by Ashley Munoz
Rav rubbed his bald head and let out a breath. "Jasmine had just been born."
I wanted to kiss the top of Rav's head. I was glad that Jimmy had someone in his life as good as Rav.
"Ramsey, I've known him for a long time. He cares about you. But after this…" He looked away and trailed off. I watched his face, trying to decode all the emotions playing there. He turned his head back, his eyes downcast and worried.
“Hold on tight to who he was, Ramsey. Don’t let him go, no matter how hard he pushes you away after this.” Rav stood and walked back towards the exit. I heard a door close, and then I was alone again. I considered Rav’s words, and thought about getting back to Jimmy, back to Theo, to the kids. My heart tightened at the idea of Jimmy changing or pushing me away. I couldn’t go through that again. I hoped Rav was wrong. I relaxed into the nasty mattress and clung tighter to the blanket and did my best to wait.
It was probably just minutes later, but it felt like hours when I heard the door open again. I smiled, thinking Rav had figured out a way to get me out. That, or he was just going to stay with me. Either way, I wouldn't be alone. I watched the wall for Rav’s shadow to emerge, but it wasn’t his shadow that I saw. It was someone much thinner but still as tall. They came closer and I saw unwashed jeans, gray, slicked back hair, and that damn black vest. He didn’t have a bat this time, thank God, but he did have a look on his face that made me want to shrivel up and die. He had clear gray eyes that seemed to look right through me, and I swear he saw exactly the place he’d deliver his last punch or hit, ending me.
He walked to the edge of the mattress, and then crouched low, coming eye level with me. He went to wipe the hair from my face, then grabbed the back of my neck, pulling me towards him. Pain exploded throughout my body as it resisted being pulled and forced forward. He was spitting in my face as he said in a low, shaky voice, “You think you’ll get away from this? That Jimmy will get away with betraying me? He won’t.”
He stood up, still holding my hair, and kicked me in the stomach. I couldn’t breathe. I kept trying to reach where his hand was on my neck, just out of instinct, but then he kicked me again.
I heard someone shouting and a loud boom at the door. Davis watched the door, frozen for a second, before another loud, boom echoed through the room. His grip on me tightened as someone forced their way through.
"Get on the ground!" someone screamed in our direction. I couldn't see anything but the black dots swimming before my eyes from how hard Davis gripped my hair.
"Get on the ground now!" someone repeated with more force. Davis let me go, and I fell back on the mattress. I saw Davis’ feet in front of me, but I was too afraid to look up, to hope that this was real. That people were here, ending this nightmare for me. I closed my eyes and waited for someone to confirm that this was over. I heard a scuffle, then handcuffs being used, and Miranda rights being read. I opened my eyes, and watched as a burly man in a thick, bulletproof vest handcuffed my abuser and walked him out of the room.
An officer with a gentle face approached me while holstering his gun. He bent down to examine me and started yelling for an EMT. He stayed with me until they got there. A tall, skinny man with blond hair, and a fit-looking woman with brown hair in blue uniforms hustled toward me. They started poking and prodding around my body, asking questions and shining lights in my eyes.
Moments later, I was being lifted onto a medical bed. On my way out of the building, I saw Rav giving a statement to a cop. I noticed some police dogs, who were sniffing around one of the offices. I wasn’t in a warehouse, but an auto body garage, which was actually pretty nice. It was clean and organized, and higher end cars were being worked on by the looks of it. I must have been somewhere in the back, behind the employee area.
Near the entrance of the garage, I saw people moving about, officers walking in and out, but in the midst of all the chaos, standing in a wrinkled suit with no tie, was Jimmy. His hair was a mess, and he had dark circles under his eyes and a panicked look on his face, until he saw me—then it was just pain. I attempted a smile, but Jimmy didn't return it. He stared at me, the pain intensifying, tears building up in his eyes. He looked down at his feet as I got closer, his jaw worked back and forth as he asked questions of the EMTs. They asked if he wanted to ride along with me to the hospital, but he hesitated and my heart broke. I tried not to cry, not to make more of a mess of my face than it already was, but I just wanted him, and he was already pushing me away.
