Glimmer

by Ashley Munoz

  “There is a Friday night in November on the calendar that is booked out, but no one is staffed to accommodate the closed party. I need to know who all will be staffed to make payroll projections for the month.”

  Yes, it’s closed, for us, because there will be an us, Ramsey, if it’s the last thing I do.

  I didn't say that out loud; instead, I quickly typed out the meeting request and sent it to her, knowing she wouldn’t read it until we got off the phone.

  It wasn’t easy, but just getting to hear her voice, and getting to talk to her was more than I thought I would get at all this week.

  I ran two miles, then headed home. Still thinking back about the phone call from last night, I couldn't get her voice out of my head. The run was good, it got rid of some of the excess adrenaline I had building up. I knew from what Dad had told me, that Ramsey and Carla would be coming back to Belvidere by next Wednesday, which gave me a week before I would get to see her. I decided that I would use the time to set things up for her, because if I had my way after our little meeting, she would be sticking around for a while.

  I showered and dressed, then woke the kids. While they made their way down the stairs, I grabbed my phone and sent off the usual texts to Ramsey that I did every morning.

  Me: Good Morning, Ramsey.

  I always waited, just to see if she would respond to me or not. Usually after twenty minutes or so, I would send off another.

  Me: I miss you. I miss your laugh. I miss your hair. I miss getting to talk to you.

  I made the kids eggs and toast, and we talked about the big project that we were working on in the garage. The kids had found some old wooden signs and decided to paint them and write some ‘Welcome Home’ messages for Ramsey on them. I checked my phone, while Sammy shoveled the rest of his eggs into his mouth and Jasmine drank her orange juice.

  Still nothing from her. I wasn’t sure why I thought that talking to her last night would remind her that talking to me wouldn't be a bad thing, or a painful thing. I thought maybe it would remind her to be my friend.

  I ran upstairs to make sure the kids had brushed their teeth, they had shoes on that matched, and had all their stuff. I attempted Jasmine’s hair, although nowadays, she was getting better at doing it herself. Then I dropped them at school and headed to work. I hated those fifteen miles, because no matter how loud the music or how interesting the podcast, my thoughts always went back to Ramsey. What was she doing right now? How was she handling her dreams after the abduction? Did her body still hurt, was she okay, was she going out with Laney at night? Over and over, the questions would come and go, and by the time I parked the car at the restaurant, I felt like I had an ulcer.

  Before I walked into work, I shot off another text.

  Me: Things I have never told you #15: That day that you showed up to babysit my kids and you were so angry at me, I stayed longer than I needed to. I made it seem like I needed to show you more things about the kids, but really, I just didn’t want to leave. I ended my date early, all because the entire date, I compared her to you, and all I wanted was to be around you again.

  I put my phone away, knowing that it would drive me crazy waiting to see if she responded or not. A few hours into the shift, I walked into the kitchen, and came face-to-face with Rav. Things between us were strained since the incident. He was interviewed and held for a few days in jail, then released when I vouched that he was in on our deal, and that Gepsy knew of his involvement from the beginning. It, of course, helped that Gepsy confirmed this as well on his own. After that, Rav wouldn't look at me or talk to me, except to ask about Ramsey. I put up with it for a while, until one day, I'd had enough. It was a Thursday, and the restaurant was dead. Rav was acting like he had been, and I slammed my hand down on the counter to get his attention.

  His eyes jumped to mine as I quietly asked him, “Why? Why are you acting like this? I lost her, I can't lose you too, buddy.”

  Rav looked apologetic, then angry. He grabbed the back of his thick neck as he answered, “How can you even want to look at me, Jimmy? We both know that I was there that night, working for the Brass. I was working for that sick fuck who almost killed Ramsey!”

  He shouted at me, then looked down and to the side, shame taking over his features.

  I calmly and quietly responded to him, “So was I. He trapped both of us, Rav, let it go. I love you like a brother. So please stop acting like this. If you weren't there that night, I wouldn't have gotten to her as fast.”

  He looked up, red tinting his firm face. Then he gave me a simple nod. I nodded back and then left the kitchen. That was last week, and I'm hoping this week, we get back to normal.

  Rav was making scones when I walked in—Ramsey's favorites. The smell of them was making my heart do little flips and dips at that memory of her.

  “Smells good in here,” I said, trying to sound encouraging and not heartsick.

  “Yeah, just getting some of the baking out of the way,” Rav said, without turning around. At least he's responding to me now. I walked forward a bit, until I was leaning against the counter opposite of him.

  “So, next Friday… you don't have to come in, but I was wondering if you could make something Thursday night that I could easily reheat?”

  Rav turned to look at me with a confused look. “You have a date or something?” he asked, concern obvious in his tone.

  I smirked at him. “Kind of, but it's more of a business meeting,” I joked. He didn't seem to think it was funny, because he turned away and started kneading the scone dough with more force than necessary.

  “I can't believe you're already moving on,” he grumbled under his breath.

  I couldn't help but laugh. “Rav, the meeting is with Ramsey.”

  He turned towards me so fast I thought he was going to hit me or something. Instead, his face was soft, and his words were gentle. “She's coming back?”

