by Ashley Munoz
He gave me a look of exasperation. “Yes, that one. Now listen. I thought long and hard about this, and you might say no right now, but I want you to think it over and let me know after you have had a chance to read through it and talk to your lawyer friend about it.”
Confused, I glanced over what was in front of me again. “Theo, what are you saying? What is this exactly?”
Theo sighed and sat back in his chair, then pitched his fingers under his chin. “Loretta always wanted the bar to go to someone who knew the pain of going through somethin’ to build it. Not just flashy cash and real estate. She wanted someone with salt, with blood on their hands and fire in their heart, to take it over, and then continue to pass it along to the same type of strong individuals.
“The bar was never a good fit for Jimmy because he’s beyond it. He sees money and a future in the flashy things. The bar needs someone more down-to-earth, someone with a heart,” he finished saying while staring at the fountain, no doubt drawing from its powers like I was earlier.
I glanced at the computer screen again, not brave enough to scroll down on the page. “So, this is about you retiring, and leaving the bar to someone?”
He smiled and nodded. “Yes, I’m ready to retire.”
I smiled at the idea of that—of him relaxing, spending time fishing, and with his grandkids.
“Okay, I am glad to hear that you're retiring, but who are you handing it off to?” I was a little sad. I loved Sip N Sides. It was old, but it had grown on me, like an old sweater or an old dog that’s faithful and that you can’t imagine your life without. My mind started to wander to who would take it over. What if they were terrible, what if it was a bank? What about everything we pinned on Pinterest? I felt like I was about to come out of my skin as I waited for him to answer.
Theo smiled, then gestured at me with his hand. “You, honey. I want you to have it. To own it. The only request I have is that you leave the name alone, and keep some of the theme the same, so it will always feel open to the everyday person. Not the suited men and women of America, but the flannel shirts, the waitresses, and dock workers. I want it to be a place for people to gather after a long day, where they find rest and comfort. That was always Loretta’s dream.”
I couldn’t find words. Loretta sounded like my kind of woman the more I heard about her. I loved her dream, and something warm started to take root in my heart at the idea of owning Sip N Sides, of keeping a place for people to gather.
Before I could reply, Theo started in again. “Did I ever tell you why Loretta originally wanted to open Sip N Sides? It’s not about the dream I just told you.” He waved a hand at me, like he was trying to dismiss my train of thought.
I shook my head at him and stayed quiet.
“I couldn’t stay away from the biker bars. I can’t tell you how many times I would call her up and ask her to meet me at one, knowing she hated them, but needing her anyway. She’d show up, and I was always either fighting, gambling, or doing something illegal. When I was sober, I would see the look of disgust on her face. She hated those bars. One day, during one of our uglier fights, she was screaming at me, wondering why I kept going back to them. Wondering why I couldn’t just leave them behind. I finally told her, because it was a place to gather, a community, a home away from home. As messed up as it sounded, it was the truth. The only truth I had.”
Theo’s eyes were sad and had this far-off look in them. He stared at the table, not looking at me as he kept talking.
“Anyway, after that fight, she came up with this idea to create our own place, our own bar. She knew giving up the liquor wouldn't be that difficult if I changed the environment and became the person making money from it. It would force me to stay sober. She wanted to give me what I couldn't find—the strength to leave the biker bars for good. So, she did. We opened Sip N Sides, I left the biker bars, the whole biker life behind, as much as possible. I still went back from time to time because they owned me, but it wasn’t my regular hangout.
“We started a life here in Belvidere. Loretta poured her heart and soul into that place, and it was all so that I would have a place to go that wouldn’t tear us apart and wouldn't end up killing me or getting me arrested. It did something to us, her and I. It forged this fire between us, it bonded and sealed what we had, so that it would never again be shaken. I could never thank that woman enough for creating that place for me.”