I was slid into the truck, and one of the EMTs shut the first door, then they asked Jimmy one last time if he was coming. I couldn't see him, I just heard the EMT ask. I heard someone climb into the truck, and then Jimmy was on the bench next to me. He wouldn’t look at me, he stared at his hands, as tears streamed down his face. Rav’s words came echoing back to me. I wanted to reach for Jimmy’s hand, but I couldn't even feel it to move it towards him. I suddenly regretted Jimmy being in the ambulance with me. I would have preferred to face him once I was patched up, like maybe that way, it would make this easier somehow. Maybe it wouldn't feel like I was losing Jimmy one stitch and suture at a time.
I hated the sounds in the ambulance. I hated how bright it was, and how it smelled. I hated how it looked, and everything about it. I shouldn't even be in here with Ramsey, I should have stayed back. It was selfish of me to jump in at the last second. I should have just stuck with my original decision to stay behind, but I needed to be close to her and to see with my own eyes that she was alive. Now I hated myself for it, more than I hated myself when they pulled Ramsey out of that room and I saw her face.
My heart constricted at the memory of it, of seeing her, white as a ghost, with dark bruises and blood on her face. With cuts so severe that it rearranged her face to the point where if I didn’t know her so perfectly and spend so much damn time staring at her, I wouldn't have known it was her at all. It looked like he used her face as a punching bag. One of her eyes was almost swollen shut, and she had cuts on her cheeks from where she must have been slapped. Her beautiful lips were swollen and cut up, she had a deep gash near her hairline, and her right hand looked like something had hit it, repeatedly. I tried not to look at her while we rode in the ambulance. I tried, but every few seconds, I would hear a new sound from one of the machines, and I would panic and look at her to make sure she was still with me.
Then I would take in all of her injuries again, and the process of self-loathing would begin all over. I didn’t deserve to be next to her, or here with her at all. I knew the second she was wheeled out of that room that I would never forgive myself for this.
I heard the EMT rattle off vitals and talk about her being stable. I heard them mention a concussion and talk about the bruising, and the hairline fracture in her hand. I tried to push the rest of the words out and away from me. I had to get some distance. I was toxic for her, I ruined her, just like I knew I would. Just like Lisa knew I was toxic; it was why she left me, left the kids. Because I was a mess-up, a screw-up, someone not worthy of love. I swallowed the lump in my throat and tried to clear it.
Davis had taken Ramsey to fucking Chicago, so getting to her, and getting her back home, was going to be difficult. I let my head fall into my hands and tried to wipe away the tears that had fallen down my face. I glanced at Ramsey again, she was watching me. I gently reached for her hand and brought it to my lips. I kissed it as gently as I could, and then I kept her hand in mine for the duration of the ride. I knew I was being selfish again, but I needed to feel her, to know that she was really safe, and okay. The ride to the nearest hospital wasn’t long, and before I knew it, we were being rushed into the ER, and Ramsey was being rolled into a room. Nurses were on her and plugging her into machines. A few were yelling about getting a cat scan ordered, while others were saying things I didn’t understand. I stood there, amidst the chaos, just watching my beautiful Ramsey as she lay there. Right then, a dark-haired nurse in a pair of purple medical scrubs, with a name tag that read “Jenny” came up to me a
nd placed her hand on my arm.
“Sir, are you okay?”
I knew she was asking in the medical sense, but I wasn’t sure how to answer. I swallowed my uncertainty and responded the best way I knew how.
“I think so, I just…” I gestured toward Ramsey, hoping that she would understand my struggle. She looked over at her patient, understanding dawning in her brown eyes.
“Of course, let me show you where the waiting area is. Someone will be out soon to let you know where we put her once we have made her a little more comfortable. Okay?”
