friend, who I knew was Jackson from a picture I'd seen, was standing opposite of him, with a bottle of water in his hand. Both men stopped laughing when I came in. My eyes landed on Jimmy's, but as soon as he saw me, he looked down.
My heart did a little lurch as panic settled into my stomach. Maybe he was going to apologize for the kiss? I glanced up at Jackson, who was smiling at me with his sexy, toothy grin. He was handsome, but he wasn't Jimmy. I smiled back and waved a little.
“Hi.” My voice came out all high-pitched, and nervous.
Jackson leaned over, with his arm stretching towards me from the side furthest away from him, so it made his whole body turn towards me.
“Hey, I'm Jackson… Jimmy's best friend,” he said, his voice all smooth and velvety.
I quickly glanced at Jimmy for a clue as to what was going on; Jackson was giving me bedroom eyes and Jimmy didn't seem to care. No, he seemed completely disconnected and was looking at his phone.
I took Jackson's hand and introduced myself. “I'm Ramsey, Jimmy's new accountant.”
He held my hand longer than he needed to, then replied, “Oh good, Jimmy finally found someone to replace me.”
I started laughing, softly, not meaning to sound flirty, but Jasmine must have picked up on it, because suddenly, she was right next to me, pushing me closer to Jackson. What the hell?
"Uncle Jax, isn't Ramsey pretty?" Jasmine asked, while pushing on my back. I looked back to Jimmy for some help, but he was still looking at his phone, so I turned and grabbed her shoulders and directed her towards the living room.
“Hey Jazzy, we have a pedicure appointment. Go get your shoes and coat on, okay?”
As she ran off, I looked back over at Jimmy, who was still looking at his phone, totally detached, uninterested, and weird. Why was he acting like that?
I cleared my throat, hoping for some courage as I approached him. “Hey, so I thought maybe Jazzy and I could just meet you guys at the school, since she has to be there by three. It starts at five, so I'll just hang with her those two hours so you guys don't have to. If that works for you?” I added, with a little bit of caution in my voice, suddenly feeling insecure.
Jimmy was looking at me, but his eyes were distant and almost pained. His gaze drifted to my lips before he responded.
“Yeah, of course, that's fine.” He glanced back up and met my eyes briefly before he turned and headed towards the fridge.
Seriously, what was going on?
I lowered my head and began to turn around towards Jackson. He was smiling again and as I walked past him, he placed his hand at the small of my back, guiding me back towards the living room. I drew in a sharp breath at the contact and quickly, before I thought too much about it, glanced back at Jimmy. His eyes were locked on my back, where Jackson’s hand was, and he didn’t look happy. I threw my head forward again and kept walking until Jasmine ran into the pathway and grabbed my hand, leading me towards the front door.
Right as I was about to open it, Jackson gently grabbed my arm and leaned in to whisper, “It was nice meeting you, Ramsey. I hope I have the chance to get to know you better after the tryouts.”
I didn’t know what to do; I felt like I was caught in some weird Twilight Zone. I just smiled and nodded at him, then walked out. My gut twisted; whatever I thought was going to happen with Jimmy clearly wasn’t happening. I just needed to change my perspective on a few things, and realize that I screwed up. Jimmy didn’t want me anymore, that much was clear.
I opened the back door to my SUV so that Jasmine knew to get in. I tried to clear my thoughts and focus just on her; it was her day, after all. I smiled really big and turned my head to see her as she buckled up.
“Okay girl, we are going to get our nails done, then we are going to head to Target and do some shopping. Then I think we should have lunch, and afterward, we’ll head to my house and get all ready. How does that sound?” Thank God for coupons, gift cards, and credit cards, otherwise this trip wouldn't be happening.
She lit up, and threw her arms over her head, shouting, “It sounds awesome!”
I put the car in drive and headed away from the house. I had to roll my eyes at myself and how selfish I was being; today was Jasmine’s day, and I wanted to make sure she had a good one. So, I focused my eyes on the road and planted a smile on my face as I headed to the nail salon.
We were in the junior section, with our newly-painted nails, where I tried to let Jasmine roam and look at what interested her without being overbearing. Jasmine had walked over to the training bra area, while glancing around nervously, as though she was afraid to be caught. I hated that this would be another area of her life where she wouldn’t have someone to help her. I made a promise to myself that even if things with Jimmy didn’t work out, I would be there for this girl. I would be her person until, of course, Jimmy did remarry. That thought sent little pinpricks of pain into my heart, like little shards of glass. I walked over to Jasmine while she looked at the bras.
"You should go try this one on," I encouraged Jasmine, as I held out the small, black sports bra. Her face turned red as she looked around, showing how mortified she probably was. I knelt down, out of the way, so the bra wouldn't be on display to everyone at my height.
"Look. Whether you want it or not, bras are going to be in your future, and soon. It's important to have a good one, and you definitely don't want to have to have this moment with your dad or Grandpa, do you?"
Jasmine shook her head, while her face remained red. I grabbed a few more bras for her to try on, then held out my hand for her to take. She followed me to the dressing room area.
“Here, go in this room and try these on, and if you have any questions about anything at all, or how they're supposed to fit, just call me. I won't move from this spot.” I gestured toward the red bench to signify my position. She smiled and ducked into one of the rooms.
Jasmine ended up loving all three that she tried on, so we bought them all. We also got bracelets, hair stuff, lip gloss, shoes, and some clothes. Then we headed back to Belvidere.
Once we got to my house, Jasmine changed into her practice clothes, and then she sat down and let me do her makeup. That’s when things got tricky. She had acted like she wanted to talk to me about something all day, but never said anything. Now, while her eyes were closed and I was applying eye shadow, she started in.
“Ramsey?”
I continued to mix colors and replied, “Yeah?”
She kept her face still. “I was wondering something?”
“What's up, you can ask
me anything.” I smiled, even though she couldn’t see me.
I could tell that she was struggling to say whatever it was. “Well, um, do you like my Dad?”
She had no idea that I had picked champagne and pink as me and her dad’s wedding colors for our nonexistent wedding, just this morning. “Yeah, sweetie, of course, I like your dad. He’s my boss, I think I have to like him.”
She opened her eyes and rolled them. “Not like that. I mean, do you like him, like you could love him kind of like?” she asked, a little frustrated.
I thought of how she had pushed me towards Jackson and not her Dad earlier, and wondered where this conversation might lead, but I responded with, “I'm not sure, honey, why do you ask?”
She looked relaxed once I said that. Her shoulders lifted, and her lips turned up into a smile. "I don't know. I just wasn't sure because you work with him, and we keep seeing you together."
I blended her makeup and added eyeliner. "How would that make you feel if I did like him?" I cautiously asked, not sure if I was out of place or not.
She scrunched her face, oblivious to my attempts of straight lines or careful handiwork. "I don't know? I hadn't thought about it." She paused and added, “Ramsey it's just that… I just… um, I want you to be my best friend. You have no idea how fun today was for me, and I have never had this before…”
She started to tear up, like she was going to cry and I knew that if she started to cry, then I would start to cry. It made me hurt for my own mom and all the mother-daughter moments we had shared over my lifetime, and how painful it would be not to have her be a part of my moments anymore.
I wrapped Jasmine in a tight hug and promised her, “Jasmine, I have no idea what will happen with your dad and me, but here is what I promise. I promise to be this person for you, no matter what. I will take you shopping, I will take you to get your nails done, and I will take you to lunch, so that we can talk about boys. I’m here for you, okay?”