I was crying, because it was a beautiful story of love and sacrifice. Loretta clearly loved Theo, she loved him so much that she created something just for him, so she wouldn't lose him. My lungs felt heavy as I considered the similarities between Theo and Loretta, compared to the dysfunction that painted the connection between Jimmy and me. She had dealt with the ugly world of biker life, the Brass, and probably Davis at one point. She fought through it, survived, and won her happily ever after. I wanted very much to carry that on. I just didn’t want to hurt Jimmy over accepting it. This was his mother’s dream; he must be crushed that it’s being offered to someone else.
“Theo, I am so honored to be asked to continue something so important. Every part of my soul is shouting, yes! But my mind is worried about how Jimmy would take this? Won’t he be angry that it’s being offered to me?”
Theo leaned forward and smiled. “Jimmy wouldn't stop harassing me these last few weeks about when I was going to ask you. He wants very much for you to say yes.”
So that I would stay. So that I would give him another chance.
I gripped the edge of the table with my good hand and with my still healing one, I searched for a date on the screen while asking Theo, “When did you draw these up? Is this just some ploy to get me to come back, for Jimmy’s sake? Because I—”
“No, No, No. Stop right there,” Theo cut in, his face stern.
“I have watched you two ping-pong back and forth too many times to keep up. This has nothing to do with whatever is happening between you. I had these drawn up after the first time I let you build a Pinetree board for the bar.”
I couldn't keep in my laughter at that. “Theo, you mean a Pinterest board?”
His face flushed, and he waved a hand at me. “Oh, whatever it's called. When you started decorating it, I knew then. When you were careful with my money, even after you saw how much extra I had. You treated it like it was yours.”
I was smiling like a fool. “Theo, I do want to look it over with Laney, only because she can usually tell me if the food is too big for my mouth or not, if you know what I mean. She knows me better than anyone else, and if she thinks I can do it, then I know I can. Thank you for believing in me, and for asking me.”
I moved to stand up and he met me halfway, wrapping me into a big hug. Theo hugged me tight, then gently said in my ear. “On a side note, the kids, and I sure miss you, honey.”
That made me feel like crap. Was I punishing them for what was going on between Jimmy? I stood back and straightened my shirt.
“Theo, the doctors have no idea what is going on with Mom. She's responding to the treatments, which hasn't happened since she was diagnosed. They originally gave her six months, but now she’s doing so well, that they want to send us home. Which is great, I mean, amazing, but what I mean is, we will be going back to Belvidere. Please don't say anything to Jimmy yet, we will figure out our friendship once I'm back, but as far as you and the kids go, I will set up a date to see you and the kids as soon as I'm home.”
He hugged me again. “That's great news, honey. I can't wait.”
That night, I had Laney go over all the legal stuff. She smiled big, with her million-dollar pearly-whites. Okay, maybe a million is stretching it, but those suckers cost a pretty penny. She jumped up and down, like she had just won the lottery, and threw her arms around me. Her two-bedroom, fifth floor apartment wasn’t very big, but it was homey. But with her jumping, I was sure the surly Italians that lived below her were going to give us a piece of their mind. And they scared the hell out of me.
“Please
say you're going to do it!” she squealed.
“That depends, Laney, does it all check out? What do you think?”
“This is beyond perfect for you, Ramsey. Beyond!” She emphasized beyond with a loud yell.
“So, I should take it. You don’t think it would be a bad idea?” I asked again.
She looked at me after calming down a bit, then turned her head to the side, like an inquisitive dog. “You know the books already. Is it a money pit?”
“No, not at all. It's solid, and even without the reserve, it does well enough.”
“It’s like a lighthouse in the storm for people. I love that.” Laney’s voice trailed off as she made her way to her bedroom. Probably finding the good liquor, no doubt.
She came back with a bottle of something stupid expensive and began to pour it in two tumblers.