She kept her hand on my arm and started herding me toward a pair of double doors that was obviously the exit. Beyond the doors, was an L-shaped hallway with several chairs, a vending machine, and a few TVs in the upper corners of the ceiling. I headed to a chair and sat down. The nurse looked empathetic; she crouched down and leveled with me.
“Is she your wife?”
I laughed and held back tears. “No, I was hoping to get there eventually.” The tears won, and slid down my face freely, I stopped fighting them.
The nurse looked sad, like she was sharing in this pain with me, yet she didn’t even know me. “Well, we will do everything we can to make sure your girl is okay, all right.” She smiled at me, then stood and pointed down the hall. “Coffee machine is down the hall to the right.”
She headed back through the doors we came from, and with the swipe of her badge, she left me to my thoughts, and my misery. I laid my head back against the wall and played the evening back through my mind. I thought about the phone call I had got from Rav…
“Jimmy, we have a problem. It's Ramsey.”
“What the hell do you mean, Rav?”
“Jimmy, I came over to the garage, the one on Larch Street. I walked in, looking for Davis, and I found him beating someone up. I walked a little further in and noticed it was a woman, with dark hair and brown tinted skin. When he pulled her head back and I saw who it was… Jimmy, it was Ramsey. He has her, I don’t know how he does or why, but he has her, and he’s hurting her. What do I do? What can I do, Jimmy?”
“Do you know who else is there? How many guys are there? I need all the details you can give me.”
“Dev is here, and Reuben, and I think, Mark, but I only saw his jacket, I haven’t seen him. Then, of course, Davis is here.”
“Okay, watch her, and when you see a moment to go to her, to comfort her, do it. I will call Gepsy, and we will be there as soon as we can. Don’t, for any reason, leave the garage, Rav. Do you understand me?!”
“Yeah, Jimmy, I won’t leave her.”
That call felt like a lifetime ago, but that was only around seven. I thought back on the panicked call I made to Gepsy right after I talked to Rav, how I moved outside so the kids wouldn’t be scared of what they were hearing. Gepsy had picked up on the third ring, and I was already on edge.
“Jimmy? What happened? What’s wrong?”
“It’s about Ramsey, the girl I told you about, the one I was trying to protect. Rav called me just now, they're in Chicago, at an auto garage off of Larch Street. He has her, and the son of bitch is hurting her. Gepsy, I need you to call your team or whoever, and get over there.”
“Jimmy, okay, I hear you, buddy. I will get her… I can’t stress how important it is that you stay put. You have to stay away from this entire thing. You can’t be implicated at all, or have it appear, in any way, that you were aware of Davis’ actions or what he was up to. That’s how this works.”
I stayed silent, processing what he just told me.
“Jimmy? Did you hear me?”
“Yeah, I heard you. I won’t go, but you have to. Get to her, Gepsy, I can’t lose her. Please get her and take that son of a bitch down.”
“Consider it done. Stay available, we will call for building specs.”
I had hung up the phone and within seconds, decided I was going. I thought about the look on my Dad’s face when he realized I was leaving. Carla was still out, she had no idea that her daughter was being tortured by a sadistic monster—and over a stupid man, who didn’t even deserve her. The thought made me sick, and brought me back to this moment of sitting, waiting to talk to the woman who held and owned my heart, but needed to be liberated of it. She deserved better than me, deserved better than small-town Belvidere, and stupid demons from my past chasing her around. And with me, there would always be demons.
I ran my hand through my hair a few times, and dialed Dad. I knew it was close to midnight, but I knew that Dad would be up until I called to update him. I dialed and waited for his rough voice to pick up. A few rings in, and I heard his voice, keeping me grounded like an anchor in the storm.
“Jimmy? She okay? You okay, son?”
After a few seconds of letting his voice hit me and wash over me, I responded.
“Dad, yeah, she’s in the hospital. She is… she’s alive. I’m here, I’m all right.”
I didn’t know how to answer him. Ramsey was far from okay, and I wasn’t really either, but I knew he couldn’t do much from Belvidere.
“What do you mean, she’s alive, son? Is she okay or not?”