  I smiled. “Yeah, she's coming back...for now, at least.” I hated that I still wasn't sure what her long terms plans were, or if she'd forgive me for shutting her out.

  Rav stepped forward and wrapped me in a bear hug, then stepped away like nothing ever happened. I'll take that as progress. He replied firmly, “Yes, I'll make you food.”

  I smiled again and walked out of the kitchen, back towards my office.

  The rest of the day went by slowly, like it did every other day. I had checked my phone an insane amount of times too, just like I did every other day. Still nothing. No replies.

  There was always a tightness in my chest at the end of the day, after texting and reaching out to Ramsey and getting nothing. Today was no different. The tightness was there, making it difficult to breathe, difficult to live. I was in the pickup line at school when I saw Sammy walking out of the building with a huge bundle of blue, shiny balloons in his little fist. There had to be at least ten or fifteen balloons tied to together. It made it difficult for kids to move around him, and for adults to see over him. I got out of the car, not worrying that people behind me were honking. I ran towards Sammy, who was standing next to an irritated Jasmine, I knelt in front of him.

  “Hey buddy, what’s going on with all this?” I gestured toward the balloons floating above his head.

  He looked down at his fist, where the ends of the ribbon were tied around a red anchor. His face brightened, as he faced me. “Dad, these are from Ramsey!!” he squealed. My heart was beating rapidly, and the tightness was gone.

  “What do you mean, they’re from Ramsey? Is she here?” I started looking around for her like an idiot. Sammy started laughing as we started walking back towards the car.

  “No, Dad, silly. She sent them to me, with a balloon man or something, but she sent this note too.” He reached into his pocket with his free hand and pulled out a white piece of paper. I unfolded it and read the message,

  Sammy, I am so proud of you for winning your game. Sorry I am a little late, but when I get back, I am taking you out for ice cream, bud. - Love, Ramsey.
<
br />   I refolded the paper and handed it back to Sammy, then opened the back hatch of the car to put the balloons in. Sammy and Jasmine climbed into the car and I tried to calm my emotions. I knew it was obviously sweet that she did this for Sammy, but she also wanted to avoid going through me, which left me feeling empty. I climbed back into the car and took off. As we drove, I noticed that Sammy was holding my cell phone in the back seat. I was about to ask him about it when I heard a ringing coming from the Bluetooth speaker, and saw on the navigation screen that Sammy had dialed Ramsey's number. I held my breath while it rang. Just when I thought it would go to her voicemail, I heard her beautiful voice answer…

  “Hello?”

  I kept quiet while Sammy yelled into the phone, not realizing it was the Bluetooth speaker that was working now.

  “Ramsey, I got the balloons! I love them, and everyone was so jealous. Thank you so much!”

  “You're welcome, buddy,” Ramsey said with a little giggle.

  Jasmine was giggling next to me in the front seat. Ramsey must have heard her because she mentioned her next.

  “Jasmine, is that you? Who else is on this call?” she asked with a curious tone.

  Jasmine laughed into her hand. “Yes, I'm here, so is Dad. It's just us.”

  Ramsey was quiet again, then spoke up. “Well, I sure miss you guys. I get back next week, what do you think if we—”

  “Wait! You have to come over to our house and let Dad cook for you. He keeps saying he's cooking up a surprise for you, so you'll have to come see it!” Sammy cut in.

  My face was burning. Leave it to the kids to replay words that weren't for Ramsey to hear yet, since he was, of course, referencing the night at Jimmy's that I was planning. It had nothing to do with actual food.

  She was quiet, probably being pushed too far, again.

  I decided to say something. “Sorry, they misunderstood a project that I was working on… That's all.”

  “It's no problem. Well kids, I have to run along. Thank you for calling me…”

  “When can we talk to you again?” Jasmine asked softly.

  Ramsey made a sound, like she was thinking, and then laughed while she responded, “Anytime you want.”

  Jasmine smiled. “Okay, can I call you tonight around dinner?”

  Ramsey genuinely sounded happy when she said, “I'd like that.”

  It was after dinner, and after the kids had gone to bed, when I was washing dishes and Dad came in from Spin N Sides. My mind kept replaying the conversation that Ramsey had with Jasmine. Wondering what they talked about, Ramsey called, and Jasmine answered, then ran up to her room talking for half an hour. When she came back down, she was all smiles and giggly. It made me happy that she was reaching out to the kids, that they were connecting, even though Ramsey and I were not. Still, the tightness in my chest was there, and hadn’t eased up since her name came across the screen of my phone tonight. Dad shook me from my thoughts with his hands on my shoulders as he passed me on his way to the fridge. I looked over at him and smiled, he looked happy. A lot happier than he had been in a really long time.

  “Why are you so happy tonight?” I asked with a little laugh, because seeing my dad happy made me happy, but I loved to give him hell for it.

  He laughed as he grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge,

  “Well, I just may have gotten a phone call from a pretty girl who accepted to take over my business.”