“Who broke up?” I asked, a little curious. She usually pulled that stuff out for bad days, or when she found out about a celebrity divorce. That breakup between Ben Affleck and Jennifer Garner was an ugly binge. She could not come to terms, no matter how much we talked it through.
“We are drinking to celebrate, duh! And to loosen you up for that phone call.”
I was going to play this one off for as long as I could…
“What phone call?” I asked, acting truly ignorant.
She smiled at me. “Oh, don’t play dumb. You are going to call Jimmy and ask him about that work thing, since you refuse to answer any of his personal calls or texts. You owe him some communication, and this work thing is a perfect starting place.”
Shit, with a capital S. I knew I shouldn’t have told her about that annoying date on the work calendar. I looked at the clock on the oven, it was only a little past seven, still completely acceptable to call about work. I panicked and looked around the room for anything else that I could use as an excuse to get out of this moment, but she was faster than me. She shoved the tumbler in my face, I drank it, then she dialed with my phone and put it on speaker. My heart was in my throat for the three very loud rings that pierced the air. Then I heard his voice.
“Hello?”
It was calm, perfect, like he was writing in a journal before he picked up. I cleared my throat from the burning alcohol as best as I could.
“Jimmy? Hey.” My face was on fire. I gripped my cell phone so hard, I thought it might break.
“Ramsey?” The hope in his voice sliced through me.
“Yeah, uh…it’s me. Um, sorry to bother you at home, but I have a work concern that I feel needs your attention.”
Nice, businesslike. I could totally do this, like the professional I am.
“Uh… okay, what business concern do you have?” He emphasized business like it was code for something.
It’s not! It’s just business, I wanted to yell into the phone.
“There is a Friday night in November on the calendar that is booked out, but no one is staffed to accommodate the party. I need to know who all will be staffed to make payroll projections for the month.”
I could hear Jimmy clicking around on his keyboard. Then he spoke up, like he had just solved the issue.
“Oh, yes, sorry about that. I just fixed it. There is one staff member I will need there. Beyond that, I won’t need anyone. I just emailed you the details. Thanks for checking in about them. Did you need anything else?” he asked, with a light finality. He was being nice, but I could tell he was also being sneaky.
“No, I don’t think so…” I drew out.
“Okay, have a good evening, Ramsey.”
Then he hung up. I stared at my phone for a full minute before Laney pulled the phone away from me. What just happened? I didn’t want Jimmy to hang up. In fact, I was struggling not to be angry that he didn’t push to talk about us. I'm a total backwards idiot, because I didn't want him to talk about us, but because he didn't, I was mad. He was sending all those texts and the picture message from earlier. Suddenly, I felt even worse because I didn’t even respond to him about Sammy’s big accomplishment. I sat down on Laney’s big, white couch, and it swallowed me up. I drew my knees up to my chest and wanted to cry.
Laney didn’t have to talk to know what was going on with me. She tried to distract me by bringing the work thing back up. “So, what was the thing he forwarded then?”
Remembering that he was forwarding me the details, I pulled up my work email and loaded the one from Jimmy.
It was a meeting request for the Friday night mentioned… I drew my brows together as I read the rest of the email…
Meeting Request for November 6th @ 7 pm
Location: Jimmy's—Courtyard
We will be exchanging our envelops as promised, at the end of six weeks. Please arrive promptly, so we can go over our findings.
This is a non-negotiable meeting—You promised.
I stared at the words on my phone screen over and over. I read them out loud, I read them in my head, I even had Laney triple-check it to be sure I wasn’t misreading or misinterpreting things. There was no accept or decline option on his email. The sneaky bastard. I guess I had promised, and the honorable thing to do would be to show up—it's what I would want him to do. Guess it was time to decide how exactly I would respond to what he was going to open. Was I going to say I still felt that way, or was I going to say goodbye?
“Laney!” I yelled.
She poked her tiny head out from the small kitchen. “Yes?”
“We are going to need more alcohol.”