“Dad, she’s been hurt really bad. He hurt her.” I started choking on my words, unable to give him any more details.
“Son, she’ll get through this. She’s strong.”
I was holding back sobs now. “Dad, she looks so bad. How could I let this happen to her?”
“Jimmy, did you tell those bastards about Ramsey?"
“No.”
“Did you bring her around them at all, or even call her while they were around?” I knew what he was doing, but it still felt like this was all on me.
“No, Dad.”
“Then this isn't on you, so don’t start this shit.”
I knew he was right, but I couldn’t get past it. It was like a dark cloud that I took everywhere with me; this stupid past of mine. I hated it, and I hated how it affected the people in my life. I wanted to cry and shout and hit something. I wanted to hit something badly, so badly. Gepsy knew that too, when I showed up at the garage. His eyes went wide, and his nose flared in anger. He knew that I wanted a piece of Davis, that I wanted to use my fists to end his worthless, fucking life. Gepsy set an officer on me and told me that I wasn’t allowed into the garage, I wasn’t allowed to move, and if I tried, that I would be arrested for obstruction of justice. I believed him.
So, I’d stayed put, pacing like a madman, knowing the man who hurt the woman I loved was inside that building. I wanted blood. I still did, and I needed an outlet for my anger. I knew where I was in the city, and where a few bars were that would be easy enough to start up a fight in. An image of my fists slamming into flesh ran through my mind; it was so tempting. I let out a slow, controlled breath and finished my conversation with my Dad. “Dad, I know. It’s just hard.”
“Daddy?” Sammy’s voice came over the phone, sleepy but anxious.
“Sammy, what are you doing up, buddy?”
“I miss you, and I’m worried about Ramsey. I just wanted to talk to you and know if you're okay.”
All the anger left me in an instant. Dad probably did that on purpose, knowing my tendencies when I feel worthless. My kids always brought me back.
“I’m good, buddy, and I just saw Ramsey, she’s okay. Don’t worry and get some sleep, all right?”
“Okay, Daddy. Love you.”
“Love you too, buddy.”
I hung up the phone and leaned back in the chair. I was struggling to stay focused and to stay awake. At the same time, there was no way that I could sleep. I got up and walked to the coffee machine and after a few seconds, my cup was full. I was sipping the scalding liquid as I made my way back to my chair. The same nurse from earlier came out of the double doors a few minutes later, and walked over to me.
“Okay, we have her comfortable and in Room 404. Go ahead and head up when you want. I talked to the charge nurse, and it’s okay if you stay in the room with her tonight, even though visiting hours a
re over. You look like you could use a little rest on the pull-out chair.” She laid a hand on my shoulder and I smiled up at her. She was kind, and I really needed a little kindness.
“Thank you, could you show me…?” I responded, a hint of exhaustion leaking into my tone.
I stood up and followed her to the elevators, glad for the company. She was a little older than me, and carried some weight on her figure, but it didn’t take away from the obvious beauty that she had inside of her. She was one of those women that truly shined more because of what dwelled on the inside, it made her eyes sparkle and her skin glow. I must have been tired, because crazy ideas, like this lady being an angel, were going through my head. We rode up to the fourth floor in silence and I still had my crappy cup of coffee. She smiled at it and then looked down at her phone. “I can’t tell you anything medical about her. Family only, but I can get you in the room.”
I was thankful and figured as much. “That’s more than fair, thank you so much for the help.”
She smiled as we exited the elevator. We walked down the hallway, passing doors with charts and clipboards outside of them. Once we were in front of 404, we stopped.
“This is where I leave you. There's a pull-out bench near the window, and a blanket and pillow in the medical cabinet.”
I gave her a weak smile. “Thank you.”
I turned to enter Ramsey’s room. She was covered in a white blanket, a small IV tube was hooked up to her hand, and something plastic was under her nose. She had several bandages and small stitches on her face. Her right hand was in a cast, otherwise she looked intact. I took off my suit jacket and my shoes, then my collared shirt, leaving me in just my undershirt and pants.