  He finished with a little body sway and goofy smile. Dad had been putting off asking Ramsey ever since she left. I didn’t know if he was worried about me, or her, so I finally confronted him on it and told him to track her down and talk to her about it. I may have had my issues about it in the past, but I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that Ramsey needed Sip N Sides as much as Sip N Sides needed her. I smiled at Dad and gripped his shoulder. “She said yes?”

  Dad gave me that goofy grin again. “Yep, she called me this evening and told me that she would officially like to accept the offer to take over as owner. She agreed to start training when she gets back,” he said, taking a sip of his water and still grinning like an idiot.

  I was happy, and this meant that she was staying here, but starting so soon meant that she might try to quit working for Jimmy’s. Part of me knew that this was another weird way for her to get distance from me. I smiled for Dad anyway and patted him on the back. He made his way down to his room and I stood in the kitchen, wondering when the tightness in my chest would let up. Everyone in the house was talking to Ramsey, everyone but me. After everything I had tried, every day, it still wasn’t enough. The ache in my chest grew and felt like it was consuming me. I rubbed at my chest, turned off the water, and headed upstairs to take a long hot shower and then hopefully get some sleep.

  The shower helped, but everything still ached. It was just after ten, and I was about to turn off my lamp when I heard my phone ding. I let the lamp stay on as I grabbed the phone, and my heart was in my throat as I saw who it was from.

  Ramsey: “There are things I need to know. Things I need answers to… I think we should start there. I don’t want to talk, because if I talk to you, I won’t be strong enough to ask what I want to know or say what I need to say. Do you accept?”

  This woman. Do I accept? Of course, I accepted, did she even have any idea?

  Me: Of course.

  Ramsey: Why was there a beautiful, blonde-haired woman who came into Jimmy’s saying that she was your wife?

  The realization that Ramsey and I had never spoke about this felt like acid in my stomach. It was all twisted and horrible. I hated that texting was the format in which we were talking about it now.

  Me: That is a bit of a long story. Firstly, if you think she’s beautiful then you should know, she has nothing on you…

  …she thought she was still married to me. Two months after she left, I started the divorce process, but I couldn't find her for two years. Finally, a judge took pity on me and absolved my marriage once he saw what lengths I went through to find her with no success. She never received any documentation, but it was legalized years ago.

  Ramsey: What was she here for then?

  Me: I sought her out with a PI—Davis found her instead and set up a meeting for us.

  Ramsey: Did it go the way you hoped?

  I was smiling. Ramsey couldn't help but be caring and I loved it. This entire exchange was proving she still cared.

  Me: Yes. She signed away her right to the kids permanently and won't be a future concern for them or for me.

  It took a few minutes for another response from her.

  Ramsey: Why were you so angry with me that night that you called and then got drunk and disappeared? I mean, beyond the little pieces that you said in the bathroom that one night…

  Me: I felt like you were lying to me on purpose, even though I know that wasn’t true, I couldn’t separate what I once walked through with Lisa, and what it felt like you were capable of doing to me. I wanted to talk to you, so you could help me see that what I was fearing was ridiculous. I needed to see you that night because fears from my past were wreaking havoc on my heart and mind. I’m so sorry how I handled it, how I made you worry.

  My stomach hurt, and I officially felt like the biggest idiot in the world. The more she asked, the more I realized how poorly she was treated through this entire thing, and it brought back the old sensation to just let her go because she deserved so much better than me.

  Ramsey: Did you…

  Ramsey: ………

  Her texting dots kept starting and stopping, I knew she wanted to ask me something, she was just struggling. Which meant that it was probably not going to be a good thing.

  Ramsey: Did you sleep with someone that night?

  How to answer this one? And how to answer to where she would believe me and wouldn’t shut me out…

  Me: Not in the way you might think. I didn’t have sex with anyone, I didn’t kiss anyone. But I did end up in a girl’s bed. She let me crash there afte
r drinking way too much and lent me a charger for my phone. I’ll admit that it doesn’t sound good, and I can only imagine what you are thinking, but I’m telling the truth.

  Ramsey: So, you went to her house fully conscious then?

  Shit, I know where she is going with this.

  Me: Yes, I was conscious, but I wasn't sober.

  Ramsey: Then how do you know that nothing happened?

  Me: The girl that was in the room when I woke up… she told me that I was a loser, that she thought if she brought me back to her house, then I would cave and do something with her, but she said that I didn’t, not even a kiss.

  Ramsey: I think that’s enough for one night. Thank you for answering my questions.

  I needed her to keep talking to me, I needed to know how she was taking what I told her. I didn’t want to push her further away. But I couldn’t force her to keep talking to me.

  Me: Ok… I understand. I am here if you need anything else. And for the record, Ramsey, I’m so sorry.

  Ramsey: Goodnight Jimmy.

  Me: Goodnight Ramsey.

  It was the last weekend before Mom and I were going to head back home to Belvidere, and I promised Laney that I would go out with her. Mom was doing so well that it made leaving her a little easier than normal. I usually hated leaving her. Every night that I headed to Laney’s, I felt a panic attack trying to take me down over the idea of something happening to her. I would always imagine Mom dying right after I got into those elevators, and I would have to live with that forever; that I left her to die alone in a hospital room.