She gave me a questioning look, then looked at my phone, and grabbed two bottles of wine, and headed towards me, where I was seated on the couch. It was time I fess up to her about Jimmy and my little envelope game.
“We appreciate all your help with this matter, Mr. Stenson. We understand that you have been trying to part ways with the Brass for some time. I’m sure you were as surprised to hear of Charles Davis’ death as we were. Still, I can only imagine how stressful this whole thing has been for you.”
The police department had assigned someone in PR to contact me. I wasn’t sure where Gepsy was, or why he hadn’t contacted me since the bust, but I had heard nothing until this phone call from Leslie, the PR officer.
“It’s my pleasure to help however I can,” I explained with a sigh, then the PR cop hung up. I felt relieved to getting this over with, but hearing that Davis was found dead in his jail cell, was a surprise. Apparently, he'd hung himself with his bedsheets. Unfortunately, for anyone still loyal to Davis and the Brass, everyone in the club knew that Davis would rather go down, taking out half the country, before he took his own life. So, anyone who knew him, knew this was a murder, not a suicide. Still, I struggled with wanting to kill him myself for what he did to Ramsey, and now I was struggling with the idea that death was too good for him.
I was supposed to testify against Davis in court, but I guess that wouldn't be happening now. His death would save Ramsey from an ugly round of testifying too, but the other men who helped abduct her, would still need to be testified against.
I leaned back in my office chair and threw my phone onto the pile of papers I had been going through before I got that phone call. It was still pretty early, so I decided to go for a run before I had to get ready for work. I stood up and looked over at the bulletin board that hung over my desk. It usually held bills, and important school notices for the kids, but right in the center was a small piece of paper torn from a journal. I lightly pulled at the pin that was holding the white paper and ran my thumb over the purple lilacs that swirled along the edges of the page. As usual, I began to read it line by line, all the way through, letting the words serve as a memory and a guide for the rest of my day. This is how it was every day now, and quite possibly how it will be every day going forward.
The day Ramsey left for Chicago was a difficult one. I knew she was leaving that morning, so I got up, drove over to her house, and told her I wanted her to stay. I told her that I needed to explain, that I needed her. That we needed to talk this through, but
she just walked past me, got in her car, and drove away. I sat in her yard and waited, thinking she might come back. That she might change her mind and finally give us the shot we deserve. She never did. So, I got on my bike, and rode it until it was time for Dad to go in to work.
I drank, and texted Ramsey a variety of incoherent things about how much I missed her. I repeated that disgusting pattern for three days, until I couldn’t stand myself anymore. Slowly, a thought seeped in through the alcohol and the various kids’ movies that narrated every night. I realized that what I was feeling was exactly what I had put Ramsey through during the Davis deal. She had endured weeks of silence from me. She had endured rejection, and now I knew how horrible those weeks were, and I wanted to kick my own ass because of it. I decided to do better. I started writing her coherent texts, instead of crazy things about how desperate I was for her. I started thinking of her and trying to be the Jimmy she deserved. Then one night, the weakness hit again. The first week with no communication from Ramsey ended with me pulling out her manila envelope.
I caved and read it without her. I had to read something from her, anything, just some words or thoughts besides the old voicemails and texts that I still had on my phone.
So now the letter stays pinned to my bulletin board and every day I read her words, and let them wash over me, refresh me, and revive me.
I pinned the paper back in place, then headed out for my run. I needed to clear my head and get my plan together for next week.
It was a few days after the second week that Ramsey was gone that I had the idea to block out a date on the restaurant's calendar to schedule our six-week talk.
I knew the blocked-out Friday night would catch her attention, but I didn’t know it would catch it as soon as it did. I was only slightly prepared for her phone call because Josh, my manager, had informed me that Ramsey had contacted him about the lack of staffing. I still didn’t totally expect to see her name come across my phone that night. I smiled at the memory of our conversation about that specific night, how her voice wavered when she talked to me.
